Good grief!

So, today the President called the majority of this country naive for no longer buying his analysis of the war an Iraq and it's repercussions.

Just this weekend I began writing a letter to the President pointing out the fact that he (and his war) has become "the greatest recruiting TOOL the terrorists could have dreamed of". I was still tweaking the letter when the NY Times broke a story Sunday morning that backed my sentiment. The White House immediately started a whining campaign claiming the story had been illegally leaked to the Times by the Dems and that the timing was politically motivated. (Never mind that gas prices just happen to drop right before November elections. The claim is that "Threats to supplies have not materialized". Hmm, that realization couldn't be politically motivated/timed could it? Also curious is that those pesky leaks don't seem to bother Bush when they come directly from the White House.... but, once again, I digress.) Under pressure, Bush declassified parts of the NIE report. If you haven't read the report, you should. It's nothing you haven't already figured out, but still...

Just for fun, here are a couple of quotes for you to ponder:

"I think that it's time, in this country, to quit making national heroes out of those who steal secrets and publish them in the newspapers."

President Bush you may think? Well yes, he has said things like that, but no, actually it's a quote from President Nixon when the Watergate story was breaking. We all know why he had his panties in a twist over those national heroes.

And here's another one for you:

"I think it violates the President's powers under the Constitution. It is ineffective and immoral, and yet the President stubbornly pursues it... ignoring the will of the American people as measured by every public opinion sampling."

That quote is from Hubert Humphrey speaking of Nixon's continued bombing of Cambodia but it sounds awfully familiar these days.

P.S. I know there are folks out there who still defend Bush, some of them are even friends, but come on guys, you can't possibly still be buying his crap. Are you seriously happy with the job he's doing? Just curious.

*Stepping off soap box*

Corporate misunderstandings

Sometimes I love Corporate America, here's why:

We are participating in a "Team Building" afternoon of bowling. Teams have been predetermined with the BIG boss bowling with the interns. (That alone is hilarious, but I digress.)

I'm bowling with a fairly influential HR executive with a wicked sense of humor. Said HR executive has decided we need to send intimidating notes to other teams as part of his pre-game, trash-talk strategy. He found a ransom font and left notes with "Bowl like your job depends on it!" on the desks of the BIG boss and his team of interns. Problem is, the interns think the threatening note is from the BIG Boss. I'm still laughing. I can't believe an HR person has gotten the BIG Boss in trouble and the BIG Boss doesn't even know it yet. Can you imagine how scared those poor interns must be?! Needless to say, everything about the situation cracks me up.

I sent the following email to the HR Executive, he's freaking out:

The interns think your ransom note is from BIG Boss. It says something like "Bowl like your job depends on it", right?
I can't stop laughing. Way to go spaz!!

Ah, Corporate America I love you so.

On blast

On blast: to yell at someone or put them in their place

Recently a much younger colleague was describing an altercation she just survived. She claimed that the offending party "Totally put me on blast!". Another, age appropriate, friend and I loved the term so much that we've used it ever since. Whenever I'm annoyed or even mildly angry I'll warn "I'm about to put her on blast!" I love it!

Well, this morning I felt the need to put someone on blast (it really worked by the way). I mentioned it to the much younger colleague and she laughed at me! She thought it was hilarious that I was using the phrase. I feel so old and there's no one to put on blast.

*shuffling away*

Mammogram-o-rama

Today I went in for my first mammogram. Ladies, I'm here to tell you it's really no big deal (assuming you are not retaining water!).

The first thing the lab technician said was "I know you've heard all about this. It's much better than you've heard. She was SO right. There are four "shots" taken. Together, they take about 3 minutes to complete. After the technician finished, I told her "I've felt more pain getting my blood pressure taken!" She agreed.

I'm glad it's over but I will never again dread the mammogram. I've decided it's the easiest procedure I've ever had. It's that easy.

I spoke with my brother while I was driving to my appointment. I mentioned where I was going but we mostly talked about that great Dodgers win the other night, the cute movie he sent of the kids, the latest CD he insists I buy and so on. Right before we hung up, he said "Hey, good luck with that boob thing." Thanks bro!

Kicking butt and taking names!

Had a great meeting today. Frankly, I kicked ass.

I've never been a fan of public speaking but now, somehow, I've found myself in the bizarre position of making presentations in large conference rooms to strangers. Something I've pretty much spent my life avoiding. I still hate the idea but I'm less nervous each time. I guess it's all about practice. That and a comment from a former boss who advised me to remember "They're just people." It's so absurdly simple but remembering that helps each time I walk into a room to do my thing. They're just people, no better, no worse than me.

This is how I felt after the meeting:

Woo woo!

Greetings from San Francisco!

I park in one of those off site airport parking facilities. While getting settled on the shuttle, to go to the airport, the following was exchanged:

Shuttle driver: What terminal?
Me: United
Passenger #2: United
Passenger #3: Air France
Me: Well, woo woo!
All: ...
Me: ... Just kidding!

Sheesh! no one has a sense of humor when it comes to the airport anymore!

Tomorrow I'm off to kick ass at a meeting. Woo woo for me!!

Lately

As mentioned, it's been a bit hectic for me lately but, overall things are good.

The latest:

I'm officially on the Nip/Tuck (turn down your volume if you're clicking here) bandwagon. A friend loaned me her Season One set and I was up 'til 1:30 am Thursday night watching the first 6 episodes. I love it! I've got a lot of episodes to catch up on. Let's see if I actually do it.

Watched a really good documentary Shandon recommended called Titanic - The Complete Story. Check it out if you can.

Watched The Miracle Worker on TCM for the first time. They were right, those are some pretty impressive performances.

Went to my nephew's baseball game. It freaks me out the way kids take on the mannerisms of adults. It made me a little sad to see the little man so grown up. He plays really well but insists on sliding at every opportunity. Even if someone is being walked, he must slide to the next base. It's pretty funny. In the mean time, my niece was asking for gum. I didn't have any so instead asked if she wanted a Life Savers. She had no idea what I was talking about. (Can you imagine?!) I gave Little Miss her first cherry Life Savers. I tend to take a lot of her firsts for granted but she was so enthusiastic abut the Life Savers that even I took notice. Do they still make those holiday Life Savers "books"? If I can find one I'll be getting one for her for Christmas.

Oh! And I watched a good A&E show titled The Black Death this morning. I knew some of how it was spread and all but learned today that it hit Europe when enemy ships started catapulting plague riddled corpses onto the shores of Genoa. Now that's some nasty war tactics. (I tried to look up some symptoms for you to bo on the look out for but instead found some really yucky pix of plagued out hands and feet. Eww!! I'm not incliding any links here 'cause they're just too gross.)

On a lighter note, I caught the first episode of Three's Company. I loved the show in the 70's but haven't really watched it since. I was getting ready to meet a friend for brunch and realized it was on. I've always wondered how exactly they first revealed with the "Jack's gay" storyline that latest for too many seasons. Well now I know. For those wondering, Joyce DeWitt tells Mr. Roper Jack is gay OFF CAMERA. It's completely lame. Shoulda known.

Grown up

So, it's official, I got the promotion. I sort of feel like a grown up. When I thanked the big boss personally she asked if I was "ok" with my raise. I mean really, how many people get THAT opportunity? I'd have been an idiot to say "Oh yeah, I'm fine". I told her the truth, that it was a little lower than I'd expected but that a bonus might be nice. I know, I know, at first I felt a little guilty for asking for more. Percentage wise they've been very generous BUT I really want to buy a condo this year so every little bit helps. Besides, I'm expected to be an even bigger bossy boots now so I figured I'd start on my own best interest. We'll see what happens.

