She-Blogger

On second thought...

2012-01-10T11:39:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that I am a sucker for a good period piece. I own pretty much every version of every Jane Austen film as well as some Bronte (some day I'll have to do a comparison of my beloved Rochesters). They are my go to sources of comfort during difficult times. It therefore came as a surprise when I didn't immediately fall for Downton Abbey as so many others in this country, and overseas, did. What was my problem? Well, I was genuinely upset by the pickle a certain Mr. Bates found himself in episode one. It really bothered me so I just didn't continue watching. Eventually the unavoidable attention Season Two brought with it got to me. I finally succumbed and watched the first season a few weeks ago and... loved it. I still worry about Mr. Bates and hate those two scheming servants and I'm still not so sure I like that Mary but I sure do love that crazy household. Season two is shaping up to be just as much fun.

Over Christmas vacation I watched the Forsyte Saga. This is one that my Mom watches pretty much every time it's on. I had seen parts of it and decided to finally watch the whole thing. My verdict? It's another excellent period piece full of fraught, longing and a dreadful villain. The only downside is that it made me hate Damien Lewis who I fell in love with as Dick Winters in Band of Brothers. Don't even get me started on my love of that mini-series!

Yesterday I came down with an awful stomach bug. Between sleeping and, eh hem, "breaks", I decided to give another overlooked Masterpiece Classic a second chance. A year or two ago I tried watching Any Human Heart. Like Downton it originally didn't grab me. Again. that was an unfortunate mistake on my part. I started watching it yesterday and it too turned out to be remarkably good. I happen to love the main character, Logan Mountstuart, and his fascinating life and loves. He rubs elbows with the likes of Hemingway and the Duke of Windsor (and that nasty Mrs. Simpson). I really love the overriding theme that, when it comes down to it, life is luck and nothing more. The story is told as an older Logan looks back on his life and the many people he has been during his lifetime. I like and agree with the idea that a person changes several times during a lifetime and becomes many different people during that time. Any Human Heart stars Matthew Macfadyen (Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice. You'd think that alone would have kept my attention.) and James Broadbent and is well worth a watch. Again, I don't know what I was thinking when I skipped over this one. It's one of the best Masterpiece Classics to air in a long time.

So, now that I am reminded of my love of period dramas, what do I have to look forward to in the coming year? Well, there is the second season of the Upstairs, Downstairs remake airing on PBS later this year. I became obsessed with the original series a few years back. I didn't watch it in it's entirety but found it downright shocking for it's time. I know my parents and many of their friends watched it back in the day a loved every minute of it. The first season of three episodes aired last year but I somehow missed them. Given my trend of going back to watch great Masterpiece Classics it looks like I'll have to go back and give those a go as well.

In other happy news, Joe Wright, Director of Pride & Prejudice, is currently filming Anna Karenina. I was all set to hate Macfadyen as Darcy in P&P but the casting, set design, and ultimately Macfadyen walking through the moors at dawn won me over. Needless to say, I have high hopes for Wright's spin on Anna Karenina. God knows I HATED the book but I do like the story. Have you read it? God damned Tolstoy really knows how to trip over his own feet and ruin a good story. He spends hundreds of pages on mundane farming life then drops in a few words about Anna being knocked up then goes back to farming again. He goes on lengthy political tangents and... BO-RING! The book is fraught with infuriatingly bad pacing. I don't know how anyone can stand to suffer through it. I trust Mr. Wright will manage to correct the tremendous pacing problems of the book. Oh! Best of all, Jude Law is finally a cuckold, if only on film, so that's bound to be a good time.

There is also a new Les Miserables starring Hugh Jackman (wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!) to look forward to. Meanwhile, Leo DeCaprio and Carey Mulligan will star in a new Great Gatsby. I look forward to both.

I'm sure there will be other nice surprises in the coming year that I'm just not aware of just yet. I keep an eye on all of my favorite period piece heroes to see what they are up to. You know how those British actors tend to always come back to period pieces. It's just one more reason to love them all. Michael Fassbender as Rochester anyone? Yes, please!

12 Again

2011-12-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

It's a silly problem but I've been needing a new alarm clock for a while. Well, I don't really need a new one. I'm just very dissatisfied with my current model.

I picked it up a couple of years ago but was immediately annoyed by the fact that the volume for falling asleep and waking had to be the same. WTH?! What idiot made that choice? I also hated how ridiculously bright the time display was. Even in "dim" mode you could land a plane to that damn light. Almost immediately I just turned the display light off altogether. I can only read it during daytime hours and even then it's hard to see from across the room. Instead, I rely on the cable box display to give me the time. As a result I've been annoyed for about the past 2 years.

(Yes... I have a tv in my bedroom. I know I'm not supposed to, but I do. When I wake in the middle of the night and decide I'm just not getting more sleep any time soon I have been known to watch some 3:00 am television.)

Anyway, today I had a few more presents to pick up at Target. I was looking for something and stumbled upon the clock radios. Do we still call them "clock radios"? Regardless, I stood and spent a good 15 minutes staring at them and reading their boxes for features.

It seems I have very particular needs in a clock radio. Obviously:

I wanted a display that could actually dim.
I wanted my bedtime volume to have the ability to be lower than my wake up volume.
I wanted to be able to dock my iPhone/iPod.
I wanted to have a sleep machine/environments sound system available. (I like to fall asleep to the sound of rain).
The device had to have some weight to it. (A previous model was so lightweight that every time I tried to hit the snooze bar it would simply slide across the nightstand and out of reach. Now THAT'S annoying.)
I wanted a snooze button easy to find in a groggy state and FAR from the "off" button. (That lame lightweight model had a snooze bar that doubled as the off button. When pressed once, the snooze would be set. When pressed twice the device would turn off. I learned this was a very bad system the hard way. I eventually retired it to the bathroom where it couldn't do any harm.)
The clock radio had to be compact enough as not to take up too much space on my nightstand.
I wanted a weekday/weekend dual alarm option.

So there you have it, the ludicrous demands for my dream alarm clock.

I found lots of grown up and sophisticated systems but most were too dang big. I ultimately chose one with a new feature I'd never dreamed of. I chose this delightful clock:

What's with all of the colors you ask? Well, umm, my fancy new alarm clock is apparently designed with the tween girl in mind. It slowly fades from one glowy color to the next and the time display changes with it. It can also pulse to the beat of whatever music happens to be playing. It can also stay on my favorite color. Don't worry, I made sure I could also just turn the whole color thing off too.

The most surprising feature is the sound quality. It sounds really good! I am, however, a bit concerned about the snooze bar. It's flush to the rest of the buttons. I hope I'm able to manage it in half conscious state of mind.

It doesn't have environmental sounds but my iPhone does so that's covered.

I'm not sure if it has a weekday/weekend alarm option but it seems to have a few apps associated with it that may do the trick. I'll have to download them and see if they can help with that.

It has some new fangled "Time Sync" feature that's petty cool. When I plugged it in I didn't have to manually set the time. I just docked my iPhone and it instantly set the time from it. Cool!

I'm on vacation for a while and don't plan on using the alarm for a while (yea!) but I will have to test drive it before my next work day to make sure I can manage it.

So far I really like my silly, glowy, new clock radio. If it disappoints, I'll be sure to report back. Until then, I'm off to create a cool "Wake Up!" playlist.

(BTW, I can't help but think how this whole iPhone/clock radio/color change/morning playlist thing would have BLOWN MY MIND as a 12 year old. Sometimes I feel like I grew up in the dark ages. Have you SEEN video games lately. Holy crap! Kids today have it made. Remember these:

)

Lights out

2011-12-09T22:40:00.001-08:00

Last Wednesday night I found myself out with some girlfriends from work getting a MAC makeover, dining and driving home during one helluva wind storm. I had spent part of the evening making fun of the big "wind event" on the horizon... then it hit as we made our way to our cars. Holy crap! It almost knocked my off my feet! I live in Southern California for God's sake! What the hell was going on?!

I read a text from home explaining that the power was out but candles were lit and to not bother trying to park in the garage. Got it! I white knuckled the steering wheel all the way home. The wind was really raging. I had trouble sleeping due to the noise outside. OMG! I can't remember ever seeing or hearing anything like it in my life.

I woke up to see the damage. It turns out we had experienced hurricane force winds of up to 100 mph. I was happy to see that our recently pruned oaks and orange trees were fine. Our neighbor's non-native pines, on the other hand, had blown all over our yard. What a mess.

That was only the beginning. We ended up enduring six days and nights without electricity. I realize there are people in other parts of the world suffering through far worse but... it sucked. We happened to have hot water to shower and wash dishes in. Without that, I would have high tailed it to Palm Springs or Santa Barbara. Turns out an ice cold shower just isn't for me.

On the bright side we were very resourceful and discovered what really comes in handy when surviving without power. Here is what became most important to us and a few emergency supplies you might want to keep on hand:

Hot beverages-
I remembered our ancient campfire coffee pot and just knew Dad would have never thrown it out. It was right were I thought it would be. I found that filling it with hot tap water then bringing it (close to) a boil on the gas powered BBQ worked quite well. It was really cold outside so I quickly learned to just set it in the fireplace. In this way we were able to make coffee, tea and hot chocolate.

Radio-
Last summer I spotted this emergency radio and picked it up, just in case. It was fantastic. I live in the foothills and tend to get terrible reception but this radio worked like a charm. It's a bit spendy but it's more than just a radio. It has lots of great features (battery/solar/crank powered, flashlight, weather channels and it can charge your cell phone!). I highly recommend it.

Candles and matches-
Just make sure your candles are unscented. Seriously, our house smelled like a French whorehouse. Blechh! Unscented long burning tea lights to float in bowls of water can provide a some nice light.

Lanterns-
Friday morning it became apparent that we would be in the dark for the long haul. Flashlights, batteries, candles, matches and ice could not be found for 20 miles. I decided to hit the Home Depot near work and picked up the last two battery-operated lanterns they had. Candles are great but really tough to read by (I don't care what Abe Lincoln said). The lanterns run on 8 D-cell batteries, which is ridiculous, but those bad boys really became important. We were glad to have them. I suggest having at least one lantern per person in a household.

Camping cookware set-
I found the cutest set of camping cookware in the closet. I was able to heat up some leftover pasta and it was quite a nice meal. I suppose I could have used our every day cookware on the grill but I didn't want to risk it. Cooking in aluminum pots meant for a campfire seemed more sensible and they worked just fine. Ours look something like this:

Shut the Box-
I rediscovered this addictive game. Have you ever played? It's so simple and fun. Try it some time. I pulled out a deck of cards but didn't really play anything. I also completely forgot about Bananagrams. Bummer! That would have been great too. Time slows down in the dark, keep some family friendly games around to pas the time. Trust me.

Those were the most critical items that kept us going. Keeping warm was the most important business at hand. I found that hopping under the covers in bed was the best way to stay warm. The problem was that I tended to get so tired so early. I now understand the need to wake at the crack of dawn to get a fire going to heat the house and to get a kettle going. This, of course, meant falling to sleep by 8:00 or 9:00 each night. It was a strange, cold, dark week but we learned a lot and will never take electricity for granted again.

We have since packed up all of our supplies for the next time we have no electricity. Power will eventually go out again, this time we will be even better prepared.

l'amour

2011-11-19T22:45:00.001-08:00

Tonight I watched L'Amour Fou and loved it.

It's a documentary about the Yves St. Laurent as told by his partner of 50 years, Pierre Berge. It was lovely but admittedly very sad.

My friends all know that I believe if a film has great real estate I will inevitably love it. This proved to be true, once again, in this film. Those houses, not to mention their contents... wow!

The film hops back and forth between the past and present. It begins from the time Yves and Pierre met, fell in love and launched the house of Yves St. Laurent to the recent extraordinary auction of the couple's belonging.

Yves was the artiste while Pierre ran their joint venture until the end. They seem to have broken up and lived separately as far back as the mid-70's but remained incredibly close while working together until St. Laurent's death in '08.

I happen to enjoy looking at classic fashion. Even the ridiculous I can appreciate as art. This film certainly showed lots of the famed couturier's fashion but it also spent lots of camera time lingering on the amazing homes of the couple. Their home in Paris is packed with remarkable treasures as are those in Marrakesh and Normandy. It was very sad to watch Christie's come in to pack up and haul away the spectacular collection of art.

My favorite moment was when Pierre throws questions at a young St. Laurent and films the answers. The result is a completely charming look a the two before addiction and depression slithered into their lives.

Even if you don't care a hoot about couture it's worth watching for no other reason than it happens to be so darn pretty to watch.

Check it out if you can.

Outraged again

2011-11-17T20:48:00.001-08:00

I love magazines but I can not stand the almost instant onset renewal notices. They start coming about 3 months into a subscription and seem to come about every two weeks until the end of the subscription. Of course, the trouble with this is that I never know when my subscription is actually up because I tend to ignore those pesky notices.

Today I received a particularly rude notice from Food Network Magazine. I like the magazine and had planned on renewing until I received a passive aggressive/condescending renewal notice. In part, it stated "we fully believed you would send payment upon receipt of your invoice" (how the hell would I know when an actual invoice arrives?) and "your good standing with us is at risk." I promptly canceled my subscription (last issue arrives this month) with a note stating I didn't appreciate their tone in the renewal letter and that their "good standing WITH ME is not only at risk but is in fact gone."

Assholes.

High Ten

2011-11-16T21:46:00.001-08:00

Today I received a supremely nice compliment. I'd ordinarily keep it to myself but I wanted to document it here for me to find later.

My HR person was incredibly kind, helpful and encouraging to me from the moment Dad died. Today I overheard her saying that she would be out of the office for 2 months. I decided to stop by her office to see if she was ok. Several years ago she suffered a debilitating paralysis from the neck down and has been recovering ever since. She is now able to walk short distances with her walker but she is mostly in a scooter tearing up the halls in the office. She will be fine but her doctor has been wanting her to take some time off to focus on rehabilitation. That's what she'll be doing for the 2 months she will be away.

I was happy to hear she was going to be ok. As I believe I've mentioned before, we are about to go through some major changes at work that will likely involve layoffs. Nobody knows what's going on and we're all just waiting and hoping for the best. I told my HR friend that she had picked a good couple of months to miss since the stress that we were facing would probably not be helpful in her rehab. She agreed and explained that she had made these plans months ago and almost postponed but ultimately decided she had to take care of herself. I was happy to hear this and reminded her that we both know that nobody will take care of us but ourselves. She asked how I was holding up with all of the office drama. I simply said "If I could keep breathing and living after that phone call when I learned Dad had died then I can certainly handle whatever work has in store for me." She immediately threw up her hands to give me a "high ten". We talked a while about how she had absolutely been through worse than any dumb layoff, as had I, and that we'd survive this whole work thing too.

Here comes the nice compliment: She told me that in her 30 years of being in HR she had never seen anyone come through "that kind of tragedy with such flying colors as you have." She continued with "I mean it's not every day somebody's dad falls down a mountain. That was truly tragic. It's like the last thing your Dad did before he left this earth was to take all of his strength and goodness and pour it into you." Ok, that started out really harsh but I think she recovered nicely. I'll take it as a compliment.

We talked a bit more about how she's seen this whole work drama bring out the best and worst in people. From top to bottom she's been surprised by people, both positively and negatively. I'll bet! We're supposed to know our fate after the new year and have it fully integrated by the end of February.

I told her that I in no way wanted to lose my job. I like it and (most) of the people I work with. However, if I did lose my job I would be on an epic road trip the very next day.

So, that's the plan. I'll try not to stress out about that which I have no control over. I'll just keep my head down, do my job and have great weekends. That's the plan and I'm sticking with it.

Intellectuals

2011-11-15T20:53:00.001-08:00

I don't always like my job but I do like my immediate team of co-workers. Today I enjoyed the following exchange:

ME: Ok, so who do you consider hot?

FEMALE CO-WORKER: James Franco.

ME: Ehh. I don't get him. He's always looks like he's seriously ill. (Tapping away at iPhone Googling images of James Franco)

ME: (Handing phone over) Here, find a pic that you consider hot.

FEMALE CO-WORKER: How about this one?

ME: Sorry. Nothing.

FEMALE CO-WORKER: Yeah, he is kinda sickly but he's hot in Spiderman. What about you? Who are your Top 5 in Hotness?

ME: Oh, I gotta go Clooney.

FEMALE CO-WORKER: Eww, I don't like George Clooney. Besides, I think he's gay.

ME: HEY! The gays can have anyone they want except Clooney. I draw the line there. No Clooney!!

MALE CO-WORKER: Yeah, I gave them Travolta years ago.

LESBIAN CO-WORKER: What about me? I'm gay. Can I have Clooney.

ME: Yes. I think you've found a loop hole. Congratulations!

Shake it, don't break it!

2011-11-14T21:14:00.001-08:00

Today I sat at an intersection behind a teen boy's SUV with a license plate frame that read "My other toy has tits".

Needless to say I wished him harm... a great deal of harm.

Then I laughed and thought... naaaah. That kid has guaranteed himself a lonely, frozen, vagina free existence for at least a decade with an attitude like that.

When I mentioned this to friends, most of the men assured me that there are plenty of young ladies who would happily climb into that SUV because they thought the plate was funny. *shudder* They may be right but I can't imagine that POV working into that moron's college years.

I thought about what kind of parent might allow their child to put that on their car. I thought about the father that will see that plate when the kid shows up to pick up his daughter and the verbal beat down that will certainly take place. I like that thought best.

Then I wondered, who on earth might actually get away with that kind of message on their car? That's when I thought of Maks. I started watching Dancing With the Stars because of this guy. In the beginning I called him "the hot misogynistic one". I still call him that but admit I can't take my eyes off him. Well, more precisely, I tend to stare at his bottom and hips Holy crap! Nice moneymaker, Maks! Any man who can shake it like that can pretty much say anything he wants. Any woman he might consider a toy would certainly think the very same of him.

Wisdom

2011-11-13T19:44:00.001-08:00

I first heard of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor several months ago when a friend posted one of her lectures on Facebook. I watched it and was mesmerized.

So, what's her story? Well, Dr. Jill is a Neuroanatamist who survived a massive stroke. In other words, she's a brain scientist who suffered a hemorrhage of the brain and survived to tell the tale. She describes the event in her talk. She also describes what it's like to lose your sense of self, your ego, your identity and how it's actually quite beautiful and peaceful. Imagine having a truly quiet mind, a mind that isn't constantly buzzing with to-do lists and how to operate that dumb Blackberry and that annoying conversation you had yesterday and so on. Dr. Jill experienced an absolutely still mind following her stroke and now lectures on the peace she found while there. Take a look for yourself:

I first watched this on TED talks. Are you familiar with TED? It's an amazing site that showcases folks with some fascinating things to say. I loved this talk given by Temple Grandin. Temple is autistic, has earned a PhD and has changed the way we understand those with autism. She offers wonderful insights into those we often assume don't think much or don't have must to say. Those assumptions are wrong.

Both of these talks drive home the fact that people of all kinds have thoughts and are deserving of our kind attention. Whether a person can communicate or not, their mind is working and receiving your intention towards them be it good or not. They may be quiet but they are in there and how you treat them matters.

How we all treat each other matters... every time.

Bento!

2011-11-12T19:28:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of obsessed with this little blog at the moment. It's by a mom interested in creating bento boxes for her kids that are fun and avoid waste. That Angry Birds bento is great!

Now, do I think I would ever take the time to use mini cookie cutters on my sandwiches or cut Hello Kitty shapes out of my cheese? No. I do, however, think I could handle packing a snack box for work with a few Triskets, a mini Babybel cheese, a couple of clementines and some veggies. I doubt I'll ever make cutesy toothpicks or use that little fake grass in my lunch but I do appreciate the effort and LOVE to look at the fabulous Flickr group pictures. Some of these creations are amazing. Some are so-so while others are just plain over the top. Either way I'm fascinated. Here are some of the Flickr groups I've been flipping through:

Bento Challenge

Bento Picnic

Obento my bento!

Just Bento

If you're like me, you might benefit from the whole idea of portion control when eating. This seems like such a great way to do it. Bento seems to encourage variety but in small potions.

Here is an example of the most hideously time consuming bento box meal creation ever. It's an example of what I will never do. I don't mean to be disrespectful but... yikes! (And get the damn dog off the counter!)

If you're REALLY into the whole idea of bento then you might like to peruse more links here.

Just in time

2011-11-11T22:43:00.000-08:00

I love the idea of scarves but I'm never quite sure what to do with them. With the weather finally cooling down, I stumbled upon this little video just in time:

Wow! It looks so easy even I should be able to manage. I feel much better now.

Up and coming

2011-11-10T23:15:00.001-08:00

I saw a bit of this trailer tonight and was instantly excited to see it:

I saw this and remembered how much I was looking forward to it.

Then I saw this and thought... WTF?

I saw this and thought it looked very different than I'd imagined. It looks even better:

So you think you can dance?

2011-11-09T19:21:00.001-08:00

A friend is officially on vacation for her brother's wedding. At lunch she told us that her bro sent an email to the 60 or so wedding guests and asked "What song would make you get up and dance at our reception?" This launched a fun car conversation on the way back to work.

Without hesitation I replied SEXYBACK!

Lynn said PUSH IT!

Allison said "I would totally slow dance to Open Arms."

I was laughing too hard to hear what Angela and Diane came up with. It's a fun game though. What would make you shake a tail feather? There are some ridiculous answers out there, the above being just a few. Maybe this would be a good choice?

I feel your pain

2011-11-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

This I enjoy. I'm especially fond of that last kid.

Is that weird?

2011-11-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

I sometimes have trouble staying asleep. I found that drinking less water later in the evening helps. Falling asleep is typically no a problem for me as long as I have some sort of white noise in the background.

I sometimes dabble in sounds from nature. I'm especially fond of my Spring Showers track. It's about an hour long and it's just plain rain shower audio. No chimes. No gongs. No flutes. Just rain. Of course, looking for this type of track can be surprisingly difficult to find. Recently, while searching for more environmental sounds (loons and wolves, anyone?) I came across some Native American chants. My Dad was fascinated with Native American culture for most of his life and passed his respect of their culture on to me.

When I visited Mt Rushmore several years ago I also visited the Crazy Horse Memorial. It blows Rushmore out of the water. Seriously. My most vivid memory of the place was when I walked into a rather large room where Native Americans were selling their wares. Native American war chants were playing on the speakers. It, frankly, freaked me out. I looked to one of the men quietly working on crafting jewelry and said "Man, that is truly terrifying!". He grinned an replied "It's supposed to be." Until that moment I had thought war chants were intended to gear natives up for battle. It had never occurred to me that the other purpose was to scare the hell out of their enemy. It only made me respect the culture more. Everything has a purpose. Everything has meaning.

Just imagine being a pioneer and hearing this late at night:

I'd run like effing hell. I can't find one that sounds quite like that I heard at the Memorial that day but the clip should give you a sense of it. I suppose they don't make many recordings of the terrifying stuff.

While driving through the Black Hills and out of the Crazy Horse Monument we listened to a CD I'd purchased. Here is a sampling:

I swore I could feel eyes on us as we drove away listening to this. Those mountains are filled with presence of those who came before us. I've never felt anything quite like it before or since.

