Shut-in Central

It's official. I've hit the wall. I can not stand one more political message. I am so sick of the constant barrage of political statements coming my way. They're in my email inbox, they're on the lawns of the homes I pass every day, and let's not forget the hysterical, lie-filled, non-stop ads on tv. I've had it! It's even pushed me to take desperate measures. After my incredibly busy week, I decided to be as much of a shut-in as possible this weekend. I don't often get the chance to be a shut-in but I managed to do so yesterday. It was great. After only one day at home, and not leaving the house once, I found myself enjoying the creepy comforts of QVC. While the QVC hosts are disturbingly chipper, and their fans are disturbingly inbred, they at least avoid politics so it's become a haven for me.

I'm now watching Paula Deen flirt with the gayest man on earth. I'm sure the AARPers out there just adore him so it's probably best they don't know about his sexual leanings. Then there's this chick who just LOVES herself. She spends more time looking at herself in the monitor than showing product. The shut-ins seem to like her too.

Here are a few of the things I was actually interested in from my weekend with QVC:
Bakeware ($43.92 for 11 pieces?! Are you kidding?)
Silicone Baking Boards (Cool!)
Philosophy - A Few Good Men ($35 for 3 lbs of Philosophy 3-in-1?! OMG!!! Too bad those scents don't do much for me.)

No wonder this country is in such terrible debt. We can sit on our butts, remote in hand, and charge, charge, charge to buy a bunch of crap we don't need. I've managed to resist but if I was home all day, all the time, I'm sure those sunshiney hosts would wear me down. I can resist over-priced, ugly, Joan Rivers jewelry (and, btw, what the hell is this?!) but Philosophy bath products? That's another story. That's my personal danger zone. It's a good thing I have to go back to work tomorrow.

In the Spirit

With Halloween on it's way I figured I'd let you in on one of my favorite spooky sites.

Where is this eerie corner of the web? Over on a site called Hours Of Darkness. It's a site that features hauntingly beautiful photography of deserted buildings and areas. Architecture and photography are two of my favorite things so this site makes me swoon. I'm particularly fond of the Modern Ruins link in the Galleries section. Check it out.

I mean honestly, is there anything creepier than an abandoned psychiatric hospital? And check out that deserted theme park. I bet that place made for some favorite childhood memories but look at it now. I look at that Methodist Church and it breaks my heart. What a beautiful building. Some of these places beg to be refurbished while others reek of past horrors and deserve to be left to fall into ruins.

Be warned though, this site can really suck you in. I hope you enjoy the trip as much as I always do.

Worked over!

I work for a big company, a really big company. I happen to work in our North American office but we have offices across the globe. Once a year they gather the management teams from all over the world and throw us together for a week. The week begins with regional meetings but soon shifts to meetings that pull us all in a room together to share best practices and get to know each other. Since last Sunday night we've mostly been in a ball room with lots of tables watching presentations, setting goals and calming fears about the economy.

Wednesday we stopped all business meetings and focused on team building. They broke us out into 13 groups so we could put on a talent show to be judged by upper management. I completely lucked out, thanks to my HR guy (thank you Rod!!), and was placed in the African Drumming group. Some other people got, among other talents, rhythmic dancing, cheerleading, magic, comedy, hip hop dancing and everyone's favorite, dog training. Dog training sounds like a lot of fun but, let's be clear, dogs are completely unpredictable and quickly become a pain. Also, dogs have trouble understanding foreign accents which, of course, is a problem with an international group. But back to my drumming! I've found my new love. We learned a few basic beats then put them together and a strange thing happened, we sort of fell into a trance. I learned that beating a drum with your bare hands is a great way to relieve stress but it's also hypnotic. It's like meditation. I took to it very quickly. We then learned some dance steps to go with the drumming. I was doing fine until we were told to jump in the air and spin all the way around. I held up my hand, walked out of the dancing circle and said "I'm out!".

I had a blast during our performance and wailed on my drum. We sounded great! Later, on my way to the restroom, I was stopped three separate times and told I looked like a natural up there. The acrobatic instructor told me I "looked like a pro up there" because I looked so comfortable and was watching for queues from our instructor, who was AWESOME by the way.

After the performance my hands were killing me. We had been warned that bruising was common and that we might be a little sore. To help recover, I sat and clutched the pitcher of ice water sitting on our table to help ease the pain. It certainly felt good and I think it helped with swelling. My fellow drummers had swollen hands the next day but mine were doing ok. They were still sore the following day but I'm happy to report that we came in second place out of the 13 talent groups. We were beat by the Bollywood dancing team. Lame! As I walked off stage with my prize I stopped by the judges table and said "We were robbed!". Today one of those judges admitted, on stage, that the African Drummers had in fact been "hosed".

Right after the talent show I was in the hotel bar with some new friends from the UK office. They introduced me to their big, big boss. He, unfortunately, had a long strong handshake. He grasped my hand and I immediately yelled "OOOOOOOOUCH!" He sort of jumped back and apologized realizing I had been a drummer. I just shrugged and said "Well, you'll never forget me now."

Two days later my hands feel better but I still can't twist tops off soda and water bottles. I quickly learned that if I wordlessly set an unopened beverage in front of a friend they'd open it for me.

Last night we had an awards dinner in a famous theme park. I was faced with an interesting dilemma. I typically don't drink at work events or dinners or anywhere co-workers gather. No matter how well I know them I find drinking with co-workers can get ugly and regretful. Last night, however, I had the opportunity to get a little buzz while in a famously family oriented park that does not serve alcohol. Last night I was faced with an open bar and fast passes to some super fun rides. Well, what's a girl to do? Well, this girl had three cocktails. By the time my big, big boss was striding towards the stage to accept the Country of the Year award it took every ounce of self control I had to not run up there with her, waggle my tongue and hold up two victory signs with my fingers and yell "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". The thought made me giggle wildly. I confessed my urge to friends who wished I'd done it. I later told the big, big boss what I'd almost done and she said I should have followed through with it. Oh well. It's probably best. My reputation of being a non-drinker would have been destroyed and reversed to party girl in an instant had I lost it.

I'm now home and extremely sleepy. We did a lot of sitting but I'm somehow exhausted. You know how tired you are after a long flight? You think to yourself what's my problem? I've been sitting for hours, why am I so tired? Well, that's how I feel right now. I just need some sunshine and fresh air and a lot of sleep. Here's to a great weekend.

Uh oh

I stumbled upon a real time waster online this evening. I'm a sucker for nostalgia so I FREAKED when I was led to this, from my childhood:


Am I the only one who remembers this game? I'm sure it would be considered completely politically incorrect these days. I guess all of those witches happily spooking from room to room might upset some folks, but I used to love it. Do you remember the "whammy" ball that you dropped through the chimney? Such fun!