On another front, a former boss lost her dad to a long series of illnesses. His funeral was this morning. A friend mentioned it to me yesterday and, through a miscommunication, she thought I'd declined to go. Well, today when I called to see when we'd leave for the service she said "I thought you couldn't go!" I said "Listen Missy, I wore my Spanx today and I don't wear Spanx for just anyone. Let's go!" "But I'm not appropriately attired!" she cried. "From the waist up I'm great but otherwise I'm a mess!" She was wearing flip flops. I told her I doubted our friend would care about her footwear today. She agreed to go but I had promise to cover her at all times. There were some pretty major big-wigs there and she "would just die" if any of them saw her feet. I did my duty and covered her. In the end she was glad we had gone. I don't even know if my former boss knew we were there but I was glad we took the time.

The only awkward moment came as we pulled up to the cemetery curb. We looked up and saw a rather casually dressed young man get out of the car in front of us. As we stepped out to the lawn, I nodded in his direction and whispered "See, you're fine. Look at him." My friend replied "Great, I'll just go sit with Ludacris. See ya later." I literally laughed out loud. Very loud in fact. Now THAT was inappropriate. Oops!

Open blog to the President

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

How you managed to fuck up a one sentence oath is beyond me. I know there are a lot of words here but, considering your job, you might want to take a glance. Let us know if you have any questions. Here's a picture to help jog your memory:

(Crack) Baby on Board

A friend at work is having trouble with her new intern. He doesn't seem to understand that he has committed to work 8 hours a day. My friend gave him a choice of hours. He chose to work from 8:00 - 5:00. Problem is, he doesn't show up until 10:30 some days but always leaves at 5:00. She has had several conversations with him about this. They are currently deciding if this internship is the "right fit" for him. He's beginning to think not. Does he think he'll find a job somewhere else where they won't care when he shows up? Unbelievable. Oh, and by the way, this is not terribly uncommon. Lots of kids out of school don't show any sign of a work ethic... I've experienced it first hand. I read somewhere that the generation coming out of college is the most coddled, spoiled generation to hit the work force ever. I think they may be right.

Ultimately this was the exchange between my friend and I on the issue:

Me: It's like you've adopted a crack baby.
Friend: I know!!
Me: You sort of want to give it back because you didn't know what you were getting into but you can't because you feel so sorry for it.
Friend: How will it survive on it's own?
Friend: ...I'm so screwed.

Diners & Disasters

We returned from our road trip last night. Man, was that a good time.

Several months ago, Shandon and I were discussing our long time obsession with The Donner Party. We decided then to drive up to Donner Lake, some time, to check it out for ourselves. In California, the Donner Party saga is one we're taught in the fourth grade as part of our state's history. I've been fascinated with the story ever since I first heard of it as a kid. If you aren't familiar with this story, or don't know the details, you should really check out The Donner Party or look them up on the many web sites out there. This is also an excellent read if you're so inclined. (Ignore that first review. That wannabe has never read the book.)

Shandon, Norman and I met at 8:30 am Saturday morning and began our journey. We had been tossing around different route options but ultimately decided to take the scenic route of the 395 up and the anti-scenic (but "quick") route 99 back home. It's the journey not the destination, right? We were going up in one day and driving home the next. The trip was going to be a quickie but a goodie.

We set out with the intention of sticking to diners and independent restaurants for the trip. No chain restaurants allowed!

Norman was our navigator and DJ, Shandon read historic and fun facts from our guide books while I drove. By the way, I highly recommend The Lonely Planet California edition. They do a great job of listing good places to see and where to eat.

The 395 is truly beautiful. We knew it would take about an hour and a half longer than the 5 or the 99 but we learned it's worth it. I'd never been to Lake Tahoe and was terribly impressed. I had no idea how big and beautiful that lake is. I knew it would be gorgeous but...wow! I plan to go back.

We made it to Truckee around 7:30 pm. It, too, was beautiful. We had dinner in downtown Truckee then went back to the hotel for a good sleep.

We woke up the next morning and had another good meal at the Truckee Diner. We then headed for Donner State Park and The Emigrant Trail Museum. I kept thinking, and saying, "it looks so harmless." It's all so beautiful up there. We took a tour of the area, saw the monument and the site of the infamous Murphy cabin. We then made our way to Donner Lake. This may have been my favorite spot.

I don't think I had an appreciation for how impossible that pass must have been to get over until I saw it. It's not so much that it's the highest peak, it's that it's made of granite boulders. Boulders that aren't' terribly stable, I imagine. Drop 5 feet of snow on them overnight , ask undernourished, exhausted pioneers to cross them and you have The Donner Party.

It's no wonder California has a reputation of being made up of crazies. You had to be a little nuts to make the journey out. In the beginning, folks came west to outrun disease and unsteady futures. A couple of years later, after the Donner Party ordeal was made famous, miners struck gold and the rest was history.

I've always been a little defensive about California's history. The East Coasters have lots of buildings and monuments to brag about. True, they kicked off this country but the really cool ones made the unbelievably daring decision to head west. The thing to keep in mind is that California is separated from the rest of the US by the Sierras. They were, and remain, a bitch to cross over. (I'm a fan of any highway that has "Runaway Truck" ramps.) Those who managed to do so, long before the highway system made it reasonable, were remarkable. As for old buildings, well, everything the native Americans/Mexicans and emigrants built has had a tough time surviving the earthquakes and sun. (Take that, you snooty East Coasters! We take our severe weather with a healthy does of frequent earthquakes. Not so tough now, are you?)

People have been in, what we now call, California, a heck of a long time. Because so many of those people weren't white, history books tend to pretend they never existed. None the less, I'm fascinated by our country's "history" and California's in particular. I picked up a book of historic sites and plan to look them up every time I'm wandering around the state.

If you haven't been on a road trip in a while, I highly recommend you do so... immediately. Forget Vegas and those roads most traveled. Look up a cool bit of your state's history and go check it out.

Lessons learned:

- Fast food chains have the best bathrooms on the road
- Until they clean that toilet bowl, avoid Gus' bathroom on the 395
- Sweet meat is gross, no matter how nice it sounds
- Laughing so hard that you cry is super fun, unless you can't see through the tears and you happen to be driving.
- Despite his unfortunate name, Eric Schat's Bakery, also on the 395, makes amazing cookies
- Lake Tahoe deserves a nice long stay
- Ironically, Donner Lake is now a great place to vacation
- If the 99 isn't the ass-crack of America, it's certainly the ass-crack of the state
- That being said, the US highway system is amazing. How they got one up and down the Sierras is beyond me
- Small diners and family-run restaurants are closed on Sundays (Foiled again!)
- Although I haven't listened to it in a while, really good country music makes for the best road music. Wanda Jackson and Kasey Chambers are good to start with, Waylon Jennings will see you past the State Pen on the 99 and Alison Krauss and Union Station are great when night falls and you're approaching the Grapevine. (Even if you think you "don't like country" you're going to have to give it a try some time. That Waylon really kicks ass on the road. Trust me.)

After I dropped off my fellow road trippers, Ella Fitzgerald sang me all the way home. I had no idea 88.1 did a Singers segment 'til midnight on Sunday nights. Lucky me! (For more reasons than I can count.)

Is it just me?

