Ship of fools

A while ago I was duped into being a Floor Leader for emergencies. It basically means go to our "safe place" and take roll during fire drills. We used to only have to walk down 5 floors. Somone long ago decided that was enough to save us from any disaster but post-9/11 conventional wisdom now dictates "get the hell out!". Pre-9/11 we had to walk the floors to make sure everyone one was evacuating before we could leave. I remember doing this at a previous job. (come to think of it, why do I always get this annoying duty?) My boss never wanted to leave but I told him the fine was about $2,500 and I doubted he could expense it. I finally got him to leave when I'd look out his window and point out "if Aaron Spelling can haul his old buns out of our building then so can you hot shot."

Yesterday I got the heads up that today is our first drill requiring us to walk all the way down (that can be 32 floors for some) to the exit. I wore my all-star sneakers today for the occasion. Have you ever walked down 30 floors? I assure you it takes a surprising amount of time and really does a number on your calves.

I should have know this was coming. A few weeks ago some guy in a security uniform popped his head in my door and said "You have to leave, we're having a fire drill." I was, as usual, annoyed because I was in the middle of a fairly important call. I asked why there was "no alarm or flashing lights" and "when did we revert to some guy walking the floors telling us to leave instead of the bells and whistles"? I think I really pissed him off when I said "I've never seen you in my life. How do I know you aren't some freak who's going to rifle through our stuff while we were gone?". I think he thought "Oh great, a diva ...I hope you die bitch!" But seriously, who was that guy? Turns out alarm boy was completely wrong. My friend came running around the corner screaming "False alarm! False alarm!" and alarm boy disappeared. I haven't seen him since. I just know he had his eye on my laptop.

Alarm boy is not the only weirdo secutiry man I've encountered around here. A while ago we had an interesting security man in the lobby. He used to quietly mutter obscenities at certain people as the walked by. He never did it to me but I heard him swear at other much less derserving co-workers. Needless to say this was not comforting to the apparent sworn enemies of this strange man.

I recently saw another young "Security" guard drive a golf cart on the top level of our parking structure. I don't think I've ever seen a happeier soul in all my life. I'm guessing golf cart duty is the coveted assignment for these guys. This kid now seems to be almost exclusively on golf cart duty. He maintians that beaming smile as he drives through the structure all day.

I don't think I'm alone in thinking "We're all doomed" around here.