Tourettes

Do you ever come so close to saying something inappropriate that you actually blush?

I was walking over to the printer and waved to a friend. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone sitting on the couch. I looked down and came WAY to close to blurting out "Holy Crap are you cute!" or "Hot Guy in the lobby!". Frankly, both comments went blazing through my head in a terrible jumble.

It's times like this that I thank God that I don't have Tourettes.

Ancient...

Co-worker: I've got to pace myself, gotta save that E-ticket.
Younger Co-worker: ...
Co-worker: ...
Lucy: ...
Lucy: Don't tell me you don't know what an E-ticket is!
Younger Co-worker: You mean like an airline electronic ticket?
Lucy: Oh my God, I'm SO OLD that I never even made that association.

Memorial Day got to me

I finally watched Band of Brothers over the weekend. I really liked it and, naturally, want to read the book now. After discussing it with my mom she told me that I really should read The Fall of the Third Reich. She says she read it years ago but remembers it as a truly remarkable book. I capped off the weekend by watching Baghdad ER last night. It was excellent and did a great job of showing what those folks are going through. As gruesome as it was, I know it was nothing compared to what really goes down in that hospital.

Well, after an entire weekend of American soldier stories I went online to see about writing to a soldier overseas. Now lets be clear, I am NOT a fan of blind patriotism. I believe it's not only our right to question our government but our obligation. No power should be allowed to rule unchecked. That being said, I understand how necessary a patriotic mindset must be when serving in the armed forces.

I found some good sites but can't decide which one is the least political yet most helpful. (This is one time I think politics should be set aside.) I checked out Soldiers Angels, Forgotten Soldiers and Any Soldier. There are ways to send home made blankets, letters, care packages and so on. I'm thinking of sending a care package so I read some of the requests. It seems most are interested in getting clean. There are lots of requests for Purell, soap, shampoo & razors. The women are longing for Bath and Body Works hand and body soaps as well as tan "ouchless" hair ties. They seem to be drinking a lot of bottled water so the individual Crystal Light and Kool-aid packets are big, along with the typical snack foods we're so fond of in the US. CDs, DVDs and games are also desired. I hear that war time is 95% waiting around and 5% panic/hell so I guess that explains their lists.

I'm not sure where I'll send my package but if anyone has any recommendations please let me know. I know nothing about these organizations so any advice is appreciated.

Finally!!

So, after several weeks fighting with my Tivo, it's finally decided to talk to my wireless network! YEAH!! And as if that wasn't happy enough news, my new laptop is also talking to the network. I really thought I was going to lose my mind but I got all of my electronic toys to speak the same language and life is good.

The down side is that due to this recent development, I've been watching tv, clearing off Tivo shows and looking around at stuff online all day today. I was such a shut in that I picked up a 10-year-old cross stitch and started it up again. It's oddly calming and mesmerizing. I've tried hopping on the knitting bandwagon but I'm just not a knitter. I am, apparently, a cross-stitcher. The only problem with this is the disturbing themes fellow cross stitchers seem to be obsessed with. I looked around online for future patterns and found an alarming array of cat, wolf, angel, bear, flag (American...of course) dragon and baby patterns. None of which I can get too excited about. Take a look for yourself: http://www.123stitch.com/cats.html

Seriously, that's freaky right?!

I found a "Subversive Cross Stitch" site that sold patterns for charming sayings such as "Babies Suck" and "Happy Fucking Holidays". Those are a little more angry than I am so I'll stick with the more abstract patterns. I've no idea what I'll do with them when they're finished but I guess that's not really the point. The point is to relax and not become a crazy cat lady with 800 cat theamed cross sticthed pillows.

Yet another reason I love being a grown up

Friend: Diane's got the van pool van today!
Lucy: ...?
Friend: It fits up to 8 people! Wanna go to the bakery for lunch today?!
Lucy: Uh, that would be a big fat YEAH!!!

Seven

Seven things I want to do before I die:

• See the Aurora Borealis
• Visit Europe multiple times and with my parents at least once
• See my niece and nephew grow into their happy adulthood
• Become a published photographer and/or writer (I don't think this blog counts)
• Drive Cross country
• Become proficient at yoga (without really hurting myself)
• Become a home-owner

Seven things I cannot do:

• Fly
• Tolerate the narrow-minded
• Feel sorry for Jeffrey Skilling and Kenneth Lay
• Understand why big-rigs need to be on the road during rush hour
• Respect the Bush Administration
• Ever abandon my Dodgers
• Stop laughing at The Daily Show

Seven things that attract me to a friend:

• Kindness
• Open mindedness
• Humor
• Appreciation of the arts
• A good ol' liberal mind set
• Consideration of others
• A willingness to do dumb stuff with me

Seven things I say most often:

• Quit it! (To my brother)
• Cry me a river! (To many co-workers)
• Will a puppy die? (When people at work are overreacting to a so called crisis)
• Dude!
• Pipe down!
• Seriously...
• You're killin' me!