Anyway, while searching for nighttime audio I came across some authentic sounding Native American chants. I recently downloaded these albums that I just love:

Sacred Dance - Pow Wows of the Native American Indians
Native American Chant

I find them oddly calming. They've helped me drift off to sleep for the past few weeks. When I mentioned this to a co-worker she just sighed and said "That's weird!" She may be right. I listen to it during the day and can't imagine how on earth I manage to fall to sleep listening to them, but it works. That's weird.

(P.S. Even more weird is that when I searched both YouTube and Rhapsody Music for these albums, Mormon ads popped up. I resent the sh!t out of that. Assh@les! Like Native Americans haven't suffered enough? Now they have to be targeted by Mormons? I wish they'd hold an unannounced battle cry competition in Salt Lake City.)

Good day... again!

2011-11-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

We left Monterey this morning and made our way for Mission San Miguel. We drove down the 101 since the 1, while beautiful, takes a lot of time. The 101 is awfully pretty too. It takes you through lovely rolling hills and plenty of California's produce farms. It's rare to see much of autumn where I'm from so I appreciated seeing that the grape vines had turned a vibrant orange.

It happened to be a fairly stormy day but entirely manageable. Most of the rain we drove through fell from a sunny sky which is a sight I happen to love.

I hadn't been to the Mission since I was maybe 13 years old or so. It was very pretty but a loud mouthed know-it-all sort of ruined the sights for me. I was trying to enjoy a peaceful moment while seated in the front pew of the church but he decided to take that moment to share his knowledge of the archangels. He was far to loud and rude so I left. I did however, manage to take this picture of a painted over doorway. It's the original paint. When the doors are closed it gets very dark which, I assume, is how the paint has managed to stay so well preserved.

I made sure the coast was clear of the loud man and made my way to the mission cemetery with Shandon and Norm. It was a bit more barren than I'd have guessed but nice all the same.

After visiting the mission we decided to grab a late lunch at Pea Soup Anderson's. It was just as I'd remembered. I may have to stay at the Anderson's Inn next time I'm passing through. Then again, Solvang is awfully close.

We drove through Solvang and decided to stop for their famous aebleskiver. We found some at the Solvang Restaurant and split an order. They were good. I recommend them!

Good day

2011-11-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

Well, our trip has been a good time so far. Last night we stayed in a resort that was definitely hippie friendly. I had my very own natural mineral water hot tub. I think it's safe to say that A LOT of shenanigans have gone down in that place. Shandon and Norman stayed in the "X-traordinary" room. I was placed next door in "Y-Not". When I checked in I loudly asked "Hey! Why am I in the big whore room?!"

This morning I couldn't figure out how to turn on my shower so I called for help. They take the Big Whore room thing quite literally. They sent a very attractive vampire type to help. He had to be half my age. He wore all black, but for a blood red shirt and a tidy ponytail. He had on very nice looking black dress shoes which seemed out of place at 8 am after lots of rainfall in the woods. I swear to God, when I opened the door I thought "Oh my God, they've sent Edward Cullen." Luckily vampires aren't my thing but I can pretty much guarantee that our young Edward has gotten VERY lucky during his time at the resort.

I described this whole thing to Shandon and Norman. As we drove away from the resort Howard spotted him. He said that he'd imagined a ghoulish looking vampire and was surprised to see he was a good looking kid. I don't think Norm knows that "Edward" means exceptionally handsome.

We made our way to a breakfast spot in town but passed the Madonna Inn and couldn't resist at least a trip to the gift shop. We quickly decided to eat breakfast there instead. I'm so glad we did. It has a surprisingly good cafe. The place is famous for it's kitch but the service in the restaurant was great!

We drove up PCH and made lots of stops along the way to take in the amazing views. We eventually had to pass some spots by because it was getting late and I had to get to a spot to "liberate" Dad and didn't want to do it in the dark.

I came across one place that felt right, before Carmel, but there were too many people on the lookout. A few minutes later we came across another more isolated spot and I decided to go for it.

Norm and Shandon thoughtfully disappeared as I marched down a path. I wasn't exactly looking for an audience so I asked Dad to to take me were he wanted to go and... Daddy made me hike! I followed a path for a while then, because it felt right, I stepped over the path's rope guard, walked though a lot of brush until I got near the edge high above a tide pool. I'm sure it was dangerous but, again, it seemed right at the time. My pants got caught up in some brush so I KNEW it must be a good Dad place to be. I sat overlooking the waves for a bit, tested the direction of the wind with my scarf, then flung the ashes out. The wind sort of lifted them up and away into a little cloud then the wind changed direction and the end of the ash trail blew all over me. I swatted the ashes off my coat cursing "Real God damned funny, Dad!" and that was it.

This is near the place. I think he'll be very happy here:

I can honestly say that I feel as though a bit of the grief weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Dad made it clear that he always wanted to be scattered outdoors. I'm glad he's finally made it.

It was a beautiful day that was stormy at times but that seemed appropriate.

We make our way home tomorrow. I'm so glad we made this trip. It's been a good one.

On the road

2011-11-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

It had been far to long since our last road trip so we finally planned a new one and today we hit the road.

It rained like crazy on our way out. We had some decent BBQ for lunch then drove in and out of rain for a couple of hours along the coast. The plan is to drive up PCH with a friend who has never been much farther than Santa Barbara. I admit that while driving I kept thinking, why don't I live here? How can I make a living up here? Why doesn't everyone live here? It's so beautiful!!

We are staying at a funky little natural springs resort but I'll have to tell you more about it later. It's getting late and, well...

I didn't have a chance to take any pix today but I hope to post some soon.

Quick update

2011-11-03T23:46:00.000-07:00

Today is went to the very Catholic funeral of my 98 year old grandfather. We hadn't spoken much in the last decade or so. He gave me my Dad and for that I am forever grateful. Aside from that, I wasn't much of a fan. He was abusing his family well into hi 90's and I just couldn't pretend I was ok with that.

I am in no way happy he is gone but it's hard to get too upset about a man who lived well and long.

Here was my day in a nutshell including some learnings:

The Priest seemed to be no older than 25 and had a a pretty big accent. He called my grandfather ARfonso and claimed to be a Cath-o-RIC. That was awkward.
I accidentally punked my cousin by shoving her into the aisle as relatives passed us to follow the casket. I am not a Cath-o-RIC so I don't know the customs. My cousin, by marriage, followed the casket to the back of the church, then back down the aisle, with my encouragement. When she realized I had not followed her she held up a fist and damned my name. When she returned to her seat next to me I received a pretty major stink eye. I leaned over and whispered "Sucker!".
I learned that my Dad's aunt is still pretty mad at him for dying. If there is an afterlife, my Dad can expect to receive some pretty firm words from his Aunt when she next sees him. Run, Daddy, run!
I watched my brother act as pall bearer and noticed that our family is quite tall and they all had to lean way down to wheel that casket around on the gurney.
I broke down once when I saw my sweet aunts cry. That really got to me.
Cath-o-RICS really like to talk about how the Jews killed Jesus... a lot. It gets very old very fast.
The only woman allowed to help in the service seemed to have been given mere alter boy status. That was lame.
The Cath-o-RICS REALLY do NOT want you to take communion if you are not a practicing Cath-o-RIC OR have never been a Cath-o-RIC. Don't even think about it.

Tomorrow I begin a new adventure. I plan to update throughout the weekend.

Life lessons

2011-11-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here's the deal, I like Oprah but had a bit of a falling out with her when she, as I say, started the think she was Jesus.

I think the woman has done some good in this world. Hell, what she did to get people to read and then actually TALK about books was a pretty good thing. However, she is still just a talk show host, a good one, but a talk show host none the less. I had become so put off by her evangelical ways that I didn't really watch much of the last season of her show. When Oprah launched her OWN network I tried a couple of shows and even liked a couple (her behind the scenes show was a good time) but overall I looked at the programming and thought... ehh.

Well, last weekend I was filing bills and had the tv tuned to The Graduate on OWN. It was a perfect choice because I've seen the movie lots of times, knew what was going on and could mindlessly enjoy the soundtrack. A show I had, frankly, been avoiding came on but, because I wasn't paying much attention, I just let it roll. That show was Oprah's Lifeclass. I'd been avoiding it because, umm... that title. It's so God damned self righteous. Well, I admit that I was quickly sucked right in. Oprah makes me a little crazy but turns out we see eye-to-eye on a LOT of things.

I've now watched a few of the Lifeclasses and believe in and agree with most of what I've seen. Here are a few of my own life class lessons (because if Oprah can do it so can I):

You are responsible for the energy you bring to a room, try to make it positive. It could make, or break, somebody's day.
The world owes you nothing. You are responsible for yourself.
Trust your instincts.
Be grateful for what you have. It's probably more than most have.
Bullies are incredibly insecure and want validation more than anyone else in the room. When confronted, they are the first to fold.
You can say anything if your intention is good.
We're all terrible listeners and need to practice being better at it (myself included)
Make sure those you love know it... without question.
You don't have to be sugary sweet to everyone every minute of every day but you do have to be decent to people.
Focus on what you're doing right now. You can't change the past and you can't control the future so don't obsess over either.
Your best friends are the ones who will welcome you into their home at 3 am when you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Keep those friends close. The rest are optional.
Why worry? It's all gonna fade.

So, there you have it: She-Blogger's LifeLessons in a nutshell. Turns out they are very much in line with Oprah's. I am secure enough to admit that I'm fine with that.

New Meat

2011-11-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

We have a new President over my division at work. You can not imagine how the folks upstairs are FREAKING OUT. I've never seen anything like it but it looks a little like this:

The man seems perfectly nice but upper management doesn't know him and therefore can't anticipate his needs so they have decided to go with panic mode. It's not pretty.

Meanwhile, for the past two years I've been criticized for not quite being "strategic" enough. Last week I received a very nice review that included praise on becoming very strategic. Naturally, being strategic is suddenly no longer required in my job. Quite the contrary. As of today we were told, and made to repeat, our new world view (swear to God, we had to repeat it aloud and in unison). Ready for it? Here goes, this is what I am now supposed to keep in mind every day all day:

Be perfect
There is no tomorrow

Umm, ok. I care about the work I do and always do my best so this new world order means no change for me. No change except for the fact that I now live with the knowledge that my boss (not the new President, mind you, but the guy a couple of layers over me) has decided to base our mantra on an Apollo Creed quote from Rocky III. WTF? I'm also concerned that this mantra is scarily similar to the GOP platform. None of this sets well with me.

The good news is that I've learned to embrace change and adapt quickly. Some of the people who I don't necessarily see eye to eye with will have far more trouble with this change than I.

The next few months are sure to bring LOTS of change at work. I wish our new President lots of luck. His can't be an easy job but I hear good things about him so I'm staying positive about it all. I just hope that my good friends and I manage to hang on to our jobs. Best of luck to us all!

Home Decor

2011-09-04T23:48:00.001-07:00

I've been browsing old movie posters. It occurred to me that some of the most popular are so common they have become meaningless. It's too bad because all are from great films.

I happen to like Breakfast at Tiffany's but not enough to ever hang it's poster on my wall. It's sadly become so cliched.

Gone With the Wind is a favorite but do I ever need to see this poster again?

And what about Casablanca? Again, great film... tired old poster.

This one may be extremely well known but I forgive it because it's just so damn cool and Liz looks incredible.

Then, after a bit of searching, I found some lesser known (to me) posters to some of my favorite films.

Check out this one for The Long Hot Summer. I love this movie for many reasons but two most importantly: 1) I learned "Barn Burner!" was the ultimate insult from this movie and I've become fond of calling my Mom just that when we disagree. We both fall into hysterics when one of us remembers to shout out a well placed "Barn Burner!" at the other. 2) I also love this film because I don't think any man in the history of time has ever looked better than Paul Newman in this movie. Oh...My...God.

I honestly don't know which of these two posters of Rebecca I like more. They are both amazing.

Ok, some of us may have seen this poster before but I love that it's on pink and Edward G. Robinson seems to have the best billing. Ed also appears to be somewhat startled to find Fred and Barb making out.

This may be my favorite find of the evening. I don't think I've ever seen this poster before. I MUST have it. That pose is from one of my favorite movie openers.

I am also loving this poster for The Heiress. This film, of course, features one of my favorite closers to a film.

This is a fantastic Rear Window poster. It seems I'm fond of action poses in some of my darker favorites. This is just plain cool.

I, naturally, LOVE this Sunset Blvd. print. In fact, I think it, along with The Letter poster, may have just inspired a Bat Shit Crazy theme in the powder room of my future home. I can't wait!

The good, the bad and the challenge

2011-08-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a name for every diet combo in the world except for mine (Dairy/Aspartame free and on Weight Watchers). What can I say? I like to live dangerously. This is all fine except that whenever I Google "Dairy Free" I get lumped in with those Glutten Free freaks. Let's be clear: I could give a crap about those Glutten people. However, all of the grocery stores are falling all over themselves to call out "GLUTTEN FREE" this and GLUTTEN FREE" that. Meanwhile, I'm left standing the in grocery aisle reading every word of every label trying to decipher what has diary and what doesn't. It's entirely annoying.

Most fun of all is the list of, oh, 35 ingredients that I'm supposed to memorize because they are all code for hidden dairy. It's a nightmare.

That's the bad news.

The good news is that I'm still going strong.

The funny news is the hushed tone my Weight Watcher leader used while discussing this whole dairy-free, reduced meat and limited processed foods kick I'm on. It seems she lost over 100 pounds eating this way. When I asked why she doesn't really talk about that fact in her meetings she shrugged and said "Nobody wants to hear it. Eating this way saved my life. It reversed my diabetes but nobody wants to hear about it." Oh dear.

Here's the challenge: I'm going to Big Bear for a Girl's Weekend. I usually pig out on these weekends. I've got a lot of planning to do to get through this one. Because I'm such a badass I'm considering leaving my "milk pills" (aka my safety net) at home so I won't be tempted to blow it. I know!

I'll try to post pix of the lake. It's supposed to be in the mid-seventies all weekend. I can't wait!

Day three

2011-08-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

I'm still going strong. I have one helluva headache but keep forgetting to take anything for it. I'm guessing it's some sort of Diet Coke or aspartame withdrawal symptom. Ehh, I'll get over it.

Today my resident vegan friend told me that most people who restrict their diet eliminate dairy last before becoming a vegan. She says I'm definitely taking hardest step first. It seems I'm a BADASS!

In MUCH more exciting news: Mom called today and began with one of her famous "WELL!"s. t seems the guys who are doing some repairs on the house started pounding on the door. Mom answered and they asked to come in the house because "the bears are eating our lunch!". WTF?! It was about 10:30 am. WHY are the bears wandering the neighborhood at that hour?! Mom looked out the window and watched as a mother bear with two cubs sat on our curb and casually ate from the worker's coolers. Unbelievable. Mom had an appointment and said that as she drove off, the police pulled up and people stopped for pictures. It was like the zoo in front of our house. Good Lord!

Dairy Free - Day Two

2011-08-03T22:13:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and immediately realized that I had just had the best night's sleep ever. We're talking about a level of sleep that I haven't had (without medication) for as long as I can remember. One friend called it (quite hopefully) a "fluke". I don't know but I sure had lots of energy today. Was it the lack of dairy or Diet Coke? I don't know and I don't care. The same friend later turned to me very sadly with "You know this means you can't have chocolate anymore, right?". Well, lets not get crazy. I may have to avoid milk chocolate but I'm pretty sure dark chocolate is still in the mix. I then told her not to worry because "any day now I'll throw back a fist full of pills and go apeshit again."

But here's the deal, I'm as allergic to cats as I am dairy but I've always hated cats and have always loved dairy. Both make me feel like hell but I learned to hate one and not the other. I could easily take a Benedryl every time I see a cat but they're a-holes so I don't. On the other hand, I've taken my "milk pills" with every meal for decades. What the hell? My body literally screams "Stay away from that wretched beast!" when I encounter a cat, and I listen, but when it says the same about cheesecake I stifle it with milk pills.

So far this whole thing has freaked some people out... a lot. Mom, of course, said it best. She doesn't approve of my dairy free, whole grain squaw bread and told me so. I told her it was intended to fill me up along with my breakfast smoothie and that she was not required to eat it. I then explained that the dreaded bread had helped me eat vegetarian all day as an experiment and it worked. I did, however, plan to have shrimp with dinner so don't worry. Mom just stared at me and exclaimed "That's not the flesh of animal!". I can't be sure but I'm pretty sure that's Mom-speak for "pussy!". She was happy to find that along with my "Just Fruit" jam I had purchased some bacon. After all, I'm not insane.

Anyway, that's the progress report. I'm dairy free and feeling great. I can't tell you how upsetting this realization is.

Diary free - Day 1

2011-08-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

So, I tossed my beloved diary products:

(Yes, that's FIVE containers of Laughing Cow cheese wedges, what of it?!)

I replaced it all with these:

This is gonna suck ass.

I didn't even try to substitute cheese. It all looked too gross. My resident vegetarian friend suggested I wait on trying a substitute cheese until I "forget what real cheese tastes like". Oh dear.

I find that I am able to make dietary changes when I immerse myself in supporting propaganda. I've been reading up on dairy elimination which leads to vegetarianism fun facts which leads to veganism fun facts. I'm pretty sure I love bacon too much to take those dreadful steps into vegetarianism but I might be able to cut back on beef, poultry and fish. My resident vegetarian friend (who is beside herself with joy over my recent decision) agreed that eliminating things a little at a time is the way to go. The only reason I'm even considering this is that the health benefits of sticking to a plant based diet are difficult to argue with. Everywhere I turn there are magical plant based diet claims of lowering blood pressure, cholesterol, weight and reversing heart disease and significantly lowering our risk of cancer and diabetes (God damn it). I'm of the mindset that old age is overrated and should be avoided but I've seen people die slowly at a relatively young age and that's no picnic either. If I don't continue to lose weight I'm heading down that path so it's time to make some sort of change.

I've read the Skinny Bitch stuff, and bought a couple of vegetarian cookbooks and they are pretty intense (Jesus!). They all make the same glowing health claims but so far the book that makes the most sense to me is Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food. His whole "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants" seems reasonable and the least hysterical. This appeals to me.

While immersing myself in dietary propaganda I found an absolutely hilarious blog by an honest to God meat lover who is starting a vegan diet for 30 days. You can check his story out here. He's a 51 year old carnivore who refers to himself as The Big Sexy. Sold!

The Big Sexy was inspired to change his meat eating ways by a cool story about a Texas firehouse that switched to a plant based diet to support their fellow firefighter who had a cholesterol level of 344 (yikes!). After a month of eating vegan together, their friend's cholesterol dropped to 196. Jesus! I'll be checking in on that site as well but mostly because the author is hot... and named Rip. Jesus!

Today I did without dairy and Diet Coke... and I lived to tell the tale. Well, I actually did one better. I not only avoided Diet Coke but I eliminated most sugar substitutes. (Yay me!) That meant no Splenda in my iced tea and no afternoon Crystal Light. This made me very unhappy but sugar substitutes are apparently going to make my intestines disolve and turn my uterus inside out (or something like that) so I'm getting rid of them too. I dug out that old box of Stevia since , it seems, it's the only acceptable sugar substitute (until further notice). I plan to use my Stevia in the fruit smoothie I'm making for dinner. My smoothie will be made with love, Stevia and soy milk... barf.

It's only been a day, so I feel no different, but I must say it was nice to not have to pop a pill with every meal. Stay tuned...

Change

2011-08-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

I've decided to give up dairy for a while. I'm violently allergic to all things dairy but I love them so. As a result I pop what I call "milk pills" to help me digest the dairy in my diet. I pop LOTS of those little pills. I know this is ridiculous but I've been doing it for years. I realize that I shouldn't have to take "medicine" to help me digest certain foods in my diet so I'm going to stop.

I have a friend who read up on how a change in her diet could help improve her complexion. She shifted to a vegetarian diet and hasn't been sick one day since she made the change. That was about 2-1/2 years ago. I don't know if I'd ever be able to go vegetarian but I think it would do me some good to ditch the dairy and, depending on how it goes, maybe give up other things down the road.

I've been on Weight Watchers since before the new year and have lost about 35 pounds. I'd hoped for more of a loss but I've fallen off the wagon a few times but I've always hopped back on. Being stubborn seems to be working. In addition to kicking dairy to the curb I plan to avoid diet sodas. There's not one real ingredient in those evil cans and the caffeine is killing my sleeping habits. This change doesn't seem like it will be as difficult to achieve. I've done it before. It's really just a matter of breaking the habit when I dine out.

I've been reading up on how dietary changes, even small ones, can make a big difference in how we feel and how they can eliminate some annoying symptoms we just put up with. I hope to see some improvement in my sleep and my frequent upset tummy issues.

Here's the creepy thing though: virtually every website I visit on the topic of eliminating dairy seems to have a Lactaid link. That's the brand of milk/milk pills created for people like me who can't digest lactose (the sugar found in milk). When I visited the LiveStrong site on the topic the sponsors were Lactaid AND Diet Coke. That's eff'd up! It seems there are political implications with this small life change (which only encourages me). I don't lean towards conspiracies but I do believe the milk, beef, pork and poultry boards in this country are very powerful and pull a lot of political weight. I am very skeptical of the claims that "Milk does a body good" since my experience has been the opposite. I'd be up for "Beef, it's what's for dinner" but I've seen Food Inc. and I'm not impressed with the way we raise beef in this country. Of course, it hasn't stopped me from eating it but I have switched to having my butcher grind beef for me. Beef may be the next to go. We'll see.

So, if you see soy or almond milk in my fridge, don't be alarmed. It's just me trying to improve my health one bite/sip at a time... and flipping off certain industries in this country. Oh joy!

For Shandon

2011-07-02T17:50:00.000-07:00

Shandon recently sent me a link with a note basically saying "am I wrong in guessing this is right up your alley?". She knows me well. Here is the link she sent plus other links I found after perusing hers. Such fun!!

My Daguerreotype Boyfriend - "Where early photography meets extreme hotness"

Fuck Yeah History Crushes!! "History never looked so attractive"

Bangable Dudes in History "Dead man porn for your still beating heart"

Time Machine Cougar - "Do I have to explain? It's dudes who are currently older than me, but if I had a time machine I'd want to go back and cougar them when they were younger."

A bit of peace

2011-06-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

I watched something tonight that brought me an unexpected amount of peace about the loss of Dad.

I watched a film I'd never heard of before called The Wildest Dream.

You can read the description for yourself at the link above but it begins with the discovery of George Mallory's body, on Everest, 75 years after he went missing. His remains proved that he suffered a compound fracture in his leg... a fatal accident when on Everest. I started to get uncomfortable as the story unfolded but kept watching despite several similarities between Mallory's accident and Dad's. I even watched as one climber slips and almost falls 7000 feet. When his partner asks if he's ok the climber replies "I'm fine. Just a bad step." which is what I've always believed killed Dad... just one bad step.

Ultimately the man who discovered Mallory's body decided to try to summit Everest with the clothing and gear Mallory used. He hoped to learn for himself if it was even possible. While suiting up in replica clothing and showing it off to his family, his wife turned to their youngest son and asked "Would you wear that to climb Everest?" The boys replied "No". The mother prods "What would you wear?" he deadpanned "I wouldn't climb Everest."