Did you see those Hummer commercials where the young man/woman are somehow bullied and they react by racing out to buy a Hummer? I had a nice time laughing at those commercials because I thought they reinforced what I already knew about Hummer drivers, that they are immature, insecure, whiny, wanna-be's unable to take a stand on anything worthwhile. Well, I thank Hummer for characterizing their consumers so perfectly. Sadly, these commercials seem to have disappeared (hmm, I wonder what on earth could have happened?) and have been replaced with shiny new commercials built upon a theme of escape. Once again showcasing Hummer drivers desperate to escape their loser lives.

Why am I picking on Hummer drivers today. Because one of those wankers cut me off this morning. There's nothing like watching a Hummer driver dart through traffic like they're in a sports car. Make up your mind you sad sack! Either get the sports car or get the Hummer. Either way, you're still stuck in your lame life with that tiny penis. Nothing you buy will ever help. Too bad, so sad.

California here I come!

Due to a highly anticipated road trip, I've been perusing books and sites featuring California history. Here are a few fun sites I've come across:

Women of the Gold Rush
Ghost Towns
Haunted California

And places I still need to visit:
Winchester Mystery House
I mean, come on! I gotta get a picture here, right?
Roadside attractions, oh my!
More road trips. Yea!

So cool yet completely unnerving

Type in your address here and check out the value of your home. (Note: values are about a year or so out of date but still fun to check out). Click "see home details" for a satellite bird's eye view of your home and neighborhood.

Click here for a look at "famous homes".

It's super-cool, but I can't help but think this might come in handy for "the bad guys" as W would say. Sorta creepy huh?

What sign are you?

This is, by far, my favorite horoscope.

Thank God I'm not a Gemini.

Enjoy!

Best print ad EVER!

After my last post, I intended to write something upbeat and light to counter that yucky picture. The LA Times has foiled my plan. I don't want this to become a dark blog but, dammit, I could resist mentioning the following:


If you've grown up in So Cal, then odds are, you've heard of the Black Dahlia. If you haven't, I can tell you it's one of the most notorious and ghoulish unsolved murders in LA history. I won't go into the details but, if you're interested, there's plenty of 'em out there online.

This morning, I opened the LA Times to find the all time best print ad ever. The LA Times dipped into their archives and reprinted some of their stories about the case to promote the upcoming Brian DePalma film. You can bet I'll be reading every line. I know Betty was no saint but... poor Betty.

More nature than I can stomach

-20 minutes ago-

Mom (from the kitchen): God dammit!
Me (to Dad): Ooh! You're in trou-ble!
Dad: What?!
Mom: What is this in the freezer?!
Dad: It's a sandpiper.
Me: (Whispering) You can count on a "God Dammit!" when you leave dead birds in the freezer.
Dad: *sigh*

Maybe I should explain. My Dad is a birder, that's an extreme bird watcher to you and me. He has been into bird watching for about 45 years. Dad has many friends in scientific fields including a friend at the Museum of Natural science. When he finds a good specimen (aka: a dead bird in good shape that has, apparently, died of natural causes) he freezes it and gives it to his friend for study. This same friend used to be a Professor at my college. I think the biggest fight I ever got into with my Dad was when he wanted me to carry a frozen Cooper's hawk, in my back pack, to school, to give to his friend. I refused. He couldn't understand what my problem was. Needless to say, it was just too gross.

Once, when my parents were first married, my mom was looking through the fridge for a sweet treat and found a promising looking packet of something in foil. She carefully opened it, hoping to find some chocolate cake, and instead found a dead bird staring back at her. She, naturally, screamed and dropped the bird in horror thinking she'd married a maniac. The verdict is still out on that count. She calls it her "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" moment. We've, sadly, become accustomed to finding frozen birds next to our Lean Cuisine meals. The upside is that it's a great appetite suppressant.

Where the Wild Things Are

Last night I was at a friends house when I got a call from mom. She was calling to say, as if the bear incident last weekend wasn't enough, my dad had noticed movement out on the back patio. The same patio I had been standing grilling chicken on 45 minutes earlier. Dad went out to investigate what was making the plants move and discovered a 4 foot long rattle snake. Being the nature lover that he is, dad chose to not harm the snake and just move him. He did so by taking the hose and washing him into the lower yard.

About 30 minutes later mom and dad were still talking about the snake when a fox casually trotted by to take a sip of water we have out for the birds.

What is going on?! I've seen all of these critters in and around the yard before. I've seen rabid coyotes, dying buck, deer dining on our acorns as well as extremely healthy mountain lions, raccoons, opossum and skunks. I've seen 'em all, but never so much action in one week.

As promised, here are pix of the bear prints left on our wall. If I have a chance, I'll take a picture of the dinosaur that is bound to show up this afternoon.

My genius mom

So, we've seen:
Frontier House
1900 House
Manor House
and Texas Ranch House

Well, dear ol' mom has a great concept for a new reality show:

Donner Party House (or Donner House Party!)

Now that's must see tv!

Is it over yet?

Fall happens to be my favorite season and it can never get here fast enough. Late August is typically when I really start to jones for autumn. Here are a few ways I'm preparing to ring in the new season (and maybe even imagine it's already here):

• Started having hot tea and one of these every morning, in lieu of my yogurt & berries
• Searching for new soup recipes. My favorite is butternut squash!
• Looking for new crafty ways to spend those (hopefully) rainy afternoons. (I just might do this one...don't make me!)
• Compiling a reading list (one that I will never complete but, because I enjoy the list-making process so much, it really doesn't matter).
• Looking for new cool weather clothes/shoes
• Checking out ideas for an evening class. I almost miss the back-to-school action.
• Deciding which movies are my Must Sees
• Checking in here every so often to see if it will ever rain again in my neighborhood.
• I'm not necessarily a big football fan, but I do like to hear these guys doing their thing, in the background, as I do much of the above.
• And, of course, there are some MAJOR decisions to be made.

What are you doing to get ready for Fall?

Grease is the word!

I had a great weekend. I got to catch up on my sleep and that always makes me happy. Best of all, I went to a Grease Sing-a-long with a fun group who were actually willing to sing. I also discovered my gay husband knows every "Rama-lama-ding-dong" in "We go Together"! I mean really, who knows that for God's sake?! Even with the words spelled out on screen I can't sing it all. Needless to say, I was terribly impressed. Equally impressive was Shandon's niece quoting Seinfeld ("But I don't want to be a pirate!") for our pre-show entertainment.

The time really flew by. I highly recommend getting friends together for a sing-a-long as often as you can stand. Shandon suggested Saturday Night Fever as a potential sing-a-long. While not technically a musical, we all know those songs so I like the idea. Sing-a-long organizers, take note!

Because the event was at The Egyptian, on Hollywood Blvd., we couldn't resist a stop at a famous souvenir shop. How depressing it turned out to be! I did, however, enjoy the fake ID card I found for Vito Corleone. It listed his stats as follows: "Height: Short, Weight: Stalky, Eyes: Cold". I should have bought it just to put up here. Oh well.

Whenever I go to Hollywood I end up feeling so bad for the tourists there. I hate that they go home thinking they've seen California after an afternoon looking down at the "Walk of Fame" and fitting their hands into the prints in front of the Chinese theater. (Not to be a germphobe but can you imagine the yuck on those handprints?! It's an alarming thought.) Contrary to the disturbing news that Erik Estrada is slated to receive a star on the walk of fame, Hollywood, and So Cal in general, actually have many cultural and historic sites to visit. Hollywood, in particular, has a fascinating history but, like so many other famous destinations, the history is lost in the hub bub. *sigh* I can't help but look at the out-of-towners and think "Oh dear, you had some money to spend on a nice trip and you came here?" Of course, the area is getting a decent makeover. It will inevitably end up being a generic Times Square sort of re-do, but a clean up is definitely in order.

