Blog or perish!

(Disclaimer: Freakin' Blogger.com is acting up. It's been difficult to post entries but I will prevail!)


I've committed to post a blog a day for the month of November. I've leaving for vacation tomorrow and plan to keep blogging as long as I have web access. I hope to have a good picture or two to share.

I'm traveling across the great plains and I hear it can get a bit nippy out there. Being a California girl I don't have any idea how to handle such weather so I just plan to layer. I also bought these obnoxious shoes. They were reasonably priced and looked comfy so... sold! I figure if a freak snow storm hits the search and rescue folks should be able to spot those beauties. .. I got them in magenta. Oh yeah.

Tag, you're it!

Trooper tagged me so here goes:

More about me

1) How old do you wish you were? Exactly the age I am...40!

2) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Get annoyed then look around for someone to help me retrieve my money.

3) Do you have a tattoo? Or if you were to get a tattoo, where would it be? No. But if I did it would be hidden.

4) Do you know your neighbors? Very casually. My favorite is Ben. He lives up the street and I see him every morning as he passes by with his dog Jack.

5) What do you consider a vacation? Days away from work. Even if I'm home, if I don't have to think about work it's a vacation.

6) Are you touchy feely? Yes.

7) Showers or Baths? Showers but if I had access to a great tub I'd be taking a lot of baths to relax.

8) Favorite place to go on weekends? Lunch and/or movies with friends. I also love a good road trip.

9) Do you trust people easily? Not really. Even in pre-school I'd stand back and assess the school yard before choosing a seemingly normal kid to befriend.

10) What are your phobias? The older I get the more uncomfortable I am in extremely close quarters. Planes and elevators are fine but I don't think I'd enjoy an MRI very much.

11) Do you keep a handwritten journal? I've tried but I always lose interest. This blog is the closest I've come to ever keeping any kind of record of my life.

12) Where would you rather be right now? In Hawaii, with my boyfriend George Clooney. (Sorry, Lynn!)

13) What makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Hugs from my family.

14) Heavy or light sleep? Super-light. It's a bummer. I travel with earplugs after the jack-hammer incident of '04.

15) Favorite Color? Red

16) Name three things you have on you at all times? Hair product, moisturizer, clean underpants

17) What is your favorite part of the chicken? Skinless white meat

18) What's your favorite city? It's a toss up between New York and London

19) I can't wait until: I step off the plane to my vacation Sunday night.

20) How tall are you barefoot? 5'10"

21) Have you ever smoked pot? Yup. And I singed my bangs on the poorly constructed bong.

22) Do you own a gun? No. But I lived with a friend who owned one. I figured I should know how to use it if I was living in the house with me. My friend and I went to a shooting range and I learned I'm a regular Annie Oakley!

23) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot tea

24) What time did you wake up today? 3:30 am, stayed up for an hour then fell asleep again until 7:28. Oops!

25) Chocolate or Vanilla? Ya know, it used to be chocolate, but the older I get the more I'm loving vanilla.

26) People you would like to tag? The people I'd like to tage don't have blogs (booooooooo!).

and you are...?

Today I met a co-worker's wife. The introduction went something like this:

Lucy: Hi, I'm Lucy. It's nice to meet you.
Co-worker (to me): I always talk about the people at work...
Co-worker (to wife): Lucy is the one who...
Lucy: Oh God. What is my claim to fame? Is it that Richard Simmons licked me?
Co worker: ...
Co-worker's wife: ...
Lucy: Um, it's a long story.
Co-worker: Actually, it's that you stayed at Charo's house in Hawaii.
Co-worker's wife: Oh, yeah.

Wow, that was embarrassing.

They wanted to know how the Charo's house thing happened. You may be wondering too so here's the deal: I was dating a guy whose lesbian cousin wanted to marry her partner. At the time, gay couples could marry in Hawaii. They rented Charo's house and we all spent the week in a cool house with fun people and had a great time. I highly recommend renting Charo's house to anyone looking for a great vacation house for a big family gathering/same sex marriage. Get enough people together to chip in and it's pretty cheap.