Seven Monstrosities:

• Genocide
• The current administrations idea of "values"
• Fox "News" Channel
• The attention Paris Hilton gets in this country
• The lack of attention real issues get in American media
• Apathy
• War

Seven things I could do all day:

• Read
• BBQ w/friends & family
• Laugh w/family & friends
• Sit on a beach & stare at the surf
• Surf the net
• Drive up and down the California coast
• Email friends

Happy days are here again

So, the last few days I've been willing myself to have great days and it's worked!! The weather has been beautiful and yesterday's dreaded fire drill was delayed to today.

The first obstacle to my new positive outlook came this morning in the form of an awful traffic jam. I told myself "Maybe your reward for calmly sitting through this traffic will be that you miss that damn fire drill." Sure enough, I was walking towards the elevator bank (20 minutes late) when I caught the eye of our Director of Finance. She sort of knowingly shook her head in my direction as if to say "Don't go up there! You're off the hook." Instead of going up I went to Starbucks for a non-fat hot chocolate where I met half of my floor mates. We then walked to our meeting place. I overheard someone say "Funny how everyone shows up with Starbucks during our emergencies." Somebody was even passing out cookies. It's times like this that make me happy to be a grown up. I don't remember getting hot beverages and cookies during school fire drills.

Ship of fools

A while ago I was duped into being a Floor Leader for emergencies. It basically means go to our "safe place" and take roll during fire drills. We used to only have to walk down 5 floors. Somone long ago decided that was enough to save us from any disaster but post-9/11 conventional wisdom now dictates "get the hell out!". Pre-9/11 we had to walk the floors to make sure everyone one was evacuating before we could leave. I remember doing this at a previous job. (come to think of it, why do I always get this annoying duty?) My boss never wanted to leave but I told him the fine was about $2,500 and I doubted he could expense it. I finally got him to leave when I'd look out his window and point out "if Aaron Spelling can haul his old buns out of our building then so can you hot shot."

Yesterday I got the heads up that today is our first drill requiring us to walk all the way down (that can be 32 floors for some) to the exit. I wore my all-star sneakers today for the occasion. Have you ever walked down 30 floors? I assure you it takes a surprising amount of time and really does a number on your calves.

I should have know this was coming. A few weeks ago some guy in a security uniform popped his head in my door and said "You have to leave, we're having a fire drill." I was, as usual, annoyed because I was in the middle of a fairly important call. I asked why there was "no alarm or flashing lights" and "when did we revert to some guy walking the floors telling us to leave instead of the bells and whistles"? I think I really pissed him off when I said "I've never seen you in my life. How do I know you aren't some freak who's going to rifle through our stuff while we were gone?". I think he thought "Oh great, a diva ...I hope you die bitch!" But seriously, who was that guy? Turns out alarm boy was completely wrong. My friend came running around the corner screaming "False alarm! False alarm!" and alarm boy disappeared. I haven't seen him since. I just know he had his eye on my laptop.

Alarm boy is not the only weirdo secutiry man I've encountered around here. A while ago we had an interesting security man in the lobby. He used to quietly mutter obscenities at certain people as the walked by. He never did it to me but I heard him swear at other much less derserving co-workers. Needless to say this was not comforting to the apparent sworn enemies of this strange man.

I recently saw another young "Security" guard drive a golf cart on the top level of our parking structure. I don't think I've ever seen a happeier soul in all my life. I'm guessing golf cart duty is the coveted assignment for these guys. This kid now seems to be almost exclusively on golf cart duty. He maintians that beaming smile as he drives through the structure all day.

I don't think I'm alone in thinking "We're all doomed" around here.

You're killing me!

A while back, Shandon mentioned a co-workers distress about writing a delicate notice for the ladies room. He didn't know how to tell women to stop flushing everything but the kitchen sink down the toilet. I told her I had seen the all time greatest notice on my first trip to New York. Well , here it is in all it's glory. (Oh, and I should mention that this was in the bathroom of an adorably quaint tea house.)

I love NY!