It was like watching a conversation I had a more than once with my Dad. When I finished reading Into Thin Air I immediately handed it to my Dad and told him he should read it. He did. Soon after, I learned that we completely disagreed with the idea of a father making such a dangerous trek. I argued that climbing Everest was irresponsible especially for a father of young kids. "Why would anybody DO THAT?! Why would anyone dream of dragging themselves through delirium to a place called THE DEATH ZONE?" I asked. Dad calmly explained that he completely understood the urge to do so despite the risks. He said he didn't necessarily dream of climbing Mount Everest but, for instance, he'd always wanted to visit Antarctica to see Emperor Penguins. Great. He wanted to go to Columbia too but Mom and I flat out told him no way. I sometimes wonder if he snuck over there and just didn't tell us. I should check his passport. Anyway, we argued about crazy travel several times. In the end I came to realize that whatever it is that pushes people to take those kinds of freaky, unnecessary risks, I simply do not posses. It's just nothing I've ever been interested in participating in. I love to READ about those people but have never wanted to experience any of their antics first hand.

Watching the film tonight somehow made me feel a little better about the way we lost Dad. Daddy knew the risks in his job and his hiking but he felt compelled to do it regardless. I believe he planned to hike and climb until he couldn't anymore and that's exactly what he did. I told Mom about this little revelation and she agreed. Mom and I don't have that risk taking compulsion in our make up but Daddy did and we always knew it. Mom said that one of Dad's uncles was a National Geographic interpreter... who knew?! Maybe being so in love with nature and the world around us and the uncontrollable need to explore and protect it is inherited. All I know is that I dodged that gene and I'm glad. It wouldn't be fair for Mom to have to worry about me too.

I know that Dad's death was very different than a famous explorer's but the obsession and compulsion that drove them was very similar. I'll never stop missing my Dad but I'm glad he had such a great wonder of nature in his life. I never liked the risks Dad took but I remain incredibly proud of him. He left such a wonderful mark on the world. Do I think the risks were worth it? No, but I think Daddy would disagree with me just like he did so many times before.

Secret Shame

2011-06-16T21:59:00.001-07:00

I'm here to confess. I have some secret shame that I somehow feel compelled to share. I'm not talking about now televised secret shames like watching porn, or hoarding, or eating chalk, or having to do things in threes, or anything like that, but I've got some secrets to share and the time has come. Here goes:

Deadliest Catch
My shame isn't with watching this show. It's a good show that I'd recommend to anyone. No, my shame lies in the amount of time I've spent watching it. Even reruns. I can watch this show over and over again and I just don't seem to tire of it. I'm sure I'll burn out some day but so far that day hasn't arrived. I miss Captain Phil.

Kiehl's Lip Balm
I've been known to spend up to $9 on lip balm. This, of course, is ridiculous but have you ever tried Kiehl's lip balm? Have you tried the Mango variety? It's delightful. I hate that I spend that kind of money for scented petroleum jelly but I do and I will do it again.

Super Hero Movies
I love super hero movies. I don't know why, I just do. Luckily this Summer has provided some pretty good options. I really liked Thor and I LOVED X-Men First Class. I'm going to see Green Lantern this weekend but I'm afraid my luck may have finally run out. The reviews are bleak.

Twilight Series
I, along with about two dozen co-workers, was obsessed with the Twilight books a few years ago. I loved those dumb books. They are poorly written and repetitive but I loved that Bella/Edward/Jacob thing. Of course, they lost me in the third book (hated it!) but, yes, I will be seeing the movie with my Twi-buddy and her teen daughter later this year. I saw Twilight in theaters on 3 separate occasions. 1) Opening night with my sister-in-law 2) Along with friends for a Director Q&A following a screening 3) with my Twi-buddy (college roomie) and her 13 year old daughter. The weeping guitars almost killed it for me but... there I was three screenings later.

Teen Wolf
As if the Twilight thing wasn't shameful enough, I started watching MTV's new series Teen Wolf. I've watched the first few episodes and they haven't lost me yet. I described it to a friend as "fun but sophomoric". Of course, sophomoric doesn't seem to be a problem for me, now does it. (Vampires are hotter, by the way. So much more cultured than those filthy werewolves!)

Little Women
I still haven't read it. I suck.

QVC
I like to watch QVC late at night when I can't sleep. I think it's because it's the least stressful thing on tv in the middle of the night. I don't like the jewelry shows (boring!) but the makeup and cooking slots are a good time. I'm especially fond of a segment called In the Kitchen with David. I'm ordinarily deeply saddened by closeted gay men but I just love that David. So does every elderly Southern woman in the country.

Crazy People
I enjoy the crazies. I don't mean the rude in-your-face variety crazy but I do enjoy calmly crazy people... like the old ladies who call David on QVC.

Smart Bitches, Trashy Books
I don't like romance novels, and given the theme of this entry I would totally admit it if I did, I do, however, wish I liked romance novels every time I visit this blog. I just love it. I'm especially hooked on it's HABO (Help a Bitch Out) entries. Readers describe long lost novels they can't remember the names of and fellow readers try to figure out what the hell they read all those year ago.

Hallmark Channel Movies
Yes, they are saccharine sweet, yes they are entirely predictable, yes their heavy handed Christian slant is annoying, yes they assume no good can come from "city folk", but sometimes the reliability of those dumb movies is just what the doctor ordered.

Frontierville
Why do I spend time on this silly game? It's not even a game! It's just clicking around on a screen. It's annoyingly addictive. It's so lame but I can't stop. (Wanna be my neighbor?)

That's it for now. I'm sure I have plenty more to report but I just can't think of them now. I'll report more as they come. The more ridiculous the better!

Short Cut

2011-05-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Because I haven't listed any songs lately, I thought I'd do a speed round of the 30 Day Song challenge that I seem to be doing in 60 days. I'm listing three tonight in the interest of catching up.

Name a song from a band I hate:

Well there are a few bands that I'd call Lucy repellent but I thin I'll go with Yes. I can't stand Yes. In fact, my brother and I joke that "Yes means no." Here is a particularly annoying song from the ironically named Yes: (It literally upset me to have to look this up and listen to a few bars of it. Blechh!)

Name a guilty pleasure song:

Ooh, that's a tough one. I have so many guilty pleasure songs that I stopped feeling guilty about them. Here is one that I have had a freakish fondness for lately. I don't know why I'm suddenly loving it so much... it just happened

Name a song that nobody would expect me to like:

I think I've got to go with Gold Digger for several reasons. First of all, Kanye is an undisputed dickhead. Secondly, like so many songs out there, this one is a misogynistic train wreck. Possibly the very worst offense? It samples a Jamie Foxx impression of a kick-ass Ray Charles song. All of the above should spell out instant hatred from me but I just can't help myself... I like this one. *Hanging head in shame*

In defense of country

2011-05-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

I was raised in a rather loud household. Not only did we speak loudly but we all listened to different kinds of music. Every corner of our house seemed to have some sort of music loudly playing. As a result I learned to be accepting of all types of music. I learned at an early age that you really can't help what you like and don't like. Some music you learn to love while others are love at first sight (or listen).

My Dad loved classical music and classic rock. Mom took a shine to country music and show tunes. My brother liked rock and punk. I liked all of the above and even learned to enjoy jazz. I didn't come to love show tunes until much later in life when I finally had the opportunity to see musicals in person. Love was born. I was a big time concert goer when I was in high school and college but that habit was eventually replaced with seeing live musicals and theater. I only recall Mom and Dad going to a handful of concerts in my childhood. I do, however, vividly recall the very first time I heard the phrase "ape shit". Dad used it to describe my mother's behaviour at a Waylon and Willie concert in the 70's. Mom apparently "went ape shit!". Dad said he'd never seen her act that way in all his life. I must have been impressed because I remember the comment so fondly.

Which brings me to my current obsession: Outlaw Country. I have gone ape shit over the Outlaw Country radio station on Sirius/XM Radio. I've tuned in from time time time with no real love lost until recently. A couple of weeks ago I caught Shooter Jennings Radio Show and fell in love. I've also become a fan of Steve Earle's show. Even the silly country girl morning show plays some killer tunes. On my commute, and later at work, I heard kd Lang, The Flying Burrito Brothers, Lucinda Williams, Marcia Ball, Johnny Cash, Wanda Jackson, Mojo Nixon, Hank III, Allison Krauss/Robert Plant, Buddy Holly, Merle Haggard, Southern Culture on the Skids, and (of course) Waylon Jennings on Outlaw Country. I assure you, my day was better for it. Where else on earth can you hear that kind of killer mix?

Now, I admit that I thought the idea of satellite radio was bullshit when I first heard about it. I was then given a free three month subscription when I purchased my car. I've been sunk ever since. I can't tell you the ridiculous sense of freedom a new car, GPS and satellite radio gives a girl. Honest to God, you feel like you can take on the world with that magical three pack goin' on. When I had a nervous breakdown/meltdown a few weeks ago, I hopped in my car and drove out to the desert. My satellite radio made for some fantastic company along the way. When I arrived back home I was like a new person and listening to everything from La Boheme, Mahalia Jackson and Johnny Cash had a lot to do with it.

I hate to be a pusher but I must say that I highly recommend satellite radio. I can honestly say, if given the choice, I would seriously consider taking my satellite radio over cable tv. I know that's just plain crazy talk but I can tell you that more and more I've been tuning into my online radio connection instead reaching for my remote after a long day at work. If you ever have a shot at some sort of free trial of subscription radio, you've gotta try it!

What fresh hell is this?

2011-05-14T21:32:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke to a day perfectly clear of plans. No obligations, no work to do, no pre-arranged plans, nothing to do. It's my favorite condition to wake to. Of course, this meant I had a decision to make. I gave some thought to taking another drive and considered driving up the coast with my camera. I thought about driving to Ojai and back for a trip to this place. Then I thought again. Instead of a mini road trip I decided to roll up my sleeves and clean out the garage. Not the fun choice but I've been meaning to do it for months and it was going to be a cool day, probably the last for several months.

The poor garage has been in a state of chaos ever since Mom and Dad redecorated the front of the house. Dad and I cleared most of it out about a year ago. After I switched bedrooms the garage took another hit. Only one car has been able to fit in there with the other junk. Mom has insisted on me parking my car in the garage since I have the newer car. This, of course, makes me feel guilty so I thought a garage clean up job would do us all some good.

When I began, the garage looked like this:

When I finished, a few hours later, it looked like this:

The pile in the back needs to be dropped at Goodwill. I also need to find a hazardous household waste drop off location for about a dozen gallons of paint and old varmint poison. Most of the stuff just needed to be stacked, donated or trashed.

Of course, the garage was Dad's domain so he was all over the place. I managed to get though it all without crying. Most of Dad's stuff either makes me wonder or makes me grin. I had forgotten about this:

I discovered this before Dad died so I could confirm my guess as to what it was. Can you guess? The window in the garage is a favorite hangout of spiders. It's a sticks with a glob of spider webs at the end. We never open that window so it's a safe, place to spin a web with some nice diffused light. God knows how many years ago Dad started twirling spider webs around the stick. It now looks like a giant Q-tip. It's a disgusting nightmare but just the weird kind of thing Daddy would do, so it stayed.

I also found this disturbing object:

It's very old and I assume it's something my beloved Papa picked up on one his journeys in Africa. It seems to be some sort of elaborately decorated billy club or nightstick made of wood and leather. I don't know the story behind it but it's either moving to Mom's room or out with me when I by my house. A girl could do some serious damage to an intruder's noggin with that thing.

I came across this stupid flag from one of Dad's old job sites:

I was NOT amused by the irony.

I then came across this:

Anyone who knows me knows my story of owls and why I love them. Long story short, every time I see an owl it's like recieving a little wink from Daddy. This was the first thing I saw in the first box I opened. I was happy to see it after the dumb flag made me so mad.

As I stacked boxes I firmly grabbed what I thought was an old strip of rubber to pull it from a some loose packing tape. You can't imagine the scream I let loose with when I realized my mistake.

I had actually grabbed the dried out carcass of a lizard who had died getting stuck on the tape. I ran in the house, washed my hands abut 18 times and returned to the job at hand. Soon after, Mom returned home. I showed her where I had moved things then noticed a mouse dash behind a box. I swiftly kicked the box smashing the mouse between the wall and the box. Mom screamed, I did move pretty quickly, and walked away. The mouse sort of stumbled out from behind the box and faced me. He stared at me for a few minutes then I watched as he turned to face the wall as if to say "I need a moment to myself before I die, bitch." It was kind of brutal but I was jumpy from the dead lizard attack and that poor mouse showed up at the exact wrong moment. A few minutes later a bird dive bombed my head as it flew into the garage. Mom was getting the mail and said "Wow. Your Dad is really having some fun with you today!" I think she was right. I also think Walt Disney's interpretation of animal life is bullshit.

Next I recovered one of my all time best gifts to Dad. Behold:

I know, it looks bizarre but it's actually genius. It's a bug vacuum. It expands to about four feet long and can suck up bugs and spiders without anyone having to touch them. It's great! With summer coming I was happy to see it again. We will be needing it.

One of the most bizarre finds of the day was this masterpiece:

What is it? It's a butter knife that's been taped to the end of a pole. I have no idea why it was in the garage but it was clearly made my Dad. I can't imagine why he needed such a thing but he apparently felt the need to keep it around. We later described it to one of Dad's old friends. He thought maybe Dad used to the get wasp's nest down or something like that. I'll never know but I'm keeping it around because it makes me smile just like that clean garage does. A trip to Ojai would have been more fun but I'm glad I stuck around and got the place straightened out. I feel much better for it.

I'm gonna pretend you didn't ask that

2011-05-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

Today's question is: Name a song from your favorite band.

Trouble is, I hate the "name a favorite" question. I don't believe in favorites. I believe in liking many things at the same time. With that said, I'll happily list A song from ONE of my favorite bands.

Here is a song I like called Driftwood by a band called Travis.

30 day song challenge (done in more like 60 days)

2011-05-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

Name a song that makes me fall asleep.

Well, the white noise of rain recordings are what technically puts me to sleep. However, I do have a few musical options when its time for bed. I love to listen to a Charlie Haden and Hank Jones album called Steal Away. It's a bunch of lovely old spirituals but it's apparently so obscure it can't be found on YouTube. I also like Rachmaninoff's Vespers but my all time favorite music for drifting off to sleep has got to be Chopin's Nocturnes. I don't recommend all of those minor keys if you're feeling at all depressed. These tunes could finish you if you were already feeling melancholy. If, on the other hand, sleep is what you're after, Chopin is the ticket. (I mean that in the best of ways.) There are 19 or so Nocturnes to choose from and you've probably already heard them all. Here is one you may know:

Dance!

2011-04-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Today's 30 day song challenge question:

Name a song you can dance to.

That's easy. I have no reasonable explanation why but I like Justin Timberlake. His music makes me want to shake a tail feather. Here's one I've been known to dance to at an office holiday party. Look out!

(The only trouble with this video is that Justin deliberately breaks a perfectly good string of pearls. I don't know about you, ladies, but that would be one sure fire way to kill the mood for me. Oh well, such is the bizarre fantasies in the world entertainment.)

I can see clearly (despite multiple head injuries)

2011-04-29T15:08:00.000-07:00

I went in for my annual eye exam today. I visited a new doctor that a friend recommended. I'm so glad I did. It was far and away the most thorough eye exam I've ever had.

When I first did the eye chart the doctor was perplexed by the fact that my left eye is weaker that my right. I told her it had this way for as long as I could remember. I had long accepted it but, for some reason, she thought it strange. *shrug*

After some discussion, we decided to dilate my eyes since I've had blood pressure issues this past year. Its all under control now but one can't be too safe.

Doc: Hmm...
Me: ...
Doc: Umm...I've...never...
Me: What?
Doc: ... I've never... seen anything... quite like this before.
Me: What do you see?! (increasingly alarmed)
Doc: Well...
Me: ...
Doc: Have you ever had any head trauma?
Me: What?! No!
Doc: Oh, it's nothing to worry about. It's just...
Me: Yes?
Doc: You have some debris in your lens. Nobody's ever mentioned this to you?
Me: No.
Doc: Hmm. Well, it's very apparent. There are spots on the lens of your eye.
Me: ...
Doc: So... no car accidents or anything like that?
Me: Well, I did fall off a rope swing when I was a kid. My friends dragged me to my backyard and left me for dead. I eventually came to and wandered into the house to lie down. I don't think I mentioned it to parents.
Doc: ...
Me: I also crashed into my brother's best friends' older brother on our bikes. I blacked out. Oh! There was that time I slipped on a Christmas wrapping bag in my room, fell back and had the wind knocked out of me. So... maybe?
Doc: Umm... those could ALL be considered potential head injures.
Me: Well, it was the seventies. It was all about "walk it off" back then. I loved being a kid in the seventies!
Doc: *laughing and shaking her head*

SO, it seems I knocked myself senseless at some point and jack up my left eye. Who knew? The doctor is going to do some research on my spotty eye and get back to me. She was also able to see that I had high blood pressure but that it was under control. She also knew that I had allergies and asked if my eyes had been itchy. It was funny because just yesterday my eyes were incredibly itchy. I didn't know what the problem was. Turns out allergies were bugging me. I got a sample of some fun new eye drops to help with the problem.

I also got some (I think) cool new frames. Of course, it's hard to tell. It's hard to pick glasses with dilated eyes. You can't see a damn thing so you kind of have to guess and assume they look good. We'll see.

I love my new doctor. Best of all, they had owls all over the office. Remember my owl post from a while back? Well, I took the owl thing as a very good sign. I quickly told them why I like owls so much and that I consider every sighting a little wink from Daddy. I'm so happy to finally have a good eye doc.

They were playing Billie Holiday when I arrived... another excellent sign of great compatibility. I asked if they were playing satellite radio and she said that they just use GrooveShark. I'd never heard of it before. It's like Pandora but better because you can pick songs and build your own playlists. It's great! Thanks new friend and doctor. We're now life long buds. :)

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 8

2011-04-28T23:07:00.000-07:00

Name a song that you know all the words to:

Well, I pretty much know the lyrics to everything I heard before 1979. However, if I have to choose one, I'll go with Bohemian Rhapsody. I memorized the words to this one when my babysitter had to replace her beat up copy of Queen's A Night at the Opera. She gave me the beat up old copy along with some Elton John albums that I also adore. I was about 8 years old. I don't think I understood the song at the time but I could sing the hell out of it.

"Mama I just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away"

Jesus, Mom! Weren't you concerned when you heard your children singing along to this one? God, I loved the bad choices made in the seventies. They made me the gal I am today.

You decide which version you like best:

"Any way the wind blows..."

Day 7

2011-04-27T19:37:00.001-07:00

Name a song that reminds you of a certain event.

When Dad was transferred to Yucca Valley for work, he had to live alone in an apartment for a little while until we sold our house, bought a new one and we transferred schools. I remember Dad's sad little apartment. He hated living there during the week without us. He was in the apartment for a couple of months or so and he was miserable. I let him borrow some of my records to help the place feel more like home when he was alone all week. One of the records was Linda Ronstadt's Simple Dreams.

I still like that album but Poor, Poor Pitiful Me entirely reminds me of the move to Yucca Valley. The title was perfect for that time in my life. It not only described Dad living without us but it perfectly captured how I felt about having to move to the middle of nowhere. :(

Bacon fever

2011-04-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, I admit it. I'm beginning to catch this wedding fever.

I'm a big anglophile who loves the Kings and Queens of England but I typically obsess on the old school royals. You know, crazy old Henry VIII and the Queen Elizabeth I are the types I like. The current Queen is fascinating and the life she's led has got to be crazy town but we'll never know. That's one (honest) autobiography that we'll never see. I enjoy her but she's not my favorite. Her grandsons, however, have long been faves. It's been nice watching them grow up. They've both stepped up to their expected duties and done well. They've proven to be great humanitarians very early on. They seem to be genuinely down to earth good guys. They look awesome in uniform. I join the most of the world in liking them and wishing them well.

As for this wedding fever, we all know the wedding ceremony is a hot ticket but the reception is supposed to be the white hot ticket. It seems Her Royal Highness will jet out of town with Prince Philip leaving the kids to party all night long at Buckingham Palace. (Can you imagine?!) This is all good stuff but so far, my very favorite wedding rumor is that Prince Harry has ordered supplies to make bacon sandwiches for those guests who make it all the way through the night and find they need a sunrise snack. I can't think of anything more fun than Harry making bacon sandwiches at 6:00 am in Buckingham Palace. I like that kid. The fact that he considers making bacon critical to the celebration of his brother's wedding celebration makes him my new favorite royal.

American Experience

2011-04-25T21:58:00.001-07:00

I am watching an amazing documentary called Stonewall Uprising on American Experience and it's breaking my heart. I have many, many friends who happen to be gay. I consider sexual orientation to be a footnote or a fun fact about a person. In fact, when a co-worker and I went out to lunch soon after she started working with me, and she came out to me, my reaction was something like "Ooh! How exotic. It's like finding out you're from Transylvania or some other cool place!" Luckily, she just laughed at me. When another woman, who is from Lebanon came out to me, I exclaimed "OMG! I've never met a Lebanese lesbian. You're a collectible!". Again, thank God she laughed. I mention this not to feel superior but to illustrate how foolish I can be too. I only hope it's more accepting than some others.

Of course, this is today. Years ago that kind of reaction was unthinkable. Years ago to be gay was to be considered criminal and possibly a psychopath. Considering how many wonderful people I know who are gay, it genuinely pains me to hear how abused and mistreated gays were (and are) ... in my lifetime.

We've all seen black and white footage and horrific pictures from the civil rights movement. People of my generation have all been shocked and outraged by the ignorant, hateful ravings of bigots before our time. However, to hear the same insane things said about gay people is just as shocking. Seeing bigoted rants on color film emphasizes how recently these beliefs were commonly held.

The Stonewall uprising happened in 1969. It was the Summer of Love but we rarely hear about what happened at Stonewall. It's a story worth learning more about and this film does a good job of it. In the end it's an uplifting survival story but, man, is it shocking. Just a few weeks ago a dined at an Italian place on Stonewall. I turned to my host and said "Is this THE Stonewall? As in the Stonewall Riots?". It was. Cool! I didn't know many details about Stonewall beyond it being the time when (mostly) gay men fought back. It was the beginning the the gay rights movement that, of course, continues to this day.

Do yourself a favor and check this movie out. It's a great piece of American history that deserves more attention.

Holy Moses!

2011-04-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today' question: Name a song that reminds you of somewhere.

Again there are lots of options but I'm going to go with an old Elton John tune. For over 30 years Border Song has reminded me of back to school shopping with my Mom and brother. We were in a Miller's Outpost and Border Song was playing. Mom was showing a shirt, or something, to my brother and started loudly singing along "... HO-LEE Mo-ses...". My little brother was rarely embarrassed but that day he was downright mortified. We still like to sing it to him from time to time. It always makes me smile.

Day 5 - 30 day song challenge

2011-04-22T17:12:00.001-07:00

A song that reminds you of someone. That is today's question.

