and you are...?

Today I met a co-worker's wife. The introduction went something like this:

Lucy: Hi, I'm Lucy. It's nice to meet you.
Co-worker (to me): I always talk about the people at work...
Co-worker (to wife): Lucy is the one who...
Lucy: Oh God. What is my claim to fame? Is it that Richard Simmons licked me?
Co worker: ...
Co-worker's wife: ...
Lucy: Um, it's a long story.
Co-worker: Actually, it's that you stayed at Charo's house in Hawaii.
Co-worker's wife: Oh, yeah.

Wow, that was embarrassing.

They wanted to know how the Charo's house thing happened. You may be wondering too so here's the deal: I was dating a guy whose lesbian cousin wanted to marry her partner. At the time, gay couples could marry in Hawaii. They rented Charo's house and we all spent the week in a cool house with fun people and had a great time. I highly recommend renting Charo's house to anyone looking for a great vacation house for a big family gathering/same sex marriage. Get enough people together to chip in and it's pretty cheap.

As for the Richard Simmons episode, it went like this: A friend called asking if I wanted to go to a Richard Simmons aerobics class. I figured, if nothing else, it would be an interesting life experience. It was. We went to Mr. Simmons' studio and braced ourselves. Think what you will but the man has A LOT of hard core fans. I don't ordinarily count myself amoung them but I was impressed with his aility to get those fans going. There were a couple of people in the back sitting on chairs. They were very big people but I remember thinking how great it was that the guy could inspire people to get out and excersise even if it was from a chair. I thought that was a pretty great accomplishment. The odd thing is that he's a actually terrible instructor. You'd think he'd be pretty good with all of that experience but I found him very difficult to follow. To be fair, I hadn't been to an aerobics class in ages, and had lost all sense of rhythm but still, he sort of sucked. Well, anyway at one point Dick shimmied over to me, and for some strange reason, leaned over and licked me from my collar bone up to my ear lobe. (Ewww!) Needless to say, I was shocked. Even if wanted that kind of attention I certainly wouldn't want it during a sweaty work out and definaltey not from a gay, dolphin-wearing man. I didn't know what to say or do so I just looked him in the eye and said "What you're doing here is amazing." For about 2 seconds he dropped the whole Richard Simmons character, looked me in the eye and said "Thank you." Then he turned around and was back in character. It was bizarre and unexpected. All I know is that it must be exhausting being that man.