My Superpower (Not for the faint of heart)

I believe we all have a superpower. I'm not talking about leaping over tall buildings or stopping bullets with a bare hand, I'm talking about every day ordinary abilities that we take for granted.

About a week ago we had what are known as Santa Ana winds in Southern California. The climate becomes typically warm, extremely dry and very windy. As is often the case, the dry air caused me to have a bloody nose. It doesn't happen often but I've been getting spontaneous bloody noses since I was a kid, especially during Santa Ana winds. As always, I grabbed a tissue, laid down and pinched my nose for about 30 seconds. I then sat up to confirm that the nose bleed had stopped. It then occurred to me that that is my superpower. I make really good blood, I always have. I'm O+, the universal donor type, and my blood clots quickly and efficiently. I sat on my bed, staring at the Kleenex in my hand and thought "People die because they can't do what my body just did for me."

As a result, I found myself cruising down the road to The City of Hope to donate platelets. They are always in need of whole blood but platelets are particularly hard to come by because the procedure takes some time. As I drove on to the hospital campus and towards the donor building I saw an older man, standing in a hospital gown by the fountain enjoying the sun. He broke my heart but confirmed that I REALLY hoped my blood was all I'd thought it might be. I hoped that it would help someone like him.

Once in the center, I filled out an information form and answered some questions. The good news is that I'm just the right type to be a donor. The bad news is that I've led a rather dull life. I've not traveled to exotic locales, never been to prison, I've never been a drug user and I've never had any dangerous sexual habits. In other words I'm not likely to have any blood related diseases. I'm so boring that I've even started avoiding processed foods and have never been a coffee drinker. For God's sake, my blood is about as clean as it gets.

I then met some very nice nurses who gave me heated blankets and seated me in a nice comfy recliner. They explained the whole procedure: They were going to withdraw some of my blood, remove the platelets, then return the platelet-less blood back to my body then repeat. It would take 1 -2 hours depending on how I felt after an hour. I had reading material, I had time.

The nurses at The City of Hope are good. I felt only the tiniest of pinches in the crook of my arm and I was good to go. I said "Dang! You're good." the nurse smiled and said "You're in the big time kid! This is The City of Hope." I think they have to keep an eye on you for a few minutes so I sat and chatted with my nurse. I asked what they would do with my platelets. (It was all on the web site but I'd already forgotten.) She explained that platelets help our blood clot and that when someone goes through chemo, or has an otherwise weakened system they lose their ability to produce platelets. All sorts of terrible things can happen without platelets. You can bleed into your eyes (aghhhhhhhh!) or have a stroke or God knows what. The nurse told me to think of what I was doing as "Helping a mother not have a stroke so she can go to her daughter's wedding or meet her grandchildren." She added "I'm serious. What you're doing is literally saving lives." I guess I knew that when I walked in but hadn't thought of it so literally. It was nice of her to say it to me in that way.

I learned a few fun facts too. For instance, did you now that The Red Cross sells it's blood to hospitals? I'm not bagging on the Red Cross but I was disappointed to hear that a place like The City of Hope has to spend millions buying donated blood from The Red Cross. It seems that, because I was donating at the hospital, my donation would go directly to patients in need. I will be giving my superpower blood to The City of Hope from now on.

The bigger bummer came when, after a little while, I felt a bit of pressure and a sudden ache in my transfusion arm. I told the nurse about it because once a needle is inserted you really can't feel it and I figured it should be looked into. They had told me earlier that if I felt anything, anywhere on my body change that I should notify a nurse. I'm so glad I did. The nurse jumped up to check my arm and sighed. Brace yourself... my vein had collapsed. I know, I know... gross. Honestly, it didn't hurt much at all it just felt different. I have shy veins and they are sometimes hard to find. To the nurse's credit I didn't feel anything during insertion but apparently a needle can occasionally nick a vein on the way in and later shut down. That's what may have happened to me. Who knows. That or my vein was just plain wimpy. I think when the blood was being returned to my body the vein stopped working and that was the sensation I felt. It was a TOTAL BUMMER. None of my blood would be useful to anyone. I was sad but the nurse was very kind and encouraging but we were done for the day. I promptly made my next appointment.

The nurse handed me a list of iron rich foods I should eat since I wasn't getting my intended blood back. I felt a little light headed as she walked me to the "canteen" where they insisted I eat a cookie and drink something. (Sweet!)

It is good to know that my superpower is indeed my blood. I just wish my veins could keep up. Of course, I'll go back to any place that encourages me to eat more red meat and cookies.

On the way home I drove myself to Trader Joe's and picked up a nice filet mignon for dinner. I looked for iron supplements but couldn't find any. They must have some other name. I remained light headed for a while and even thought "Oh, my blood sugar must be low." Then I reconsidered and thought "No, spaz, your blood is low." In the end, I'm no worse for wear. I was incredibly tired when I got home so I took a nap. I felt fine when I woke up an hour later. I had filet mignon and asparagus for dinner, life is good.

I apologize if this post was too graphic for anyone but I believe giving blood, in any form, is so important. If anyone out there suspects they have superpower blood I hope you'll consider donating some regularly to your local hospital or even The Red Cross. If you live near The City of Hope I encourage you to donate there. They are such nice people and they are doing exceptional work. They have made some amazing discoveries in cancer research and deserve whatever you can do to help. If nothing else, do what you can to help that nice man in the hospital gown by the fountain. Otherwise, do as I did today and think of all of those you love who have fought, or are fighting, cancer.

If you'd like to read more about becoming a donor for The City of Hope you may do so here. Thanks for listening. I hope I didn't scare anyone off.

On the other hand...

Yesterday's post was all about signs that I'm getting old. Here are a few indictations that I'm still young at heart:

• I can watch ridiculous amounts of tv when a marathon beckons. This weekend? Deadliest Catch is calling. (I know I said I was turning off the tv lately but that's on weeknights. Weekends are full throttle tv-fests!)
  
• I still want to do that cross country road trip one day. That dream never dies.
• Speaking of dreams, I still buy Lotto tickets every once in a while.
  
• I'm getting a new digital camera and may even learn how to Photoshop!
• I have been known to have popcorn for dinner.
• Well, umm, this shared challenge probably isn't the most mature but I love it!
• ... and this one was fantastic but not much more mature.
  