Love, Room 4

I have access to all sorts of fun kids products. I sometimes take them for granted but often try to place them in the right hands. A couple of years ago I learned that my sister-in-law had a reward box in her classroom of first graders. The kids sit at tables and, needless to say, can get a little fidgety. At the end of each week the kids at the table with the most "good behavior points" get to pick a prize from the reward box. She says this incentive works like a charm. She can get them to behave for months on end with that reward box. I recently gave her a big bag of capsule toys for the box. You know, the ones found in quarter (well now 75 cent - dollar) machines. I had forgotten all about it until yesterday when I received the cutest stack of thank you notes. All included drawings and a brief thank you. Most said things like "Thank you for all the fun stuff. I like the toys a lot. Thank you." My favorite read: "Thank you for the necles (necklace). Can you plez get some more. From Maria".

I've decided Maria has the right idea. I'm just going to start asking for more stuff. "Dear Maria, Thank you for your thank you note it really made my day. Can I have some more? From, Lucy"

Who knew?

Now I can't be certain that this is true but I find it intriguing, so here goes. According to the nice woman leading my parents tour, the Swiss are very concerned about nuclear war and have made some interesting arrangements for just such an occasion. Apparently, all roads and rail lines into Switzerland have dynamite under certain critical portions. If nuclear war hits, they blow up all entry ways so nobody can get in (and it's not like you can land a plane or helicopter on the Alps!). They have hidden bunkers all over the place that only each village knows about. The guide says she went into one once. It look like a typically cute Swiss chalet on the outside and in. She was led to a hidden doorway and shown around the minimal bunker. They are rather barren but have food and supplies to last a long while. I find that fascinating!!

The Swiss will be living high on the hog while we all duke it out. I gotta say I respect that kind of neutrality and paranoia.

Where to?

So, my parents got home from their European trip last night. I offered to pick them up since it was A) Mother's Day and B) a Sunday evening arrival.

In the mean time, I've been eating very well lately and trying to lose a few pounds (what else is new?). I also happen to have a sensitive stomach. My mistake yesterday was having one small slice of pizza at my brother's house. All hell soon broke loose. I was fine while waiting at the airport in the arrivals area. It wasn't until we got to the car that I thought "Uh oh."

Ultimately, we had to pull over and look for a fast food bathroom. (Have I mentioned that my Dad is a bathroom connoisseur? He travels in the car so much that he now knows the best places for bathrooms. Apparently fast food restaurants are your best bet. Gas stations are SO last century.)

Unfortunately our search led us directly to the scariest neighborhood in Compton. Very nice. Mom and Dad get back from their fabulous European adventure and I almost get them killed because of my lactose intolerance. I later learned that all of the So Cal shooters were actually busy with freeway shootings last night so Compton was probably a safer place to be at the time.

Ah, America the Beautiful. Welcome home Mom and Dad.

Late to the party

I realize this may be decades old news for some but I've just discovered Tom Waits' Closing Time and I'm in love. I've always heard great things about it but never took the time to take a listen. I'm especially fond of I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You.

The storytelling throughout the album is great but mostly I'm partial to those great Croce chord progressions from the early 70's. I think it's because it reminds me of the father/daughter nights that my dad and I shared when I was a kid. He used to take me to my favorite restaurant Bruno's. We'd sometimes go to a movie...always my pick. Dad apparently never checked the ratings of any of my choices, this is how I saw The Omen, Saturday Night Fever and God knows what else. I'm just glad I hadn't heard of Looking For Mr. Goodbar at that age!

Anyway, Bruno's was the epitome of the 70's bar/restaurant. it was dark and showcased stained redwood paneled walls with lots of hanging plants and (I'm certain) lots of cigarette smoke. I liked the pizza. I can't recall if they had a jukebox (I always liked those too) or if they had a live performer. The bottom line is that Closing Time reminds me of those dinners out with my dad. I'm sure there must have been some mournful singer in the corner singing Jim Croce, Bob Dylan, Randy Newman and Tom Waits tunes at Bruno's.

I had hoped to simply download Closing Time from iTunes but it was a partial album and that just wouldn't do. I was comforted when the kid behind the counter at The Warehouse asked if it was for me or a friend. I said it was for me. He said "It's a great album." They still call them albums?! Thank God some things have survived from my childhood. In fact, now that I think of it, I haven't had a father/daughter dinner in a long time. I think it's time for another, my treat Dad.

Twist and Shout

So, I occasionally create mix CD's for the kids in my life. For instance, when a friend had a pool put in the back yard I made a "Pool Party" mix for her family.

I realize there are bigger issues in the world but I seriously worry about what kids listen to these days. I'm not talking about Rap and obscene lyrics, I'm talking about The Wiggles, Barney and Raffi. It's all genuinely offensive! Think about it, if that's all you had to listen to wouldn't you lose your mind?!

I guess it comes down to not being able to stand how condescending people are to kids. Given the choice a kid will take The Beatles over "Kidz Rock" any day. It's bad enough that their diets are full of processed food does their music have to be processed as well?! Besides, kids like to hear music that their parents listened to as kids and better yet it saves the parents sanity.