Then I saw this bad boy:

When was the last time you saw him hanging around? Oh, and how many of these did your family burn through during the 80's?:

This was, and remains, a big deal for me and my Mom:

It came out the year I was born and we listened to it year after year until it finally wore out. It was lost to me for several decades until I came across it in the Castro District in my early 20s. A lovely music store owner heard me squeal from across the store when I spotted it in his Castro shop. He insisted on playing it and I promptly burst into tears when I heard the first few bars. My then boyfriend was dumbstruck but that sweet queenly man ran out from behind the counter and put his arm around me as I sobbed that my Mom used to dance me around the living room to that song when I was a baby. He tried to give it to me but I wouldn't take it. I didn't think I'd ever be able to listen to it again and therefore refused. Years later I gave it a try again and was able to hear it without sobbing but it will always choke me up.

So, where did I find all of these gems from my childhood? On this fun site. (Beware! You'll be there a while.)

I also found this:

This is the sewing machine my Mom got in school and used all through my childhood. It's apparently a favorite among sewing fans but I love it for the scent. This machine has a smell that literally sweeps me back to the 70's every time I catch a whiff. I think it's the oil used to keep it in working order. I don't know, I just know that I love it. My Mom once threatened to get the smell cleaned out of it and I protested wildly. I will love that smell until I die. In fact, I'd like to be cremated and buried in the sewing machine case that's seeped in that scent. What do you say KB? Your Mom's got one too. Should we be buried near each other in matching Singer Featherweight machine boxes? I'm in if you are.

Ha!

I'm glad this was commented on. I was wondering what the hell was going on. Now I know.

This also really makes me laugh.

And Shandon, this is for you because, as of last night, you had not seen it. Tina Fey's last comment really killed me.

And Norman? Since I gave something to Shandon, here's a little something for you. Enjoy!

My thoughts exactlly!

I'd be blogging more, but all I do is work these days. Today I worked from 8:00 am - 8:00 pm and am nowhere near being caught up. Hopefully I'll be able to blog a bit more some time soon. In the mean time, here is another great clip from The Daily Show.

OMG! You're such a good debater!

The McCain camp can deny it all they want, but this is exactly how last week's debate went down:

Here is a link if the chart is too small to read.

That being said, I must admit the woman wore a kick-ass suit to the debate. That thing was tailored like no other. A friend and I were discussing the suit on Friday and decided it was ridiculous for her to play the "I'm SO middle America" card when she was wearing, what must have been, a $4,000 suit. Yves St. Laurent perchance? Hmm.

Be Glad

It's been a good weekend. Yesterday I saw The Duchess with Heidi. We liked it, but agree that those Spencer women get the shaft every time.

Today, was a nice relaxing day. So relaxing that I decided to make a meatloaf with mashed potatoes. This meal is considered brother repellent because my brother would rather die than eat it. This fact always makes me smile to myself. I haven't made dinner in a long time. Maybe the cool weather helped but I felt like getting in the kitchen for a bit. I even remembered to turn on my iPod's Showtunes playlist. Showtunes make the best tunes to cook to because, they are the most fun to sing-a-long to.

Several weeks ago my Mom decided to make her old standby, Tuna Casserole. We used to eat Tune Casserole ALL the time in the seventies. My brother hated it eve more than meatloaf. When Mom told him she recently made Tuna Casserole for Dad, my brother groaned. We later heard that he told his nine year old son about Tune Casserole with a brief description "Grandma would mix mac and cheese with tuna and mushrooms." "BLECHHH!" my nephew replied. Later mom told my nephew that she also added peas to the dish. Thsi new development was enough to make the kid swoon and fall to the ground in disgust. Tuna Casserole is apparently not served at his house.

Besides cooking, I relaxed today by catching most of Silence of the Lambs on cable. I'd forgotten how good that movie is. I suppose you have to be in the mood for it so it's been years since I've seen it. Following SOTL I watched enough of The Shining to see that disturbing man-in-bear-suit-kneeling-at-the-bed scene. So many images in that movie are disturbing and that one is right up there with the freaky twins in the hall. *shudder* I then watched The Brave One. It all got to be a bit much for a Sunday afternoon so I decided to switch gears. I'm now washing the bummer of those movies off by watching Cheaper by the Dozen, Pollyanna and Annie back-to-back on TCM while getting a little work done. I also plan to do more of that dreadful online traffic school. The work part of my plan sort of stinks but the rest should be a good time. Weeeeeeeee!

Hates the bill... loves the bill!

Needs a bit of build up but the last 5 seconds make it SO worth it.

Enjoy!

Technical Difficulties

I've been offline since Saturday afternoon. I was in the middle of my Preventing Sexual Harassment training for work, because I don't have the "spare time" at work to do it, when it crapped out on me. I lost the last 20 pages I'd suffered through and was very blue. I ended up finishing it at work yesterday by putting on my Bose head set and waving co-workers off. I've found that mere earbuds don't work. People don't respect the earbuds, but throw on a honking pair of ear phones and the world steers clear. This also works on a plane. I assume it's because you look plain crazy.

Anyway, I've been relying upon the kindness of strangers for my wireless access for the past 6 months or so. It's been a patchy arrangement but my Airport seemed to be slowing down the desk top computer so we disabled it. I've gone a day or so without internet service in these past 6 months but, after 3 consecutive days of no service, I caved and re-connected it. Desktop computer be damned! So far it seems to be working. My laptop is happy again. Of course I'll have to reconfigure my Tivo which proved to be a long torturous ordeal last time around. I'll give it a go over the weekend when I have more energy.

So, what did I do while I was offline? I eventually completed the sexual harassment training. It's a shocking online course with some fantastic dialog. I was bombarded with one God awful scenario after another. All I kept thinking was 'This stuff is in here because some fool actually said/did this.' Man, are people stupid. I technically "Manage" people so I have to take the Manager's harassment training. It was new to me. The training took me through case after case that was dismissed in court then found it's way to the Supreme Court eventually becoming a landmark case. Let's just say I don't have much faith in the lower courts these days. I don't know who's more moronic, the sexual harassers or the lower courts dismissing so many cases.

I made the mistake of looking at my 401k yesterday. That sucked. The 10% of my salary that I've contributed, so far this year, is gone. Well, I'm exaggerating, I still have $100 of it! *sigh* Obviously I'm a little bummed out about it but I'm not panicking. God knows I'm not retiring for decades so the market has loads of time to recover before I need it. Still, it is a serious situation. I knew it was bad when I read off a CNN email alert to a colleague on the phone. She gasped then drifted off mumbling something like "What?! Oh... I... I've got to call my guy. No, seriously, I've gotta go. Bye." I've never known that to happen. Now all I'm hearing is that I'll never get a loan now. Can a girl catch a break? Mama needs a house! I seriously need all of the Wall Street a-holes to get their act together... pronto. If I can configure a wireless network shouldn't they be able to figure out how to not bankrupt the country? Is that too much to ask from the financial wizards of the US.