As for the Richard Simmons episode, it went like this: A friend called asking if I wanted to go to a Richard Simmons aerobics class. I figured, if nothing else, it would be an interesting life experience. It was. We went to Mr. Simmons' studio and braced ourselves. Think what you will but the man has A LOT of hard core fans. I don't ordinarily count myself amoung them but I was impressed with his aility to get those fans going. There were a couple of people in the back sitting on chairs. They were very big people but I remember thinking how great it was that the guy could inspire people to get out and excersise even if it was from a chair. I thought that was a pretty great accomplishment. The odd thing is that he's a actually terrible instructor. You'd think he'd be pretty good with all of that experience but I found him very difficult to follow. To be fair, I hadn't been to an aerobics class in ages, and had lost all sense of rhythm but still, he sort of sucked. Well, anyway at one point Dick shimmied over to me, and for some strange reason, leaned over and licked me from my collar bone up to my ear lobe. (Ewww!) Needless to say, I was shocked. Even if wanted that kind of attention I certainly wouldn't want it during a sweaty work out and definaltey not from a gay, dolphin-wearing man. I didn't know what to say or do so I just looked him in the eye and said "What you're doing here is amazing." For about 2 seconds he dropped the whole Richard Simmons character, looked me in the eye and said "Thank you." Then he turned around and was back in character. It was bizarre and unexpected. All I know is that it must be exhausting being that man.

Trick or Treat!

I had another fun Halloween night at my brother's house. He and his family live in an area that draws huge trick or treater crowds. It wasn't as busy as last year but we were doing pretty brisk "business" nonetheless.

My bother was, sadly, out of town on business so his wife needed a hand passing out candy while she took the kids trick or treating. I sat on the front porch with a giant bowl of candy and braced myself.

I can't help it, Halloween brings out the Emily Post in me. I'm typically on etiquette patrol and last night was no different. Kids started arriving and I must say the majority were extremely polite. I received many a "thank you" and dispensed countless "Happy Halloween!" wishes. Occasionally, a slack-jawed kid would approach me with an entirely clueless technique. Many don't seem to understand the tradition of shouting out "Trick or Treat" in exchange for candy. When a kid just walked towards me with an open bag and nothing to say I would whisper "What do you say?". It usually freaked them out and, in a panic, more than one replied "Thank you?". I'd correct them with "NO! Trick or Treat." They would say it then greedily look into their bag to see what I'd dropped in there.

One poor teen made the unfortunate decision to open his phone in front of me while holding his bag open. As you can imagine, that didn't go over well. I said "Hey! There are no phone calls during a mid-trick-or-treat! No candy until you turn that thing off." He whined "But someone is texting me-eeee." I stared him down as his friends snickered at him then said "I'm here with candy, what are they doing for you?". He closed the phone, said trick or treat, I handed over some candy and even got a "Thank you". Amazing!

In a genius maneuver, my sister-in-law picked up some one ounce Play-Doh tubs to hand out with the candy. They were a big hit from the little kids on up to the teens. I highly recommend passing out small, retro toys along with candy. It might smell a little funny, but who cares?

P.S. As usual, while searching for an image to upload I found a super-cool site. How fun is this? They have a section titled "Things That Shoot". Need I say more? Except maybe "Umm, that's funny." So is that.

Back to school

Today I went to work in my new office, err, cubicle. It's actually pretty nice but it's still a cube. I now sit in a space made mostly of a shower door type of glass. The work space is designed to take full advantage of natural light. We are therefore being asked to resist the incredible urge to hang black out curtains to cover the shower door glass. We can, however, hang sheets of decorative transparent paper to help prevent the fishbowl feeling. My cube has a "closet" but really it's a locker. I've decided to put up a mirror and a Tiger Beat centerfold of Shaun Cassidy to complete the effect.