This is a tough one because so many songs remind me of so many people. However, if I have to pick one, I suppose I'll pick Singin' In the Rain. That song always makes me think of my Mom.

One day, about 25 years ago, Mom and I were browsing Blockbuster together. We eventually made our way to opposite sides of the store as Singin' In the Rain played on the mounted tvs. Suddenly, without any conspiring on our part, during that famous rain soaked scene, Mom and I looked across the store at each other and in unison with Gene Kelly threw back our heads, spread our arms wide and sang "I'm happy again!". We prompty fell apart in surprised laughter at each other. I have no recollection if anyone noticed us acting like twin movie geeks or not. It didn't matter. We didn't do it for any other audience but each other.

That's why Singin' In the Rain makes me think of her. I love you Mom!

(In case you're not familiar with this, and you should be, I'm talking about the moment captured at 2:10 in the clip above.)

So sad...

2011-04-21T23:23:00.000-07:00

Today's song:

What song that makes you sad?

That's easy, Softly and Tenderly can almost always make me cry. Why?

I first heard it in the film A Trip to Boutiful which is, in my opinion, one of the saddest movies ever.
It always makes my Mom cry, and that makes me sad.
It makes me think of loss, death, funerals and saying goodbye.
Above all, it makes me think of times, places and people we can never see again. At least, not in this world.

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 3

2011-04-19T21:15:00.001-07:00

Today's question:

What song make you happy?

Stevie Wonder's For Once In My Life never fails to lift my spirits. I absolutely love it.

Now that I've seen this video I like it even more. I'm especially fond to the super enthusiastic dancers. They eventually build to a seizure-like frenzy and I start to worry about Stevie slipping of the step but otherwise it's pretty awesome.

You're happy now, right?

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 2

2011-04-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

Today's song question:

What is your least favorite song?

This is not a popular sentiment but I'll say it: I cannot stand Happy Birthday. I hate having it sung to me and I hate singing it to others. It's always the most uncomfortable time in any birthday celebration. I often try to speed up the tempo to get it over with quickly. It rarely works but I always try.

I mean honestly, is there anything more annoying?

2 posts in 1 day?!

2011-04-17T20:42:00.001-07:00

In an effort to get back in the swing of blogging more regularly I'm accepting a Facebook challenge and doing it here instead FB.

Shandon turned me on to this idea and I like it. It's called the 30 Day Song Challenge. Each day I'll post a question and the answer in the form of a song.

Today's question:

Your favorite song?

This one was TOUGH! So many songs could easily qualify but I decided to go with one that literally stops me in my tracks every time I hear it.

My favorite song is Ray Charles performing You Don't Know Me

It doesn't matter which recording I come across, I love to hear Mr. Charles sing this one. I think it's absolute perfection.

Dusting off the blog

2011-04-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was feeling very blue and very antisocial. I didn't want to be home. I didn't want any company. I was, however, feeling restless and wanted to go somewhere.

Initially, I took in a matinee of Source Code. I really liked it but it left me feeling even more sad because the character spends a lot of time wishing to speak to his father. I decided to go for a drive.

I grabbed my iPod, filled the tank with gas and drove.

Back in the 70's my family and I moved to a small desert town called Yucca Valley. It was a strange time in my life that I now recall like a faded dream. We went there for a job for Dad but stayed only 2 years until Dad was transferred back to "civilization" as I called it. To this day, when I hear people say they love the desert and it's beauty, I roll my eyes and ask if they've ever lived in it. The best thing I could say about the place was that the night skies were indeed lovely.

Of course, I was 11-13 years old when I lived there so I probably would have disapproved of most locations at that age. That being said, I was a pretty savvy kid, I knew it sucked. I managed to make friends and have a decent time there but I call it the "pop culture black hole" of my youth. These were the days before satellite tv and radio so it was very isolated. We would go to Palm Springs for shopping but otherwise there was not much going on out there except a nearby Marine base which, of course, is not good news for a 13 year old girl.

I have been meaning to drive back to Yucca Valley for 30 years just to check the place out. Yesterday, I finally made the drive. I had a vague idea of how to get there and some am/pm Diet Coke on ice so I was good to go. I drove along the 10 past the Morongo Casino and past the big dinosaur on the side of the road. Shandon, Howard and I made the trip out there a couple of years ago so I already knew it had changed a lot. When I lived nearby, that dinosaur and the big "eat" sign on the neighboring restaurant were the only structures out there. Now there is an entire community built around the casino and outlet mall.

I kept cruising down the 10 and eventually made the turn onto the 62. The 62 is actually kinda nice this time of year. Some flowers have bloomed and its wide flat expanse is impressive. A couple of miles in I came to the rock canyon that I often dream of. When we first drove out together as a family, and through that canyon, I remember Mom asking "Where IS this place?" From the back seat I famously groaned "God only knows!" Mom never forgot that moment and still laughs about it to this day. (It seems I was always like this.)

Next is a smaller version of The Grapevine to those familiar with Southern Californian highways. I traveled up the slow incline and knew my old childhood home was on the first street on the left once I crested the hill. I drove around in dull surprise as I took in the sad shape of my old neighborhood. It used to be known as The Country Club neighborhood because of it's proximity to the Yucca Valley Country Club and golf course, which now seems to have gone to seed.

I drove by the Paulsen's old house. It used to be a real desert beauty with a great pool out back. I remember the Paulsen's adopted a toy poodle when we were neighbors. The puppy was so small that one day it had cardiac arrest after sticking it's wee tongue in the tiny crevice between an extension cord and a plug... we're talking about a very small tongue. Mr. Paulsen drove like a madman to the vet with the unconscious pup in his lap as he administer CPR with his thumb pumping it's little chest. The dog survived and, as far as I know, lived a decent life.

I rounded the corner to our old house. It was a cool house when we lived there. I had a bedroom with large floor-to-ceiling corner windows. (I dream of that room sometimes too.) The house had a large open layout. Out back there were steps that lead down to a kidney shaped pool circled by tall pine trees. Those trees always sounded so nice when there was a desert breeze. We also had a small patch of grass which was rare for the area.

We got our first dog while living in that house. Dad would only agree to get a dog that didn't shed. We settled on a silky terrier that we acquired in Joshua Tree. He was so little when we brought him home that we thought a long name would be funny for him. We named him Sir Joshua Tree (our last name) but called him Joshua. His name was soon shortened to "The Wuh". He was a great little dog who took his breeding at a "ratter" very seriously. We never had critter problems when The Wuh was on the case. I miss The Wuh.

I'm sorry to report that our cool old house appears to have fallen on hard times. I didn't see any pine trees and the cactus and rock garden landscaping in the front has been replaced with a barren expanse. There was plywood covering some of the windows and the place may be abandoned.

I would never say I miss Yucca Valley but I did manage to cultivate some fond memories. Dad was the District Manager of the power company out there. When lightning storms hit, and created the inevitable power outage, it meant Dad had to go to work, day or night. That was a bummer but I do remember once when a storm knocked out the power, Mom, my bro and I fell to sleep on living room floor. We lit candles and starred out the big sliding glass doors as the storm came and lightning struck time and time again. Being at the top of the hill to the valley we had a great view.

I drove down the main drag of town past my favorite street name "Old Woman Springs Road". I don't know what the story is behind that name but I'd like to hear it some day. (I Googled it and found this info.)

Yucca Valley was never a booming community but it was a decent place to live back in the 70's. Best of all were the characters around town. We met some good ones. Mom is like me, she likes to hear people's stories and desert towns have some of the best. On the other hand, these characters can sometimes be shady. In fact, if I ever found myself in in trouble and in need of dumping a body, the outskirts of Yucca Valley might be a good place to start. Sadly, my first kiss was at a wired little place on the outskirts of Yucca Valley called Pioneertown. We were at a bluegrass festival out there and some drunken Hell's Angels type stumbled towards me and tongue kissed me. I was 13. I've dislike the taste of alcohol ever since. *shudder*

I was telling Norman about it today. Maybe a road trip out to Pioneertown is on order to wash the stink off that gross memory. Of course, we may never be heard from or seen again... it's that kind of off the beaten path kinda place, but it might be worth a try.

After seeing the old house, I needed to stretch my legs and get a bit to eat so I pulled into an Applebee's for an early dinner. It seemed the safest choice. I left the waiter a 50% tip because he's a waiter at the Yucca Valley Applebee's and I know that's gotta suck. Who knows, maybe he's led a particularly tough life and his job at Applebee's is a high point in his life. I don't know, I don't mean to judge. I'm just saying, after living in the town in the good old days, I don't envy him. Again, I don't mean to be too hard on the place but the recession doesn't seem to have done the place any favors. It's got to be tough living out there.

We moved back to "civilization" in the late 70's which was a tough transition for me. I eventually made friends and have even kept a few of them, Shandon and Kathleen being among them.

I've been missing Dad a lot lately which is why I've been so blue but I'm glad I made this little trip down memory lane. It impressed upon me the importance of not going back. It's fine to reminisce but you can never go back. I think 9 times out of 10 that's a good thing.

Spring

2011-03-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Spring has arrived, although you wouldn't know it by the stormy weather we've been having lately.

I spent part of the rainy weekend watching this and listening to this. As a result, I tuned to a classical music station on my commute Monday morning. I heard a familiar piece on the radio on what was the first full day of Spring. It made me think of Dad and I cried the whole way to work.

I have a crystal clear memory of my Dad sitting in the living room and playing his well worn record of Appalachian Spring for me when I was about 7 years old. He taught me how to listen to music with that piece of music. I remember listening intently to the entire piece with him as he occasionally asked "What does it sound like?" or "What do you hear?". I heard deer, birds and bunnies scampering across a meadow. I heard thunder. Perhaps most remarkably, I heard flowers standing up out of snow. "How does he [Copland] do that?" I wondered. It was and remains incredible to me. I can't hear that music without thinking of Dad. It was the first time I'd heard it since Dad died. It made me smile but also made me miss him like crazy. He loved Spring so much. As for classical music, I never knew him to sit at his desk without classical music quietly playing.

A few times a week I think to myself, God, did that really happen? Is Daddy really gone? It still feels so surreal to me. 'How can this be?" was the most frequent thought I had immediately following his death. The thought still sneaks up on me. I suppose it always will.

I don't mean to be downer, I just heard a lovely piece of music that reminded me of how wonderful my Dad was and I wanted to share.

Word.

2011-02-14T22:13:00.000-08:00

Beloved Gay Husband: So, is this the year we meet our men?
Me: Yes, because this is bullshit!

Here's to a much improved year. Happy Valentine's Day!

Thanks to Shandon and family for making mine bright.

Just call me AwesomeSauce

2010-12-30T22:03:00.000-08:00

I probably mentioned this before but, about a year ago when I was suffering from some serious work related stress, I saw my doctor to discuss how to best manage it all. In a nutshell, my doc told me to start walking and chill out. He told me no job was worth risking my health over. My blood pressure was rising but he said he preferred to treat the stress not the way my body was reacting to it. He prescribed Prozac for a long term solution and A tivan for a quick acting stress reliever. I declined the Prozac, because I'm a big chicken, but I took the Ativan. I may be stressed but I'm not stupid.

Well, I've had that original bottle of nerve pills all this time (that's what we call Ativan around these parts... "Nerve Pills"). With the exception of the first week or so following Dad's death I pretty much ignored the nerve pills except when I really needed sleep. Every once in a while, when I can't get my mind to shut up, I find a nerve pill before bedtime can be very helpful.

As for work lately, I've been on pins and needles awaiting word on where my next assignment will be. Over Thanksgiving vacation I received a call from the big boss telling me there would be changes and that I would hear all about them in January. I was fine with this at the time but it eventually started to grate on my nerves. Finally, last Tuesday morning, I marched into my SVP's office and said "Everyone around here seems to know where they're going but me. Can you tell me what's going on?" He was great and asked me to sit down as he explained all the shifts to our team. They all made perfect sense to me and he finally told me where I would be going. I was thrilled to hear that I would be going to a team that works on things I'm interested in and with a group of really great people. Frankly, it felt like the clouds parted as he told me the news. I was SO relieved.

In other news, I've been losing weight and even got into a pair of jeans I haven't been able to get into for over a year. Most importantly, I'm hoping this means I can soon get off the blood pressure meds I've been on for the past 3 months. Actually, I take two meds for the problem: One to treat the blood pressure, the other to treat the water retention often associated with high blood pressure.

Which, finally, brings me to the interesting part of my story: Guess who mixed up her meds and just discovered she's been taking a daily, pre-work nerve pill instead of a diuretic every morning? Yup, me! For how long you ask? Oh, about 9 days or so. No wonder it was so easy to march into the big boss's office demanding news. I am such a spaz and, apparently, a junkie.

I've been so tired and mellow all week, now I know why. I suppose I should be grateful that I didn't try to make-out with Jeffrey, the 60-something guard who scans my badge every morning. Jesus Christ!!!

Sing-a-long!!!

2010-12-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

Remember tv theme songs? I've decided that I really miss them and I wish they'd make a comeback. Here are a few of my childhood favorites:

I don't recall all of the chatting in this intro but I sure do remember Bill Bixby's voice. I still like the sound of it.

I remember this show making Mom and Dad slightly uncomfortable. I assume it was the occasional adult subject matter but I was in love with the theme song. It's super goofy but it's also super fun. This one seems to be the beginning of Happy Days.

I'm sorry but no self respecting kid of the 70s EVER missed The Love Boat. I liked the theme but put it up here because, for the life of me, I can't imagine what could have persuaded Halston, Bob Mackie and Gloria Vanderbilt to appear on this show. It couldn't have been the money, right? I mean those three were a few of the wealthiest folks from the 70's. WTH?

Ok, here is one of my all time faves from the 70's. How good does this sound?! I loved this show but I don't think I knew it came from a great old movie until the 90's. I'm sure Mom told me but where would I have had the chance to see it? Were talking pre-DVDs and TCM, people. Yes, those were tough, tough times.

This seems to be some sort of extended edition of the theme but it's the best I could find. Another fantastic theme.

"...and a new day has bee-gu-uh-uhn..." I dig it!!

Yay!! Mr. French rocks!!!

Ok, now that I'm older and wiser I get it. A truck driver who hangs with a chimp is entirely unacceptable no matter how great he looks. (... the trucker not the chimp.) Awesome theme song though.

I remember Geraldine more than I remember The Flip Wilson Show theme. I vividly recall my parent's howling with laughter during this show. I was too young to understand it but Geraldine made me laugh too. Flip rocked and always will.

Who knew Wait Til Your Father Gets Home aired on BBC1? Bizarre.

This is here more out of curiosity than theme nostalgia. I ask you, how in hell does a mash-up like this ever come to pass? This one seems to be the result of some loser's obsession with Lynda Carter but... Penny Marshall in a swim relay? WTH?!

And just when you thought things couldn't get any more bizarre...

Getting old

2010-12-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

I'm getting old. How do I know this? Because, after decades, I finally like Company. No, not visitors. I mean Company... you know, the Sondheim show. I really like it now. It used to bug the hell out of me. You know, all of those "Bobby"s, but now I genuinely like it. It's a grown up show. I guess you have to have a have a few rings in your trunk to get it. I'm apparently there.

I wanted to see it in NYC but never had the chance. I really wanted to see Raul Esparza sing his ever loving guts out in it but missed it. Tonight I watched a Great Performances recording of it and was mesmerized. His Being Alive brought me to my knees. You have to go on the whole journey of the show for the finale to have it's full impact but here ya go:

Wonderful, isn't it?

A couple of weeks ago I saw another show I'd been wanting to see for ages. I finally saw Next to Normal and it tore my guts out. I'm serious. Tony and I cried through most of the second act but we loved it. I hesitate to even post this stuff out of context because in context it's one of the best shows I've seen in LA.

If you want to know what's going on here I'll tell you but I wish you'd go see the show instead.
Oh, and I thought the father and son performers I saw were better than those in featured here and on the original cast recording. That's Alice Ripley and she won the Tony for this role. Come to think of it, Raul won for the one above.

And speaking of Tony, here is my dear friend Tony singing I'm Alive from Next to Normal.

Isn't he good?! He had just learned the lyrics when he recorded this. He apologized for a couple of flat notes but, Christ, I can't sing like that. Can you? Go Tony, go!!!!

Tomorrow...

2010-12-09T17:04:00.001-08:00

Haven't felt much like blogging. I've learned that this is NOT a good sign. Long story short...

Here's what I've been up to lately:

I rejoined Weight Watchers (again). So far, so good. I've lost weight and I'm physically feeling well.
The holidays are making me sad. The first Christmas without Dad sucks. Emotionally, I'm feeling unwell.
I did, however, have a decent Thanksgiving.
Work has been good, work has been bad. They are changing my job, again, and all I can do is wait and see what they have in mind for me. I am so NOT in the mood for a big change. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.
I bought a Wii. It arrives on Monday. I enjoy being a grown up who can make dumb choices.
I have started my Christmas shopping but have a long way to go since I've only bought stuff for myself.
I started reading the Harvard Business Review. I find comfort in knowing my work place is not the only one with big-fat-issues.
I was the first to put the outdoor Christmas lights up this year. The neighbors are slowly catching up.
I enjoyed the Martin Scorsese documentary on Fran Lebowitz (especially the part featuring Shandon's husband). I heart her and pretty much agree with everything she has to say.
Today was a particularly tough day but a dear friend texted me to say "Don't you HATE Perry's wife?" and it made me laugh and feel human again.
I'm looking forward to seeing The King's Speech.
I visited The Gamble House and fell in love with the place all over again.
I'm an recovering from an Angry Birds addiction
I am looking forward to watching 2010 circle the drain

I knew Tea Baggers sucked

2010-10-30T15:34:00.000-07:00

I hate coffee.

(AHHHH! You thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?)

I'm a tea girl in a world of coffee lovers. Don't get me wrong, it's not a problem, it's just a fact of life. I also don't like alcohol... ok, I maybe indulge about once a year. I like Diet Coke but I know it's terrible for me. In the end, I like water, lemonade and tea and that's about it.

For my birthday a colleague gave me a tin of tea. This was no ordinary tin of tea. This was a beautiful fabric covered tin with balls of tea that bloom in my tea pot. I made some the other night after work and it rocked my world. I've come to realize that I've never really had quality tea before. It was so softly fragrant that it didn't even need any kind of sweetner. It's just delicious on it's own. To top it all off, the bloom was gorgeous! I was so impressed with it that I went to the tea shop she bought the tea at. It's called Teavana and I highly recommend a visit. The staff is incredibly nice and helpful not to mention very enthusiastic about tea. There are dozens of varieties of loose teas to choose from. I happen to be very sensitive to caffeine so I stayed with the white and herbal teas. I bought a glass tea pot... the better to see my blossoming tea with. I also picked up the following:

Lemon Youkou
Wild Orange Blossom
Tranquil Dream

Then, for the health benefits, I picked up the Silver Yin Zhen Pearls White Tea. I've tried white tea in the past and have seriously disliked it. This white tea was spendy but, when added to herbals, has a mild flavor but adds loads of antioxidants which folks insist are really good for us. Sold!

The tea my friend got for me is called Strawberry Misaki Blooming Tea. Man is it good. I asked about the Monkey Picked Oolong variety (well, wouldn't you?). I asked if it was, God forbid, literal. They explained that it is not picked by monkeys but in the past monks did sometimes train monkeys to pick tea leaves for them. I'm not a fan of oolong so the idea of a monkey picking it just doesn't work for me, even if it is in name only.

I'm sipping a mix of the orange and Silver Yin Zhen teas and I love it. I feel as though I've never had tea in my life. I'm afraid I'm pretty mad at Lipton right about now. All of those years of bitter harsh teas. DAMN YOU LIPTON! I had no idea what I was missing out on. I don't like bold flavors. I don't like my food over dressed (think salads). I like enjoy flavor but I don't like to be hammered over the head with it. Coffee is too bold, water is, obviously, too boring but this tea is just right. I'm so happy to stopped by the "tea shop". I'll definitely be back for more.

Who knew?!

2010-10-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

Turns out my Dad was a much bigger deal than I'd ever realized. I knew he was a good bird watcher and smart and a consultant and all but... I had no idea. It seems he was a major league birder. I just knew him as Daddy. He never boasted about all he was doing. He just did what he did because he loved it and it mattered to him. It took him away from home a lot but when you're raised with it, and your Mom doesn't mind Dad traveling for his "hobby", it doesn't seem unusual.

Turns out Dad kept some impressive company too. I was packing up some of his books and realized that half of them are written by Dad's friends. I can't part with them because they are all signed with wonderful inscriptions. I knew Dad was loved and admired but, again, I had no idea how much. The friends I affectionately call the Nerdy-Birders are all incredibly well respected and accomplished doctors, biologists and authors. Who knew? I just thought they really liked road trips and chasing birds around the state.

At first I was a little upset by my level cluelessness. How could I not even know my own Dad? I quickly realized that I only knew him as a good Dad because that's all he ever wanted me to know him as. I wouldn't even know now how influential he was except that while going through his things I'm finding thank you notes and publications that say some extraordinary things about him. There are incredible artists, authors and biologists out there because they met Dad at an impressionable age, liked what Dad had to say and do about birds and the environment, and their life paths took a turn for better. It's such a nice discovery. I've told friends that it's sort of like being one of those kids who hung out in her Dad's jazz bar and never knew her Dad and Uncles Dizzy, Louis and Miles were a big deal.

Today, it happened again. One of Dad's oldest and dearest friends, Bill, came down from San Francisco with his wife to visit Mom. We all went out to dinner and I started asking Bill about his yoyo hobby. I knew Bill had traveled some as a sort of ambassador for the sport of yoyoing but that was about all. Well, Dad once mentioned that Bill was a Yoyo World Champion but I just knew him as a super nice guy from my childhood. I didn't really recall the champion title but it all came back as Bill started talking about the traveling he'd done. Even then, Bill was just like Dad, he wasn't boastful, he just spoke about how great these kids are today and how much he enjoys judging them in competition. After dinner he did a yoyo demo for us. My brother's kids were in awe. Bill was amazing! It was dark out and hard for him to see what he was doing but people still stopped to watch him. The only story I remember hearing about Bill and his yoyoing was that he used to practice outside during his lunch break at work in San Francisco. People regularly stopped to watch Bill practice and would drop money in front of him thinking he was a street artist.

When I got home from dinner I Googled Bill. I learned that he is a Grand Master who is called a "living legend" and "The Yoda of yoyo". Who knew?! I sure didn't. I guess the moral of the story is to pay more attention to all of these people in my life who are really good at their "hobbies".

Rampage

2010-10-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

As previously mentioned, it's like Land of the Lost in the backyard these days. I've been trying to plant a little kitchen garden but the critters have been treating it like a buffet so I gave up. A few weeks ago new holes began appearing in the garden so I called in the big guns. I called my friend KAW's dad who is a professional in the field of pest control. I wasn't sure what type of animal was digging the holes. KAW's dad confirmed that they were from the non-native ground squirrels around these parts. I say non-native because there is an important distinction between them and the native squirrel population. The non-natives have driven the native population out of the yard. They wreak havoc wherever they go and propagate quickly. When they tire of the yard and it gets cold they will often move into attics. Our little bastards were beginning to dig holes in our hill and that could quickly become problematic. KAW's dad left some bait boxes to help. They ensure pets, kids and birds don't get hold of what's inside. Let's just say that the plague carrying bastards will be leaving our yard with one helluva tummy ache and wont be returning.