• I can text!
• I like this site and I'm giving these as baby shower gifts to all of my knocked-up friends.
• The Onion still slays me.
• I enjoy Farmville on Facebook.
• I own a Nintendo DS.
• When I picked up a few Fage fat free yogurts at Trader Joe's today and a moment later that lady, who had been standing there a while, let out a little groan when she reached for the last one, I thought "You gotta move faster than that sucka!"
• When I see you weaving in and out of freeway lanes in your big dumb truck I am certain you have a wee penis.

So there.

Growing up

Today I saw a ridiculously tricked out Oldsmobile on my drive home. It had a custom glittery blue paint job and sparkly chrome rims. I was far from impressed. In fact, the first thought that went through my head was, "There's a guy with some messed up priorities." Then it hit me, I'm officially old.

Of course, I've seen signs of age... err... maturity in myself for ages but I started listing them in my mind this afternoon. Here are a few indicators that I am in fact getting really old:

• I voluntarily make my bed every day (except when I'm sick).
• I voluntarily shower every day (even when I'm sick).
• I have never eaten a tub of frosting for dinner as I claimed to would "totally do" in Jr. high.
• I wait ages before buying big ticket items.
• I know how to save money.
• I've never seen "The Hills" or "The OC"
• My desire to lose weight has nothing to do with appearance and everything to do with well being.
• I voluntarily get a medical check up every year.
• I get the oil changed in my car according to guidelines of my warranty.
• I look for ways to relieve my stress
• I have a bottle of Aleve and a One-A-Day vitamins on my desk at all times. (Whoa, that's a rough one to admit.)
  
• I subscribe to National Geographic, The New Yorker and Prevention magazines and actually read them.
  
• I listen to NPR every day.
• I do not know who most of the people on Dancing with the Stars are.
• I read nutritional information in the grocery store and look for low fat/high fiber foods.
• I've seen some favorite beauty products come and go move on to discontinued status (that used to only happen to my mother).
• I'm starting to consider what to do in my "Second Act" career.
• I turn off the tv more and more lately.
• I have my hair colored every few weeks to cover the grey.
  
• I still do not own a HDTV.
• I hate going to the mall.
• I know that young people in hot cars did not buy them themselves.
  

So there are a few of the symptoms I've notice about getting old. I don't think I'm alone here... am I?

Fantastic!

How great is this idea?! The artist takes ads from the Missed Connections postings and illustrates them. I absolutely adore them. They represent just one more reason to love New York. Here is a sampling of the illustrations:

Is it just me...

I was watching 16 & Pregnant on MTV (I'm not proud of it) and saw a familiar face.

This kid popped up on the screen:

He made me think of this kid:

Ok, so who's going to tell him this is coming?


I know it's mean but sheesh! Somebody has to tell him fame is fleeting.

"New York... this is your last chance."

I collect change in a piggy bank. Well, actually I sort the pennies in a bag then put the silver coins in the piggy bank. I've doesn't this for years. When the bank is about 1/2 full it's worth $150 or so. At least that's what I thought. The other day I walked into my bedroom to find my sensible little piggy bank cracked in two and hemorrhaging silver coins all over the floor. I figured it was my niece or nephew's doing but wasn't mad. I knew that whoever it was had a little kid "Oh shit!" moment and that made me smile. Remember those moments?

I put my rather hefty bag of pennies in my purse and about half of the silver coins in another bag. I took all I could carry and headed for the Coinstar machine. I've been avoiding Coinstar because they want 9.8 cents on the dollar and that's a rip off. Unfortunately, I can't find a Wells Fargo in the area with a coin counting machine and I REALLY don't want to sit around rolling coins so Coinstar it was.

The Coinstar sits next to the "Employment Opportunities" desk/monitor at the grocery store. When I arrived, I saw a nicely dressed older African American man tapping away on the keyboard presumably filling out job application. I started dumping my coins in the machine and it sounded like damn slot machine paying out. I was watching the Coinstar screen and saw that the total was really getting up there fast. I then started feeling very guilty about cashing in so close to somebody obviously looking for a job. I even considered handing him the cash voucher but refrained. I figured he 1) might me insulted or 2) might just want something new to do during the day and therefore looking for a job or 3) could be totally opposed to my political beliefs and therefore deemed unworthy. This tactic worked and I managed to hold on to my voucher.

So, guess how much all the change I could carry was worth? Ready? $333! Of course Coinstar embezzled $30 of it, but still it was a pretty good haul. I cashed in the voucher and headed straight to Michael's to pick up a new piggy bank, since that seems to be working so well for me.

I then went to Best Buy but I'm such a dork that I didn't buy a new flat screen tv or a camera with my new found riches. Instead I picked up the newly released Season One of Rhoda on DVD. I'd heard it had recently been released and have been wanting it ever since. I then went out to lunch with Shandon.

I'm now enjoying episode two of Rhoda and I love it as much as I thought I would. I love Rhoda and Joe and Brenda and Carlton the Doorman. I love them all. Brenda gets some great lines! Remember the opening?



Speaking of openings, I opened my mail and guess what arrived today? My vehicle registration bill on Pearl. Wanna know the amount? $324. The world has a hilarious sense of humor. I always knew I was more of a Rhoda than a Mary.

**Update**
When I told Mom about my "I'm a Rhoda" stance she said "Well, hell. I could have told you that." Thanks Ma. Yup, I'm a Rhoda.

Tell me about it

Lucy bait, that's what my buddy Shandon calls books, tv and movies she is certain I will love. She knows me well. We have some fine Lucy bait in progress, coming up and remembered. Here is a sampling:

Number one on the list has got to be the upcoming HBO miniseries The Pacific. The other day Shandon handed me an advance copy of the book the show is based on thinking it was Lucy bait. She was right.

I didn't see Band of Brothers when it originally aired. I haven't the foggiest idea how that happened since I'm pretty much obsessed with WWII, especially the American and British experiences of the war. Anyway, I eventually saw Band of Brothers in a one day sitting. (Don't judge me. You know you've done that sort of thing.) It was probably a Veteran's Day marathon, all I know is that it hooked me. All plans were canceled because I had to find out how it all worked out for Easy Company. I also have been pretty much crushing on Dick Winters ever since. Is that weird? Well I can't help it, he's dreamy. That's Dick at the top of the page. See what I mean? I expect I'll be just as enamored with the Marines in The Pacific. We'll see if the series stands up to the inevitable comparisons to BoB. I hope it does.