And speaking of the world, did you hear all of the world leaders telling off Bush and Congress today about not passing the bailout? If it wasn't all so depressing it might be funny.

WTF??

Far be it from me to give a crap about McCain, and his sidekick Bible Spice, but who the hell is advising them lately? Check out this fun clip.

Lesson learned? Don't fu@k with Dave. (Here is a longer series of highlights from the show, if you're interested.)

Let me count the ways

Why do I heart The Onion? Well, here's one reason.

On a happier front

While I was incredibly annoyed during my movie outing this weekend, I did discover a favorite new tv show. Well, I didn't really discover it, and it's by no means new, but I do love it. My friend Heidi told me I should check out The Vicar of Dibley and I'm glad I did. It's a wildly popular BBC show that started back in the 90's. Unlike US shows that serve up 13 shows per season, and tend to go on and on long beyond their usefulness, the BBC offers an unpredictable number of shows and tends to produce them only as long as they are genuinely welcomed. From what I can gather, The Vicar of Dibley's first "season" was one made up of 6 episodes. Other seasons and some specials followed from 1994-2006.

I love TVOD because the humor is particularly British, which I adore, and it stars Dawn French who slays me. Because the show is from the UK it manages to get away with murder in terms of inappropriate gags, something I'm particularly fond of. I love the kooky characters in the village (Yippee... a village!) of Dibley and the I literally laugh out loud several times per episode, which is a rare thing for me. I think I can safely say that it's becoming a new comfort show for me (the ones you go to when times are tough). I own seasons of The Bob Newhart Show, Mary Tyler Moore and Northern Exposure. They are my current comfort shows but The Vicar of Dibley is right up there with them.


My only regret is that when I Netflix'd the show I inadvertently requested what seems to be the final two episodes. You'd think that title, A Holy Wholly Happy Ending, might have been a tip off, but no, I cluelessly popped the disc in and was soon a goner. How could I not love it? The finger in this clip alone will forever make me LOL. Not to mention, that it stars Richard Armitage who is adorable (have you seen North & South? It features yet another misunderstood dreamboat. *sigh*). I watched the two episodes back to back and immediately requested season 1. I'm starting from the beginning of the shows and am making my way through the entire series.

I hesitate to recommend it entirely only because so many people don't appreciate British humor as much as I do. I admit, the humor took me a while to appreciate. My Mom and brother would howl every Saturday night of my childhood while watching Monty Python's Flying Circus. I, on the other hand didn't get it. I eventually caught on and was sold by middle school. But if you enjoy that sort of quiet silly humor the Brits specialize in then you too may become a fan of Dibley. Try it on Netflix and let me know what you think. (Trooperdog, you of all people would probably get a kick out of how this fantastic Vicar handles her crazy flock. Here's a taste.)

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Yesterday, Mom and I saw Ghost Town. It made me laugh and was more poignant than I expected and Ricky Gervais was great. However, it would have been much better had the moron behind us not insisted on repeating every single joke line in the entire film. I've come across a lot of morons in theaters but this woman was truly remarkable. Her volume was incredible and her "insightful" comments, that often followed the repeated laugh lines, were about 30 minutes too late to be even remotely interesting. (Come to think of it, in my entire movie going career I've never heard somebody around me whisper something I hadn't figured out eons earlier. I'm no brainiac but the average movie goer is one dim bulb, let me tell you.) I finally turned around and asked her to keep it down. She did but, naturally, could not stop speaking. She whispered from then on but was still beyond annoying.

As a result, I've decided I want to open a theater chain that is bossy and teaches morons how to be proper movie goers. Theaters are far too polite to patrons. Movie goers are rude inconsiderate imbeciles who don't deserve tact. In my bossy theaters I would disable all electronic devices. By this I mean I'd like them all to become magically powerless and the only way to get them to work again is to leave the theater and walk into the lobby. That would save me the annoyance of seeing a lighthouse worthy beam shine up from the lower seats as some idiot decides to text a friend or check worthless messages. I would also have burly ushers, not those scrawny high school kids, on the sidelines who would rudely shout out at those deserving jackholes "Unless you're a Doctor on call, it can wait asshole!" then snatch the device from their hands.

My favorite idea for my fantasy theater chain is to install voice activated tasers into each seat. I would pay extra to go to a theater that shocked the living hell out of any jackass that uttered a word. That would be better than any movie ever made. I don't mind laughter, so the seats would have to recognize the difference between speaking and laughing but whatever... Details, details.

So there you have one of my little fantasies. Yup, I'm weird. Of course, I also dream of living in a log cabin, in a forest, all alone. Maybe I'm not weird, maybe I'm just a granny who hates the unwashed masses more and more every day.

Times are hard

Well, after seven years with my current employer, it finally happened, I had to visit Bentonville Arkansas for a day of big fat Wal-Mart meetings. Pretty much everyone I work with visits Bentonville at least once a month for business. Looks like I'll now be one of those folks. Here are my first impressions of Bentonville, AR:

First of all, as we drove the back roads to our hotel, I couldn't help but notice the absolutely enormous cluster of three crosses lit up and looming over a nearby church. I've never seen anything like it. Being the rude heathen that I am, I blurted out "Praise Jesus, stage right!" Inappropriate? Yes. Could I help myself? No.

Bentonville is remarkably built up considering the entire city revolves around one retailer but when that one retailer is the Wal-Mart it's not so hard to believe. I was traveling in a pack of eight women. We all agreed to grab some dinner in the hotel restaurant at 10:00 pm after we checked-in. The poor waiter and busboy handling our table seemed completely freaked out by so much estrogen at one table. The poor guy pouring our wine did so with shaking hands. I'm not sure why we were so scary but we were. With new eyes I looked around the table and for the first time realized I work with some very pretty woman. I honestly don't think about it but that poor kid seemed to be very aware. Of course, nobody seemed to bat an eye at the 2 dozen men around the bar and lounge watching Monday Night Football but my gang of alpha females was apparently quite terrifying. I guess I'm just used to them.

As we left the restaurant to get some sleep, I noticed a sign at the end of the bar that said, simply "Times are hard, $2 beer helps". Amen.

While at breakfast a co-worker opened the paper to the weather section to check out the US map. "Where are we anyway?" she asked. I laughed and said "I know! I woke up this morning and realized I wasn't even sure where Arkansas was. It's over Louisiana, right?" Thank God I was right. The airport and news station kept referring to themselves as NorthWest Arkansas but I still have no real idea of where I was in terms of state lines. I'll have to look that up.