My friends and I ate lunch in the new commissary. Why do I just know we will end up commandeering the same table day after day? It felt just like junior high. We're talking lunch trays and everything. Unbelievable, I turn 40 and it's back to this. Where did I go wrong?

P.S. Don't get me wrong. I'm totally getting a piece of this (and this) action.

Dear Selfish Witch

To the selfish whore who buys up See's Candy Chocolate chips by the case, I hate you. Yeah you!

I dropped by my local See's Candy store to pick up my all-time-favorite chocolate chips and was informed you had bought two case of chips a couple of days ago. That spells "Out of stock" for me. Well, I hope you're happy. You completely took the wind out of my sails. I was going to make chocolate chips cookies for tonight's event but nooooooo. You selfishly bought up every last chip. What kind of maniac buys cases of chocolate chips without special ordering them? What are the rest of us supposed to do? You and I both know the big chips are the best. Those wimpy mini chips you left behind are for sissies. The sales staff claims more chips are on the way and, believe me, I'll be there first. Game on, sister!

Why I'll burn in hell

Due to a ridiculous work schedule, the powers brought lunch in for us. While scanning the options, the following conversation took place:

Temp: They just passed gay marriage in New Jersey!
Lucy: Oh, that's great! Sorry about the New Jersey part though.
Temp: It's so exciting!
All: ...
Lucy: More importantly, is that chicken salad or tuna salad?
Other co-worker: Did you really just say that?
Lucy: Sorry... priorities!!

(Let's be clear, one of my best friends happens to be gay and even he would understand the urgency of selecting the correct free lunch and the need to stay focused.
I do realize I'll burn though.)

Awww!

Today I heard one of the sweetest stories I've ever heard:

My nephew's friend sent him a note of condolence about losing his grandfather. (I should mention that they are both seven years old.) While I'm sure this friend's mom had something to do with it, it was adorable. He wrote something like "I'm very sorry to hear about your grandpa. He is a fun grandpa and I know you're a good grandson and you must be very sad. I'm so sorry." Here's the kicker: he folded a five dollar bill and a baseball card in the note.

Ok seriously, how cute is that?! I've always really liked him, but I swear that kid has earned a permanent soft spot in my heart for being so thoughtful and trying so hard to cheer up my nephew. I just love him for the gesture.

I'm 40 and I like to KICK!

So, after yesterday's sad loss of life today is all about celebrating my own old-assed life. Today is my 40th birthday. All day long I've been imitating that Molly Shannon character, Sally O'Malley, who runs around saying "I'm 50 and I like to KICK!" Not everyone understands it but it makes me laugh.

A friend made 4 dozen cupcakes for my afternoon birthday party at work. She decided it would be really funny to light up 40 candles. I blew them out but, honest to God, the resulting smoke almost set off the alarm. How great would that have been?! It no doubt would have brought me my 15 minutes of fame.

Tonight I'm off to have dinner with some great friends from high school. They've already celebrated their 40th birthdays. We've decided to throw ourselves a wrap party for our 30's. Not sure when that will be but I'll be sure to blog about it.

So many tears

Tonight I sat across the room and watched my sister-in-law tell her kids that their grandfather had died. It was the toughest sight I've ever seen. She was magnificent and I am in awe of her gifts as a mother.

Farewell Paul. You know I loved you. I hope I'm worthy of seeing you on the other side.

What?!

I was thinking about getting ahead of my Christmas shopping this year. In particular, I was thinking of an aunt who is a devout Catholic. I was looking for a rosary, greeting cards or candles. You know, something respectful that she would appreciate.

I found this site and, as usual, was drawn immediately to the bizarre. Can somebody please explain this to me? It seems so weird. I've never imagined Jesus playing sports. Now the images are burned in my brain. I can't shake them!

Thanks a lot Catholicshopper.com!

At least they didn't put a helmut on Jesus. I'm thinking Jesus wouldn't need a helmut, so at least they got that part right. But wait, is that kid trying to tackle Jesus?! That can't be a good idea!

