While I've been busy worrying about my spazzy parents, trying to make sure they stay upright and injury free, my friends have started falling apart. The other day I called a friend I've known since the 8th grade. She was running out the door to take her daughter to school and blurted out "Call me later. I'll be in and out all day. I've got an art lesson then I'm getting a CT Scan on my liver. Bye!" WHAT?! I called back a left a message stating "Ok, new rule: no scary sounding procedures without warning me please." She emailed back apologizing and promising not to scare the hell outta me again.
Tonight while at my nephew's baseball game I heard another long time friend (my college roommate) had probably broken her foot. WHAT?! I called her right away and said what I said above "I'm busy keeping my parents upright and I hear you're off braking bones? What's the deal?" She called back and explained that she was at her daughter's team party and was in a "foreign backyard and stepped off a step all wrong." What's going on?
Now, to be fair, I almost broke my ankle the night before my vacation. Our driveway is a mess and I parked in a different spot so my car would be out of the way while I was gone. I walked to the back door, in the dark, and stepped sideways into a pot hole. I really should have broken something but I must have pretty tough bones. I mentioned it to my dad and he decided I must have inherited his tough bones.
God knows, I take diggers all the time that should have landed in the emergency room but I seem to bounce pretty good so that helps. My all-time best digger was in a theater. I was running from the bathroom to catch the second Lord of the Rings movie. The only way to describe these particular stairs is that they are very Tara-esque or "The Scarlett O'Hara Steps". You know the big red stairs that Rhett carries Scarlett up and the stairs she later falls down? Well, that's what we're talking about and I stumbled down them just like Scarlett (but without the great wardrobe). My foot slipped out from under me and I fell head first ALL the way down. I mean I cartwheeled down those steps and landed spread eagle at the bottom. I miraculously got up with no broken bones but my arm was swelling very quickly. I could move it around just fine but I had a bump the size of a stick of butter on my forearm by the time I got back to my seat. I was laughing and showed it to my sister-in-law. She had very concerned look on her face and asked if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I said "No way! I've waited over a year to see this movie!" She insisted I at least go to the lobby for some ice. I did so and asked for a bag or something. The teenagers behind the counter said they didn't have any. I then asked if I could have one of the bags the cups came in. They didn't want to do it until I said "Listen, I just took a dive down your stairs and all I want is a bag. I suggest you just give me the bag, fill it with ice and we'll all be happy." They gave me the bag and I got to see the movie. Here is my fear: somewhere out there, there's a security tape of me tumbling down an enormous flight of stairs. *shudder*