By the way, my favorite means of learning about a new city is to enjoy their local morning news crew. LA and NYC are very similar while most other markets are very relaxed and borderline goofy. They also tend to be hilarious although not always deliberately. It's always a great window into a place.

After going downstairs for my complementary breakfast (Fresh omelet bar? Sweet!) I returned to my room to change into my Spanx and business clothes. It was then that I had a terrible Paris Hilton variety thought. I was passing a rather large, scenic window when the sun hit my eyes. I thought, 'Sheesh! What's with that sun?!' as if I could actually be annoyed with the sun. What a bitch! It was, however, the brightest sun I've ever seen. It was then that I realized that Bentonville lacks the smoggy haze that diffuses my every day So Cal sun. It's bright people. Very bright. It almost blinded me.

Later, and armed with shades, a co-worker and I decided to visit a local Wal-Mart in preparation for our meeting. It was the best looking Wal-Mart I've ever seen. I can't begin to imagine the pressure on that store's Manager. It's within a few miles of Wal-Mart's corporate headquarters and was absolutely pristine. I was sort of in awe if it when my co-worker tugged on my shirt and said "Oh my God! Did you see that guy?!" I looked down the immaculate isle and saw a couple walking away. "They were both a little dirty but he had no upper teeth except for one big center buck tooth." I was so bummed that I missed that. I just mumbled something about it being the Ozark country (again...Bitch!). The same co-worker, while driving us off to our first meeting, stopped, pointed and said "Oh God... was that seriously a dead armadillo?" It was. I had been trying to ignore it.

All meetings and Wal-Mart store visits and meals were located somewhere off highway 540. I must say it makes getting around very simple. I was absolutely gobsmacked by the lack of traffic. While out and about at lunchtime we were stuck at a red light behind 5 cars when our sales guy said "What do you think of our traffic?" *sigh* I actually thought about what it might be like to move to a Bentonville-like city after I got a load of their highway traffic on the way to dinner. The highway was two lanes on either side and it looked about as busy as LA traffic at 4:00 am on a Sunday morning. Besides the jeep next to us, that was missing a door (don't worry the passenger was safely strapped in with a seat belt), there were only about a dozen or so other cars driving way ahead, behind and around us. I don't know if I'll ever get over that sight. It's a serious "pro" in the pro/con list. A friend and I discussed the pros and cons for living in a rural area and ultimately decided we'd always have to live within an hour of a Trader Joe's and a Laemmle theater to remain happy.

We had a very nice dinner at a great little place called the James at the Mill restaurant. The food was great and a good time was had by all. I even had some wine, which I never bother with.

So now I'm back at home and happy about it. All in all it was a good trip. My meetings went better than I'd dared hope and I'm feeling good about visiting again. Still, I'm torn about working with Wal-Mart. I've been boycotting them since 60 Minutes did a big expose on them about 20 years ago. I've been avoiding working on the Wal-Mart account for years but I can't avoid it anymore. The people are extraordinarily kind and smart I just have a problem with some of their controversial business practices. I realize this makes me a hypocrite and it bothers me but if I'm going to put on my big girl pants and succeed in my job I have to work with these guys. The power of Wal-Mart is a mighty thing indeed. I'm oddly fascinated by it. Sort of way I'd be drawn to Voldemort if ever confronted by him. It's weird.

This morning I met a friend downstairs and we stopped to get coffee for the road. She spotted a basket with political Beenie Babies. She picked up the blue donkey and squeezed it with a Oh how cute!" She then picked up the red elephant and pretended to kick it across the store and stomp it to a pulp. I, of course, cracked up but as we walked away I said :You know that check out girl thinks we're in league with the devil." My friend just shrugged.

On the way to the airport our sales person pointed out an enormous Wal-Mart distribution center that is over a mile long and God only knows how wide. I've never seen anything like it. How's that for sticking it to the stuck up city slicker? It was a rather surprising trip. Arkansas is a very pretty place and one I won't mind visiting again.

Is that so wrong?

Is it a bad sign that the first thing I thought, when seeing this fabric pattern, over on Crazy Aunt Purl's Blog, was "Pillowcases!!!"

I'm serious. I really think my life will not be complete until I have a pillowcase featuring these beefcake firemen. Sweet dreams indeed.

OH! And I have an update on my nemesis Rick Sanchez. I was watching a bit of Hurricane Ike coverage last night and was thrilled to find that our buddy Rick has been relegated to jackass duty. Yup, he was standing in the storm, getting pelted by rain, about to get blown over and still he managed to be smug. I think my favorite moment was when they reduced him to a screen-in-screen shot and cut his mike, so the anchor could finally get a word in edgewise, and Rick just kept yammering on and on. It was awesome!

Such good stuff

I LOVE The Daily Show. I mostly love it because it's even handed. I can assure you that Dems were made fun of during their convention just as much as the Republicans were during there's. The only inequity is that the GOP offers so much more material and hypocrisy to work with.

Here is one of my favorite recent clips. Just copy and paste into your browser (I'd embed it but my computer isn't cooperating):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEvv9G846mo

Oh, and to all of the whiners who freak out when anybody is less than reverent about McCain's military service, you might want to go back a few years and recall how the GOP treated John Kerry's service to our country. And while you're at it, feel free to kiss my big ol' liberal ass.

Ahhhhhh...

I'm sure I've mentioned it already but I'm especially busy at work these days. I don't think I spent more than 15 minutes at my desk in the last 3 days. We're transferring our old jobs to the new teams while taking on our new responsibilities. The crossover is painful. I've been in meetings pretty much from 9-7 every day. I try to go to my desk for a minute, to check my voicemail, and every time I walk in I see a fresh stack of paperwork with a sad little post it note waiting for me. I, naturally, have no time to look at the sad stack so I sweep it to the side and make my calls. I've even been forced to shoo away any poor soul who spots me entering my cubicle and attempts to ask a question. I feel like a monster but I just have wave and say "Sorry, can't talk." I then have to immediately pick up my notebook, Blackberry and a bottle of water and head off to another meeting. It's a drag.

Then, today, we had a big team bonding picnic event. It was actually very nice. When I heard about it my first thought was "that doesn't sound air conditioned", and I was right, but it was fun. It was very well planned too. There were ice breakers and lots of food and we got to see our top executives get wet in a dunking tank. I highly recommend this experience to one and all.

Earlier in the day I told my new boss, while we were in yet another meeting, that I could "no longer work at work". I told her I was dumping my ginormous stack of paperwork in a bag with my laptop and to-do list and heading home immediately after the picnic. She just looked at me and said "Good for you!" Thank God... she gets it.

I left the picnic around 2:00 and drove straight home. I quickly logged on to my work laptop and have only now logged off. I organized all of the dreaded paperwork, reviewed a ton of product and knocked things off my to-do list. Perhaps best of all, I whittled my email in-box down from around 500 emails to 15. I average about 100 a day but I'm hoping that will improve after the big transition. Why do I get so much anyway? I'm not that important.