This is what we found after the first night with the bait boxes out:

Some animal went on a rampage out there! I figure it was too large to get in the box considering the fit he threw! Here is a view of the box at ground level. You can see why a curious plague carrier would want to scamper in there to find what smells so good. It's just big enough for our squirrels and any rat that might wander by (I just KNOW they're out there too) and that's fine with me.

Speaking of rampages. Check out what Mom did to the rosemary bush. She thought it had gotten too big and went crazy on it. You can see what's left of it in the upper left side of the photo. There is still plenty for cooking. If anyone wants some rosemary, come on by!

That sad looking patch of the yard behind the trash can is our next garden project. We are going to plant some flowers out there since vegetables are currently out of the question.

In the mean time, mushrooms have started popping up all over the lawn. I took a couple of pictures before picking them up.

Because all kinds of critters are active around here at night, I set up Dad's Critter Cam. I'll post whatever it takes pictures of. Of course, I don't have the USB cord it needs but I'll get one soon.

This could get interesting. I'm just sorry it doesn't shoot poison arrows.

Before & After

2010-10-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

I've got a couple of before and after projects to share today. The first was a quick one, the second a bigger deal but so worth it.

Remember this from about a month ago?

I still don't know why Dad left the retro pink scalloped concrete border when everything else around here is either stone or brick. There is absolutely no way he liked it. I guess he just never got around to replacing it. Today I pulled it out and replaced it with stones he had lying around. What do you think?

Then there is the long overdue pool bathroom re-do. (It actually happened a while ago but I don't think I ever posted pix).

Back when Dad did all of the stone walls he used acid to scrub and clean the the mortar from the stones. The only problem was what to do with leftover acid? Well, Dad left a gallon of it in our bathroom out by the pool and forgot about it. All was fine until we realized that every metal surface in the bathroom was rapidly corroding. It was bad. Then my niece and nephew came along and wanted to swim all summer. That was fine but tracking pool water in the house was a drag. We certainly couldn't send them in to the acid bath(room). Finally, Mom and Dad decided to fix it up. Here a few before and after shots:

There was a mirror hanging over the sink but the wire it hung from disintegrated and it fell to pieces on the ground. Check it out now:

So, how does such a remarkable improvement happen? Well, in Mom and Dad's case, they went down to Home Depot, picked up the cheapest tile, paint, fixtures and toilet they could find then found a handyman to do all the work. Now we have a bathroom the kids can use without risking life and limb. Yay!

OWL

2010-10-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Mom and I visited some wonderful old friends in Coronado this past weekend. We toured Coronado, and even the Naval Base, and really enjoyed our little getaway. While getting ready to grab one last meal with our friends before heading home, I got a call from a dear old college friend of mine.

I met my friend Jan while getting my BA in Journalism. Jan remains one the most gifted Editors I've ever known. Jan worked at a successful upstart dot.com, cashed in her stock options and went to Spain to teach English as a second language. We have kept in touch over the years but don't get to see or even speak to each other much. Jan's mother, Emily, died a year ago next week. I always knew Emily as a wonderful woman who was so full of life. She taught yoga for a time and had a great outlook on life. She had been ill for a long time and finally succumbed to a cruel, painful, degenerative disease.

I was so thrilled to finally hear Jan's voice this morning. I've thought of her so much this last year. Then, when Daddy died, I wrote on email explaining what had happened. This morning we were finally able to speak for a while and the ease of our conversation reminded me why we are still such easy friends after all these years. Jan opened up and told me a bit about the last days of Emily's life. Near the end, Emily was in a lot of pain and was delirious. She was thrashing about and repeating "Done with life. Done with life." This was so very difficult for Jan and her sister as they sat trying to comfort Emily. Emily continued to repeat "Done with life, Done with life." Suddenly, Emily shifted and started repeating "On with life. On with life. Jan, where ever you are, on with life." Man, that got to me. I have often thought how Dad would say those very words to me if given the chance. I know with absolute certainty he would expect me to go on and have a wonderful life without him. I really loved Emily and hearing about her pain hurt me and hearing those words really got to me. Jan went on to tell me that those words have really changed things for her. Whenever she wants to just sleep in or stay at home she thinks of Emily's words and gets out. She says it's really given her a new perspective on life and helped her move forward.

Soon after Dad's death a friend told me to "be aware and look for signs" of Dad. He believes that our loved ones leave signs of comfort for us after they are gone but we have to look for them. I don't know if I believe that but I sure do love the idea.

I've been thinking of Emily's words and think I should probably take them to heart too. Then, out of the blue, I realized the acronym for "On With Life" is OWL. Then I freaked out. Anyone who knew Dad knows that he literally died protecting owls. Owls were a particular favorite of his. Our home is filled with pictures, sculptures and figures of owls. People worry that I now hate owls. I don't hate owls. I have told many friends "I can't hate what Daddy loved." The owls all over the house now stare at me, wide eyed, and remind me to continue "On with life, Lucy. On with life."

I'll never look at an owl the same way again.

The work is too hard... but not this time.

2010-09-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'm still getting up early to do some pruning and weeding. Then, last weekend, I took the extra step into the world of planting. (Don't ask me what the problem is with the font sizes. I can't get them to cooperate. I'm not trying to emphasize anything.)

Last Friday night, while closing up the house for the night, I looked out and saw that Daddy's yellow squash had died. More accurately, it had never really thrived without his nurturing these past 2 months. The few squash that managed to grow were promptly eaten by some small critter or other. The site of the dying, dried out vines just about knocked me over. I sat and cried for about 5 minutes then decided to do something about it. I planned to put the squash out of it's misery and plant something new in it's place. The next morning I got up around 6:30, gathered my weed bucket, shears and shovel and went at those pathetic squash vines. It only took a few minutes to clear them out and make room for something new. Mom soon followed me out into the yard and ripped a few things up for herself. Sunday morning we made our way to a nursery and got a bunch new petunias, stock and snapdragons to plant. I began ripping out older, struggling plants to make room for the new flowers. I worked in the yard for about 5 hours... long past dark. Some of those roots were really tough to dig up but the end result was worth it. I don't want to rip out everything Dad planted but I'd like to tidy it up a bit. Dad loved working in the yard but ours is a big one. Between the birding and grandkid baseball games the yard often took a back seat. Dad had started to plant things that were native and drought friendly but also things that required little fuss and would volunteer year after year.

Now that I'm wandering around the yard I'm finding all kinds of gifts (and gags) from Daddy.

Here are a few:

First are the gags. There is no greater gag than the famed "God Damned Hummingbirds". Dad had managed to build a hummingbird station so major that it's a migration stop for thousands of hummingbirds each year. I'm serious! The damn thing has been studied and marveled at for years. Dad's friends were all very concerned that Mom and I might abandon the GD hummingbirds but we promised we wouldn't do that. As much as we resent them we can't stop feeding them because to do so would be downright irresponsible. Last week we kept track and discovered that we go through 25 pounds of sugar every 6 days around this time of year. That's means filling 8 feeders 3-4 times per day. We can't even go shopping without coming home to complete panic at the newly emptied feeders. It's sort of a nightmare but it can also be a fun party trick for those who have never seen the dusk and dawn feeding frenzy. Even I find myself staring at them every day. They are dreadfully aggressive little buggers but I do like to watch them. I wish you could hear the buzz they make. It's like a landing field around here all day.

On to gag #2. Check out this lovely scene on the side of the house. The theme from Sanford & Son blasts through my mind every time I lay eyes on this spectacle. It's ugly as sin but it's also a bit of a gift. I found all kinds of useful gardening things in this heap. I used a bunch that soil softener on the flowers I planted. That chicken wire will probably be used in some sort of contraption I'll need to fashion to keep the critters aways from our kitchen garden.

Look what those beasts did to my fresh lettuce. (Little bastards!) There were full leaves of lettuce on those last night. I'm planning a trip to OSH or Lowes tomorrow to figure out how to keep them away from our salad fixins. Don't even get me started on what they've been doing to the tomatoes. (Assholes!)

Here are some of the flowers I planted along side some of Dad's. I love them. My only question is what's with that weird pink scalloped concrete edging? Everything around the yard is edged wth bricks or stones. I'm certain he had always meant to replace it with bricks or stones but never got around to it. I think I'll do it for him cause that stuff just doesn't go with the rest of the yard. (Please note the brick facers under the clay pots on the step. I've found these ALL OVER the yard. At first I thought he was using them to keep everything in the yard level. I then realized he was lifting all of the pots slightly for the purpose of proper draining. Well done, Pops!)

This is another favorite. Wandering around the yard I'm realizing that Dad had hippie tendencies in terms of pruning his garden. With the exception of roses, Dad liked to let everything grow any which way it pleased. He was especially tolerant of the meanderings of his beloved oak trees. They are like spoiled children in our yard. This branch clearly needs to be pruned but Dad chose to just prop it up instead. He was such an oak tree enabler! It now makes me laugh. Also, please note the pesky squirrel drinking from that bird bath that needs to be cleaned out. I believe that bird bath came with the house. It's sort of funky but I like it.

This I consider a true gift. Daddy taught me to always marvel at nature. I never learned to be afraid of bugs, spiders, reptiles and other wee things in the yard. Because of Dad I've been watching this spider dine daily on bees. I find him fascinating. I would think that eating a bee backside first would hurt but I suppose he just melts that stinger before going for it. I know it's hard to see so you might just have to trust me on this one. Then again, maybe a double click will help.

This one was a bit of mystery at first. It's clearly a work in progress for Dad. Mom later informed me that he intended to plant the peach tree here. He was looking into having someone do a brick or stone planter around it but it was going to cost a fortune. Since he'd done so much masonry before, I'm willing to bet he was just going to do it himself.
Here is the potted peach tree. I'm going to see if I can get my brother to help me plant it in that spot sans planned planter. God knows I'M not going to do that kind of stone work myself.

This is possibly my favorite variety of rose in the yard. It's lovely. Looking at the picture now I can see that I need to clip off that dead rose bud.

When Dad wandered around the yard we used to call it "puttering" as in "Dad's out puttering in the garden". Now that I find myself puttering in the garden I'm learning all kinds of things. For instance, I'm now slightly obsessed with clipping dead buds off rose bushes. What I didn't know, until about 2 days ago, was that if you clip a rose bud and come back a few days later you are likely to find this in the shorn stems place: It's a miracle! I had no idea roses could recover so quickly. Of course, this discovery only feeds my pruning obsession. I love it! I get a sense of almost-instant gratification. I also love this variety of rose. Isn't it pretty? I found four pots filled with growing camellias. Camellias are Mom's favorite flowering plant so I know Dad brought them home for her. We now need to decide where to plant them. The trouble is that we have so may oak trees around the yard and, although beautiful, oaks tend to be very greedy. Oak tree roots are aggressive and make it difficult to plant anything near them. I'm thinking the side yard might be a nice spot for these happy guys. Here is the hibiscus that I've been trying the rescue since before Daddy died. It has suffered from a persistent white fly infestation for years. Since Dad preferred an organic garden he tried to use worm casting to keep the white flies away. It worked, at first, but not for long. I've googled all kinds of remedies. So far, weekly spraying with a hose seems to help discourage them. After the water dries I spritz the leaves down with a mixture of Joy liquid soap and garlic. The white flies hate it. It seems to be working. I have been ever vigilant since Dad died. I think I'm making progress and that Dad would be proud of the results. Oh, I like these too. I think they are crocus but I'm not positive. Not matter, I like them.

Check out all of the oranges that are coming in for the new year. I can't wait!!!

Then there is the gift of Daddy's amazing stone work. We have a big yard that is tiered. I don't even clearly recall what was here before Dad's walls but I believe the yard just had slopes of ivy all the way down to the lower yard. Dad built these all by himself. Well, he did have almost every one of his, and my brother's, friends lug rocks into the yard for him (usually on some lost bet as in "I'll play a round of basketball against you two. If you lose you have to bring up 10 big rocks each". He always won.). He used some sort of acid solution to clean the cement off the rocks. I remember finding frog skeletons in the acid bucket from when one would jump in during the night. That's got to be a rough way to go. Please note the wild native plants growing here. I'm going to leave some but plant some others that have some decent color. Oy! This is one of the last stone walls Daddy created. He was getting really good at this point. I love the "puzzle" wall best. (Dang, that would make a nice wallpaper on my laptop!)

This weekend I plan to do more obsessive pruning and weeding. I'm also cutting down the lima beans Dad planted (barf!). They too suffered without his care. I'm going to plant sugar snaps in their place (yum!). I've got some seedlings coming in. I will really need some kind of chicken wire walls and netting to protect them. That's the project for this weekend and that's Daddy's yard. It's a work in progress but overall I think he'd be pleased with what we've done around here to keep things happily growing.

"Decide what to be and go be it."

2010-08-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

I heart The Avett Brothers. I'm a fairly recent convert but it's official... I love, love, love them. Here is a mesmerizing video of their song Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise. (Apologies for the dumb banners at the bottom.)

I also really like I and Love and You:

White Tablecloths

2010-08-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

I took the day off today. I had originally planned on going to Burke Williams Spa with Mom but we decided to just go to lunch together instead. Mom said that she wanted to go to a place with white tablecloths and Monrovia seemed to be the most convenient option today. We have been to T Philips before and really enjoyed it but it's casual (no white tablecloths) and sometimes loud. Instead, we decided on Cafe Opera. I hadn't been there for years but it sounded good to me. We wound up getting the best salad I've ever had. I know, I know, what could be so great about a salad? Well let me tell you. We both ordered the salad off the specials menu. It was grilled shrimp on a bed of greens with fresh mango, watermelon, avocado and hearts of palm with an incredible citrus dressing. (Sorry Shandon, this probably doesn't sound tempting to you but it was great!). It was the perfect lunch for this very hot day. Mom and I had a really nice time.

After lunch we were going to walk over to the new library but it was just too hot. I'll check it out another time. I'm mostly interested because I hear the city built this library with a bond passed by locals because the state just couldn't get its act together. When the project came in under budget the city returned the remaining funds to its tax payers. I have never heard of that happening. If you ask me the City of Monrovia should be running the state.

I also hear that there is a farmer's ma rket next to the library every Sunday morning. The Friday night Farmer's Market is really more of an open air market or crafts and stuff. Last time I went Shandon, Howard and I finally found produce at the end of the street. The Sunday market is supposed to be produce only. Sign me up!

I love Old Town Monrovia. I'd love to live nearby because it's got a grocery store, two farmer's markets, a movie theater, the new library and multiple restaurants within it's handful of small town blocks. What more could a girl need? Well, maybe an independent bookstore but that's about all it's missing.

Who's up for a trip to Old Town with me?

Within these walls

2010-08-15T19:24:00.001-07:00

As mentioned a few posts ago, I'm working on living a more gentle life. I'm still not getting up early every day but I certainly do it more often than I used to. I get up early when I feel as though it isn't a chore to do so. Mostly I've gotten up to feed some birds then write in a journal. Today I got up and did some weeding. I'm sorry to say that I have never done that before. I'm sorry because it was incredibly therapeutic. It was a little before 7:00 am when I stepped foot outside. I spent a tranquil 20 minutes tidying up the rose beds. It looks much better now. I'll be tackling another flower bed tomorrow morning. I think this helps me feel closer to Dad. He was always an early riser and I'm beginning to understand why.

We've been receiving such wonderful cards from his friends and colleagues. One nice man, who met Dad a few months ago on a job site, wrote that Dad was able to quietly observe things in a way nobody else could. Dad somehow saw things in the middle of construction sites that nobody else would ever catch. I often saw him sit quietly observing the natural world around him. He seemed to draw his energy from the outdoors. I've never seen anyone else get still like Dad could. He could block out all of the chaos and noise and observe the peace around him. It was a skill that I'm hoping to achieve one of these days.

My natural skill is to block out the noise of the world while I'm reading. Although I was raised in a household of only 4 people it could often get very noisy. As a result, I learned to block out noise and focus on a book. As an adult I'm still able to block out noise, to a fault, when I'm focusing on something. Now my trouble is reading while stressed out. I find that my mind wanders when stress is present. If I can read for long stretches of time it's a sign that I'm feeling well. After and couple of months not reading so much I'm getting back to it but in small doses. Most recently I had been reading The Forgotten Garden. It suddenly seemed very appealing again so I picked up where I left and I'm really enjoying it.

After a very long day, let's just say that I helped out with a Mexican Booze Cruise Baby Shower (umm, yeah... more on that later), I was exhausted. I came home, took a shower and plopped down on the couch to watch the original film adaptation of The Secret Garden. It really is an oldie but a goodie. A dear friend gave me that book when I was about 8 years old. Ever since I first read it it's been my dream to live in a little cottage within the walls of a secret garden. *sigh* Maybe some day.

Seinfeld remains somehow soothing to me these days. I've also discovered some surprise airings of Barney Miller on WGN that make me very happy. My Tivo never seems to be able to locate these airings in advance but they seem to show up occasionally on Sunday evenings. I'd forgotten how much I like that show. They are genuinely funny and sweet and don't even get me started on that phenomenal theme song. They are also, mercifully, available on Hulu. I've Netflix'd the 30 year old episodes of Upstairs, Downstairs. I remember my parents and their best friends obsessing over that show when I was very young. It moves at a deceptively slow pace but there is scandal galore. I like watching it right before bed. I hear that PBS and The BBC have teamed up to produce an Upstairs, Downstairs sequel set to air in 2011. Yea! Mad Men remains the highlight of my television week. It's still so much fun.

I've been catching helpful hints on slowing down and living a more simple life on some good blogs. A new favorite is ZenHabits. SlowDownNow is also becoming a good resource.

If you have any suggestions for living a more tranquil life please let me know. I'd love your suggestions.

Let it loose, let it all come down

2010-08-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I sent an email to some of Mom's out of state family letting them know that she was ok. Around 11:00 I received a reply from one of her beloved cousins. He sent an incredibly kind reply telling me about what a wonderful visit they had with Mom and Dad the week before Dad died. It sounds as though he really understood Dad and came to love him in the few hours they had together. I don't even know what happened next, I just lost it. The tremendous loss of Daddy finally came crashing down on me. I thought of that Rolling Stones song Let it Loose (one of my all time faves) and I followed Mick's advice... I REALLY let it loose. The song isn't even about my kind of loss, I think it's really about being in love from afar or some dumb thing. Anyway, I listened to the end of that song "Let it loose, let it all come down. Let it loose let it all come down" and cried and cried and cried for about 45 minutes. I was wondering when that would happen. I knew it was coming, I was just hoping it wouldn't hit me while I was at work. I never cry for more than a few minutes at a time. I just never have it in me. It felt good. I finally dragged myself off to bed at midnight and slept soundly. That's the other thing, all I have to do is cry a single tear and I'm exhausted. This, of course, means I've been sleeping very soundly.

Then, like a freak, a whole playlist of songs ran through my head. Well, mostly titles of songs ran through my head. I came up with a pretty good list but it's not one I could listen to straight through... ever. Not anymore.

I thought of Brandi Carlile's Downpour and how those are words Dad would say to me if he could. Listen if you dare. It kills me but I do find comfort in the words of this gorgeous song.

I thought of Drops of Jupiter by Train. I heard the singer wrote the song after his mother died, I've loved it ever since because I adore the imagery. Buckets of Rain/Dylan, Fix You/Coldplay, Cry Baby/Joplin, Landslide/Fleetwood Mac and on and on flew through my head. 100 Years anyone? All kinds of hell broke loose. My brain turned into a God damned sad FM line up. It was a nightmare. Most of those songs have nothing to do with what I'm feeling but they swirled through my head anyway. Why did my head do that to me?

I was still a little shaky when I woke up this morning, and even considered not going to work, but I figured I have to learn to do this. I forced down the lump in my throat and went to work. I'm glad I did. It's my first full week back. I've been getting things done but a lot of time has gone to seeing people who stop by to check on me. It's so sweet of everyone but it's hard to get much done. I'm guessing it will be more normal next week.

Before Dad died I was looking into starting therapy. My blood pressure is suddenly an issue and three doctors have told me it's entirely work stress related. I work for a company that at least seems to grasp the pressure people are under. About every other month we get an email reminding us that we have 5 free visits to a counselor to deal with whatever issues we may be having. I finally called a couple of months ago. I didn't get a good vibe from the first person I called. The second therapist seemed very nice, very organized and followed up with me right when I needed her. I had my first meeting with her this afternoon. It was just a session to gather my history and to make sure we were both comfortable with each other. We were very comfortable with each and I'll be going back. I have no idea what we'll talk about since I feel as though I've already given her my life history. God knows I'm a talker so I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Until then, I'm still breathing. I'm still just facing this grief and letting it wash over me at every high tide. So far it feels right.

A more gentle life

2010-07-31T21:57:00.001-07:00

We're doing ok, not great, but ok. I don't know how but we are.

I went to work for a few hours on Thursday, grabbed my laptop and worked from home for the rest of the week. I was beginning to dread going back to work on Monday so thought I'd try easing back into work gently. I'm glad I did. I almost lost it while walking in the building but managed to hold on. The place literally vibrates with action and stress but I saw lots of friendly faces and began to feel better.

I had a doctor's appointment to check on my recently rising blood pressure. I was explaining what happened to Dad while having my blood pressure taken and it shot through the roof. They turned down the lights and had me lie on my side and go to my happy place for 5 minutes so we could try again. I took a while but I eventually thought of snorkeling.

It's a memory that does not involve Dad, so it wouldn't make me cry, but is absolutely a happy place in my mind. Of course I thought of floating and watching fish and the turtles I've seen. Then I remembered the shark that once came a little too close and I was back to freaking out a bit. After 5 minutes my blood pressure was considerably better. It was a great illustration of how bad stress is for us. I was amazed at how quickly my body began to freak out on me. I really do need to start walking more.

More than anything I'm learning that I really just want a more gentle life. The stress is ridiculous and my attitude has changed considerably in the past few weeks. While I'm easily brought to tears I find that I'm not as bothered by the little things anymore. Death immediately puts things into perspective.

This morning I woke up around 6:00 am and really enjoyed the quiet. Of course, I quickly ruined it by turning on the tv but it was for a Seinfeld episode so it was alright. Later, I scrambled some eggs while listening to The Swingin' Years and that made me happy. I then decided that I need to get up earlier and shun all electronic devices until 8:00 am each morning. (Well, all devices except maybe a radio or iPod.) I found a new blog that promotes a more zen lifestyle. I was particularly interested in the waking up early recommendation. I'm gonna give it a try.

Update

2010-07-25T13:27:00.001-07:00

Dad's memorial was amazing. My sister-in-law told me that it would be hard but that I would look back on the day as a nice one. She was right. We aren't sure how many people came but we're pretty sure it was over our 250 person estimate.

Mom is NOT a fan of entertaining because it stresses her out but she did very well. At one point she got a little dizzy because she hadn't eaten anything. Luckily she was talking with an old friend when it hit her and the friend insisted she sit down and eat something. She did and recovered quickly.