Another thought: I wonder how many tourists the Scientologists nab by having such primo real estate in two locations on Hollywood Blvd.? Do you think they landed there looking for runaways or something? Maybe they figured it was sin central down there and they could help? Hmmm, I wonder how/when they got that land and why? Does anyone out there know the fun facts here? (By the way, if my blog suddenly disappears or is overloaded...you know who to blame!)

In the interest of fair and balanced blogging, I give you the anti-Sceintology site.

Oh oh!! Speaking of "religion", have I ever mentioned this fun site? It takes about 15 mintes to take the quiz. You will probably not be terribly surprised by the results, but it's a good time anyway. Enjoy!

Holy shit!

The police department just called and said "We're calling to let you know there is a bear in your front yard. Thank you for staying indoors."

A minute later Dad then yelled "Holly shit he's in the pool!" He was apparently relaxing on the steps of the pool with his arms up on the pavement just leaning back. He might as well have a beer in his paw! He heard the yelling and ran...

He is RIGHT NOW on the side of the yard and I can now hear him rattling the gate.

*minutes later*

The cops have told us the bear's cub is up in our oak tree. He is most likely a she. I assume she will be hanging around as long as the cub sticks around.

We had a similar situation a couple of years ago. The neighbor ran over and said "There's a bear in your back yard!" My mother promptly ran out back.

I'm sad to report my dad had the same reaction. I had to yell at him to stay indoors.

How did I come from two obvious maniacs?!

*minutes later*

I just saw her. HOLY SHIT is right. She's HUGE!

I hear a fire engine. Why would they be sending fire engines with alarms?

Gotta run... Will update later. I can still hear her pacing around trying to figure out how to get back to her cub. God, it's just like Grizzly Man...


*update*

The cops pulled away from our house and appeared to be waiting for mama bear to reappear for her cub. There was then some commotion and we heard the cops call out "Is she still in the pool?" We invited them in the house and told them that she seemed to be out back trying to get back to the cub. Dad then suggested they just leave the bears alone. They're up here all the time and leave as soon as people show up. Dad was right. Then the cops went out back, Dad turned the lights on for them. They took one look at the yard and commented "Hey, I think I've been here before looking for bears." Hmm, that's comforting, especially since nobody has ever mentioned this to us. Whatever. They told us they had watched the bear hop our neighbor's gate then jump into our back yard. Guess, she decided to take a quick dip before going back for her cub. They apparently leave cubs up trees to protect them. Still, not much of a mom if you ask me. They then told us they saw one run away. They weren't sure if it was the cub or mama bear. Either way, I hope the late night walkers are ok out there.

The cops left with their tranq guns and I don't hear the bear anymore. Never did see the fire engines so I'm not sure what that was all about.

Lessons learned:

• Having a bear look right at you through plate glass is unnerving.
• Hearing a bear outside your window while you're blogging is just as bad.
• Bears are beautiful but BIG and not an animal I care to get to know much better.

I won't be playing these tonight but perhaps you'd like to take a listen.

Crafty Inspiration

Before the Great Bear Incident of Summer '06, I was happily working on this blog. Now that the bear has had her picnic and left, here is the finished blog:

As mentioned, I've been snooping around online looking for inspiration and future project ideas. So far, I've decided I'd like to give the following a try:

• Crewel
• Embroidery
• More cross stitch
• Crazy quilting
• Redwork
• Knitting (although experience tells me I suck at it, I should try it again.)
• Creative journaling
  

Folks are making cool stuff out there!! The blogs on blogger.com alone are very inspiring. The only problem is that there seem to be so many crafts and so little time.

Here are some other fun sites I found:

• Retro embroidery patterns
  
• Amazing doll houses
• Plain Mable
• For charity
  

Laying Low

I spent the day "puttering around the house" as mom would say. I got up early and did lots of laundry, tossed a bunch of magazines, cruised around online for more craft inspiration and discovered a new favorite show: Feasting on Asphalt.

I've always dreamed of driving cross country but have, so far, lacked the time and money. I will do it before I die though. This show does it just right, with four rules:

• There will be no travel on major interstates
• There will be no eating at major chain restaurants
• If they can’t locate food or lodging, they will fend for themselves via camping, and most importantly
• There will be no whining

Alton Brown, and friends, spend a month riding cross country interviewing locals and sampling "road side" favorites. As is his style, Alton does lots of research and explains myths, traditions and how this stuff came into being. I like cooking shows as well as travel shows so this is a fun way enjoy both. Check it out.

Eww, eww, ewwwwwwww!

Well I'm awake now! I've been happily poking around online for crafty inspiration and stumbled upon someone who is making felt from her cat's hair. EWWWWWW!!! I think I'm scarred for life.

Have I mentioned my profound dislike of cats? I'm allergic to them and my last boyfriend had FOUR cats when we met. Ultimately it a was a deal breaker. Let's just say I wasn't impressed.

Pardon me now while I go get sick...

Good to be home

I forgot my camera but I did take a couple of shots with my phone. One is flying out of New York and the other is from my seat at lunch yesterday. We went to a place called BLT that I plan to visit again. The silhouettes belong to my co-workers. That "wall" behind them was open to the street. Because we had such beautiful weather (mid 80's, no humidity) I loved the open air table we were seated at. I mostly like this shot because it shows the perpetual scaffolding that is everywhere in NYC.

Today's flight was MUCH better than my last. I requested a seat in the back. I know, shocking right? I'm not sure if there is some unfortunate Rosa Parks association but, for some reason, the seats in the back of the plane are the last to fill up. I don't happen to mind the back of the plane. My attitude was rewarded with an empty row of seats all to myself. Yea! The only hiccup came as we were landing. I looked out the window and noticed about a dozen fire engine's with red lights flashing lined up on the tarmac. I don't think I've ever had that kind of welcome before and frankly it alarmed me. I later found out some nitwits had smuggled beverages on an outgoing flight. Said nitwits were apparently discovered on the runway and the plane was promptly turned around for inspection. How mad would you be if your flight was delayed two hours because of some idiots caffeine addiction?!

So, now I'm home and completely exhausted. I'm trying to stay up until at least 9:30. Its gonna be tough!

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam Spaaaaaaaam!

I just saw Spamalot and holy crap is that one funny show! Trooper and Shandon, you MUST see it when it flies into town. It is, naturally, completely absurd and silly so you can't help but laugh your butt off. It's pretty much everyone's favorite scenes and songs from Monty Python's The Holy Grail and Life of Brian all strung together. It's sort of like a musical "Monty Python's Greatest Hits" with lots of fun new songs. I loved it!

Had a great day otherwise as well. Had a fun breakfast (egg white/vegetable frittata...amazing) with a client then got back to my room long enough to check emails and get a call from a co-worker telling me to meet everyone down the street for lunch. Ok! No problem here! I then had a fantastic lunch (Lobster salad). (What is it with these New Yorkers? They really know how to eat. I've yet to taste one bad bite here. Amazing!) We then rushed over a few blocks to set up for a big fat meeting that has plagued us for the past two weeks. It went very well and seems to have been worth the effort. We packed up all of our stuff and slapped Fed Ex slips on everything with 10 minutes to spare to change clothes and brush teeth for dinner and the show. Phew! It's been a busy day but one I'd relive any time. Great time.

I still love NY but it's time to come home. Wish me luck at the airport security lines!