Anyway, I'm feeling MUCH less stressed right about now. I got more work done in these past 5 hours than I have all week. Thank God and the Internets.

I have a bad habit of running though to-do lists in my head all night long when I'm stressed. Needless to say, I haven't slept much this week. My hope is that now that I've handled a bunch of work I'll be able to concentrate enough to read. I'd like to finish The Host this weekend so I can re-read Outlander. Wish me luck.

People Suck

I know it's silly, in the scheme of things, but this news made me very sad and disappointed today.

As mentioned in previous posts, I've recently become a big fan of the Twilight series. Most of the women I work with are fans as well. It's causing mid-crisis' all over the work place but mostly it's been a really good time. Today I learned that the author, Stephenie Meyer, posted an early draft of the next book on her website. She did this because it had already been leaked online. She figured she'd just make it easier for her fans and post it so they wouldn't have to guiltily search all over the net for it and, God forbid, pay for it.

I have mixed feelings about the news. On one hand... HOLY CRAP, A NEW Twilight BOOK IS SUDDENLY AVAILABLE?! But on the other hand it's unfinished and not even close to being what the author wanted it to be when fans saw it. I feel really bad for this woman. Oh sure, she's rolling in dough and most won't feel bad for her but I really do. It must seriously suck to have an early, messy, draft of your eagerly anticipated book leaked online. As disappointed as the author is, the publishers must be sitting in a corner in the fetal position sucking their thumbs thinking of all of the lost revenue. There goes fiscal year 2011!

Ms. Meyer is indefinitely shelving the whole project now as a result of the leak. I hate whoever leaked it. Why do people have to suck so badly?

I'm going back to Outlander. I can't take this teen-aged angst. I'm going back to the land of grown ups. I'm going back to the land with characters who actually hop in the sack frequently, enthusiastically and unapologetically, and are featured in a yet-to-be-green-lit movie version, a movie that has yet to be optioned because nobody can agree on the proper handling of the story and, most importantly, the casting of the incredibly hot and dreamy leading man. Yeah, that's a world I know. That's a world I can live with.

Suggestions please

Since I've been taking a stab at writing I've become curious about different genres. In terms of my reading preferences I tend to stick to the mainstream. I like fiction, non-fiction, historical fiction and classics. My "have read" list comes almost entirely from those categories. I think it's time to branch out. I'd like to dip my toe in the less serious end of the literary genre pool. I'd like to try some books from categories I've never even considered before. I'm therefore looking for your suggestions. To begin with I'd like solid suggestions for the following genres: Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Romance, Mystery/Detective novels. By "solid" I mean picks that are reasonably well written. (I have some terrible memories of giving Danielle Steele a try back in college. I found myself compulsively editing her. It was awful.) I suppose the Twilight and Outlander series are considered "romance" by many. Oh, and there was that Nora Robert trilogy I got sucked into. Shoot! Maybe I've already covered the romance category. Maybe I shouldn't press my luck. I mean it can't possibly get better than Outlander, right? Or maybe I should deliberately seek out the really trashy stuff. I don't know...

Anyway, I plan to reserve judgement until I give some of these genres a try. I won't, for example, giggle when I read the following description on Amazon: "being cursed into a book as a love-slave for eternity can ruin even a Spartan warrior's day." Ahem... I'm being brave here people. Please don't judge.

I've never had an interest in any of these literary flavors before but I think it's time to stop being a snob. For all I know I adore those romance novels with buff guys on the covers. Or maybe those new age-y looking sci-fi books will curl my toes. I just don't know, but I think it's time to open my mind and give new (to me) genres a chance.

I tried doing a search online for "Good sci-fi" and "Decent Romance" with little luck. I looked through some Amazon reviews but I rarely trust those. I did, however, learn that the test of a good romance story is being able to read a love scene, out loud, without snickering. That could be a hilarious test.

I'm clueless about these types of books so I need your help. If you have any fun books to suggest, please do. Don't feel you even have to stay within those genres listed above. If you feel strongly about some other category let me know. I'm guessing all genres have an upper echelon so I'm looking for those.

I realize I don't have a vast readership here but I'm hoping those who do stop by will offer some suggestions. I'd especially love to hear about any long closeted guilty pleasures hidden on your bookshelves.

Don't be shy, speak up!

Thanks!

P.S. While looking for a fun book cover pic to include in this post, I stumbled upon this site. I will not snicker... I will not snicker... *biting inside of cheek* I will not snicker...

Awkward!

I heard back from CNN. Turns out they send viewer emails directly to the anchors. Awkward! Oh well, Rick should hear he's being a jackhole. I'm just sorry that I used my work email that includes my full name and place of business. Bummer.

Oh well, I can take that wiener. I meant every word I said I'm just sorry I called him a "blow hard" twice. It's hard to edit in a tiny comment box! Anyway, here is the CNN email reply:

Thank you for the comment you sent for Rick Sanchez.

Anchor and correspondent e-mails are forwarded to their personal e-mail boxes (when possible), however, Viewer Communications Management receives and acknowledges e-mails on behalf of them. While neither the anchors nor Viewer Communications Management can reply personally to every e-mail, your comments are important to us and we do read each and every one. Viewer Communications Management replies on behalf of the anchors when possible, and also incorporates viewer opinions into the weekly anchor reports that are provided to senior management.

If you have mistakenly submitted a question through this comments section, please allow time for it to be tagged as such and routed to the appropriate persons for handling.

Again, thank you for contacting us, and please visit the attached links for more information on our anchors, programs and schedules:

If I disappear... blame Rick.

Update

Here is the email I sent to CNN:

"For the first time ever I've been forced to abandon CNN for the greener pastures of MSNBC. Why am I leaving? I'm leaving because I literally can't stomach that blow hard Rick Sanchez another minute. His cringe worthy "reporting" makes me ill. The man is a rude blow hard who makes anchoring look as hard as it must be. Last night he had the nerve to offer advise to Anderson Cooper on how to report from a hurricane. That's hilarious, Rick!

I'll flip past CNN to see if Anderson Cooper is anywhere to be found but if that jackhole Rick is on camera, I'm outta there. I don't think I'm alone in my preference for reporters with at least some knowledge of what they are reporting on and at least an ounce of empathy. Mr. Sanchez just casually sits around with his sleeves rolled up (give me a break!) reading off comments from his fanclub on Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. Where is the reporting on CNN?"

**Harrumph**

I hate Rick

Ok, first of all, I have to say... abstinence rocks!

Ok, now that I've got that out of the way allow me to move on to my annoyance with this new jackhole from CNN. Have you seen this guy Rick Sanchez? I can't stand the guy and can't believe he's got the prime time slot for CNN. I have a feeling he fills CNN's vague attempt to diversify their anchor base. Surely there are better choices out there.