*sigh*

Don't mess with me

So, remember that annoying client that keeps calling me on my cell? Well, she called again and left another message. Here is the email I sent her as a reply:

I do not manage your contract. PLEASE stop calling my cell phone number. I have a family member literally dying in the hospital and every time you make my phone ring it makes my heart stop.

I know your Account Manager and tech support are aware of your problems. Please forward your questions to them.

Thank you.

I know it was really mean to send that email but the weirdo just wouldn't step off. I would just die if I ever received anything like that but I don't stalk people who have nothing to do with my business. Needless to say, I haven't heard from her since.

Sad

I haven't been blogging much lately because my sister-in-law's dad is very sick. I'm just feeling blue and helpless about the situation. To put a very long and sad story short, I may have been the last person to talk with him. That breaks my heart. I never intended to be that person. I feel unworthy. It should have been his wife or kids not his son in law's sarcastic sister.

Sorry to be a Debbie-downer but that's what's been going on with my family.

To make matters worse, some jerk gave my cell number to an idiotic client. We're working on budgets right now and she's having technical difficulties. My cell phone is used, lmost exclusively, for personal use. Every time it rings my heart stops. This financial freak-show called me at 9:02 this morning wanting to know when her problem would be fixed. I thought about telling her I was going through a family crisis and to LOSE my number but I thought she might have a heart attack. Instead, I told her that I don't handle her account (did I mention that she is in no way my problem?!) and that her account manager was working on it (you freakin' stalker!). Now, I'm just not answering calls from her area code. I know... very mature, huh?

The one bit of good news I can share is that I finally received my absentee ballot. Thank God! I can stop harping on that subject now.

White man tryin' to keep the brown girl down

Today, I acted like the old lady I'm becoming and actually called the LA County Registrar Recorder and asked where the hell my sample and absentee ballots were. The clerk confirmed that they had been sent a few days ago and may in fact even be waiting at home for me.

I asked him why my Republican mother gets her voting info about 2 weeks before my Dad and I, both Democrats, get ours. He said the info is sent at the same time. I commented that it must be the Postal Service. He sort of shrugged then asked what party my mom was. When I said "Republican" he said "Figures." He then said he was a Democrat as well. I wished him luck getting his ballot.

A friend, who also lives in my incredibly red town, said the same thing happens in her household. What's going on? I'm going to start keeping track of this stuff, like the old lady I am, and go to the Post Office with it in a couple of years. This could shape up to be my all time favorite letter writing campaign!

Have I mentioned that Im' a big letter writer? When things annoy me, I'm more than willing to write or email the culprit. I highly reccommend the practice. It's very satisfying and often results in free stuff. Give it a try some time. You'll like it.

In the mean time, remember to fight the power!

Oops

Last night I stopped my my pharmacy to pick up my pills. (Yes, those pills.) Well, I got to my pharmacy too late... they were closed. Bummer. The rest of the store was open so I did what any resourceful woman would do, I shopped for makeup. I selected a God awful shade of liquid makeup because I heard "older" women should avoid powder foundation like the plague. It can actually make me look older *gasp*! I'm here to tell ya selecting the wrong shade does you no favors either.

Anyway, after wandering up and down the aisles for a while, the clouds parted and I found these. I am officially in heaven. Who says "size doesn't matter"? When it comes to our old friend Bonnie Bell, size matters A LOT. (Remember that big brown bottle of Ten - 0 Six astringent? What did the name mean?) I remember Lip Smackers from my childhood and I'm thrilled they have decided to bring the girth-y ones back. I know it's difficult to see, but these are the big, fat Lip Smackers of old. They are not quite as fat as I recall but it could be because my head was smaller back then. No matter, they're still super cool and make me very happy. I chose the Watermelon/Cherry flavor. I passed it around at lunch today so everyone could get a good sniff. We all agreed that it smells like junior high. They didn't have Kool Aid flavors back then but it tastes like the cherry flavored Smacker I remember. If you're a purist, you may be happier with the traditional soda flavors. I used to have Dr. Pepper and Orange Crush. I think I need to get these next. Why did it take so long for me to rediscover Lip Smackers? I think it goes back to the size. We've missed those fat Smackers because they're the best!