In the same vein I'm currently reading a wonderful book called Few Eggs, No Oranges. It's the Persephone publishing of Vere Hodgson's diary during the war years in England. Vere was an ordinary woman working at a local charity in Notting Hill and living in her mother's boarding house during the war. Vere kept a diary for most of her life. After the war she edited her 1940-1945 diaries and they became the account I'm now savoring. It's a big fat book that I've been reading for months. I keep it on my nightstand and have been slowly reading a small bits at a time. I like to check in with Vere and see how she's holding up. It will probably take me as long to read the book as it took the war to begin and end. I could easily burn through the pages in a weekend or two but I find myself trying to slow down and let it last.

I should take a moment here to clarify something. I do not like the war, I'm merely fascinated by the many perspectives on it. I find tales of ordinary people under extraordinary circumstances to be irresistible. WWII is therefore of interest to me. However, I have no fantasies of going back in time and living there either. The hair products just weren't up to snuff yet (I kid!). I don't like true crime accounts but true stories of war, survival (recall this post) and some politics (All The President's Men) suck me right in. I want to hear all about those stories.

Have you ever read David Brinkley's book Washington Goes to War? It's a great little book of stories collected by David Brinkley (yes, the late great David Brinkley) on what the war was like in the then sleepy little town of Washington DC. I believe it's currently out of print so, if you ever see it, pick it up. You'll love it.

How about the better known The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society? No? What are you waiting for? I adored this book. What's it about you say? Here's a teaser from the site "January 1946: writer Juliet Ashton receives a letter from a stranger, a founding member of the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. And so begins a remarkable tale of the island of Guernsey during the German occupation, and of a society as extraordinary as its name." Um, yeah. Check it out.

My favorite museum trip was my visit to The Cabinet War Rooms soon after it opened. It's a Winston Churchill museum located in the basement of Parliament. Apparently after the war was won the Brits just locked the doors to the war rooms and went on with life. About a decade ago some folks finally went down there to see what they could find and discovered war offices that were literally frozen in time. They even found packets of sugar rations in the back of a desk drawer. These rooms were the bunkers where Winston Churchill and the BBC used to broadcast speeches and "ran the show". It's where Churchill lived during the blitz and much of the war. It's an amazing place. It alone is worth a trip to England. I'm not kidding.

My favorite movie that isn't about the war but takes place during those years is Radio Days. Anyone who claims to not like Woody Allen needs to see this film. I like to think of it as how my parents lived when they were very young. They knew about the war but they were too young to really comprehend what it was. When I'm reading or watching things about that terrible war it can help to watch a film like Radio Days for a more naive point of view of the war. This is another one that I highly recommend.

The List! Part Deux

I thought I had failed miserably with this year's list of "Film's you Must See Before The Academy Awards". Then I looked back at my post and realized I've done far better than I thought. Here is the updated list. The titles in red indicate those I've seen:

1. Up in the Air
2. Avatar
3. The Hurt Locker
4. Precious
5. Inglourious Basterds
6. Invictus
7. An Education
8. Up
9. A Serious Man
10. The Messenger
11. Julie & Julia
12. A Single Man
13. Crazy Heart
14. The Blind Side
15. The Last Station
16. Nine
17. Star Trek
18. District 9
19. Fantastic Mr. Fox
20. The Lovely Bones
21. (500) Days of Summer
22. It's Complicated
23. The Young Victoria
24. Bright Star
25. The Informant!

District 9 is half red because I Netflix'd it but couldn't get all the way through it. Let's just chalk it up to "life is too short" and call it a day. I'll probably give it another go when it comes to cable.

I'm seeing Crazy Heart tomorrow morning. That means I'm only got Invictus left and although it's just not gonna happen I'm happy I've seen the rest. Not bad for someone who sort of dropped out of the race.

So far my favorite of the year remains The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I'd say my least favorite is The Last Station. Yuck! I hate that cursed Tolstoy. I'll never understand what the big whoop is about that guy. Then again, he was Russian. As a people, Russians have suffered, maybe it's negatively influenced their bench mark. I'm just sayin'.

I believe The Best Film of the Year award belongs to The Hurt Locker. I genuinely admired it. I hope Kathryn Bigelow stomps James Cameron in the Best Director category. I also sincerely hope The Academy refrains from giving The Best Picture award to Avatar. I fell asleep in that dumb thing and was later reassured to hear that I didn't miss a thing. I was entirely underwhelmed by it and cannot understand why folks seem to have enjoyed it. Then again I didn't like Titanic much either. I believe the ridiculous box office dollars Avatar has received is reward enough. I understand that a monster film like Avatar helps the entire film making industry but it deserves nothing more than a couple of technical awards.

I've always lived in Southern California so I'm not sure how folks embrace The Academy Awards broadcast elsewhere. Around these parts there is always a party or small viewing get together to go to. Whatever you plan to do I hope you enjoy the awards. They are usually a pretty good time and, if nothing else, they shine a light on some lesser known films. There were some excellent performances to be seen this year. Go out and see a few if you haven't already.

Approved!

Hi.

I tried the vitamin B6/B-12 today. I placed the little red pill under my tongue and let it dissolve on my drive in to work. By my 9:30 meeting I was waving my hands over my head in an "L" shape, like a Yosemite Sam with his guns, shouting "It's approved! Pow, pow, pa-pa-pow!". My colleague was bent over clutching her sides from laughing so hard. She pretty much spent the rest of the day laughing at me.

What can I say? The B vitamins gave me more energy and definitely improved my mood. I had the best work day in weeks.

When asked how I felt different, I equate it to the feeling I get this time every year. You know how you just plain feel better as spring approaches? You know, when the sun stays out longer and you happen to hear the right song on your way home from work? It's like that. Your mood just naturally improves. It felt like that.

I will definitely be taking more. Pow, pow, pa-pa-pow!

And in time...

Last night my poor dad found me slumped over, in my pjs and robe, staring glassy eyed at the blue glow of the tv. I wasn't clutching a bottle of whiskey but I may as well have been.

Dad: Lucy?
Me: mmm?
Dad: Are you ok?
Me: yeah, why?
Dad: (staring at my neck) ...
Me:...
Dad: What's around your neck?
Me: My heat pack.
Dad: ...
Me: Oh! You saw the rope handles and thought I'd finally done myself in?
Dad: Well... yeah. Look at you!