I don't spend a lot of time watching CNN but when there is a developing story (Gustav and the convention) I may have it on on the background. I knew I didn't like this Rick character when I saw that night after night he was sitting around in an air-conditioned studio with his sleeves rolled up as if he were really suffering through the evacuation. I tried to give him a chance but I quickly realized I find him to be blow hard with a tendency to speak too loudly and condescendingly. He’s such a jerk! When asked if he recalled the Exxon Valdez disaster he dismissively replied “Oh yeah, the one in Alaska.” *Doh!* He clearly doesn't know what he’s talking about on almost every subject yet he has mysteriously become CNN’s go-to guy for the past few days of Gustav coverage. What could they possibly be thinking? Shouldn't they be relying on somebody with at least a glimmer of empathy?

Meanwhile, I’ve been wondering where in the world Anderson Cooper has been. I figured he was on his way to New Orleans and, as it turns out, I was right. Last night I watched that terrible Rick Sanchez speak with Anderson who was reporting live from the French Quarter. Rick had the nerve to give Anderson Cooper advise on how to report from a storm! Are you kidding me, Rick?! Here's some news for ya Rick, it may be news to you but Anderson Cooper knows how to report from terrible scenes and manages to do it with some empathy. You should try it some time, Rick.

I'm now officially begging CNN to please keep the aging USC frat boy types out of my face. Rick Sanchez keeps cutting reporters off and has spent the last few days checking his ridiculous Facebook page for comments on live television. If I wanted to know what folks on chat rooms had to say, I’d go there myself. I just can’t imagine any other legitimate reporter wasting time on Facebook at a time like this. Since when is hanging out in a chat room considered reporting?
Rick Sanchez has also been talking about MySpace and Twitter as well. **Sigh** Whatever happened to real reporting? Nowadays it seems sitting around in a studio reading off emails and talking to fools on the phone is as thorough as it gets. It’s so depressing.

As a result I’ve been forced to entirely abandon CNN for the seemingly greener pastures of MSNBC. At least the anchors there are respectfully wearing suits and matching somber moods. They're even attempting to explain the dynamics of the storm and following the evacuation from knowledgeable sources.

I’ll flip past CNN to see what Anderson has to say but if I see that jackhole Rick on the screen I’m outta there.

Also, a quick check online indicates that I'm not the only Rick hater out there. He is apparently despised by many. Will I be emailing CNN about this? you better believe it!

Anderson, I’m afraid it’s all up to you my friend.

Update

Well, for anyone out there who might care, I'm still writing. I'm no longer channeling a bossy muse but I'm still having fun. I did, however, hit the wall last night. I had to work 'til 7:00 which always bums me out. I was particularly stressed out and had a bad night. My new job description is a biggie. I know I can handle it but it's a lot of pressure and I'm probably looking at about a year of looooong hours and loooots of travel. It's not what I initially signed up for but I'm up for the challenge. If it seriously sucks, I'll find another job.

Pretty much everyone I know is going through a serious rut. Most of my coworkers are reevaluating their careers. Lots of people got hosed in our new organizational structure. Lots of people from my area are saying "I'll give it 6 months then decide what I want to do." I think upper management would have a stroke if they had a real understanding of the level of discontent. We're gonna have a lot of desks to fill in about 6 months. Of course this isn't limited to my work place. I have many friends outside the workplace who seem to be struggling through the same difficult issues. It all sucks. I sometimes wonder if it's like a phantom itch. Maybe we're all feeling a phantom dread for back-to-school? What I'm feeling is very close to that back-to-school depression.

Then, as if I'm not busy enough, I received an email telling me I had to take the Preventing Workplace Harassment training. What?! I just took that Sexual Harassment class about 6 months ago. Naturally I replied saying just that. I then got a reply to my reply where they explained yes, I took Deterring Sexual Harassment in February but now it's time to take Preventing Workplace Harassment. Oh, well as long as we're clear. Did I mention this online "class" takes two hours? It's pure torture. Where is my Preventing Workplace Stress and Resulting Freak-out class?

All of these pressures have sucked the creative spirit right out of me. Last night I hated the direction my little story was taking and got mad. I managed to beat some stuff out on my laptop but I don't believe it's any good. I created a "Dump" folder where I put the stuff I'm not crazy about. I figure I can always to go back and use pieces of it. I don't throw anything out, no matter how crabby and discouraged I may have been when I wrote it.

I've not been sleeping well either. While tossing and turning last night, and listening to Hem on my iPod in an attempt to relax, I decided to completely change one of my story threads. It will require rewriting a bunch of stuff but since I have no deadline it's fine. The one parameter I've given myself is that I have to write something every day. I have promised myself I will turn off the tv, turn on my "Moody" playlist of music and get something out. So far I have written something every day. I have 12 chapters, that need to be rewritten, and the "Dump" folder full of scraps. I'm frustrated but I have a long weekend to look forward to. I'm hoping a day of no commitments will help me straighten out my story lines. I'm looking forward to it. I supposed that's a good sign.

So there you have it. I probably need more time off. I haven't had a real get-away vacation in ages and could probably use one. Someone suggested taking a week off and renting a cabin somewhere just to write. How great would that be? A girl can dream.

I'm off to write and, hopefully, de-stress. See ya later.

Oh, but before I go I'd jut like to say that all of those disgruntled Hillary supporters are really disappointing me. Thanks a lot ladies for taking us back 50 years and making sure the world believes all women are emotional and irrational. I also blame the media for talking exclusively to disgruntled Hillary delegates. Way to go assholes. We all know there is NO WAY you'll be talking exclusively to anti-McCain Republicans when it's their turn to cry in Minneapolis. No wonder my writing mojo is endangered! You're killin' me.

Little Liars Everywhere

My niece and nephew are over for the day and the second they entered the house all creativity ran away to hide. I decided to flee to the library. It's the same library I used in high school. I come here maybe once a year but not much more than that. I don't think I've been her during a week day since high school. It's usually teeming with students and loud parents when I come here. Today though the parking lot was fairly empty.

I went straight to the computer to look up a few things I wanted for research. I gathered my book then sat down at a small cubbyhole in a corner. If I look up I see cubby after cubby filled with students pretending to work. I know kids pretending to do homework a the library is nothing new but it's a whole new ball game now. I get the feeling kids are dropped off here for the day and expected to do summer reading and AP class prep. Trouble is, with all of the new technology these parents load their kids up with, the library is no place to study anymore. It's silent all right, but everywhere I look there are kids lazily texting each other. The girl in front of me has her spendy looking laptop up on the cubby shelf with nothing open on her desktop but her music program which is playing into her earbuds. She has been leaning, laying really, all the way over on her left arm while texting with her right the whole time I've been here. Man! A kid could stay here all day and never get a lick of work done. A kid could set and entire social life up and never leave her cubby.