A New York Minute

Today I stepped into the cleanest cab in NYC with perhaps that best looking cabbie ever. What the hell?! I'm always so fascinated with these guys because they are inevitably immigrants and I figure they must have a great story to tell. I always ask lots of questions. Today's hottie was from Egypt and he was beautiful. (Trust me when I tell you this is highly unusual. The hottie aspect, not necessarily the Egyptian part.) I asked why he came to the US. He said "For a better life". He explained that he has been here for eight years but that he goes back to Egypt every three months. He says he's been able to make enough money to buy a new car and a new house in Cairo. He had recently married but said his wife didn't want to move here. She is convinced that life would be difficult in the US if/when another "bad thing" happens here. I told him I was sorry she felt that way but that I understood. We talked about current events and how upsetting it all is. Let's just say he was not impressed with Bush. He did, however, say he always goes back and tells everyone that Americans aren't what they think. I thanked him for sticking up for us.

Yesterday, I hopped in a cab with a nice man from Africa. I noticed he had a pair of well worn baby sneakers hanging from his rear view mirror. I'm in the habit of making up stories about strangers. I'd made up several about the shoes when I finally couldn't take it anymore. As I was stepping out of the cab I asked "Who's shoes are those?" The cabbie beamed and said "My little boy's." He went on to say "He's going to be six years old this weekend. He wants to go to Chuckie Cheese." I gave him and extra big tip and told him to have fun with his birthday boy. I don't know when I last saw a man light up like that when he spoke of his child. It was so sweet.

These are my favorite moments in New York. I don't know of anywhere else in the US where it seems every country on earth is represented. Due to the age of the place, I also find myself wondering about the man who built the fabulous stone wall I pass in Central Park or the craftsman who worked on that amazing awning or brownstone. I love it. Now I just need to take the time to write down some of the stories I make up. This place is a writer's paradise. No wonder so many flock here.

Why, oh why, oh Wyatt?

I've met the devil and his name is Wyatt. He is two years old and he sat behind me from LA to New York.

I had high hopes of this elusive sleep thing, I hear can happen on planes, but Wyatt had other plans. He kicked my seat the entire flight except the 1 hour he slept. He was also fond of screaming and crying as though he were being stabbed. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect two-year-olds to be still and quiet for 5 hours, but when, after 45 minutes of the kicking, I turned to his parents and said "He's kicking my chair", I was surprised by their reaction. I hated to state the obvious but they seemed truly oblivious to their up and coming little kick boxer. I should also note that I said it as sympathetically as humanly possible. Dad responded with "There's nothing I can do." Mom nodded in agreement. I was stunned. I will never understand parents who don't even consider correcting their children. Actually, I don't blame Wyatt, how is he supposed to know kicking chairs for hours on end is annoying? His parents never corrected him, never uttered a "Shh" a "stop kicing" or a even a "quiet please"...nothing. It was unbelievable! All I ask parents is to at least try to explain how to be considerate when the frequent opportunites arise. I wish I could time travel/fast forward and watch them struggle with 17 year old, punk ass Wyatt. I'd like to take this time to thank those idiots for putting yet another inconsiderate human being into our world.

The good news is that I'm now in my hotel room and feeling much better. I didn't sleep much last night because I put off the packing process to make time to put fun new stuff on my iPod. I paid the price today. I am SO tired. I'm now waiting for room service (Turkey Burger... yum!). I then plan to take a hot shower (this room is freezing) and sleep the sleep of angels.

Greetings from New York!

Generation whuuuhhhhhht?

One of our Assistants has decided it's entirely appropriate to work with her iPod on at all times. When did this become acceptable? She happens to do a LOT of copying for us, so I understand standing at a copier for an hour a day might be a situation improved upon by enjoying an iPod. I do not understand why it needs to be attached to her skull the remaining hours of her work day.

First, it was people talking on cell phones during movies, now this? What's going on? Oh, and yesterday while in a Mac Store two kids on skateboards came zooming in and were speaking SO LOUDLY I eventually said "Why are we yelling?!" They were too self involved to hear me. The friend who happened to be with me deadpanned "Invest in hearing aids. That generation is screwed."

Sunday: Goofing around online

Most people who know me, know me as proud a wing-nut liberal. God knows these past 6 years have been rough on those like me. Today, I rediscovered a site that, on one hand, angered me but also helped me laugh at some of what's been going on. Laughing has become quite an effective defense mechanism since Dubya and team took office. Here are a few moments I told people about but some of you may have missed:

Mr. Cheney
(I saw this live and wish I could thank this guy personally. Wherever you are Mr. Man, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying what I had been shouting at the television during those terrible days.)
Why can't journalists behave like this more often?


And here is one I heard of, but never saw until today:
Take that! So great..


And, of course, here are a few of the recent moments that have made us all so damn proud:
Dipshit
Frat Boy

Here are some of the remarkable videos being uploaded from soldiers. They include touching tributes to friends lost as well as some pieces that offer a soldiers POV. I can't help but think what past wars would look like now had those soldiers had digital video cameras.

And on a lighter note:

Take a look at this one-take wonder from an Iraqi war zone. I guess this could be considered evidence of what they say about war; that it's 95% wait-and-see-time and 5% crap-your-pants time. I can't even begin to imagine the planning and rehearsing that went into this. But hey, if it makes you happy and helps pass the time, more power to ya boys!!! Unfortunately, I fear this is the only "war" footage our buddies in the White House have shown Dubya...which, of course, might explain his optimism about how things are going in Iraq. (This is what it is, apparently, goofing on.)

God bless America and the internet.

*stepping off soap box now.*

Gangsta Granny?

It's official, I'm not yet a granny! I didn't get sleepy 'til around 10:30 pm, and that was with cocktails in me. Drinking usually makes me sleepy so I did quite well. Actually, I did better than well, I won the whole pot at Girl's Poker Night! Woo hoo!!!

Our cocktail was The Penny. It's named after a friend of the hostess and I believe it should be sweeping the nation. The Penny is Bacardi Limon, cranberry juice and a splash of 7-up. It's delightful!

When we first arrived, our hostess whipped out a crazy looking aluminum case (shown above). I took one look and, in horror, said "Oh no, you're not gonna play jazz flute are you?!" Thank God it was only a poker chip case. Hey, it was my first poker night. Leamee alone!!

There was much drinking and trash talk for a bunch of rookie players. Our hostess was extraordinarily patient with us but I'd be surprised if she could take another evening like that. More than once she had to shout "Ladies! It's just a game!!"

Lessons learned from our first Girl's Poker Night:

• You can talk drunk people into playing ridiculous hands.
• The Penny rocks!
• Luck is fun!
• Lauren Hill sounds good after so many years.
• Red Vines make fun straws for champagne
  

And my favorite line of the night: "Ok ladies, I'm taking Betty Ford home now."

Get down, Granny!

My race to granny-dom continues but the transition is not complete. Today, after lunch with my gay husband (my good friend who is not my husband but happens to be gay), I was handed a long awaited mix CD. I asked him to make a mix for me to work out to. People, I'm here to tell you that if you need an energetic mix, go to your gay husband. Those boys can really throw it down! I listened to the CD on the way home and had a blast. Here's the granny part, on the way home I stopped at both a cross stitch and a quilting store. I tore into the quilting store parking lot with Madonna's "Sorry" blasting. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person to ever "tear" into that parking lot playing anything much less a Madonna remix. I don't care who you are or what music you like, you simply must shake your hips and bob your head when that song is playing. If you happened to be on any So Cal freeway today and saw a woman shaking, bobbing and waving her hands around shouting "WOOOOOOOO!", that was me.