Oh dear.

Today was another humdinger that involved watching colleagues get yelled at. I was, fortunately, able to dodge that bullet but it was still unpleasant. It could have spun me out into another downward spiral, and my hyperactive boss didn't help at the end of the day, but I made it through the day.

When I finally got in my car to go home I was feeling sort of numb, and then it happened. I heard the one song on earth that could pull me out of any blue mood. I heard the following on my worth-every-penny satellite radio:



I think that song could wake me from a coma. Seriously, who could be bummed after singing along to that? No matter how bad my day is it's still better than Irene Cara's or the lonely red-headed guy from Fame. Right? (Didn't that guy go on to play that mean Doctor on ER or something?) And why don't we have dance breaks like that at work? It would really make my day so much better. Can someone look into that or me? Thanks.

Within minutes my mood was so improved that I decided to drop by Trader Joe's to pick up the B vitamins that so many of my friends are hopped up on all day (who knew?). Then, miracle of miracles, I found it was the most wonderful time of the year. My favorite bunches of $1.29 daffodils were there waiting for me. I LOVE those things. I wait all year to grab 5-6 bunches of them and every year I wish I'd picked up more. They always smell so earthy and are so cheerful. They made my day.

Between singing the Body Electric, B vitamins and daffodils I think I'm gonna be ok. I also remembered the words of wisdom that my dear friend Stacey's Dad used to write in our cards: DLTLMFGUD. In other words, "Don't let the little mother fuckers get you down". The man was and remains absolutely right.

800 pounds of pressure

As mentioned in my last post, my direct Supervisor has been out on stress leave. I've been doing both of our jobs while she's been gone... four months now. The boss over both of us is a decent person but is one of the most high strung people I have EVER met. As I've mentioned numerous times Ive been a little stressed out lately. I'm doing what I can to help but it's been tough.

So far my self prescribed stress relief regimen consists of:

• Eating more healthfully
• Exercising more regularly
• Checking in with the ergonomics guy at work to make sure I'm sitting properly since my neck is killing me (Diagnosis: I was sitting properly but I had to stop cradling the phone to my ear with my shoulder. I got a headset.)
• Trying to get more sleep
• Taking the occasional "nerve pill"
• Applying a heat pack to my neck and shoulders every night
• Avoiding stressful/upsetting media
• Downloading meditation podcasts to listen to as I fall asleep
  
• Attempting to meditate when I first awaken each morning
• Taking an Aleve each morning with breakfast
  

So far these things have helped but my neck still really hurts and I don't really unwind until about Saturday afternoon.

This morning I went in for my bi-annual teeth cleaning with my Dentist. I sat in the chair and he started poking around and cleaning with that dreadful pick thingy. A few minutes in he sat back and we had conversation that went pretty much like this:

DDS: So, what's going on?
Me: What do you mean?
DDS: Does your jaw hurt?
Me: Yeah.
DDS: You're clenching. So, what is it? Work or home?
Me: What are you talking about?
DDS: The tension, is it from work or home?
Me: Uh, I've... been... a little... stressed at work.
DDS: It's pretty bad. You know when you clench your teeth you're applying 800 pounds of pressure. You could take my finger off if I made you mad enough. That kind of clenching happens when you're stressed out. Most people feel funny talking about it with their Dentist but what's going on at work?
Me: Well you ARE a Doctor.
DDS: Yes, I am!

So I explained the past several months to him. He then explained that clenching my teeth at night would not only make my jaw sore but could also cause headaches (check!) and neck and shoulder pain (check and check!).

DDS: Do you chew gum?
Me: Not anymore.
DDS: Good. Ok, so you should start taking a couple of Aleve before bed and 2 more in the morning.
Me: Is that going to be ok? it sounds like a lot.
DDS: No, you'll be fine. Swallowing fists full of Advils a few times a day will eventually hurt your kidneys, and we don't want that, but the Aleve should be ok. If that doesn't help then call me and I'll give you a super-sexy mouth guard. I'll show you one in a minute. That helps 95% of people with Bruxism (the official name for us teeth clenchers). If that doesn't do it then I may have to prescribe muscle relaxants. I'm not opposed to muscles relaxants for this sort of problem. Nothing too severe though. We don't want you walking around like these desperate housewives running their shopping carts into the potato chip aisle at 3:00 in the afternoon.
Me: LOL!
DDS: And If THAT doesn't work then I can give you a device, sort of like an iPod, that will send small electronic shocks to the jaw muscles until they relax. I mean it's not like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or anything but... you know.
Me: Umm, ok.
DDS: Now the other thing. I don't want to worry you but you're bleeding... A LOT. I'm not helping you here (he said waving that pick thingy around) but it's a lot of blood. Why are you bleeding?
Me: I'm not flossing enough?
DDS: No! It's the stress. Do what you gotta do. Take some time off. Go get a facial. Whatever, just do something. I'm not going to tell you to relax because it's easier said than done but go out and do something... and tell you HR department about this!

He then made me rinse with some crazy peri-whatchamacallit dental solution to help with the bleeding and apologized for ruining my lunch. "You'll want to salt everything because this stuff diminishes your ability to taste much for the next several hours. Sorry!"

Who knew your Dentist could tell so much about you from poking around in your mouth for a few minutes? Luckily I really like my Dentist. I like how normal and matter of fact he is but the whole conversation was sort of the last straw for me. So far I haven't mentioned my stress level to HR or my boss but I'm going to, pronto. In fact I tried to talk to my HR person about it today but she had her door closed every time I time I walked by. I'll try again tomorrow.

Until then, I'm microwaving my neck roll getting into bed for some quality Tivo time.

I'll let you know how it goes with the Aleve and the super-sexy mouth guard (I just know I'm gonna need one).

P.S. Be sure to check in with Oprah tomorrow. She's interviewing Roger Ebert. Have you seen him lately? Egads! Let's just say Roger's had a rough few years. There goes my pledge to avoid upsetting tv.

Reframe. Rethink. Reboot.

I was inspired by Shandon to dust off my blog and give her a little face lift. I ripped off her vintage idea but went for more of a comic book feel. What do you think?

It's been a helluva week but I got through it. I had to do some hard things but I'm glad I did.