Look at me! I came here to write, and I have, but because of wireless Internet access I can write a quick blog entry too. Shandon, KB and Troop... thank God we didn't have this technology in high school. I don't see how we would have learned a thing much less ever graduated. I know KB and I would have been the worst with that texting. We were bad enough with plain old notebook paper and pencils. Ah, the good old days of passing notes. I guess nobody does that anymore. *sigh* It's a shame too. KB and I used to illustrate our notes to each other. the thoguht of those pictures still crakcs me up. So inappropriate!

Ok, back to more writing...

One more thing

I'm not so afraid of my story drifting away so I'm branching out. I even went to lunch with Shandon today. I had to get out to replace the completely useless Thesaurus I owned. I couldn't find my beloved American Heritage Dictionary but it's sort of spendy so I refuse to buy a new one. I went on an full blown search for it this afternoon.

All of my books are boxed in the garage. We've had a bit of a mouse infestation lately so I was a little scared to dig through the storage closet where my books are but I needed that damn dictionary. I poked around and saw that the new box of mouse poison had been disturbed. I also saw droppings. Gross!! Through the carrier hole of one box I could see lint from the dryer that some resourceful critter had dragged up there. I almost didn't open that one but I knocked on the box and jumped back hoping nothing would leap out at me. Nothing did. After much disruption of the mouse house I found my dictionary. Hoorah! I also found my fun Timetables of History book. It's just what I needed! Oh, and according to the book we're due for a plague and I'm pretty sure I breathed in some plague today. If this is the beginning of the end, my apologies for bringing Black Death back. (By the way, I don't think the plague looked as good as depicted above.)

And thank you for the kind comments. I won't be sharing my story online (sorry Troop!) but frankly, even in person, it's difficult. Shandon and I agree that most of the best stories sound completely ludicrous when briefed. I have trouble putting mine in a nutshell. No matter what I say it sounds stupid so I'm just not talking about it much.

I will say the characters have been making me laugh. I take that as an encouraging sign.

Ok, I'm off for some dinner and more writing.

Please excuse Lucy's absence

Sorry about the unexcused absence. There really is a perfectly good explanation.

Last weekend, while wondering if I could ever write good characters, and why a Harry Potter hadn't landed on my shoulder yet just begging me to tell his story, another set of characters stopped by and have been demanding my attention.

This has never happened to me before. It hit me last Sunday and, except for work, I've been unable to stop writing. Even at work they are chattering away in the back of my head. Luckily work is very busy so I can drown them out. Trouble is I don't want to drown them out. My solution? I decided to take 3 whole days off just to write. How decadent!! I started my outline last Sunday and wrote a key chapter. I've since tightened up the outline and written a prologue and 6 chapters. What the hell is going on? I still don't know if I can write compelling characters but I sure like them. I like them enough to take valuable vacation time to get their story out.

I don't know that I will ever have the guts to let anyone read it. I'm doing this because I'm having so much fun and I like the challenge of it. I've always wanted to write a book but never had a story to tell. Now I do. I'm still not certain I can do it but I'm having fun trying.

I do worry that it's all just a rehashing of other familiar stories but I'm pretty sure it's a new story. Then again I remember reading a story about Paul McCartney waking up in the middle of the night with a great little tune in his head. He got up and wrote down the music for it then went back to sleep. He woke up the next morning only to learn had had written down the music for "Yesterday". Trouble is he'd written "Yesterday" 20 years previously.

That's sort of my fear. I'm afraid I'm going to write all of this down only to find it's been written, much better, before.

Oh well, like I said, I'm just doing this for me, for the fun of it. I'm having a blast but my bottom hurts from sitting so long.

Oh, and I've discovered that I can write to very loud and hyper music. I also have a bulletin board of visual references that's really helpful. Thank God for the Internet! I just think about a location and can quickly look it it and pin it on my board. It's great!

My only distraction today? I got up to get more water from the kitchen and saw the the world's biggest fire engine was parked in front of our house. It literally filled the entire space in front of our house. It was huge! But where were the fire fighters? I looked up the street to see about 15 of them gathered at the corner. I also saw another fire engine parked up the street. I didn't know what was going but I was glad I'd taken a shower earlier.

So anyway, that's what I'm doing. I don't know that I'll be posting here for a the next week or so. Its' really all about channeling this creative energy into this story before it dries up. That's probably my greatest fear, that it will all just float away as quickly as it came.

Here's a weird thing too, when I sit down to write a chapter, I have a general idea of where the story is going but I have no idea where the details and dialog comes from. It's the damnedest thing. I'm literally surprised at the things that come out these character's mouths. I'm just hoping they aren't flat, boring characters that only I like. The girl in the story makes me laugh though and one scene actually made me cry but that may have just been PMS. It's all just a fun adventure.

I think it was that Stephenie Meyer. I told you her story was as interesting to me as her books. Well I guess she inspired me to actually think about creating my own characters and I think I have.

This has never happened to me. I hear writer's say they write because they can't help themselves. I never understood that instinct until now. Now, it's all I can do. I don't even want to leave the house. Yes, it's happened... I'm finally a shut in. *sigh*

Oh, and that picture above? That's a location of mine. What do you think?

Update

I finished the Twilight series early last week. About 20 other women in my office are just as obsessed as I am with the books. A book club is forming from the series. Some women admit to having mid-life crisis' because of the books. A newlywed friend looks up from her book to see her husband burping or scratching and rolls her eyes in disgust. Another friend is planning her wedding and can't stop thinking that her fiance has never looked at her the way Edward looks at Bella. It's bad. It's an epidemic.

I'm now reading the author's adult book, The Host. So far I like it. It's strange but good.

As for other obsessions, I'm losing sleep watching the Olympics. My new favorite thing to do is hit the mute button on the tv and watch gymnastics, swimming and diving with my iPod on 'til about 1:00 am. I highly recommend iPod part, not the staying up too late on a week night.

Today was the first time in about a month that I didn't have to be anywhere all day. It's been heavenly. My plan was to read, upload CDs (I'm' up to Cabaret in my Soundtracks collection) and watch some tv. I had no interest in the USA Basketball game so I popped disc one of Friday Night Lights on the DVD player. I've pretty much been a shut-in ever since. Several friends recommended the show to me and one loaned the Season One DVDs to me. So far I'm liking it but what I'm really looking forward to is the release of Dexter on DVD next week. I'm sure that will kick off a whole other obsession.