Yesterday I went to a birthday party for my friends four-year-old twins. I left behind a "Kids Mix" for my friend. Here is a sampling of the kid-friendly tunes included on yesterday's mix:

Loco-Motion - Grand Funk Railroad
Coconut - Harry Nilsson
Daydream Believer - The Monkees
Crocodile Rock - Elton John
Little Willy -Sweet
Burnin' Love - Elvis Presley
Octopus' Garden - The Beatles
Nothing from Nothing - Billy Preston
Tra La La La La La La - The Banana Splits
Joy to the World - Three Dog Night
Cherry Bomb - John Mellencamp
We Got the Beat - Go-Go's
Whip It - Devo
Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones
Love Cats - The Cure
Rock Lobster - B-52's

I encourage everyone to make mix CD's for the kids in your life. They'll be more interesting for it. If there is some not so subtle subtext to certain songs...who cares? I didn't get it as a kid and they won't either.

The nice side effect is that my four-year-old niece does interpretive dance to The Who and my seven-year old nephew sings along to Bitzkrieg Bop at Dodgers games. He's been doing that since he was about four. The crowd loves it!

Yah, you betcha

I just got back from a biz trip to Milwaukee, WI. Now I can't get that accent out of my head.

At one point we needed a box dolly to haul our meeting materials. When we returned it to the receptionist she looked at us and said "Oh yah, ya got a hand caRRt theRRe dontcha. Well just paRRk it aRRound the side theRe. Thanks so much hon." I loved it!

Somebody at one of our meetings said we HAD to try the fried cheese curds. Fried what?! Well, far be it from me to turn up my nose at fried anything, besides we were curious so we tried them (right theRe under the Brett FaRve and Vince LombaRRdi posters. Go Pac!!) They're like fried mozzarella sticks but with cheddar cheese. Yum!

I called my brother from the car this morning and we played dueling accents. I was Milwaukee and he bounced from Boston to Philly. He said one of his favorite conversations overheard at the airport was in Philly. One guy was saying to another "...and how 'bout the poor slob who has to type the letters in for the deaf people on the tv? Talk about a bad job!"

I'm learning to love airports. "MaRRge LungRRen, paRRty of Fi-eve".

Deputy Dog

For the past several weeks there has been some sort of road work going on along my drive to work. Every morning I'm am "greeted" by a rather hostile man in a hard hat and orange vest wielding a stop sign. I've seen these guys around before with no incidence. They are normally quite helpful and I appreciate their work. This one, on the other hand, takes his job way too seriously and frankly wastes my time.

Loser, I also call him Deputy Dog, is clearly a scorned hall monitor. He enjoys the "power" of his job a little too much. He demands that each and every car stops even though opposing traffic is blocked and no heavy machinery seems to be in motion. Nothing is going on but he has that stop sign and he intends to use it whether it's necessary or not. After a few weeks of rolling my eyes at him I lost it. I boldly drove past his stupid little stop sign. I'm no Laura Bush but enough is enough! Deputy Dog has hated me ever since. I keep thinking I'll just take another route to work to avoid the idiot but I keep forgetting. Today he saw me coming and immediately began waving frantically indicating I should back up, I did and drove down another street. Apparently Al Qaeda was seen up the street, that or I've lost driving privileges on my corner.

When my nephew was younger he used to place orange traffic cones around any visiting repairmen. It's cute when you're three, it loses it's charm at 40.

Quote of the day

Another designer just called to ask if we were still meeting with a client. I told him no, a cancellation had been sent this morning. "You're off the hook."

His enthusiastic reply "Word to the mutha-ship!!"

Umm, ok. Is that good?

A day without a traffic headache

Needless to say the immigration issue is a complex one. Having some Mexican heritage of my own, my mother (the parent with no Mexican heritage) asked if I'd be skipping work in support of my "people". That was her big joke all weekend. She also asked my brother if he planned to keep the kids out of school for the boycott. Mom cracks herself up.

As a person who tries to see all sides of an issue I thought :"Well, the Day Without Immigrants boycott will be an interesting one". I don't think many Californias really understand how screwed we are without the immigrant workforce.

That being said, I don't think the protesters planned on traffic being so light today. It normally takes me 40 minutes to get to work. Today it took only 20 minutes. I was so excited but felt a little sorry for the well intentioned protesters out there. I don't think they planned on amazing commutes. It also occured to me that the smaller class sizes in schools today probably won't help their side much either.

The whole thing is such a bummer. We built this sytem up and now it's coming back to kick us all in the ass. I call it the Karma Express. All aboard!