It's a bipolar experience to go from expecting leather clad male dancers and a descending disco ball to magically appear in your car to the silence of a granny meeting place like a quilting store. They are possibly the kindest shop keepers on earth but remixes are not known in them thar parts. They will soon though, I suspect they all have gay husbands but just don't know it yet. In fact, there is one male sales clerk in that store who makes my gaydar fly off the chart whenever I see him. I mean come on, it's a quilting shop for God's sake.

Tonight I'm going to Girl's Poker Night. We'll know how deep I've sunk into the Granny pool soon. If I'm too tired to continure after 9:00 pm, I'll know the damage has been done and if I need this yet.

Chatty Cathy hits 100

According to blogger.com, this is my 100th post. Wow, that was fast. Somebody tell me to shut up already! I won't, but you can always ask.

I'd like to dedicate #100 to my still-fun high school classmates I had dinner with last night. It's amazing that so much time can pass but the good ones stay the same in all the right ways. Together we are married, single, conservative, liberal, educated, funny, well traveled, out-of-staters and we still manage to have a blast together. I chalk it up to knowing what everyone at the table looked like in braces, feathered hair and terrible fashion. How embarrassing!

Most of us went our separate ways after high school and lost track of each other. We re-connected for our last reunion and have stayed in touch ever since. We all agree that our small get togethers are MUCH more fun than the official reunions. It looks like we'll be getting together once a year now. Yea!! About 6 of the local girls get together for dinner once a month. It's another grand tradition that I highly recommend.

And speaking of old friends, today is Katherine Hepburn day on TCM. You still have a chance to watch/Tivo Long Day's Journey Into Night if you hurry.

Lighten up, Francis

I work with a Project Manager who tends to get a little "sweaty" about everything she works on. In fact, she's pretty damn rude at every opportunity. Well, she is currently working on a big meeting that is apparently over booked. A recent email exchange went something like this:

Colleague: I need one more spot for the client.
Sweaty: Why do they need an additional spot? We're over booked as it is.
C: It's for an interpreter.
S: Why do they need an interpreter? They should have thought of this when they RSVP'd. They didn't need an interpreter last year.
C: It's for their deaf intern.
S: ...
C: ...
S: Ok, I'll make room.

I love it!!! This is a person who assumes every person who calls/approaches her is going to be a pain in the ass. Last week, I gave some samples to her entire group as a thank you. Everyone was very appreciative. When I got to her door I could see she was on the phone. She looked at me and said "What?!" I held up the gift and said "I just wanted to thank you for all of your hard work." HA! Take that crabby pants!!!

And speaking of crabby, here's my new favorite crabby site.

Lawd have mercy!

So, I've noticed Little Miss is channeling Hattie McDaniel. Well, really a combination of Hattie McDaniel and Sally O'Malley (Molly Shannon's SNL character who claims "I like to kick...and I'm 50!") Lately she's been answering questions in a sort of low gruff tone with a southern twang. It's bizarre.

While cleaning up before departing yesterday I heard my sis-in-law say "Where's Fight Puppy"? Fight Puppy?! What the hell is "Fight Puppy"? "Does she have some sort of plush fight club going on in her pink palace of a bedroom?" I asked. She just shrugged and said "I don't know, that's just what she calls him". I later asked Little Miss why she called her adorable stuffed dog "Fight Puppy" and with that Hattie/Sally accent she replied "'Cause he's my pup!" I really wish I could provide a recording here because it's not to be believed. The kid is four years old. I asked her brother who she was imitating. He too, just shrugged and said "That's just her. She's weird." Well said little man, well said.

Ommmmm

Maybe I'm not becoming a shut-in granny. Maybe I'm just becoming more zen. "Shut in" is funnier but "zen" sounds mature in all the right ways. Yeah, I think Ill go with "zen".

Best kick off to a weekend ever

I've had an incredibly hectic week. I worked hard and all, but sheesh was this an annoying week. I was supposed to go to an after work party but I was just too beat. I decided to get a jump on traffic and just head on home.

When I eventually got home, I had a little dinner and sat down to watch (well, really listen) to some tv and work on my latest cross stitch project. I know, I know..."what up granny"? Hey, I am what I am.

I flipped through the shows/movies my Tivo had recorded and settled on To Kill a Mockingbird. I love this movie. It's one of those that I'll pretty much watch whenever it's on. I love it's gently profound story and pace. It always leaves me wanting to be a better person and, of course, hoping to settle down with Atticus Finch. It also has an incredibly calming effect on me. More specifically, I think Gregory Peck has a calming effect on me.

Next, I flipped to Bill Moyers on Faith and Reason. Have you seen it? It's a wonderfully thought provoking set of interviews. Tonight Mr. Moyers spoke with Pema Chodron. Wow! Now that's one cool buddhist nun. If you have a chance to catch this chat you really should. ( I also loved the talk with Margaret Atwood.) Again, I was left wanting to be a better person and maybe even a bit more patient and *gasp* even less annoyed all of the time. Granted, I'm a long way off but it's a nice thought.

Now I'm listening to Lyle Lovett on Austin City Limits and life is good.

I'm looking forward to a great weekend. Hope you have one too!

Your father's a Communist

With all the Fidel Castro news these days it's reminding me of my dad's trip to Cuba. Yes, he went to Cuba and yes it was legal. Americans are allowed to visit Cuba under one of two purposes: for humanitarian or sceinentific reasons. My dad went for sceinentific reasons. The US let him go if he returned with what I called "the boondoggle book report". He genuinely did research but his dream trip was "all expenses paid" because he led the trip of other researchers/scientists (thus the "Boondoggle" title). I never read his report but I suppose I should some day. Anyway, Dad got to see the Bay of Pigs and the cave that Che Guevara hunkered down in. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me. Unfortunately, daddio isn't big on touristy pictures. He came back with mostly wildlife pix with very few sites or people in them...BOR-ING! He did come back with one picture I LOVE. It's my dad with his arm around and ancient, woman cigar maker. They are each smoking freshly rolled cigars with expressions of bliss on their faces.

He loved Cuba and swears the place will be party central once embargos are dropped. He fell in love with the people and says the architecture is stunning. His exact words were "Someone just needs to dock a tanker of paint and resurface everything and it's good as new!" He also mentioned what everyone else speaks of; the absolute feeling of time having stopped there in the 60's and what a bizarre feeling that is. He said Cuban music fills the air and you just sit back, smoke a cigar and enjoy the incredible people.

I, being a selfish wench, REALLY wanted souvenirs. Dad pointed out that they don't have much there and nothing is wasted so there's not much in the way of Cuban chochtkies. Dammit! He did mention a flea market with some "cool stuff" but, alas, he brought none of it home for yours truly. Curses!!! I'm doing my best to train him to "think of me" when he's in these exotic locales. So far I've had little luck.

When Dad got back from his trip, I called to make sure he had made it home safely. My Mom answered the phone with "WELL, your father's a Communist!". I could hear dad in the background yelling "I AM NOT!". I asked what happened and mom said "I don't know but suddenly your dad likes the idea." Dad wrestled the phone from my giggling mother and said "Look, all I said was that Communism works in a new country for about the first three months. It helps get things organized. Then human nature and takes over and Capitalism takes the lead." He was also impressed with the Cuban literacy rate. It was apparently very low when Castro took over, and is now about 99%. I see his point. My only problem now is that every time I see or hear of Fidel I think "WELL, your father's a Communist!"

My favorite euphemism, in regards to Castro, is the US governments stance of waiting for the "biological solution" to Castro. In other words "We'll just wait for the old guy to die." How's that for throwing in the towel?

Can't stop laughing

The Players:
My Mom (aka "Grandma" to the kids)
Little Miss (My niece)

Just overheard:
MM: Look, the new American Girl catalog came.