Here's the deal, where I work they do a good job of encouraging us to take classes to make us more well rounded employees. My favorite type of class focuses on communication styles. They educate you on the various styles and what your style is and how to play nice with others with these styles in mind. It great because it's a double duty learning. I learn how to deal with folks at work and, naturally, it rolls over into my personal life.

I took a class about a month ago that required a "360" questionnaire. We work through an outside service that sends out questionnaires on class attendees and asks all sorts of questions about our work and personalities and God knows what else. Most of my non-friends recoil in horror when I describe this process and can't understand how I could possibly volunteer for such a dreadful process. However, I've done 360s twice now and they've both been great learning experiences. Also, I'm pretty self aware so I'm not terribly shocked by what comes back. For the most part the questionnaire indicates that I've grown in the past couple of years and that almost everyone I work with likes working with me and feels that I do a good job. On a scale of 1-4 my average ranking was about 3.5... pretty good for a mid-management level person. The only trouble was that my boss gave me about a 1.5. **Gulp** What?! I asked peers, clients, salespeople, creative staff and loads of others to give me feedback through the 360 and my boss gives me a 1.5 average?! WTF?!

During the class everyone was seen one-on-one to read and understand their 360 results. My counselor explained that a 1 ranking is where a person with no direct reports would be. A 4 is where a person who runs a division should be. All in all she said my 360 was excellent. She then pointed to the low ranking from my Manager and said "Ordinarily we'd tell you to ignore that one because they clearly don't know you. Unfortunately, it's your boss so you're going to have to talk to her about it." Bummer.

I don't typically run from confrontation. In fact, when I believe I'm right I typically charge towards confrontation. I didn't think this ranking was fair. My direct supervisor has been out on stress leave for four months and I've had to do both of our jobs by myself. My boss (over both of us) has not done much to filter what lands in my lap. I have a good team assistant who has been great but the work remains mine. Once, about 6 weeks ago a big VP was kind enough to pull me into his office to tell me that he knew I was doing a good job by myself and that he appreciated it and that "it hasn't gone unnoticed." That was very kind but was also the ONLY time anyone thought to acknowledge how hard I was working and that I was doing a good job. My boss prefers to pretend the whole ordeal isn't happening. This has really bothered me. Saying "thanks" or trying to encourage someone costs a company nothing but can make all the difference. I just can't understand how my boss can pretend it's not happening and never say so much as "good job" every once in a while. Wait, I take that back, I have heard her say "good girl"... once. It made me feel like her dog.

I spent a lot of time thinking about how to ask about my low rating and how to frame the conversation and how to remain calm and prepare myself for whatever my boss might say. Friends and peers have been puzzled by my boss' attitude throughout the past several months. One friend was so outraged she threatened to march into my bosses office for me if I didn't confront her asap. Finally, I decided the time was right. I had just completed several high level tasks and my boss was going to be taking one of our touchy-feely classes so I hoped what I said might be recalled in the class. I made an appointment last Monday evening and indicated in the invite what I wanted to speak about. It didn't seem fair to surprise attack her. I walked in cheerfully and with an open mind. Mostly I wanted to ask "WTF?" but I also wanted to tell her a few things I hoped would help our working relationship.

In the end it went well. She believes I need to "get out of my comfort zone". I immediately replied "I haven't been comfortable doing my Supervisor's job on top of mine." This stopped her for a second then she went on to give me an example, I countered with a more recent example. We talked for about a 1/2 hour. It was helpful but her complaints were small and I believe I can improve upon them. The most interesting part came when I showed her my 360 results in graph form. About 25 people were questioned about me and all ranked my very well. Seeing her ranking of me so out of proportion with everyone else seemed to surprised her. I laid the results in front of her and she sort of sucked in a little air and said "ooh!". I replied "Yeah, that's why I had to talk to you." In the end I think the evaluator I spoke with at the class was right, my boss just doesn't know me. Also, we happen to live on opposite ends of the communication spectrum of styles. She likes to get to her decisions by taking lots of cautious steps and analyzing the hell out of things. I prefer to gather necessary facts, talk things through and go for it. Needless to say we drive each other insane. They teach us to "flex" our communication styles. I know that I've stretched a lot but I can't say that I've seen the same from her. I've also come to realize that my boss doesn't know when I'm stepping "out of my comfort zone". For instance, I'm a very social person so most assume I'm perfectly comfortable presenting in front of others. Actually, I can't stand presenting in front of more than 4 people at a time. This past year I've had to speak in front of audiences from 2 - 125 people. It wasn't all comfortable but it helped me grow professionally and I'm getting better every day. I need to make sure she know that these presentations are no small task for me.

After the big "WTF?!" conversation we spoke about my supervisor coming back. I told her the past several months have been a good growing experience and that I'd done tons of things on my own and that has been good. I then went on to say that I'd also been disappointed because "Not once through this whole time has anyone reached out to me with any empathy or encouragement". I don't know about you but I'd be upset if a person under me at work said that to me. She, on the other hand, either pretended she didn't hear me or ignored me and went back to a point she'd made earlier in the conversation. It was bizarre.

I've recently figured out that it's not the workload that freaks me out, it's the way my boss tells me about the projects that riles me up. She is far too excitable for my taste. I tend to be pretty calm in the face of crisis, she seems to prefer whipping people up into a frenzy. It's a problem. I'm not sure what I can do about it but I may have to point it out to her soon before it sends me to an early grave. I have mentioned that I can tell when she's had that second coffee or when she's going for the chocolate and Diet Coke in the afternoon. ( I shudder to think what she'd be like on a Red Bull or worse.) My co-workers try not to laugh when I say these things but some things jut must be said. For Christ's sake, somebody's go to tell her to relax and it's looking more and more like it's going to have to be me.

All week we've been working on our annual "Strat Plan". It's a 5 year strategy on where we plan to take our business and how we plan to get there. It's based on lots of numbers and circumstances and conversations and I've never done it by myself. I looked at the hand written sheet my supervisor turned in to our boss last year for Strat Plan and decided it was not the way to go for me. Instead, I did my plan from an Excel sheet with lots of notes. Mine was better than my Supervisor's '09 plan. There, I said it. My work was more carefully thought through and I knew it. Late night, before heading out for my well deserved weekend, I sat with my boss to make sure she had all that she needed from me. After a few minutes of reviewing my sheets she said "You did a good job on your strat plan." Those nine little words were more encouragement than I'd ever received from her. I replied "Thank you. I appreciate that." and then told her to have a nice weekend.

