Days of Summer

They're making me do math at work and I resent it. I was a journalism major because it required almost no math. I've hated math ever since the 2nd grade when my evil teacher, Miss Scott, ruined it for me. She'd assign math homework then, the next day, make us sit in line while she graded our homework one person at a time. She wouldn't explain what we did wrong, she'd just say, or write,"Wrong" in orange ink and point to the end of the line where we'd have to cluelessly rework the problem and start the process all over again. How is that teaching? I complained about her to my parents but I think they chalked it up to typical childhood grumblings. The next year, my Dad ran for, and won, a spot on the Board of Education. Miss Scott really changed her tune after Dad won. That made me hate her even more. Even as a kid I hated a kiss ass. Still do. The very first time I uttered the F-word it was in reference to Miss Scott. I stand by my choice.

If I had known then that I'd actually have to use math on my grown up job I might have made more of a stink. I might have expressed concern for my future. Then again I didn't know about the Internet back then. Now I just look little formulas up or ask a co-worker. Turns out most folks at my level are unhappy about having to do math again. It feels like a punishment.

Tonight I promised myself I'd leave work at a decent time. I did. When I got home I didn't want to bother with dinner so I had cereal. A fine meal if you ask me. As I plopped in front of the tv I saw that Wheel of Fortune was on. It immediately occurred to me that as much as I hate math on my job, I'd hate Pat Sajak's job even more. Seriously, that poor man must be going out of his mind by now. I know he makes some decent dough but can you imagine what must go through his mind while taping that show? He can't possibly really be upset when those poor saps spin a "Bankrupt" but he has to act empathetic. And what about all of that money people waste on vowels? I watch about 4 minutes of The Wheel per year and its enough to make me crazy. We've all seen a board that spells out "Asshol_" and the moron proudly says "I'd like to buy an "u" Pat."

Ugh! How can Pat stand it? He must want to scream! I know money is great and all but no amount of money could persuade me to do that job for so many years. Pat wasn't even around for the fun years. Remember when contestants could go "shopping"? I loved the shopping part of the show and pretty much jumped ship when they stopped the shopping sprees. That was in the pre-Love Connection days with Chuck Woolery. Remember "For $200 I'll take the monkey statue, Chuck."? Most times my brother would counter "For $50 I'll take that blow job from Vanna, Chuck!". It was wrong but it always made me laugh. Those were the days of Summer when Mom and Dad were out or at work. My brother and I would both sleep in then run into each other in the kitchen where we'd make our bowls of cereal and meet in the living room to catch some Gidget and My Three Sons. Ahh, those were the days. I started working at 15 and worked each Summer from then on, but I still fondly look back on those days of no bills, lots of Gidget and few worries. Ah, to be a lazy teen again.

Not for a million dollars, Pat.