I saw so many wonderful friends from my life but was disappointed that I didn't get to spend much time with all of them. It took me over an hour to get down to the lower yard because so many friends and family stopped to chat with me. That was nice.

I heard lots of funny/nice stories about Dad that I'd never heard before. I swear every one of my brother's friends had a story about Dad talking them into carrying large stones up and down the steps to help him build his stone walls in the backyard. They also talked about what an amazing basketball player he was when they were in high school and college and how they could never beat him... losing often meant carrying those damn rocks . Several birders stopped to tell me about how they began birding and eventually worked in fields of conservation because they happened to run into Dad when they were beginning birders and Dad showed them the bird they were chasing and their love of birding was born. Many men stopped to tell me that Dad had been a father figure to them and helped them through some very tough times. One man told me and Mom that our bathroom had special meaning to him. (?!) It seems that following his divorce he continued to wear his wedding ring. One day Dad said "enough", took him in my bathroom, soaped up his ring finger and made him take it off. The man said that that event was truly the beginning of him moving on after his split.

As for me, I'm doing alright. Mom and I refer to our crying jags at "meltdowns". I was doing ok but yesterday I lost it around 2:00 pm. That's about the time Dad would typically come home from a day of weekend birding. Not hearing the door open and him saying "Hey there!" was rough. I hung on until last night when I went into his office to turn on the backyard lights. The kids stayed over and wanted the lights on in case the bear walked by. (He didn't). Going into Dad's office was alright until I saw his slippers. Until last Christmas Dad never wore slippers. He had flat feet and most slippers just wound up hurting his feet. I did a little research this past Christmas and found some super cool slip on slippers with a lot of arch support. Dad loved them. Seeing those slippers in his office just set me off.

A surprising issue now seems to be exhaustion. I've been taking a "nerve pill" every night for the past week and a half and I think it's getting to me. I can barely keep my eyes open before noon. I finally gave in and took a nap this afternoon. It helped.

A silly source of comfort has been watching mindless tv. My current favorites are Seinfeld and The Andy Griffin Show. They couldn't be more opposite but they manage to gently take my mind off things. I've just ordered the complete Seinfeld series. My brother loves it too so I figure we can share it.

I'm planning on staying home the next week to be with Mom and to take care of some of the remaining tasks at hand. I may go into work for a bit on Thursday of Friday depending on how I'm feeling. I've got a follow up appt with my doctor to check on my stress and blood pressure. I can't imagine all of this is helping my blood pressure. That will be an interesting appt.

So that's where I am. Again, I'm still breathing. I can't explain why but loud non-stop noise is hard to manage right now so Mom and I are spending a lot of time together because so far we seem to be on the same trajectory on this journey. Mostly we just want to be lay low, be quiet, watch movies, talk a bit and get some rest.

My family and I have a wonderful set of understanding friends. They have been very comforting and have made us feel so loved. I will be forever grateful to them for that. Sadly, most of my dearest friends have been through this kind of loss. I have received very kind words of advice. Mostly, I've been told to just go with it and to not bother fighting my feelings. I believe that will be the best way to get through this. I know we will be ok eventually. I'll get to some more fun posts soon. Thanks for indulging me. I've found that writing or journaling helps me work through things. I suppose this public venue isn't appropriate but... whatever. It helps. Thanks for your patience.

Lessons in grief

2010-07-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm learning a lot from this awful experience. All of the rituals of loss and grief are beginning to make sense.

First, the phone calls start. That's natural. People want to know if you're ok and what they can do. Nowadays the texts, emails, voicemail messages and Facebook postings also come. For me, they have all been incredibly supportive and helpful.

Flowers come soon after the messages. I never really understood this tradition. I figured it was an attempt to cheer up a grieving person but now I know that it does more than that. It helps your home smell nice and feel inviting for the guests that come. I burst into tears when the first bouquet arrived. I still feel bad for that poor delivery guy. He proudly presented the flowers to me with a cheerful "I have flowers for you!". I choked out a "Thank you" and sobbed as I closed the door. He literally ran away.

Food comes almost almost as quickly as the flowers. I always believed this was for the grieving family so they didn't have to worry about cooking for a while. It certainly does that but it also helps you feed visitors. I'd soy most importantly the food is there to remind you to eat. I am an overweight person and have been for most of my life. I've done reasonable challenging things like get a degree and get in and out of bad relationships. I've gotten out of considerable debt and managed to save up a little nest egg. I've done some tough things but losing weight has been my personal Mt. Everest. I've been making plans to tackle it but this grief now makes me wonder what all the trouble with my weight is about. Now I literally forget to eat. Friends who have been through this have called to remind me to eat. Two days in a row I mentioned to my friend Stacey that I'd had a 1/4 of a BBQ chicken sandwich for lunch. She sighed and said "Lucy, it's not supposed to take you 4 days to eat a sandwich." To which I replied "But it's from The Claim Jumper." She wasn't impressed.

My core group of friends have been wonderful. I know their efforts have not been coordinated but the timing is such that you'd swear it had been planned. They have stopped by, called, texted and made themselves entirely available all without being intrusive. Too many of them have lived through losing a parent themselves, sometimes both, and they entirely understand. Most folks are wonderful but a few have been completely stupid and insensitive. When one person I work with asked how I was doing I mentioned that I was ok but not really eating. Her reply was "Oh good! Whatever it takes, right?" OMG. I've always thought this person had an unhealthy body image issue. Now I'm sure of it.

My Dad's wishes were ALWAYS to be cremated. I've known this about him for as long as I've known about death. Well, my alcoholic, Catholic aunt called to argue with my Mom about this choice. She called in a slurred voice to tell Mom that she wasn't comfortable with the cremation. Again, OMG. Luckily we don't give a crap about her opinion. This is an aunt from out-of-state who we see about once a decade. She's been drunk dialing Dad lately during Laker and Dodgers games. What a fool.

Then there are the surprising sources of comfort from people I haven't spoken to in a while. The younger brother of an ex boyfriend from college called. Their father died when I was dating his brother. That was about 20 years ago. I remember it well. I doubt I was very comforting at the time, I was very young, but I genuinely liked their Dad and felt that loss. Well, this younger brother called and had some of the kindest most gentle advise I've received. Another friend I've worked with for several years called. He too has lost a father. He offered some very nice opened minded sort of advise that I truly appreciated.

That's the funny thing about this whole tragedy. Some sources of comfort are counted on while others are entirely unexpected... stunningly so.

A friend from work dropped off a bag of things at my doorstep early one morning. In it I found my glasses, a book and a journal. I set the bag aside but finally looked at it all today. I lifted the journal and a card fell out. It was from an unassuming woman I've worked with for years. We are friendly but we don't go to lunches together or see each other outside of work. She is really more of an acquaintance. She had written such a nice note. I then noticed the journal wasn't empty. It had been filled with dozens of notes from friends at work. I read a few messages, began sobbing and had to set it aside. I'll return to it again later.

The outpouring of grief and sympathy has been astonishing. Some of my Dad's oldest friends were almost choked unconscious with stunned sadness as we broke the news. I've heard some of my all time favorite grown men stumble and wail with grief over the phone. It's been just plain awful but I know exactly how they feel and know it has to come out. I don't know if you've ever had to share this kind of news with friends and family but it is, hands down, one the worst things about this whole ordeal.

Mom has received several calls where she can hear someone on the other line but they just can't speak. I think they hear her voice, begin to cry and can't speak. Rather than upset Mom by choking out a "Hello" they just hang up and try again later.

I take a "nerve pill" every night at 10:00 pm, fall asleep between 11:00 pm and midnight then awaken around 6:00 am. My sleep has been uninterrupted, dark and dreamless. It sort of feels like a little death in itself. I hear the dreams will come and that I should welcome them as I would a nice visit with Dad. I'm glad I haven't had any dreams about Dad yet. I don't know if I could take them at this point.

When Daddy died he was with a dear friend who desperately tried to get help to him but they were in such a remote part of the San Gabriel mountains that help didn't arrive until about 5 hours later. As horrified as I am for what my dad went through I'm just as upset for his dear friend. I don't believe my Dad really knew what was happening to him following the fall. His friend, on the other hand, had to live through the ordeal and, I believe is a candidate for Post Traumatic Stress. He's a great guy who reminds me of the man my sweet nephew will be in about 20 years. I will be eternally grateful to him for being there with my Dad when we couldn't be. I hope he gets through this ok. I'm really worried about him.

Of course, I also worry about my brother and my Mom. My brother is moving on to the anger stage of grief and is managing it by keeping busy. Mom seems to be on the same cycle I'm on. I think we're still numb. I wouldn't call is denial, just numbness. I'm so grateful that I'm living at home. I have been obsessed with buying a home of my own and now I'm so incredibly relieved that I'm here with Mom during this time. I can't imagine anything worse than being in escrow or in a new house right now. Thank God, or fate, or circumstance that I'm here with her.

I've learned that grief turns your mind to mush. Words and names often escape me. I know why people need some time off to get through this. I would be worthless at work right now. On the other hand I've found some very calm clarity about some things. Like my crazy alcoholic aunt. My brother is very angry at her because he thinks she upset Mom. She didn't. Mom doesn't really care what that woman thinks so she wasn't upset, just mildly annoyed. I, on the other hand, feel very protective of Mom but I also understand that my aunt has a disease that makes her selfish and ridiculous. People and things that normally make me crazy just sort of roll off my back these days. I'm much more patient than normal. I understand that my brother's anger, while directed at my aunt, is really about this situation. He, by the way, has been amazing. My Dad would be so proud of the way he has swooped in to help Mom. He's been here every day to help with the planning for the memorial. I've decided that we make an impressive team and support system for each other.

I don't know what I did to get so lucky as to be part of this family but I am eternally grateful for them and to my Dad for being who he was to establish such an amazing family. Thanks Daddy.

Dad

2010-07-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

What can I say except that I am entirely heartbroken about the recent death of my father. He was a healthy, vibrant, 70 year old man who fell while hiking and died soon after sustaining fatal injuries. We are still in shock but feel such tremendous sadness it's almost unbearable.

My Dad was an active birder/naturalist in Southern California and active on most of the birding message boards. Yesterday I took the time to read some of the wonderful posts people had written about him on CalBirds. I decided to write one myself. I wanted to have a copy of it for myself so I decided to post it here now. Here is what I wrote:

***

I've been reading the posts on my father, Mike San Miguel, and am
overwhelmed by all of your kind words. I thank each and every one of
you for taking the time to post your memories of Dad. They mean so much
to us.

The birding bug never bit me but I joke that I "bird through osmosis".
Let's just say I had an unfortunate run in with a gang of quail that
scared me half to death, at the age of 3, and I never fully recovered.
Still, I was included (or should I say dragged along?) on many birding
expeditions. However, my fondest and most vivid birding memory is
seeing three California Condors flying in the wild back in the 70's.
Even at that young age I knew it was a big deal and I remember those
glorious condors gliding through the air as if it were yesterday. It
was a beautiful sight and it was the moment I understood why Dad spent
so much time chasing and banding birds. I was in awe.

Because of those excursions I can't tell you how many times I've
startled myself with my accidental birding knowledge. I recall once
hearing a Red Tailed Hawk misidentified on NPR and saying out loud, with
disgust "That's not a Bald Eagle. That's a Red-Tailed Hawk!" I later
told Dad about it explaining, "I couldn't help it, it just slipped
out." Dad loved it.

Dad didn't know much about movies, or celebrities or pop culture in
general and I think he had it right. The world would be a better place
if we all just did as Daddy did and gave our attention to the natural
world. Daddy taught me so many more things than I can list but more
than anything he taught me to stop and take time to notice the beauty of
nature. He marveled at the smallest things and would always take the
time to share them with me. I recall sitting with him at our back yard
table and watching as he gently weighed, measured and banded God knows
how many birds. I'll miss that.

While birding was Dad's most time consuming passion, for the past couple
of decades, it was really all things in nature that he adored. He knew
all about Southern Californian native plants, reptiles and, more
recently, butterflies. I remember walking by the living room one day
and noticed daddy sitting very quietly in his chair, with a crossword
puzzle in his lap, no sports on the tv, gazing out the window. I walked
by much later to find him still sitting in his chair mesmerized by
something. As you know Dad didn't sit still much so I finally asked
what he was doing. He silently pointed out the window. I looked out
and didn't see much. He said "Look up. The butterflies are migrating.
I've been watching them for hours. They're incredible." I sat down
beside him and watched for a long, long time as an amazing jet stream of
butterflies fluttered, almost single file, over the oak tree, down into
the back yard then up over the house. He was right it was amazing.
It's something I never would have noticed on my own. I will never
forget the look of tranquility on Dad's face that day.

We rarely disagreed but I do remember what was possibly our most epic
argument. I was wrapping up my degree at Cal State Long Beach when, one
morning, Dad asked me to take a bird to Dr. Collins at the university.
Turns out he wanted me to carry a frozen Cooper's Hawk in my back pack
down to Charlie. I refused. He simply could not understand why I
wouldn't do it. I'll bet some of you can't either, but I can tell you a
20-year-old young woman is NOT interested in being a mule for defrosting
bird of prey. Dad quickly forgave me and I spent the next 20 years
teasing him about it. Much later he admitted that is was pretty gross.

I now sit with his wedding ring on a chain around my neck. As far as I
know Mom put the ring on his finger in 1964 and it didn't come off until
a few terrible days ago. I will miss my sweet, wonderful Dad for the
rest of my life. I will never get over this loss. It sometimes sucks
the breath right out of me. The only good news is that because Dad was
such a wonderful family man, Mom, Michael and I are left with no
regrets. We all know how much we love each other. We also all agree
that Dad would have never survived losing one of us. He had many great
strengths but losing one of us would have just about killed him. Now
Daddy will never know what this kind of loss feels like and for that I
am grateful.

My Mom, Dad and now Michael's family are the great loves of my life. I
consider that to be a great testament to the remarkable family I have
been blessed with. I have a lifetime of memories to carry me through
this and there are more to come. That is where I try to stay focused.
That is what will carry me through.

In closing, I ask one favor of Dad's dear birding friends; next time you
chase a great bird, get it in your sights and get a good look, take a
moment to think of Dad. That way I'll know he's still out there birding
with you.

I'll love you forever and ever, Daddy. Happy birding.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (Update)

2010-07-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

Look what I found:

OMG! Fabulous!!!

Mom swears she has the complete set around here somewhere. Thank God or I might be crazy and buy it all up from some ebay seller in England. Isn't it fantastic?!

Another new obsession

2010-07-03T19:16:00.001-07:00

Before Mom was married she lived in Tripoli, Libya with her dad and worked as a teacher for the families on a US Air Force base. Mom did a lot of traveling and saw lot of the world back then. She has all kinds of memorabilia lying around but the biggest box holds the dishes she and her dad used while in Africa. She has been saving them for me for years.

Something online today made me think of those dishes. Because I'm seriously looking at buying a house I've been thinking about what I will need in my new place. I decided to bust open the box of dishes to remind myself what the looked like. I didn't find the everyday dishes but instead found a beautiful mid century tea service that I am IN LOVE with. Mom said they picked it up in Germany. It's apparently a Seltmann Weiden service. I haven't figured out the name of the pattern but the dish style is called Isolde. I didn't take pictures but I did find one pic online of the same pattern:

How awesome is that?! However, I don't seem to have that exact set. My box of goodies contains a teapot, a creamer, a sugar pot, a tureen w/lid and two plates. Finding more of this pattern is my new obsession. I'm absolutely crazy about it. This cute little creamer stands about 3 inches tall.

The color looks gray in these pix but my set is actually a lovely shade of light blue.

On top of the service were a bunch of vintage postcards from all over Europe. I also found a stack of black and white pictures that my grandfather took while in Tripoli. He snuck a picture of a man kneeling and bowing for prayers but my favorite is of one of the protests. Mom says that government officials would just show up at their door and demand payment on "taxes" in cash. All kinds of strange "official" business was conducted in this manner. As a result the people were constantly rioting. She said that they would spontaneous gather and run through the streets. The police would then begin shutting down streets and lead the mob into town circles or stadiums. The police would then spray everyone down with paint then spend the next couple of days arresting anyone with paint on them. It was as strange time for my mom and her dad who had both been born and raised in Texas. My grandfather (aka Papa) seemed particularly curious about the burkas the women wore. I found two postcards from him to my mom with a picture of the covered women stating "This is a good picture of how the women look over here in robes." Later he sent the same postcard with "I do not know if I sent you one of these cards or not. It is the only one I've found of the Arabic women. The streets are filled with them." Talk about culture shock. It must have all seemed so very strange to Papa.

Maybe the best find were two boarding passes I found for Papa. One was the airline ticket for mom and dad's wedding the other for by birth. The pass for the wedding (an awesome First Class Pan Am ticket) seems to have cost $1000 (!) and outlines many connections: Tripoli to London to Los Angeles. The return flight began with: Los Angeles to Chicago. Papa told mom that he wanted to see if it actually was The Windy City... I'm completely serious. Papa did stuff like that. He then seems to have flown back to Texas before returning to Africa. He flew from Chicago to Dallas to New York to Tripoli. I found a similar itinerary on the ticket for my birth but without the Chicago detour.

Another great postcard is of the Empire State Building and a very flat looking lower Manhattan. Papa writes "This was the most beautiful thing all lit up at night." I couldn't agree with him more. It's still is a beautiful sight. I know I'll be thinking of him next time I see it all lit up.

If I ever get a scanner I'll scan the postcards. They are too good to not share.

The only bad part of my find was that it made Mom cry. She saw Papa's writing and immediately burst into tears which, of course, set me off. Later she said that I "Shoved me down memory lane when I didn't want to go." then we started laughing. In retrospect, my timing was not the best. Mom's beloved cousin is ill and she is planning to fly out to see him next week. She is excited about seeing him but I know that she always questions her decision to leave her family when she got married. I know I couldn't do it but the 60's were a different time and the bride generally followed the groom. Even well traveled brides seem to have followed this path. I sometimes wonder how our lives would have been different had we all moved to Texas. I don't know Mom's side of the family all that well and I know she regrets that most of all. I do have incredibly strong feelings of love for her cousin and my Papa. I hate that memory lane can make Mom so sad but I do like reading Papa's letters and cards to mom because it makes me feel closer to him. Maybe I just need to be more stealth about it next time.

I knew Papa for such a short time. He died far too young when I was around 13 years old. It's really not fair at all but I'm grateful for the time I had with him. I look forward to using his lovely tea service in my new home one day soon. I will think of him with each and every use.

What's your style?

2010-07-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

While tripping through the interwebs this morning I came upon an Ethan Allen "What's Your Style?" quiz. I took it and I must say I agreed with most of it. According to the quiz I'm a "Loft" gal.

Here is the description:

"Energetic. Fashion-driven. Practical. Materials borrowed from industry, architecture, and nature. Clean shapes. Punches of color. Spontaneous and fresh. Kids and pets? Bring them on."

I don't know about the "energetic" or "fashion" part of it but the rest sounds good. I do like things neat and practical. I don't like cold, modern, pointy places unless it's a high end hotel room. I do love unexpected color and fresh is definitely the way to go in a home. As for the kids and pets, well they are inevitable and usually make me laugh so you might as well make way for them.

There were two style examples given under the Loft style. I like Marzipan.

Are you taking the quiz? If so, what's your style? Is it accurate? Do tell!

My latest obsession...

2010-06-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Here's the bummer, I've had a sinus infection and cramps for the first 2 days of my vacation. It's a bummer but I've got my trusty new laptop and loads of Kleenex and Aleve so it's gonna be fine.

While I recuperate I've been cruising around online and have discovered my new goal in life. I simply must figure out how to get myself one of these:

"What is that?" you ask. That, my friends, is what we call a sleeping porch. It's where folks used to sleep in the unbearably hot days of summer before air conditioning came along in the 40's. I now not only need to find a little house in the woods, as I've always known, but now it has to have a sleeping porch. Well, a sleeping porch with WiFi and some sort of cable access.

Then I saw this swing bed on a sleeping porch and I felt faint. I mean honestly, can you imagine anything more dreamy?

Oy, what a week!

2010-06-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

So, all of the stress from the past year has finally resulted in elevated blood pressure for me. Yay me. I've seen a few doctors and they all tell me to take a vacation, start walking and don't let my work or my boss get to me.

The good news is that it may finally get better. Last Tuesday evening I learned that effective this Monday I will be working with a new team through the summer. I've worked for both bosses on this new team and I've managed the accounts. At first I felt like a cheap whore being passed around but the Director of the new team told me that she had made a special request for me because they need help fast and they knew I could dive right in. That made me feel better.
The more I thought about it the more excited I was about this development. We have been in the middle of establishing our budgets/goals for 2011 so it's a stressful time BUT I stayed focused, got the job done and will begin the new job on Monday.

One EVP, from another company, that I will be working with again was happy. We're friends, and I heard he requested me too but he had the funniest comment for me. When I called to tell him I'd be back on his business he said "That's great! I don't know why I'm so happy though. You're such a bitch to me but I love working with you. I don't know how you do that.". LOL! I'll take that as a compliment... sort of. He's right. I'm no push over but I try to at least make the work fun. He told me that when I see "what's been going on over there you're going to kick my ass." then added "You're walking into a real shit storm." Great.

Did I mention that I'm on vacation this Monday and all week? Oops! Luckily nobody seemed to mind. Well, my direct supervisor seemed sort of bummed but what could we do? I need a damn break!

Then, back at the ranch, my sweet little MacBook started acting up.

I've been having trouble maintaining an Internet connection for a while but it's been getting progressively worse. Finally, this past week, it got to the point where I couldn't hold a connection for more than 7 minutes. I had almost no chance of getting a new connection once it had been dropped. I finally left MacBook with my favorite independent repair shop and soon got a call that I'd need a new logic board and a battery. It would cost over $600 to fix up the MacBook. To my mind that spelled New-Laptop... Pronto! I've had the MacBook for almost 5 years with little trouble until recently. It seemed high time to take the plunge.

I knew I'd get another Mac because I love them. I considered switching to a desktop computer because they are less expensive but decided sitting on the couch cruising the net sounded like more fun. I ended up getting a new MacBook Pro.

Here's the deal with Macs, when you slip them out of the box and plug them in the seduction is complete. I'm serious. I tapped the power button, sat back and sighed. The graphics start flying and the sound blows you out of your chair and you know that no other computer will do. And then Steve Jobs and team come up with something even more beautifully perfect and you do it all over again a few years later... and you look forward to it.

I spent more than I wanted to but I figured I use my computer every day of my life. I have to be half dead to skip a day on it so I may as well get the one I really want. Of course this means I'm grounded and can't spend any money until the end of the year but I don't mind. Being a shut-in with a Mac is fine with me.

BO-RING!

2010-06-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

Did you know that The World Cup trophy is not actually a cup? Turns out all of those guys are actually fighting for a small gold phallus. Well, to my eyes it really looks like a twisted claw holding up a ball. Either way, it's a disturbing trophy especially when you consider how many of planet's earth's population is currently obsessed with it.