I don't think I've changed anyone, and that's not my goal. I just hope that she's beginning to realize that positive reinforcement is better than ignoring all of a person's hard work. I don't know about her childhood but I don't get the impression praise came easily. I think she believes holding back kind words is how you motivate people. Unfortunately it doesn't work on me. I need to know when I'm doing something right. I need to know when I'm doing something wrong. Maybe it's just me but I'm not a mind reader, I need a hint now and then.

My supervisor is due back this Monday morning. I'll be happy to see her and to catch up and I hope she's doing better but I can't say that I need her like I did before. I now know that I can this job with or without her. Lots has changed in the past months. Some of the changes have been from circumstances at work, others have come from me being more bold and becoming more confident in all that I do at work.

I hope somebody besides my boss has noticed.

Did I mention that yesterday I went crazy and asked to be considered for a spot bonus? I say "crazy" because I don't even think I'm eligible for a spot bonus because I'm already bonus eligible. I wonder if that's why she finally complimented me. Maybe she finally figured out that it's cheaper than a bonus.

The Succesfsful Housekeeper

About 10 years ago I went to an estate sale in Pasadena. It was in a small, quaint house on a tree lined street. I remember the house very well because it was an older house with tons of charm. I also remember the garage, or more likely, the carriage house. A pack rat of a man had spent a LOT of time in there with his woodworking tools. I would have loved it but it was dusty and full of rusty tools so I made my way back into the house. It was obvious that an older person had lived there and recently died. You know how older homes sometimes freeze in a favorite era? This house was sort of frozen in the 60's or 70's. The family had hired a company to run the sale and were just trying the clear the place out.

I came in from the garage and made my way into the living room. There I found an old, water damaged book that I HAD to have. It was called The Succefsful Housekeeper (that's no typo, the cover spells it that way). It was a fascinating book on it's own since it was clearly very old. What made it irresistible to me was the fact that a woman had spent so much time on it. The former owner had kept hand written recipes in it and had carefully glued newspaper clippings into every spare space in the end papers. The recipes are written on all kinds of scraps of paper; parts of old envelopes, receipts and magazine solicitations. A few of the scraps are dated from 1887 - 1907. The hand writing is elegant but heartbreaking because the newer recipes are written with a shaky hand, presumably when she got older. This woman seems to have kept this book her whole life. Every time I come across it I wonder about who she was. Many of the scraps of paper come from Pennsylvania. Did she come to California or was her book given to a relative or friend who came here? Was she happy? What was her life like? I suppose she was the mother or grandmother of the person who left that house behind.

I don't know who she was, not even her name,there is no name anywhere to be found. The book was damaged and I knew it would end up in the trash somewhere. I asked how much they wanted for it and they said "A dollar". It's probably the fastest purchase I've ever made.

I took some pictures, they aren't the best but I think you'll understand why I cherish this book.

Look at the detailed embossing on the cover!

Here is the inside cover flap where several recipes are tucked away.

Many of the recipes are written with a fountain pen. I love it!

Oh, this is a good one! It's difficult to read but it's a smallpox cure. It says "I am willing to risk my reputation as a man, if the worst cases of small-pox cannot be cured in three days, simply by the use of cream of tartar." Yikes!

Here is a shot of the clippings that have been glued into the back of the book.


This may be my favorite. It's a lemon pie recipe with a little drawing of a man and a dog. Look at his coat... It's just all so cool.

Some of the recipes are faded while others are written in a newer hand that is, frankly, very difficult to read. I wanted to include a recipe so I'll take one from one of the clippings. This one it titled "Shortcake Like Mother Made". It is written in the old style. Wasn't it Fannie Farmer who first started writing the ingredients first? Well, here is how recipes used to be written. I think you'll agree that the 20th century way of writing recipes is a huge improvement over the past.

I've reproduced the recipe exactly as it appears in the clipping. It is dated 1898. Apparently editors didn't watch punctuation or typos back then.

The recipe begins with a long drawn out story then finally gets to the recipe with: "Here is it, just as I have written it down:
One quart flour, two heaping teaspoons baking powder, small cup lard or butter, a little salt. Mix all together thoroughly and stir up with milk, to which has been added one egg and the yolk of a second, well beaten. Mix rather stiff, but do not roll, spread out on a long thin, oblong pan. making a cake not two inches thick when done. Cook in a quick oven, split with a silver fork and butter generously, and put together one layer on top of the other, the crusts down. Cover both pieces of shortcake with berries which have been slightly mashed and allowed to stand for a short time in sugar. They can be placed on the shortcake whole if desired and fresh sugar sifted over them. The white of the egg left should be stirred up with sugar and spread over the berries on top. Serve hot with rich cream. This is good with other berries, and specially good when made with ripe peaches."

I would like to try it but I have too many questions. What is a "quick oven"? How much milk would I use? Why a silver fork? Also, I don't think I'd enjoy the strawberries mashed and certainly not with raw egg whites in them. If any of you test this recipe I hope you'll let me know what you think. I wish you luck.

I'm mostly obsessed with additions to the book but The Successful Housekeeper is a fascinating glimpse into the lives of women in the 19th century. You can take a peek right here.

I keep this book with my cookbooks. It's very fragile but I like to pull it down every once in a while. It feels like spending a little time with the woman who kept it so well. I like to think she's happy that I rescued her little book and that I love it so much even though I'm too chicken to try most of her recipes. I hope that makes her smile.

Rainy Days

So I've been away for a while, that tends to happen when I'm not loving my job. I should rephrase that... I still like my job, I'm just very stressed out by it. That hasn't changed but I figured I should check in.

Here's what's happened while I've been gone:

• It rained buckets for about a week around here. I LOVED every minute of it and would love some more but it's been tough on those dealing with mud slides. We got over 10" in the yard. Amazing!
  