On the life-is-getting-grown-up front, I've been getting house listings from my realtor every day for a couple of weeks now. I finally got one I liked Thursday night. It was for a very cute house in Pasadena not far from Shandon's place. I called my realtor and asked her about it. She called me right back with the info after speaking with the listing agent. It's a cute, clean house because it's owned by and investment company. "Oh, forget it." I told her. In this market I'm not going to haggle with professional flippers for my house. I'm looking for somebody who has to sell and has to compromise. That certainly isn't difficult to find these days so why bother with the pros? My realtor agreed. I really like her. She seems very protective of my future home purchase and is not at all pushy. I love that about her. We discussed how lucky I am to be in the position that I'll know my house when I see it. I'm getting impatient but know that the more I wait and save, the better. And if all of that isn't enough, work is getting stressful. I've been put in charge of a pretty big business. I'm flattered and know I can do it but the stress is beginning to build.

It should be an interesting year.

Quote of the day

A friend and I have been working together on some rather frustrating programs for months now. We've pretty much hit the wall but today was especially annoying. As my friend stomped around the corner to pick up something from the printer she said:

"Every day I just want to bash my own head in with a rock!"

Of course, 20 seconds later I heard her gleefully exclaim "They're giving away kids scooters?! I'm so jealous!!"

Was that innappropriate?

Today, during a meeting about several new projects, Jake Gyllenhaal's name came up. He's shooting a new film in which he appears shirtless and the pix were apparently all over the internet today. My favorite Creative Director, sitting at the end of the table, got up and crossed the room, mid-meeting, to proudly show me this pic on his Blackberry:

Creative Director: *waiting for my reaction*
Lucy: Whoa! Now that's why I watched Jarhead. It's just like 300, I hit mute and enjoy. I really don't care what they're talking about.

Let's just say the ladies in the room agreed with me. The men, on the other hand, just shook their heads. (Aww, poor babies don't like being objectified? Cry me a river.)

About 20 minutes later a female Executive VP sat down across from me. Here's the disturbing part: After a few minutes she slid her Blackberry across the table at me with the same image on the screen while waggling her eyebrows up and down. What kind of reputation do I have anyway? I've apparently made other inappropriate comments before. I'd try to be more diplomatic in the future but the powers-that-be seem to not only like but encourage my off color remarks. Hmm, it's a fine line I walk, don't ya think?

But just between you and me, I highly recommend watching 300 on mute and with your iPod on. Good times, good times indeed. See what I mean:

No Thanks. I'm reading.

Client, from out of town, calling from car: Do you want to go out to dinner tonight? I'll take you anywhere you want to go.
Lucy: Umm, I can't.
Client: Why, what are you doing?
Lucy: Well, I'm ... reading.
Clinet: What are you reading?
Lucy: It's embarrassing.
Client: Oh come on, what are you reading?
Lucy: Seriously, its embarrassing.
Client: OH MY GOD! I totally know what you're reading. You're reading that Breaking Dawn book aren't you?
Lucy: No! Of course not. I'm reading the one right before it... book three.
Client: I can't believe you're going to read instead of coming out with me tonight.
Client (to others in the car): "Can you believe she's going to read instead of coming out with us?"
Voice from the car/background: Yes. It's Twilight, I don't blame her. Go home!
Client: Wow.
Lucy: Sorry.
Client: ...
Lucy: ...
Client: You know I completely understand, right?
Lucy: Thanks.

Earlier in the day another ordinarily reasonable co-worker breathlessly ran to me and another friend and said "Oh my God! Last night I bought that Twilight book you guys were talking about and I finished it this morning! I love it!!!"

This is getting ridiculous.

Thank God for fellow readers who understand the draw of a fun book. Where would we be without them?

Quick update

I admit it, I'm completely caught up in the Twilight frenzy. It's a phenomenon I've been curious about for a while. I asked Shandon what she thought of Twilight and she said she liked it but didn't feel compelled to read the rest of the books. I just shrugged off the books thinking they were "Young Adult" (i.e. Romance) and avoided them. Lately, though, they've become unavoidable.

Last week I learned that a pack of otherwise perfectly reasonable co-workers were rabid fans of the books. I heard more about them at lunch and figured I'd give Twilight a try. The final book was coming out on Friday so if I liked it, I'd be able to read them without having to wait a year for the next installment. If I hated it, no harm no foul. Well, I love them. I started Twilight late Wednesday night and finished by Friday night. I immediately began New Moon (the 2nd book) and finished it this morning. My only real criticism is that the author uses the word "incredulously" a LOT (... she said incredulously). I suppose that's the editor's oversight as much as the author's so I won't hold it against her. Oh well, maybe it made some kid curious enough to look it up.

These books are very fast reads. I know, because it's not as though I'm just sitting around reading all the time. I'm still ripping CDs to my recovering laptop (I'm up to Lauryn Hill!). Yesterday I tore myself away long enough to see a matinee stage performance of Singin' in the Rain and have an early bird dinner with Tony. Even then there was no escaping the Twilight freakout. the woman sitting next to me was reading Twilight every time the lights were up in the theater. I saw her walking towards us with the book in hand and told her I'd just finished it and loved it. She explained that she was re-reading them before starting the fourth book that came out at midnight.

But here's the deal, it's not jut the story that I like so much. I'm also supremely fascinated by (and terribly jealous of) the author's story. Stephenie Meyer was a contented homemaker with no intention of ever becoming a writer when she had an incredibly vivid dream about two teenagers who were in the middle of first love. The only trouble seemed to be that the boy had to fight his urge to kill the girl every minute they were together. Interesting! She was so intrigued by the dream that she wrote it all down and kept on writing their story for an entire summer. She had a Publisher by November of the same year. I mean, who does that?! Oh, and did I mention she's a Mormon stay-at-home-Mom inspired by music from Coldplay, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park and Radiohead to name a few? She thoughtfully includes playlists of the music that inspired each book on her website. I don't know where this diva came from but I love her!

And here's the very best part about the books. It sets the standard so impossibly high for dreamy boys that I really don't see why any self respecting teen girl would even bother speaking to boys while absorbing these stories. I love that! I have friends with pre-teen girls and I'm already sounding like an old lady when I warn them that boys aren't worth bothering with for a while. "Don't give yourself away to a boy right now. They are SO unworthy." Luckily the girl I spoke those words to agreed with me. It's not that I dislike boys, I just like the idea of young girls having ridiculously high standards especially at that age. I heard a statistic that claimed something like 1 out of every 4 teen girls in a relationship is in an abusive relationship. What?! And to be clear, it's not just the youngins getting into trouble. Grown women seem to have just as much trouble in love. I happen to feel that everyone should set high standards when it comes to who you plan to spend your time on earth with. That's why I hope even more girls read these books. Is the love story over-the-top and unrealistic? Absolutely. Is it sexy? Umm, I wouldn't call it sexy, I'd call it sensual and that's something all young people need to look into before diving into the deep end of the sex pool.

So, while I often claim to be a granny, these days I'm a 15 year old girl at heart and loving it.