Wednesday, April 26

Hurry up!!

I don't know about the rest of the nation but in Los Angeles a turn signal no longer means "Heads up! I'm coming over." It now means "Go ahead and speed up so I can merge in behind you... and make it snappy!" Last night I realized that for some time now, when I change lanes on the freeway, I turn on my signal and say "Hurry up asshole". It works every time. For some reason a stranger pulling in front of us is now considered a personal assault. I'm not sure when this happened but it's a fact of life in LA.

One time, an especially rude driver was having a problem "allowing" me in his lane from an on-ramp. I was eventually able to merge in front of him. The next time we reached an on-ramp I slowed way down and waved about five cars in front of me. I thought this guys head would explode. It was great!!! Of course, this being LA, I immediately took off leaving him in the dust.

Driving has become a competitive sport around here. I can't be sure but my theory is that driving is the great equalizer. It doesn't matter if you run a Fortune 500 company or are starting out at McDonald's, everyone on the road is equal and acts accordingly. Certainly some cars are more expensive than others but it just doesn't matter. In fact, the fancier your car the less considerate I'm likely to be to you. If you were dumb enough to spend $100,000 on a vehicle I know damn well you're going to get out of my way on the road. God forbid that precious car gets hurt. Oh, and when I see you driving that big dumb gas guzzler I don't think "Oooh, he's a real man with lots of money!" (because I'm here to tell you nobody worth their salt thinks that). I think "Oooh, good luck with that debt!".

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