Listen, I can enjoy a big sporting event as much as the next person. I get up early to watch the Men's Finals of Wimbledon. I'm up for a good World Series and I even take in a live Dodger game from time to time. It's all good stuff, but I will never understand the fanatical obsession the rest of the world has with soccer... (I'm sorry, football).

Nonetheless, I decided to give it try yesterday. The match was between England and the US. All I knew was that the US was apparently about to get's it's ass handed to it. I was doing laundry and gearing up for a sleepover with my niece and nephew. A soccer game on in the background seemed like an easy enough task to manage. I quickly discovered that the South African game hosts have unfortunately handed out cheap plastic horns to the spectators. The resulting buzzing sound is close to unbearable. The world turns it's eyes to your World Cup and all we can hear is the sound of African Killer Bees. Well done South Africa!

Any chance I may have had of enjoying the dullest sport on earth died a horrible death about 20 years while on a trip through Great Britain with KAW. I recall another World Cup or some such big deal soccer situation going on back then. More than anything I remember meeting a young couple in the B&B we were staying in at some coastal town. The couple had been camping along on beaches for about 2 weeks when the man finally decided to spring for a room for the night because his team was playing and he wanted non-stop access to a tv. Hey big spender! This was annoying enough but did I mention that his long suffering wife was very pregnant? Yeah, the jerk wouldn't spring for a decent bed to sleep in until his team was on tv. I suppose I should blame her for wanting to pro-create with such a dreadful moron but I'm sure the realization that you're married to a jerk doesn't help when you're seven months pregnant and camping on a frigid beach.

Whenever I think of soccer (I'm sorry, football), and that is seldom, I recall that poor pregnant woman and this bit from the Simpson's. I think it perfectly illustrates how Americans experience soccer:

The Onion is currently featuring this fun interactive map of a soccer field and players further explaining this mind numbingly boring sport.

The Daily Show showed this fun clip perfectly showing the smug attitude England has towards US soccer (I'm sorry... football). Of course it's all made even more hilarious knowing that England only managed to tie the US in it's first game. To which I say:

It may be just me but I really thought this clip from The Colbert Report on the lameness of soccer & BP was hilarious. (I recommend skipping to the 3:00 mark for the soccer portion.)

So far all this World Cup stuff has made for some very funny stuff online and on tv.

So, before you soccer fans get your panties in a twist over this subject matter please understand that while I think AYSO is a great organization for kids, soccer remains painfully boring and most Americans would rather poke their eyes out with chop sticks before having to sit through 3 hours of watching men jog/run over a big field.

Now, how do I explain our obsession with NASCAR, a "Sport" in which people turn left for 4 hours at at time? Well, I can't. We Americans are a complicated group. Now please just leave us out of the this soccer nonsense once and for all.

Well, that was wierd... again.

2010-06-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, I was nabbed for jury duty. I'm a strange one in that I don't really mind jury duty. What I mind is the location. I ALWAYS get called into the downtown LA Criminal Courts building. It's a hassle to get to and the people are CRA-ZY.

I had to be downtown at 7:45 am for the first morning. Nightmare! After an orientation period that took way too long, becuase people are way too stupid, the first jury panel was called. We were told the judge had a bit of required reading for the jurors called due to special curcumstances. It was also expected to be a 30 day trial. *gasp* Everyone held their breath while names were read. I've never been happier to work for an employer who does NOT have unlimited pay for jury duty. There were a bunch of cameras and members of the media out front and it eventually dawned on me that the 30 day trial was actually this high profile case. Phew! Unlike the victim I managed to dodge that bullet. (What? Too soon? Sorry!)

Instead, I sat through a few rounds of names and finally was called to a jury panel right before lunch. When we returned from lunch 18 people were called into the jury box for questioning. that took the rest of the day and most of the next. The attorneys thanked and excused half of them before I was called up. They didn't ask me much and I thought I was stuck for sure. I'm a reasonable person capable of being objective so I think I'm a pretty good pick for a juror. Then the defense attorney promptly excused me. He seemed to be excusing everyone with "Manager" in their title.

The few facts about the case that I was privy to were: The defendant, an older African American man, was accused of robbing a manager of some parking lots. The manager and his employees were of middle eastern descent.

But that those are the boring facts of the jury selection process. Here are the bizarre fun facts:

Out of about 25 people, 5-6 had DUIs on their records.

One man's brother-in-law had been convicted of drug trafficking. When asked if he felt his brother had been treated fairly he shrugged and said "Well, yeah. He WAS guilty." (LOL!)

A women explained that when she was a kid her sister was convicted of armed robbery and kidnapping. (WTF?!)

Some woman's ex-boyfriend had been convicted of embezzlement from his employer... a bank. (Well thought out, moron.)

A man was car-jacked by "two white college kids" who stopped in front of his car, jumped out, put hoods over their heads, pulled out a sawed off shotgun and took his car. (I repeat... WTF?!)

One moronic kid, who looked like a wee Neanderthal, claimed that his parents had once been robbed. It was dark and they couldn't see who did it but they assumed a black man had done it. He was "raised to believe that all robberies were caused by black people". (WTF?!)

A young woman claimed to be so paralysed by the thought of judging the facts of an alleged crime that she was shaking. (You imbecile!)

Another woman claimed that she hated cops because her parents had been robbed and they never caught the mask wearing gunman. When the judge asked "So you dislike police officers because they couldn't catch a man your parents couldn't identify?" she said yes. Then again, she also hated robbers because one had terrified her parents. She pretty much hated both sides of the case which may seem to make things even but apparently not. (You moron!)

A young man born in Israel claimed that all middle easterners were liars. When pressed he shrugged and said "It's been my experience that they always lie." When the judge asked where exactly the alleged victims were from we learned they were from Jordan. The potential juror shrugged again and said "Well, we did have a war with them." The judge said :Yes, but it's been a while. Things seem to be better lately wouldn't you say?" The juror agreed but again stated they were all liars. (OMG!) I later asked him if her really believed that. He admitted that he did not believe it but he'd seen how the other bigot got off so he thought he'd give it a try.

Way too many woman had been robbed or held at gun point. (Jesus!)

One woman had been convicted of grand theft auto when she was 14. She's now a born again Christian. (WTG!)

The girl next to me had six toes. (I am SO NOT kidding.)

These are just a smattering of the horrors I heard from these people before being excused.

OH! And did I mention that I could TOTALLY see the defense attorney's shwanger through his ill fitting pants? I'm not one to stare at a man's crotch but he seemed to have a pack of cigarettes in one pocket and keys in the other so it caught my attention. I then realised I could clearly see that he was circumcised. Ewwww! It was like seeing your bosses package through his pants. I was entirely grossed out.

So, it seems my Summer of Horror marched on in ways I'd never anticipated. I'm still recovering. I sorry to say that I learned that when people really don't want to be on a jury the men act like mega racist pigs and the women act stupid, confused and unreasonable. I'm so depressed.

That was weird

2010-06-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

So, the self imposed The Summer of Horror is off to a good start. I finished reading The Exorcist and really liked it. It's scary and obscene but a great read.

As much as I liked The Exorcist the most surprising aspect of reading it is not the content but the reaction people have to it. Maybe it was the location but I read it while in the waiting rooms of a doctor's office and later a blood lab and I got some very strange looks. People look at the book as though it were some sort of manual for evil. I read it at a hair salon and got similar reactions. One stylest asked what I was reading, I held up the book and watched as she took a step back turned on her feet and briskly walked away mumbling "I've seen the movie and that was enough for me." My hair stylist asked the same question. When I held up the book she too took a step back and held her hair dryer up as if in defense while shaking her head. All of these reactions were genuinely funny to me. I'm on jury duty this week. I'm only sorry that I won't have the chance to carry it around the LA County Criminal Courthouse. God only knows the looks I'd get reading it there.

I saw Splice yesterday. Sadly I cannot recommend that as highly as I can The Exorcist in written or film form. I've only seen The Exorcist three times in my entire life. The first time really doesn't count because I saw most of it while peering out from between my fingers. The second attempt was with my brother and his BFF. They got me a bit drunk and made fun of it. We laughed through that airing. The third time was with Shandon and Howard. I made it though that viewing sober but admit to having a hard time sleeping alone in the house that night. I think it's the scariest movie I've ever seen. The Shining is a close second but I've seen that one many times and it doesn't seem to keep me up at night... but I still hate those creepy twins.

This American Life recently ran an episode where a man describes how seeing The Shining as a kid wrecked him for life and his mother had the nerve to have zero recollection of the event. For me it was Rosemary's Baby. It was airing on tv, chalk full of commercials, but it scared me so badly that I had to sit in the kitchen where my babysitter and brother were playing a board game. I didn't see that film in it's entirety until about 25 years later. The film that scared my brother for life was Salem's Lot. All I had to do was raise my arms and pretend to hover outside of his bedroom door and he'd freak out. At least that is my recollection. I called to confirm this with him. He was slightly distracted by a hockey game but this is the conversation that followed:

Lucy: Ok, when you were a kid, wasn't Salem's Lot the film that scared you the most?
Bro: *adamantly* No, it was The Shining. Salem's Lot scared me but the one that really f@cked with me was The Shining.
Lucy: Did you see it in the theater or on tv?
Bro: In the theater. MOM TOOK ME!
Lucy: LOL!! What?!
Bro: I know! It messed with my head for years.

I promptly congratulated Mom for that decision.

Lucy: I just talked to bro and he says you took him to see The Shining when he was a kid.
Mom: What? Ohhh, The Shining isn't that bad.
Lucy: Mom, he was 12 years old!
Mom: *averting her eyes from mine* Well, just those two girls were bad. The rest was fine.
Lucy: What about the naked lady getting out the bath who turns into a rotting zombie making out with Jack Nicholson?
Mom: *shrug*

Mom later claimed "Well, I was a good mother most of the time. We all make mistakes!" She's right. She was and remains an excellent mother. She must have just had a lapse of good judgement. Sort of like the time I took my three-year-old niece on Tower of Terror at California Adventure. That was not my best aunty moment.

Aside from Rosemary's Baby my all time scariest movie is one I don't know the name of. I saw that one on tv and never forgot it. Yesterday, Shandon, Howard and I were talking about how most of the scariest things we saw were on local tv on the weekends of our childhood. Most parent's were busy and didn't really pay attention to what we watched during the day, alone in the living room. Howard recalls seeing Burnt Offerings on tv. That chauffeur still scares him. We agreed that anything with Karen Black in it spelled trouble in our childhoods. Remember this one? Of course it's now hilarious but in the 70's it scared the hell outta me. Someone seriously needs to put her in a a quality horror film to really scare us children of the 70's. Where is Quinton Tarentino's nostalgic side when you need it?

This pathological liar always freaked me out too. Worst of all were weekends when this was all that was on. It was worst in the summer when it was too hot and smoggy to go out and play.

What a whack job. Bad dubbing has been an issue with me ever since

And jeeez, remember this movie trailer?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Shandon and her sister remember a film with a creepy priest or was it a monk? Anyway, she finally learned the name of that film and got to show it to her sister and got a great reaction. My unknown film was in black and white with a women a being chased through the streets. She may have been accused of witchcraft, I'm not sure. Ultimately she was thrown in some sort of cell with her head encased in a cage. There is a hungry rat on one side of the cage. A divider is lifted and the rat rushes to feed on her face. OMG, I'll never forget it. I don't think I even want to know the name of that damned movie. What I want to know is why on earth was that shown on local tv?! How did I go from Dusty's Treehouse to flesh eating rats?! And why isn't Dusty's Treehouse on YouTube by now?

Summer of HOR-ROR!

2010-05-31T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading The Exorcist and I'm really enjoying it. I know it may sound strange to enjoy The Exorcist but I'm here to tell you it's an excellent read. I remember being entirely freaked out by Pet Semetary in high school. I was so scared that I had to read it in front of the fireplace to be near my family when I read it each night. I almost gave up on Stephen King after slogging through It but there are a couple I still need to get to.

I've decided I like reading horror in the summertime. I then decided to read MORE classic horror this summer. Here's is what I'm hoping to get to in the next few months:

#1 - Enough with all of that vampire romance crap, bring on the REAL vampires! The kind that can scare the bejeezus outta you.

#2 - Shandon approved. Looking forward to it:

#3 - This one has been on my list for ages. I think the time has come:

I may re-read this or not. I'm still thinking about it. In the mean time Kathleen will be giving it a shot:

If you have some you'd like to suggest please do.

P.S. I was right. As much as I wanted to read The Exorcist while giving platelets, I just couldn't stomach it. Having a needle in your arm pretty much makes everything gross for the entire day. I was reduced to watching The Proposal instead. "The horror. The horror..."

Summer horror kick off!

2010-05-28T20:37:00.001-07:00

So, I received my copy of The Amityville Horror today. I thought reading it again might be a fun way to kick off this nice long weekend. I read The Amityville Horror in about the 7th grade and it scared the hell outta me (as promised on the book cover). However, after some consideration, I thought why not read a scary book that I haven't read before? I promptly dug up the copy of The Exorcist that I've been meaning to read forever.

So far it's a quick read. Regan has already walked into the dinner party, urinated on the rug, stared at the astronaut and said "You're going to die up there". It's getting GOOD! I won't even go into the mysterious desecrations going on at the Catholic Church down the street. Awkward!

Of course, I'm still in the middle of The Forgotten Garden which I'm truly enjoying. I just haven't been in a reading mood. Of course, I'm donating platelets tomorrow and I plan on reading while I'm there but I don't think I can stomach reading The Exorcist with a needle in my arm. Blechh! I'll be switching to The Forgotten Garden for that appointment.

(Yes, Shandon. That's an Exorcist bobblehead up there. Please note the twisty neck detail. I know you want one!)

Silly American tradition lets me down

2010-05-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

I did some poking around in an effort to find some good old tv marathons that programmers may of thoughtfully planned for my viewing pleasure this weekend. I found evidence of a few small line ups but they are weak at best. The only marathon worth mentioning is on Spike TV where Band of Brothers will air on Monday. I love that mini-series and watch it at least once a year. If you haven't seen it all the way through you simply must.

I searched in vain for a Twilight Zone marathon but only found a few episodes airing on SciFi Channel. On one hand I'm disappointed in the SciFi Channel. On the other hand I prefer to watch Twilight Zone episodes for hours on end when it's REALLY hot outside. This typically happens on the 4th of July. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed and hope I can do that in 5 weeks.

Here are some of the weak marathon offerings I managed to find (check your local listings for times and dates):

A&E

Criminal Minds
Parking Wars
Billy the Exterminator (WTF?)

BBC America

Doctor Who (Ok, don't tell anyone but I'm sort of into this show. I'm a recent convert but I kinda dig it. It's very embarrassing.)
Star Trek: The Next Generation

Discovery

Deadliest Catch

Food Network

Grill it! With Bobby Flay

Hitler Channel

Patton 360
WWII in HD
America the Story of Us

TCM

War Movie Marathon (complete list here) I'm not generally into war movies but there are some classics in the mix you may like.

TLC

Say Yes to the Dress
The Little Couple
Cake Boss

TNT

Of course... lots of Law & Order

TV Land

Lots of big blocks of same show programming. This may be normal, I don't know since I haven't watched it in a while.

NGC

Hooked (Never hear of it. It sounds promising. Another addiction show or maybe a fishing show? Who knows?)

USA

Lots of Law & Order

Of course, I could turn OFF the tv and do some reading. God knows reading makes me happier than tv. The only down side is that time flies when I read and I don't really want this weekend to fly by.

I'll have to see what I can do to make the most of this weekend. I suppose it's a good thing that there is no decent tv on. Maybe I'll actually crack open my book of shame.

I told you so

2010-05-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time I used to visit a lovely house in the woods for crafting weekends. I was a friend of a friend of the owners sister who belonged in a crafting group I helped originate. It was about 10 years ago when a few of us started a monthly Friday night group that got together to regularly scrapbook. There was only one rule to Scrap Club: No kids, no husbands. We would rotate the location of the get togethers and each host about 1 night per year. The husbands and kids of the host's home would make themselves scarce. Often they would congregate at another husbands house for a night of pizza and movies. It seemed to make everyone very happy. Being the single lady of the group I enjoyed the uninterrupted evening of girl talk.

When we first heard a member of our group had access to a "cabin" we all decided to go up for a long weekend of crafting. I don't know about everyone else but I had visions of bunk beds and a cramped living room. Instead we pulled up to this place. Imagine my surprise. Our friend had entirely undersold the place. I remember us all walking around in a daze when we first arrived. We were shocked. There were about 8 of us on that first weekend. Not only did I not have to sleep in a bunk bed but I got my own room... with a lake view!

In the winter we stayed indoors except to occasionally barbecue in the snow. It sounds crazy but it's actually a lot of fun. In the summers we would take time out to lounge on the deck. It was a dream but like all dreams it came to an end. One ugly divorce later we all said goodbye to that wonderful place. We miss it to this day.

How did I find it online? Well, let's just say I got tired of looking at houses in my price range. I typed in Santa Barbara, Malibu and eventually Big Bear Lake into Redfin (my favorite new real estate site) and up it popped. I sent it to a friend who confirmed that it is in fact the house we used to visit.

The pictures do not do it justice. That giant window has a magnificent view of the lake. The deck on the back of the house is huge and the house sleeps 25 people... we counted once. We used to park it at those tables and I would build a fire in the fire place. I was the only one who knew who to start a fire. I've been the fire starter ever since. I also come in handy when a spider needs smashing.

Anyway, for those of you who have heard tale of that little cabin that got away, I just had to share it with you.

*sigh* I miss it so.

Unclassifiable

2010-05-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw a little show called Nightmare Alley at the Geffen Theater. It was so-so. I may have liked it more if the theme hadn't been so damned promising. It was a musical based on the book and film of the same name AND takes place in and around a sideshow freak tent. I know!

Shandon rightly sent an email to us about a month ago stating she'd purchased tickets without asking first because she knew we'd be so all over it. She was right. I suppose I may have liked it more if Howard hadn't leaned over to say "Is this yacht rock?" It was. Damn you Howard! *shaking fist in air* The performers had really good voices and the male lead's ability to project would make Ethel Merman nervous. The story and songs were weak but we had a good time anyway.

This all brings to mind modern day freak shows. Oh yes, my friends, freak shows are alive and well all over cable television. Ever flipped past those freaks the Duggars or that poor Half Ton Teen on Discovery Health? Hoarders and Intervention are of the same vein but it's "ok" because the show producers are really just there to help. Uh huh. In the end it's programming straight from the PT Barnum handbook.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a modern day freak show as much as the next gal. Remember how caught up in The Real Housewives of New York I got while trapped in my hotel room recently? What, I didn't mention that shameful episode? I was lured in I tell you! Don't judge me. Programmers call them teasers or bumpers, I call them barkers. Step right up and marvel at the spoiled, hyper petty existence of modern day freaks. That's right folks, step right up and take in the wonder of these supreme bitches!

Naturally (because my mind is nimble that way) last night's themes also brought to mind the Dearly Departed Tours that I've been wanting to check out. I'd prefer a more old time Hollywood experience but I suppose there isn't much of a market for that sort of tour anymore. Now it's all about where Hugh Grant and George Micheal were arrested. There is mention of the Black Dahlia and Sunset Blvd so I'd probably still join in but I'd like more of the stuff that happened pre-1970. There was a disturbing tour on the Mason Murders. No thank you. It just seemed to sorted.

Of course this online search, as so many others, lead from one thing to another. I eventually found a few things I thought you dear, and few, readers might enjoy:

Phreeque - "Unclassifiable" is pretty interesting
SideShowWorld - This one may require more navigating time but I'll be back.
SlightlyWarped is fun. I like The Right Angle page and the Ghastly Ghost page could be fun next Halloween. If nothing else, be sure to check out this out.

I'd do a little more digging around but for more freakish links but, frankly, the internets can be a disturbing place. I don't have the nerve to dig much deeper. Let me know if you find any fun curios that won't make me sick.

Be what you might have been?

2010-05-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I LOVED photography. More precisely, I liked photography books and my Dad's old Minolta. Dad was always so great about showing me how to care for and use that old beast of a camera. It's a wonder I could even lift it in my little 5 year old hands. Dad often handed it to me to let me take a shot or two. Of course those were the days of slides and film so I never got to go too crazy but I had a good eye and I knew how to use that camera.

The other day I finally bought a new DSLR camera. I gave up photography years ago after I came to believe that a couple of unfortunate photography classes ruined my eye. The instructors preached too many rules and techniques and it wrecked any natural talent I might have possessed. I decided to walk away from photography and come back when I'd emptied my head of all of the nonsense.

Today, was the day to get to know my new camera. It's a Canon and I love it already. It's interface is easy to use. I read the manual and took several shots of my propped up feet, studying the difference in aperture and exposure settings. It's all new to me again... yea!!!

I happened to have The Seven Ages of Rock on tv (again) and something about having a camera in my hand and seeing Robert Plant on stage got me thinking about what my much younger self thought my life was going to be like.

For starters, I was TOTALLY going to marry one of these guys:

(I've always loved a tall drink a water and I blame Mr. Plant)

(I have a Parker Stevenson autographed picture somewhere around here.)

(Greg, you were dreamy... but lose Bear)

(I recently told Shandon that I tolerate Justified because I enjoy seeing Timothy Oliphant lean in a doorway, maybe this is why:)

*sigh*

I stand by every one of my daydream subjects. Of course, catching one of these "total foxes" was not going to be a problem because I was going to look like this:

I was going to drive this:

I was going to live in a place like this (but with lots of exposed brick, plants and books):

I was definitely going to have a stereo system like this (but with much bigger speakers and an entire wall of well organized LPs):

Most importantly, I was going to travel the world as a super human National Geographic Photographer then take Ansel Adams' job:

Of course, times have changed and none of these things came to pass but, as it turns out, I like who I became. Who knows, maybe I can still become a decent photographer.

Oh, and Bobby? *Call me.*

Sold!

2010-04-29T15:46:00.000-07:00

Well, my ill-timed sinus infection is being treated with what I'm told is a form of penicillin called Augmentin. While it instantly kicked my sore throat and cleared my sinuses pretty well it unfortunately had the same effect on my intestines. It tore... me... up. The sinus infection has been the least of my troubles for the last 24 hours. (Brace yourselves for TMI) I was trapped in my room all day until I found a stash of Imodium. I popped those pills, waited 30 minutes then RAN down to Duane Reade (again) for more. I realize this is WAY more info than you need but I wanted to share so you could appreciate how desperate I was to get out of my room today. I'm pretty much sure I've now consumed illegal amounts of Imodium. I really wanted to make it to my last two appointments of my trip this morning so I skipped my Augmentin pill this morning. It helped but I was in no shape to do any jumping jacks.

My meetings went well but I was feeling a little "precious" so I came back to my hotel room where I had yet another bowl of matzo ball soup. It was such a pretty day and I still wanted to get out. I cautiously waited for my lunch to settle then headed downtown. I picked up a friend in a cab where we shopped in Soho. But that's not the good part. The good part of my day was the rare opportunity to take a spare hour and spend it on a tour of The Tenement Museum. Have you heard of The Tenement Museum? Do you really need to know anything more than the name to be completely sold?