• I went to the Anaheim Craft Show and was inspired to pick up some cross stitch again even though the show was almost entirely about paper crafts.
• I will never watch Jay Leno again. I don't care if he books Jesus Christ Himself, I'm not watching.
• I'm way off track on getting through The List but will still see as many as I can.
• I was supposed to go to Big Bear for a girl's crafting weekend but it's snowing too much so we're having to abort that mission and find another location. I'll keep you posted.
• Here's a fun tip: I called my brother and he said "Hi!" immediately followed with "Ive got to take this call. I'll call you back." He never did so I sent him an email telling him he was "so Cats In The Cradle". It worked. He asked me to call right way.
• I'm obsessed with Farmville on Facebook. It's sort of like Club Penguin but for adults. A Co-Worker, who is also my Farmville neighbor, passed me in the hall and said "Yo! I'm fertilizing the shit out of your farm!" It confused people and made me smile.
• One of my favorite little spots on the net is back. That's made me happy.
• I squealed when I saw Lady Gaga doing a duet with Elton John on the Grammys last night. I'm not proud, it just happened.
• I'm shopping for a nice digital SLR camera. Not sure where to start but it must be done.
• I have not been reading AT ALL. Another sure sign that I'm stressed out. Oh, and no sign of my Supervisor returning to work. Bummer.
• Shandon killed Zelda Reubenstein.
  
• I did my annual call with a friend's daughter to go through her AP reading list. I'm not sure how I got this job but it's fun and I've been doing to for a couple of years now. The parameters are a) It's got to be a foreign author, b) It's needs to be easy to follow and c) It's got to be short. My first instructions are always "Stay away from the Tolstoy and Wharton. They will just make you mad." In the end we decided on 1984 and A Christmas Carol. I know, but they are classics and she just wasn't going for the Jane Eyre. I tried.
• I can't watch the news anymore. Seeing crying children is just too much for me. I donated some money to the Haitian Habitat for Humanity fund and stopped watching. It was really getting to me and making me cry. I'm back to watching American Idol and Barefoot Contessa. Is this responsible? No. But it's what I had to do. Don't judge me.
• I made Ina Garten's Perfect Roast Chicken and we have declared it the best chicken in the world. I made changes (like ditching the fennel and adding potatoes) but I am what i am and the family seems to be happy with the recipe. Mom's just happy to have someone else cooking in her kitchen.

So, the good news is that writing down this list has made me feel better. Life is still pretty good. I really shouldn't complain and be a freaky stress case about it all. Still, I'd rather be here:


...or here:

They look like they have electricity and maybe even some cable and WiFi. Sounds perfect! Does anyone know how to get there and, more importantly, STAY there? Please let me know.

***
Update:
The Donner Party is on! The Donner Party is on PBS! Is it strange that this makes me so happy? I can't help it. I LOVE the American Experience telling of The Donner Party. Well, I'm set for the night. Sweet dreams everyone!!!

Happy New Year (1-1/2 weeks late)

Happy New Year y'all! I trust you had a good set of holidays. I've still mourning the end of my vacation but thanks to MLK next weekend is a long one. Woo hoo!

While the rest of the world comes up with resolutions for themselves this time of year, my buddies Shandon and Howard have come up with other far more entertaining New Year's challenges. This year I've decided to join in on the fun.

The first is referred to simply as The List. Shandon explains The List origins far more succinctly than I ever could over on her blog. Bottom line: I'm going to try to check out the following movies before this year's Academy Awards. Those in red indicate the films I've already seen.

1. Up in the Air
2. Avatar
3. The Hurt Locker
4. Precious
5. Inglourious Basterds
6. Invictus
7. An Education
8. Up
9. A Serious Man
10. The Messenger
11. Julie & Julia
12. A Single Man
13. Crazy Heart
14. The Blind Side
15. The Last Station
16. Nine
17. Star Trek
18. District 9
19. Fantastic Mr. Fox
20. The Lovely Bones
21. (500) Days of Summer
22. It's Complicated
23. The Young Victoria
24. Bright Star
25. The Informant!

As you can see I've only got 11 to go. (500) Days of Summer and District 9 are in Netflix envelopes on my DVD player waiting to be seen. I plan to watch them this weekend. With the exception of Invictus and District 9, I probably would have seen them all on my own anyway. It's therefore not such a daunting list. In fact I look forward to seeing them all except that damn Invictus. At least it's got Clint Eastwood going for it.

The other random challenge I've joined in on for 2010 is called The Dead Pool. There is a bit of guilt involved and I'm sure my karmic health will take a hit for it, but some things you've just got to try. So, what is this Dead Pool? Shandon, Howard, Sean and Curtis come up with a list of celebrities they think might die in the coming year. Howard took 2009 with three deaths on his list but admits to feeling bad about Karl Malden. Here is the list I submitted for 2010:

• Rush Limbaugh (I admit that this is my aspirational pick. *fingers crossed*)
• Steve Jobs (Sorry dude. I love your stuff but you're looking very ill.)
• Ariel Sharon (Yes, he's still in a coma.)
• Kirk Douglas (Poor Kirk.)
• Phyllis Diller (I had to look Ms. Diller up since I wasn't sure she was alive or not.)
• Lena Horne (I love me some Lena but she's getting up there even though she looks younger than me.)
• Joan Didion (Poor Joan. She wrote one of my all time favorite books but she just hasn't looked well since she lost John.)
• Amy Winehouse (This one makes me mad because I think she's a genuine talent but if she doesn't turn it around fast, she's a goner.)
• Elizabeth Taylor (The woman has 9 lives but I think her time is drawing near.)
• Zsa Zsa Gabor (Another that I had to check the breathing status of. Yup, she's still kickin'.)

There are no rules to The Dead Pool except that the list must be comprised of celebrities only. We all seemed to top each list with an aspirational pick this year. Shandon is still pulling for Andy Rooney while Curtis remains hopeful about Dick Cheney's death. While The Dead Pool is in no way a hit list it helps to include a few who just need to exit this world. Whoops of joy will be heard 'round the world if some of these folks finally leave us alone.

That's right Rush... keep on smoking. Just keep on smoking. *maniacal cackle growing*

Hound

I'm very close to buying my first house. It's equal parts exciting and terrifying. Beyond the home purchase I'm considering getting dog. I will likely wait a bit to get settled into the new homeowner routine but eventually I'd like to get a trusty little buddy by my side to help keep an eye on things. I've long been a fan of corgis but lately I've been thinking about the possibility of getting a bassett hound. They have great temperaments, are loyal and have deep intimidating barks all in a reasonably sized package. Best of all they have amazing howls!

Meet Sadie who howls whenever her BFF leaves the house. Such despair! I love how Sadie stops when she finally realizes she's not alone and in fact has someone to play with. I heart her.