They slowly start going through the catalog picking out items for Little Miss' doll.

LM: I want that one. (Pointing to the page) What's her name?
MM: She doesn't have a name.
LM: (Pointing to the text) What does it say?
MM: Dark skin, black textured hair, light brown eyes.
LM: What do they call her?
MM: They call her...Mr. Tibbs.

That woman kills me.

Don't know much about history

I watched The Civil War this weekend. I wasn't planning on it, but it was on and I hadn't seen it in a few years. I watch it every few years but often forget how good it is.

Frankly, I hated history in school. I now know I hated the way it was taught, not history itself. I swear I never would have made it to a degree without Schoolhouse Rock to guide my way. I continue to fall miserably short on what I should know about world events, but I do my best to continue my education on my own by traveling, reading and obsessing over PBS shows whenever possible. Even with all that, I'm still no expert on war. I don't know battles, routes or maneuvers but even I know, when I hear "Shiloh", to think "Uh, oh".

I'm a big documentary fan and The Civil War has got to be at the top of my list of favorite documentaries. It had more of an impact on me than I realized. Earlier this year, while in a small pub in Dublin's Temple Bar, a friend and I were eating and chatting up the Irish fiddle and guitar players in the corner. They would play some then chat then play some more then chat. After about an hour they started playing a tune that immediately brought tears to my eyes. I, frankly, was surprised by my reaction and didn't understand for a moment or so. I then recognized the tune as being Ashokan Farewell from The Civil War. It's bad enough to unexpectedly hear that song but to hear it away from home is an especially sad thing. I even wrote Florentine Films a letter telling them of my surprising experience and they wrote a nice letter of thanks back. (Yes, I'm a documentary film maker groupie.)

Here is a list of things that have helped cultivate my love of history:

Favorite childhood historic book:
The Little House Series- Probably the most influential on this list. My dad read the entire series to me when I was a kid. To this day, whenever I fly out of LA, I look down and think "Damn, people must have really wanted to be here." I then think "Damn, I would have been a terrible pioneer; a great suffragette, but a lame pioneer."

Favorite book I was forced to read in college and have loved ever more:
All the President's Men - This is the book that confirmed I liked history. Who could make this stuff up? Also, one of my favorite movies.

Favorite post-college history book:
Washington Goes to War by David Brinkley. This is a goody, folks. Give it a try.

Favorite museum:
The Churchill Museum/The Cabinet War Rooms. This was the by far the biggest surprise from my trip earlier this year. I'd heard the Cabinet War Rooms had been recently refurbished and opened to the public (woo hoo!) and had to go. This one is a pain in the butt to find. When we finally stumbled through the doors, after a lengthy search for the place, I commented to the security guard "Sheesh, this place it hard to find...but I guess that was the point, huh?" (Stupid American strikes again.) This place is incredible.

Favorite television series based on an American war:
M*A*S*H

Favorite made-for-television film on war:
Band of Brothers. I was ready to join the USO after this one.

All-time-favorite exhibit:
Abraham Lincoln exhibit at The Huntington Library. Its been years since I saw this exhibit but I've never forgotten it. It featured many of Lincoln's personal items, such as the gloves he wore the night he was killed. It had letters, speeches, flags and tons of photos. It featured a wall of portraits of Lincoln taken each year of his presidency. If you want to see how much a man can age in four years just take a look at Lincoln's portraits.

Favorite book of historic fiction:
The Other Boleyn Girl - I loved this one so much that I went all the way to England just to see The Tower of London . I'd been there when I was right out of college but had no historic frame of reference to work from. It was so much better the second time around. Henry VIII is another obsession of mine.

"Favorite" American disaster:
The Donner Party. I don't remember the first time I heard about this but I've been fascinated ever since. I read The Donner Party Chronicles earlier in the year and recommend it. I know the Titanic diaster is a popular choice but, dammit, those folks have got nothing on these sad saps.

Favorite up-and-coming historic talking head:
Sarah Vowell. Step aside Doris Kearns Goodwin, I love your stuff but this lady can research AND make us laugh! I read Assassination Vacation and loved it. Anyone who can dream up the nick name "Jinxy McDeath" is a friend of mine. You'll have to read it to find out who she's referring to.

Most anticipated documentaries:
The War and National Parks

Favorite Presidential quote:
Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it." - Abraham Lincoln
Someone might want to mention this quote to our current Republican President. (Oops! That's called editorializing and it's frowned upon. Just ask Fox "News"... oops! There I go again!)

Future Plans:
I'd like to visit Washington D.C. next. I absoultely must go to The Smithsonian and all of the monuments. I've never been and it's a damn shame.

Oh, and don't even get me started on The Salem Witch trials.

I'm currently reading The Fall of Baghdad. It's shaping up to be a favorite as well.

As you have probably gathered, I have the attention span of a gnat, which is why this list is a bit scattered.

Now, lets hear some of your faves.

Backyard dogfight

So, here are a few shots of the crazy-ass hummingbirds that LOVE our feeders. I hope you can see them.

I know hummingbirds are small but they are remarkably aggressive. It's like a WWII dogfight out there most of the day.

We currently have about 7 feeders and have to fill them at least twice a day to keep the birds happy. They are really my dad's buddies, but when he's traveling, and I'm late filing them up, they hover next to the chair I'm sitting in and give me very dirty looks. They literally hover at eye level and throw me stink eyes. It's a lot of pressure! They urinate a lot and make a lot of noise but somehow they're pretty cool to have around. Oh, and check out the clouds. Finally! It's after 11:00 am and no need for air conditioning yet. Yea!!!

Covet thy what?

So, my brother and sis-in-law are building a new garage and office behind their home. From the beginning they decided they would do it all by the book to avoid headaches. Well, two days before the foundation was to be laid, the neighbor decides he wants my bro to move the structure 6 inches away from his property to give him the 3' clearance required on each side of his house. Problem is, the neighbor is basing his measurements on an illegal structure. What a dork! My bro called the city and asked about the structure and they had no record of it. Oops!!!The city told my bro to lay the foundation and that they would "handle" the neighbor. Did I mention that said neighbor is an abusive alcoholic with a suicidal wife and two autistic children? (I'm speaking literally here.) Why would somebody living with that set of circumstances pick a fight with a good neighbor who has never been anything but kind? I feel bad for the wife and kids but as far as that man is concerned... well, let's just say I love it when this karma thing works!

In case you're wondering

Thought I'd give Annie's questionnaire a try. Here goes:

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? The blue cheese dressing at the Northwoods Inn. There's definitely crack mixed in there.
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Carl's Jr. for burgers and McDonald's for fries. Oh come on! It's clearly another crack item...like you aren't addicted too?!
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Lately, I've been into PF Chang's.
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15-20%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Yellow cake with chocolate frosting.
Name three foods you detest above all others. Beans of any kind, brussel sprouts & cooked spinach ( I like it raw).
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Chow Mein
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni, sausage, green peppers and onions.
What do you like to put on your toast? Boysenberry jam
What is your favorite type of gum? Orbitz (But I can't chew gun anymore 'cause I'm ancient and I have TMJ and it hurts my jaw)

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone? A few dozen maybe?
Number of contacts in your email address book? Maybe 50 or so
What is your wallpaper on your computer? At work it's a Fantasia Mickey with a big evil fire breathing monster towering over him because that's how I feel sometimes at work. At home it's a lighthouse pic that I got off NationalGeographic.com
What is your screensaver on your computer? Some work thing I have no choice over. At home, well I just don't remember.
How many televisions are in your house? Three
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Orange juicer
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? NPR
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? None