First of all, the lower east side is where so much of the flavor of New York comes from. I learned all about it today. It's where China Town, Little Italy and German Town where all found, to name a few neighborhoods. Immigrants settled there because it was close to the harbor where they first arrived in America before Ellis Island was created. They would typically hand a slip of paper with their name on it to a dock worker who would point them in the direction of the area where their language was spoken. If they were lucky they had family or friends expecting them. This is the type of scene that welcomed them:

The word "tenement" was not a negative word until much later. Tenements where simply affordable multiple family dwellings built to accommodate the immigrants coming to the US. Wars, poverty and famine brought on an onslaught of immigrants to the lower east side neighborhoods that eventually turned the tenements into the dark, crowded, oppressive slums we now associate the word with.

That street scene pictured above? That's Mulberry Street but it gives you an idea of what life was life in the lower east side at that time. This is what those streets look like these days:

The tour begins in a gift shop where the tour tickets are purchased. There were tons of fantastic books in there but I resisted and instead went to the back of the shop to take in a short film on immigration in America. Soon a tour guide announced our tour was about to begin. About 15 of us gathered on the sidewalk where the tour kicked off.

I chose the tour about a German-Jewish family and an Italian-Catholic family. In the first apartment we heard the story of a German-Jewish woman named Josephine who came to America most likely in search of a husband. She found one, named Louis, and they moved into the apartment on Orchard Street where they had 4 children. Soon after the Panic of 1907 Louis vanished. (Which is when I mumbled under my breath "We HATE Louis!") At the time, some men would just abandon their families, others were murdered for their wages while others committed suicide. Times were tough. The museum has done tons of research on the tenement families but they still do not know what exactly happened to Louis. Our friend Josephine was left alone to fend for her family. She had to find work ... fast. She could have become a prostitute (the red light district was literally on the street behind her tenement) or a factory worker or a street vendor or any number of tough jobs on the street. In the end we learn that she chose to borrow money from a relative to rent a newfangled sewing machine. She worked from her home repairing and sewing clothing for those in her neighborhood. Josephine was soon making more money than Louis ever had. (Which is when I mumbled "Well, she had one less mouth to feed!" and another lady said "Right on!" Was that rude? I couldn't help it. I was still mad at Louis.) One day a telegram arrived from Germany stating that Louis had inherited $600 from his father. (Damn you Louis!) The only way Josephine could collect the inheritance was to have Louis finally declared dead. She did and she got the money. (We know this because the tour guide showed us the legal document they found signed by Josephine and witnessed by her landlord... cool! It mentions Louis' disappearance which is how we know that he vanished.) Josephine took the $600 and moved uptown. (Yee haw!) I was surprised at how emotional I became when we were saw pictures of Josephine's great-great grand children. Seeing her descendants really got to me. Because of that tough, tenacious broad there is a whole family line thriving in this country. Seeing those modern day smiling faces got to me.

I pulled it together enough to get to the next apartment. Here we learn about Sadie and Al from Sicily. They had a daughter and a son and lived in their apartment from 1928 to 1933 when it was condemned. The daughter eventually moved to Brooklyn but came back to her old neighborhood often. One day in 1988 she saw that the building of her childhood home suddenly had some interesting activity going on. She inquired within and learned that it was being turned into a museum. She was thrilled to hear the news and shared her memories with museum founders. The tour guide played an audio clip from the hours of interviews they have with her. She described how her mother would cook for them and they would sit around the kitchen table playing checkers and listening to the radio. Her father loved riddles and would write them down for the family to figure out. She described many happy memories of their tenement home. Mostly I loved that due to her parents spirit she had no idea how hard times were for them. She remembered getting government cheese during the depression and once getting a box of clothes from the government. She needed shoes for school and vividly remembered getting her government box home where he opened it to find men's size nine shoes inside. She had no choice but to stuff the shoes and wear them to school. Poor thing! Otherwise she didn't seem to have bad memories of not having much. I suppose nobody had much back then so it didn't occur to her that times were hard. (I loved her and now I can't even remember her name!) I adored seeing he picture of her at the 1992 opening of the museum with her family.

There are several tours offered by the museum but I chose the the one with German/Italian stories. My tour told the stories of single families living in the apartment. I did not get the story of 25 people living in tiny spaces. I'm sure those stories are also offered but I didn't see those. I will say that a family, even a small one, living in a 325 square foot apartment is unbelievable to experience if even for an hour. indoor plumbing, ventilation and gas heat didn't exist when Josephine lived in her apartment. Those conveniences were around for the second family dwelling I saw and it made quite a difference. If I had to choose one I have to say I'd want ventilation above all. I'd have thought I'd want indoor plumbing but indoor plumbing without ventilation is something I'm not interested in.

I wish more of the country could experience the tour I took today. I think it would impact how we view the immigrants of today. Their stories have not changes much. The only thing that has changed is what it takes to become an American. When Josephine came to New York she only needed to want to be an American to become one. It was tougher from our Italian family and even tougher today.

Cameras are not allowed in the museum. If you'd like to see more you may do so here. I hope you get a chance to visit this amazing museum very soon.

The view

2010-04-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

No work for this girl today. I was booked from 7:30 am through dinner tonight. It was supposed to be the busiest day of me week. Instead I called my boss and told her I'd be staying in bed.

I called housekeeping and asked for some fresh towels and for someone to empty my tissue filled trash cans as they were getting out of hand. A very nice lady arrived and completely refreshed my room while I answered emails on my laptop. She left me a couple of extra boxes of Kleenex and some toiletries. She was very motherly and seemed to be worried about me. She even put an extra blanket on the bed for me. Her work alone made me feel better. I took a nap then checked some more emails.

I've had the tv on all morning and tuned to some terribly cheesy movies. I've been drawn to the big stars but it seems even Lauren Bacall, Deborah Kerr and Gregory Peck made some clunkers. No matter, it's just the comfort I need while nursing a sinus infection far from home. Besides the tv, here is my other view:

Can you see the view from my window? Here is a better shot:

Some might find it a bad view but I like it. Like most views in New York it's the view of the wall of windows in the next door building. What I find interesting is that it could be mistaken for a tenement building but inside one window I can see some people seated around a table working. There seems to be lots of paperwork and discussion going on. The hardwood floors are beautiful. Pretty much every window in the city is framed in stripped, distressed wood. I suppose they figure why bother painting, much less replacing, window frames that only the neighbors can see. I like the attitude and think they're right. I love how practical New Yorkers are. It's a no nonsense kind of place that has been forced to make due with what already exists. Sometimes a building is completely renovated but the bones of the structure never changes. The bathrooms in almost every restaurant I've visited are in the basement. I don't know what folks with bad knees or in wheel chairs do around here when they need the facilities. There are open holes in the streets for loading goods into the basements of stores and restaurants. I wonder how many times a year somebody falls down one? There are water towers on every roof. Are they still in use? I've asked and nobody seems to know yet still they stand. Of course, I doubt anyone would make the effort or expense to tear one down unless it was a safety hazard. Many of the streets are still made of original cobble stone. Again, why change it if it's still working? I'm sure it's the enemy of all high heel wearing drunks but it's the risk you take in the meat packing district. The plumbing is consistently either slow to drain or slow to bring hot water. At first I called maintenance thinking the trouble was with my room then, after a few trips, realized it's just that New York hotels are housed in old cranky buildings.

Aside from being a voyeur I managed to trip upon another spectacular architectural blog. It's not your average shots of glorious structures but instead ones devoted to abandoned asylums and hotels. Why do I LOVE that photographic subject? I'm not sure I know the answer. All I know is that they rarely creep me out. Instead I'm just plain fascinated by them. I could explore pix like this all day long.

Oh, and here is one more shot for your viewing pleasure. Remember that $63 dinner I mentioned yesterday? I had soup and salad again last night and took a picture for you. Here it is in all of its glory:

Pretty weak for $63, huh?

Oy!

2010-04-27T14:27:00.001-07:00

So here I sit in New York City. I suppose you think I'm doing something super New Yorky like seeing a show or going to a museum. Well, actually I'm sitting in my hotel room with a questionable hotel blanket wrapped around me trying to stay hydrated. Why exactly am I doing this? Because the night before my flight I was kept awake with a terrible sore throat. I hoped it was just allergies. When our delayed landing in JFK left my ears screaming from cabin pressure I knew it was more than just some pesky allergies. Because I now feel even worse and I fear what that pressure will due to my beloved ear drums on the way home I decided I should see a doctor.

A colleague of mine once mentioned visiting a "doc in a box" while in New York. I decided to go see one for myself. Around these parts about the only storefront more prevalent than Starbucks seems to be Duane Reade drug stores. They are everywhere and when visiting Manhattan you quickly learn to rely on them. They all have ATMs, and pretty much everything else a hotel dweller could possibly need. They also seem to be chock full of crazy people and you know how I enjoy the crazies. A friend once saw a crazy ranting and raving in a Duane Reade. When the crazy lady finally spiralled within earshot my friend put on her best psycho face and whispered "If you don't shut up I'm going to kill you." That really set crazy lady off. My (hilarious!) friend just shrugged and shook her head as the security guard escorted the crazy from the store screaming "She said she's going to kill me! She said she's going to kill me!!!" As if that isn't endorsement enough for Duane Reade (I'm sure they'd be proud) I've just discovered some Duane Reades have "docs in a box". I met one today.

Because I'm so distrustful of my (and all) insurance I called to make sure my little out-of-state visit was covered. I called and described my symptoms to the insurance dude (sore throat, irritated ears and sinus pressure) and was told I would need to leave the Duane Reade and immediately go to an emergency room. "What?! That will cost you SO MUCH MORE than this place will charge." I was promptly put on hold. When the insurance dude returned from hold I quickly told him the Duane Reade was considered an urgent care facility (as the Duane Reade dude had calmly assured me). Hold guy then said that the Duane Reade would be ok but that they would have to bill it as an "Emergency". WTF? It was NOT what I would call an emergency (no blood, broken bones, stopped heart or otherwise collapsing body). Duane Reade guy said they would bill it as "urgent care". Semantics!! All I know is that I didn't feel well and I wanted to get a handle on it before my return flight. Isn't that what my spendy insurance is for? I paid my $50 co-pay (rip off!) but only $4 for my prescription of penicillin. All in all, not bad. The girl in the pharmacy noticed where I worked (it was all over the forms and insurance cards) and asked me about what I did and why on earth I had left California to come to New York in the rain. I told her I was here on business. I then over heard her talking to a co-worker and say "$4. Not bad. I guess (fortune-500-company) wants to keep their employees feeling good." I kept an artificial smile on my face... if only they knew what my poor boss has been through.

I was finished with the days meetings so I returned to a rather chilly hotel room. I thought it might just be me but I now think it's seriously cold in here. That's where the blankets came in. It seems the heat is centralized and they can't do anything to make it warmer in my room. Housekeeping and maintenance instead dropped off two blankets and a space heater. Then, of course, I kept thinking "Isn't the only thing in the world more flammable than a Christmas tree a space heater?". I then felt a chill and stopped caring. I needed some warmth. I'm feeling warmer but I admit the blanket situation is grossing me out. I've seen too many Dateline and 20/20s to not be. On the other hand, I figure I've got a fist full of penicillin so I should be able to handle a questionable blanket, right? Don't answer that.

When I checked in last night I skipped the big dinner out with everyone and stayed in for some matzo ball soup. It was amazing and the only thing in the world that I wanted. Who knew a little lemongrass could be such a delightfully unexpected twist on a classic soup? I'll be having more tonight. I had the soup with a salad last night. Guess how much it set me back... Go ahead, guess. Are you ready?

$63.

I know! Soup and salad, people! I guess it's good I didn't have a hankering for a steak. Sheesh! I'm now settled in for the night. I've got TCM on tv and a New York Times. The million dollar soup will come later. I hope the good old fashioned penicillin kicks this thing before I get back on that plane. *fingers crossed*

My Superpower (Not for the faint of heart)

2010-04-17T17:49:00.001-07:00

I believe we all have a superpower. I'm not talking about leaping over tall buildings or stopping bullets with a bare hand, I'm talking about every day ordinary abilities that we take for granted.

About a week ago we had what are known as Santa Ana winds in Southern California. The climate becomes typically warm, extremely dry and very windy. As is often the case, the dry air caused me to have a bloody nose. It doesn't happen often but I've been getting spontaneous bloody noses since I was a kid, especially during Santa Ana winds. As always, I grabbed a tissue, laid down and pinched my nose for about 30 seconds. I then sat up to confirm that the nose bleed had stopped. It then occurred to me that that is my superpower. I make really good blood, I always have. I'm O+, the universal donor type, and my blood clots quickly and efficiently. I sat on my bed, staring at the Kleenex in my hand and thought "People die because they can't do what my body just did for me."

As a result, I found myself cruising down the road to The City of Hope to donate platelets. They are always in need of whole blood but platelets are particularly hard to come by because the procedure takes some time. As I drove on to the hospital campus and towards the donor building I saw an older man, standing in a hospital gown by the fountain enjoying the sun. He broke my heart but confirmed that I REALLY hoped my blood was all I'd thought it might be. I hoped that it would help someone like him.

Once in the center, I filled out an information form and answered some questions. The good news is that I'm just the right type to be a donor. The bad news is that I've led a rather dull life. I've not traveled to exotic locales, never been to prison, I've never been a drug user and I've never had any dangerous sexual habits. In other words I'm not likely to have any blood related diseases. I'm so boring that I've even started avoiding processed foods and have never been a coffee drinker. For God's sake, my blood is about as clean as it gets.

I then met some very nice nurses who gave me heated blankets and seated me in a nice comfy recliner. They explained the whole procedure: They were going to withdraw some of my blood, remove the platelets, then return the platelet-less blood back to my body then repeat. It would take 1 -2 hours depending on how I felt after an hour. I had reading material, I had time.

The nurses at The City of Hope are good. I felt only the tiniest of pinches in the crook of my arm and I was good to go. I said "Dang! You're good." the nurse smiled and said "You're in the big time kid! This is The City of Hope." I think they have to keep an eye on you for a few minutes so I sat and chatted with my nurse. I asked what they would do with my platelets. (It was all on the web site but I'd already forgotten.) She explained that platelets help our blood clot and that when someone goes through chemo, or has an otherwise weakened system they lose their ability to produce platelets. All sorts of terrible things can happen without platelets. You can bleed into your eyes (aghhhhhhhh!) or have a stroke or God knows what. The nurse told me to think of what I was doing as "Helping a mother not have a stroke so she can go to her daughter's wedding or meet her grandchildren." She added "I'm serious. What you're doing is literally saving lives." I guess I knew that when I walked in but hadn't thought of it so literally. It was nice of her to say it to me in that way.

I learned a few fun facts too. For instance, did you now that The Red Cross sells it's blood to hospitals? I'm not bagging on the Red Cross but I was disappointed to hear that a place like The City of Hope has to spend millions buying donated blood from The Red Cross. It seems that, because I was donating at the hospital, my donation would go directly to patients in need. I will be giving my superpower blood to The City of Hope from now on.

The bigger bummer came when, after a little while, I felt a bit of pressure and a sudden ache in my transfusion arm. I told the nurse about it because once a needle is inserted you really can't feel it and I figured it should be looked into. They had told me earlier that if I felt anything, anywhere on my body change that I should notify a nurse. I'm so glad I did. The nurse jumped up to check my arm and sighed. Brace yourself... my vein had collapsed. I know, I know... gross. Honestly, it didn't hurt much at all it just felt different. I have shy veins and they are sometimes hard to find. To the nurse's credit I didn't feel anything during insertion but apparently a needle can occasionally nick a vein on the way in and later shut down. That's what may have happened to me. Who knows. That or my vein was just plain wimpy. I think when the blood was being returned to my body the vein stopped working and that was the sensation I felt. It was a TOTAL BUMMER. None of my blood would be useful to anyone. I was sad but the nurse was very kind and encouraging but we were done for the day. I promptly made my next appointment.

The nurse handed me a list of iron rich foods I should eat since I wasn't getting my intended blood back. I felt a little light headed as she walked me to the "canteen" where they insisted I eat a cookie and drink something. (Sweet!)

It is good to know that my superpower is indeed my blood. I just wish my veins could keep up. Of course, I'll go back to any place that encourages me to eat more red meat and cookies.

On the way home I drove myself to Trader Joe's and picked up a nice filet mignon for dinner. I looked for iron supplements but couldn't find any. They must have some other name. I remained light headed for a while and even thought "Oh, my blood sugar must be low." Then I reconsidered and thought "No, spaz, your blood is low." In the end, I'm no worse for wear. I was incredibly tired when I got home so I took a nap. I felt fine when I woke up an hour later. I had filet mignon and asparagus for dinner, life is good.

I apologize if this post was too graphic for anyone but I believe giving blood, in any form, is so important. If anyone out there suspects they have superpower blood I hope you'll consider donating some regularly to your local hospital or even The Red Cross. If you live near The City of Hope I encourage you to donate there. They are such nice people and they are doing exceptional work. They have made some amazing discoveries in cancer research and deserve whatever you can do to help. If nothing else, do what you can to help that nice man in the hospital gown by the fountain. Otherwise, do as I did today and think of all of those you love who have fought, or are fighting, cancer.

If you'd like to read more about becoming a donor for The City of Hope you may do so here. Thanks for listening. I hope I didn't scare anyone off.

On the other hand...

2010-04-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's post was all about signs that I'm getting old. Here are a few indictations that I'm still young at heart:

I can watch ridiculous amounts of tv when a marathon beckons. This weekend? Deadliest Catch is calling. (I know I said I was turning off the tv lately but that's on weeknights. Weekends are full throttle tv-fests!)
I still want to do that cross country road trip one day. That dream never dies.
Speaking of dreams, I still buy Lotto tickets every once in a while.
I'm getting a new digital camera and may even learn how to Photoshop!
I have been known to have popcorn for dinner.
Well, umm, this shared challenge probably isn't the most mature but I love it!
... and this one was fantastic but not much more mature.
I can text!
I like this site and I'm giving these as baby shower gifts to all of my knocked-up friends.
The Onion still slays me.
I enjoy Farmville on Facebook.
I own a Nintendo DS.
When I picked up a few Fage fat free yogurts at Trader Joe's today and a moment later that lady, who had been standing there a while, let out a little groan when she reached for the last one, I thought "You gotta move faster than that sucka!"
When I see you weaving in and out of freeway lanes in your big dumb truck I am certain you have a wee penis.

So there.

Growing up

2010-04-09T19:35:00.001-07:00

Today I saw a ridiculously tricked out Oldsmobile on my drive home. It had a custom glittery blue paint job and sparkly chrome rims. I was far from impressed. In fact, the first thought that went through my head was, "There's a guy with some messed up priorities." Then it hit me, I'm officially old.

Of course, I've seen signs of age... err... maturity in myself for ages but I started listing them in my mind this afternoon. Here are a few indicators that I am in fact getting really old:

I voluntarily make my bed every day (except when I'm sick).
I voluntarily shower every day (even when I'm sick).
I have never eaten a tub of frosting for dinner as I claimed to would "totally do" in Jr. high.
I wait ages before buying big ticket items.
I know how to save money.
I've never seen "The Hills" or "The OC"
My desire to lose weight has nothing to do with appearance and everything to do with well being.
I voluntarily get a medical check up every year.
I get the oil changed in my car according to guidelines of my warranty.
I look for ways to relieve my stress
I have a bottle of Aleve and a One-A-Day vitamins on my desk at all times. (Whoa, that's a rough one to admit.)
I subscribe to National Geographic, The New Yorker and Prevention magazines and actually read them.
I listen to NPR every day.
I do not know who most of the people on Dancing with the Stars are.
I read nutritional information in the grocery store and look for low fat/high fiber foods.
I've seen some favorite beauty products come and go move on to discontinued status (that used to only happen to my mother).
I'm starting to consider what to do in my "Second Act" career.
I turn off the tv more and more lately.
I have my hair colored every few weeks to cover the grey.
I still do not own a HDTV.
I hate going to the mall.
I know that young people in hot cars did not buy them themselves.

So there are a few of the symptoms I've notice about getting old. I don't think I'm alone here... am I?

Fantastic!

2010-04-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

How great is this idea?! The artist takes ads from the Missed Connections postings and illustrates them. I absolutely adore them. They represent just one more reason to love New York. Here is a sampling of the illustrations:

Is it just me...

2010-04-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

I was watching 16 & Pregnant on MTV (I'm not proud of it) and saw a familiar face.

This kid popped up on the screen:

He made me think of this kid:

Ok, so who's going to tell him this is coming?

I know it's mean but sheesh! Somebody has to tell him fame is fleeting.

"New York... this is your last chance."

2010-03-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

I collect change in a piggy bank. Well, actually I sort the pennies in a bag then put the silver coins in the piggy bank. I've doesn't this for years. When the bank is about 1/2 full it's worth $150 or so. At least that's what I thought. The other day I walked into my bedroom to find my sensible little piggy bank cracked in two and hemorrhaging silver coins all over the floor. I figured it was my niece or nephew's doing but wasn't mad. I knew that whoever it was had a little kid "Oh shit!" moment and that made me smile. Remember those moments?

I put my rather hefty bag of pennies in my purse and about half of the silver coins in another bag. I took all I could carry and headed for the Coinstar machine. I've been avoiding Coinstar because they want 9.8 cents on the dollar and that's a rip off. Unfortunately, I can't find a Wells Fargo in the area with a coin counting machine and I REALLY don't want to sit around rolling coins so Coinstar it was.

The Coinstar sits next to the "Employment Opportunities" desk/monitor at the grocery store. When I arrived, I saw a nicely dressed older African American man tapping away on the keyboard presumably filling out job application. I started dumping my coins in the machine and it sounded like damn slot machine paying out. I was watching the Coinstar screen and saw that the total was really getting up there fast. I then started feeling very guilty about cashing in so close to somebody obviously looking for a job. I even considered handing him the cash voucher but refrained. I figured he 1) might me insulted or 2) might just want something new to do during the day and therefore looking for a job or 3) could be totally opposed to my political beliefs and therefore deemed unworthy. This tactic worked and I managed to hold on to my voucher.

So, guess how much all the change I could carry was worth? Ready? $333! Of course Coinstar embezzled $30 of it, but still it was a pretty good haul. I cashed in the voucher and headed straight to Michael's to pick up a new piggy bank, since that seems to be working so well for me.

I then went to Best Buy but I'm such a dork that I didn't buy a new flat screen tv or a camera with my new found riches. Instead I picked up the newly released Season One of Rhoda on DVD. I'd heard it had recently been released and have been wanting it ever since. I then went out to lunch with Shandon.

I'm now enjoying episode two of Rhoda and I love it as much as I thought I would. I love Rhoda and Joe and Brenda and Carlton the Doorman. I love them all. Brenda gets some great lines! Remember the opening?

Speaking of openings, I opened my mail and guess what arrived today? My vehicle registration bill on Pearl. Wanna know the amount? $324. The world has a hilarious sense of humor. I always knew I was more of a Rhoda than a Mary.

**Update**
When I told Mom about my "I'm a Rhoda" stance she said "Well, hell. I could have told you that." Thanks Ma. Yup, I'm a Rhoda.