Time Well Squandered

I've been on vacation this week. All of my Christmas duties are complete. All of my gifts are purchased, wrapped and sitting under the tree. I baked some spectacular Oatmeal Pecan Raisin cookies for my Dad and soon after became obsessed with finding some new quality cooking sites online. I found some great ones to add to my blog's sidebar:

Taste Spotting
Smitten Kitchen
O Pistachio
What We're Eating
Mixing Bowl
Love & Olive Oil
Make Life Delicious
The Bitten Word
Sugar Crafter

But hands down my new favorite has got to be:

Food Porn Daily

Despite all of these great new finds I wandered over to Allcooks and was entirely mislead.

I felt like baking but didn't have the patience for cookies (all those pesky batches!). Instead, I zeroed in on banana bread. Unfortunately, I could only find green bananas (much less over ripe bananas). I switched gears and decided to make a zucchini bread instead. I sadly did not do the wise thing and ask around for a decent recipe. I did the lame thing and logged on to AllCooks, found an ok looking recipe and baked what has to be the worst zucchini bread of all time. I knew 2 shredded zucchinis looked like way too much but I shrugged and baked it anyway. The resulting bread looked perfect but tasted all wrong. It tasted of way too much zucchini and God knows what else. I hated it. My Mom tried a bite and said "Is this supposed to be a healthy recipe?" Yeah, it was that bad. Even my Dad bravely tried a bite and exclaimed "Blechh, that's pretty bad". They were right, it was a damn bad sweet bread.

I redeemed my skills in the kitchen later by making Julia Child's Onion Soup. It was amazingly good despite my one exclusion. Julia says to add some cognac to the soup right before serving. I had already cooked some dry vermouth into it and thought it tasted sublime as it was. I really dislike the taste of alcohol and couldn't imagine cognac helping any. I told my Dad he could add a splash of cognac if he wanted. He didn't. Dad agreed that it tasted great as it was. I toasted up some fresh French bread and melted some good Swiss cheese over the toast. The soup over the toast was fantastic.

Even my soup success didn't make me feel better about the great zucchini bread debacle. I decided to give it to try again but this time with a pro's recipe. I looked for an Ina Garten zucchini bread recipe with no luck. I then visited Martha Stewart's site and found what seemed to be a much more reasonable zucchini bread recipe than this afternoon's. In fact, I baked Martha's Zucchini Spice Bread and it came out amazingly good. It's not very sweet, it's just right. I highly recommend it.

Drawn

Have you ever been drawn to something yet repelled by it at the same time? I was sampling Christmas music and realized I feel that way about several things. For one, I'm oddly drawn to Jim Brickman then I listen to him a bit and immediately feel over steeped in sap and retreat. Do you know what I mean?

I feel the same way about the Catholic church. I'm bizarrely drawn to the pomp and circumstance of the church (or is it The Church?). I really like Mary and I think confession is a grand idea. Mostly I love the fact that Catholics have a Saint for every occasion. Did you know there's a Saint for cramps? I mean seriously that's a religion for me, right? Then I take one curious step towards Catholicism and immediately run for my life when I learn about the rules and oppression and the assigned roles of women. They like to hold up Mary as their favorite woman but sheesh, she had to give birth to God to impress them. I eventually think of the Inquisition and then I think of Monty Python and then I'm lost. Through it all I remain curious but not enough to actually go to a Catholic church to investigate any of it in person. Did I mention that I was baptized Catholic? I always claim that "it didn't take". I don't mean to offend my Catholic friends and family, let's just say it's just not for me.

I have the same push/pull feelings for New Year's Eve. It always sounds like a fun idea but when it comes down to it, it's just a weak excuse for the immature or troubled to drink too much and cause problems for the rest of us. I typically just pretend it's not happening until New Year's Day when I can watch the Rose Parade on tv. A parade, by the way, that ends about 2 miles from my home.

I love the idea of drinking aged scotch but find the taste revolting. I think it would be so cool to be able to order a scotch on the rocks and love it, but I don't so I can't.

I LOVE to learn about Henry VIII but think he was a despicable freak. This pretty much applies to most history. I'm fascinated with history but I am NOT one of those who feels she was born too late. Traveling back in time is not a fantasy that has ever appealed to me. I occasionally think it might be fun to be some sort of invisible spectator to some past events. Would I want to go back and live there? No thank you. I prefer the idea of past historical figures coming into our times for a ride. Wouldn't you just love to take the some of the Donner for a drive to Donner Pass? I guess that's sort of a mean idea but I couldn't help but think of it when I drove up there a few years ago.

I guess I'll just continue to satisfy my curiosity from the safe confines of my little MacBook and the Internet.

It's About Tme

Speaking of year end lists, I was thinking about what I've read this year and I'm sad to say it's not much. I don't mean the content was bad, I mean it's a pitifully short list that I'm not proud of. It made me think about the books I've been meaning to read for years. I'd say the book I most hang my head in shame about having never read is Little Women. I know! Someone gave me a copy when I was around 10 years old but I could never get into it. I've decided it's finally time to knock that one off my "To Read" list. My buddy Shandon and I spoke about doing a book-of-shame swap. By this I mean that I agreed to read Little Women and she said she'd give her book of shame a shot. (I'll let her tell you what that book is.)

Here are the books I'd like to finally read in 2010:

• Little Women
• Rebecca
• Gone With The Wind

Sort of a weird list, huh? I can't help it. These are the books I've always meant to read but never have. Dammit, it's time!

Here are the books I'm thinking about re-reading in 2010:

• Little House on the Prairie
• The Secret Garden

What books have you always intended to read? Will you finally read one this year?

Best of

I love the "Best Of" lists that pile up this time of year. I think they are the very best thing about a year ending. If you feel the same way, here is a great place to get your "Best Of" fix. Click around for NPR's best in all kinds of genres. I know I'll be buzzing around these lists when I have a little more time come vacation. Weeeee!

Oh, and Shandon? Did you know about American Fantastic Tales? Do tell!

Silly Gifts

This is one of the funniest gift ideas I've seen so far this season. If you "get it" then you're a pal o' mine, if not, then you're not.


Here is another one that I love:



Anyone who knows me knows that I really dislike cats. Here's a little something to celebrate that hatred:


Ok, I know tragedy plus time is supposed to equal comedy but I don't think I'm quite ready for this.


These are cool:

So there are a few gift ideas for you during these last days of Christmas shopping. Enjoy!