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Eyes, skin (so I guess the answer is "my head")
Are you right handed or left handed? Right
Do you like your smile? Sure
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth and some spot on my shoulder the dermatologist didn't like. Oh, and I had a dreadful "female procedure" I won't describe here but I can tell you it involved the scariest piece of medical equipment I've even seen.
Would you like to? I have a friend who claims if she had three wishes she'd want world peace, $100 million and all unwanted hair to disappear from her body forever. I kinda like that idea as well.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Not normally
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? I have a pretty good ear but being raised in a loud home I sometimes don't hear people because I'm concentrating.
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? My niece
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Oh yeah! I slipped on a bag in my childhood bedroom and woke up with Dad freaking out shouting "Breathe, breathe!!!". I had a spectacular bike accident with my brothers best friend's older brother. Two bikes colliding, it was ugly. I remember waking up and asking why there was horses mane on the street. Turns out it was my hair. Musta got caught in the someone's spokes...I don't know. I also fell off a rope swing into a ditch and was dumped in the back yard by my "friends". Wow! The summer of '75 was rough!

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Uh, NO!
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I don't thing I would. It's not that I love my name so much. I just think my friends would get tired of me never responding to my new name.
How do you express your artistic side? lately, cross stitching and baking
What color do you think you look best in? unfortunately, pink
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? About 15 minutes
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yes. In fact, last night while making my "light" chocolate shake I thought I saw a runaway mini chocolate chip. I was about to throw it down the hatch when I realized it had wings. It was a fly! Ewww. Can you imagine? Expecting chocolatey goodness and... blechhhh!!! If I'd eaten it I swear I would have barfed for a week straight.
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? No! Ewwww again!
How often do you go to church? When some ceremony demands it. Enough with the weddings and baptisms people!!! Sheesh!
Have you ever saved someoneÂ’s life? Every day on the cursed freeway of fools!
Has someone ever saved yours? Yes

DARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Nope
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Maybe
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? No
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? No
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Hell yeah!
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? No, and you should thank me for it.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Maybe
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? No
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? I might shave my head but forget about the waxing.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Yes

Work work, work...

I've been workin' my butt off around here and it's actually been great. As mentioned before, I work so much better under pressure. I tend to get more organized and focused. I'm just no good left to my own devises with few deadlines. I get bored and it's just not good.

I had three trips planned in the next three weeks but two got cancelled. Yea! Now I'm just going to New York in August. I don't really like going anywhere in August (my least favorite month...no holidays...boo!!!) but, if I must, it's always good to visit New York. I even booked my first power breakfast. I always see a bizarre mix of "celebrities" in my hotel so it's fun to eat in the restaurant. It's just plain funny to be enjoying your eggs and realize Al Sharpton, some media mogul and Kathie Lee Gifford are sitting next to you. Also, I figured, why bust my ass to get across town when I can sleep in and have one of my favorite clients come to me. How exciting!!! Why didn't I think of this before?

Thank God for small favors

I got home today from running errands and noticed the house was warmer than it should have been. I'd left the thermostat at 78 degrees but it was 82 degrees...weird. I checked and the air was on so I got a sinking feeling that it wasn't working. I then noticed the cable was out and the clocks were all blinking. We had apparently had a power outage. All I could think was "Thank God I wasn't here!" I literally would have had a stroke.

I'm pretty much constantly thinking of our troops and ordinary Iraqi citizens and everyone in war torn areas of the Middle East and how they have to live in 120 degree heat (or worse) with NO POWER. Oh, and the no power thing is the least of their worries. What a nightmare!!!

So, in appreciation of having power, here are a few ways I'll be passing the time INDOORS with the air CRANKED UP:

This American Life archived episodes. This is such a great radio show. Anything you pick will be a good listen while surfing online.

iTunes. Hopefully you already have this on your computer. If not, download it here and lose hours listening to music you've always meant to check out. Be sure to check out some podcasts while you're at it.

Poke around Amazon and decide what looks good, but do me a favor and buy your books at your favorite independant bookstore.

The Onion

Slate

NPR

Check out BBC radio for a fresh perspective or BBC News.

Go to National Geographic and pick out some wallpaper for your desktop and enjoy that amazing photography.

You Tube

Ebaums World

And considering how terrible things are around the world these days, check out Charity Navigator and decide who you can donate some funds to.

Oh, and this is what I like to sip in this sort of heat:
Toss a few frozen strawberries in a tall glass of Fresca and blend with a stick blender. It's low cal, quite refreshing and oh so yummy. Give it a try sometime. If you're feeling especially festive throw some rum or vodka in there too!

Better days

I had a blazingly good day yesterday. I've known for some time that I work best under pressure but yesterday was confirmation of this theory.

I have several meetings/trips coming up in the next 6 weeks. Let's just say there is a lot to get done. I generally like travel, in that it gets me out of my routine. I also like that every penny spent is charged back to the company. I get to eat well and socialize on the road and that's good too. On the other hand it's a tremendous hassle. Because I have so many out of office meetings coming up, and the fact that I'm off tomorrow, and my boss is off next week, I need to get lots of stuff done by end of day today. As a result, I got tons of stuff done yesterday and sorta looked like I knew what I'm doing. Mostly, I want to assure the boss that things will be rolling along while she's out next week.

As for today, everyone just marched off to a 10:00 offsite meeting that I didn't need to attend (for a change of pace). I'm pretty much here alone and it's great! And even better is that I booked a 2:30 doctor appointment this afternoon so it helps extend my long weekend even more. Have I mentioned my love of my dermatologist? He reminds me of Piglet and I quite enjoy that about him. I'm serious! He's small and speaks very quietly and always says "Sooooo, how's your skin?" He kills me with his sweetness. I don't have any major skin issues, just a touch of rosacea and dry skin so I like to see him from time to time. I recommend everyone find a nice dermatologist and visit him/her a couple of times a year. No matter who you are, you can benefit from a good dermatologist. Best of all, they seem to be free wheelin' with the samples and who doesn't like free samples?

Oh, and I also love the nice people at our home alarm company. I accidentally tripped the alarm last night while checking to see if a door was locked. It was. Who knew those sensors were so sensitive? Well, the alarm scared the bejesus outta me. I rushed to the phone to call off the cops and the alarm people were so calm and kind. I guess I don't talk to them very often. I was genuinely touched at their concern. We don't normally trip our alarm so we must fall into their "hey these guys really might have a problem" category. They asked who the hell I was and why I was in my parents house. I guess I'm on a "she's cool" list somewhere (thank God!) then they said "...but you're ok, right?" I said yes but sheesh that alarm is loud!! I'm here to tell you that even if you trip the alarm yourself it still scares the hell outta you. This is especially so when you're home alone in a house made mostly of glass that overlooks a canyon filled with God knows what kind of beasts and demons. I'm almost 40 years old and I still need a babysitter. What a spaz.

So, today's blog is dedicated to all the nice people hired to look out after my lame ass. Thanks!!!

Superbitch strikes again

Was this wrong?

Associate: "I'm about to hack up a lung. I'm thinking of leaving early. Is that ok?"
Lucy: "Then I don't want you around. Beat it."

She laughed, but moments later I thought "Wow, that really wasn't very nice". Where was the "I hope you feel better." or "Go home and take care"? Guess it's just not in me today.

To be honest, I think she's faking it but she's worked so hard all day to cough when she walks by. I figure she's earned an early day just for the effort.

Hoorah!!!

I asked for Friday off and got it!!! I feel so much better.