People have been asking what I'm going to do for my 40th birthday and I've been saying "nothing". Then I started thinking it might be fun to gather all of my friends and family together. I haven't had a reason to do so in decades so I'm thinking why not?
I mentioned the possibility to my brother. I told him some of my ideas and said "and you know, instead of gifts I'll ask for donations to a charity or something."
His incredulous reply: "God, only a chick would do that."
What I thought, but didn't say: "Only a dick would say that."
I love my brother and nobody makes me laugh harder but never has there been a more Republican soul. How did we come from the same parents?
And then a terrible thing happened...then I thought...maybe he's right! Maybe I should cash in baby! The little devil on one shoulder was whispering "Just think of all of those wedding and baby shower gifts you've had to cough up through the years! You must have spent thousands. It's about time they got something for you". Then the little angel on my other shoulder says "What are you talking about you freak? These are your friends. You love them! They'd have showered you with gifts if you'd bother to get married and have kids. God, you're such a bitch! Besides, just think of all the good you could do asking for donations!"
This stuff seriously goes through my mind when I driving to work. There I am, minding my own business then BAM...I'm feeling like a world-class asshole.
As for my little shoulder buddies, they both need to shut up already. Maybe I'll just sit in a corner a rock myself to sleep with a bottle of gin on my b-day.
(God, I can't believe the stuff I'm willing to post here!)