So, next time you miss picking up your slutty pills, be sure to pick up a taste of your childhood instead. (What?!) One whiff of your favorite flavor and you'll forget all about your demanding uterus. I plan to have a "Biggy" in my purse from here on out. Long live Lip Smackers!!!!!!!

P.S. If you have no idea what I'm talking about here then you are are too young to be reading this. Shoo! On the other hand, if you do know what I'm talking about, but Lip Smackers just weren't your thing, then look here. You must have a soft spot for some of those. Love's Baby Soft? QT? Come on! I, for one, still know exactly what Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific smelled like and I miss it! I know my hair smelled terrific during the late 70's and, if you're any friend of mine, yours did too.

Food for thought

Anyone who drops by this blog, or knows me personally, knows that voting is a pretty big deal to me. I think of the suffragettes every time I stand at a polling booth and send out a little thank you to them.

Before each election I try to do a little homework while completely ignoring all television commercials. It can be tricky but I think it's important.

My big beef lately is that I think it shouldn't be difficult to figure out who is supporting candidates and propositions. I don't believe big business should be allowed to hide behind bogus names to hide their identity. If a company is supporting something or someone, I think voters should know it and that information should be mandatory on all proposition/candidate advertisements and web sites.

While searching for who supports who in the upcoming election, I found the following rather intriguing sites. I'm incredibly suspicious of most everything having to do with politics but these seem like pretty good bets:

This one is fascinating! I love being able to see where Chevron is sending checks.
Check out who's spending what and where?
I've just discovered Vote Circle and so far I like it.
Of course, there is the old reliable League of Women Voters if you're looking for an impartial set of facts. (Here is the site for the LWV for California. )
If you aren't registered to vote, for the love of God, do so here or here or here or many other sites.
Oh, and do read your voter guide.

And for the record, I think most people in this country share the same "values" and that we basically want the same things. I blame politicians, and their campaigns, for polarizing our country and distracting us with emotional issues. Issues that, frankly, will never really effect those so upset by them. Please try not to get caught up in these tactics. Keep your facts straight and don't side blindly with anyone. Whatever you do, stay well informed and vote accordingly.

Happy decision making!


Disclaimer: My intention is not to be preachy. I just like the idea of folks being as informed as possible when voting. Above all, I like to share helpful sites as I find them. I hope you find something of interest here.

Bossy Boots strikes again

Today I toured the new building we're moving to in a few weeks. It's mostly cubicle space and many are still being assembled. It was very loud not only from men hammering away at cubicles but also from a dozen of us walking around pointing and asking many questions. At one point some guy from the crew shouted (with his back to us) "Fucking Bitch!". He had just rounded a corner down the hall and I have no idea who he was speaking to. I also have no idea what came over me when I shouted "HEY!". As if to say "Excuse me jerko, there are ladies present. Please refrain from exhibiting your potty mouth." He was startled and said "Sorry" before shuffling off.

My friends all laughed at me. I said "I know! As I were a lady or something. Who do I think I am?!" I think I'm just always set to "bossy" these days. On the bright side, I may have gotten a co-worker the big cubicle by being bossy so maybe it's not all bad. We'll see.

P.S. I still don't have my ballot. The conspiracy theory gets stronger every day.

So blue...

Because I'll be driving the plains of South Dakota on election day, I'm getting a little sweaty about where my damn sample ballot is. I need to request an absentee ballot and it hasn't arrived yet.

Yesterday, I found out my mother, The Republican, has not only received her sample ballot but also her absentee ballot. Meanwhile, my dad and I, Democrats, have received nothing. Dad claims Mom ALWAYS gets her ballots before he does. We live in a blue state but a very red city. Dad and I have decided it's a conspiracy to keep the blue voters down. On the other hand, the one benefit of being blue in a red city comes when I go to vote in primaries. There is a depressing sea of Republican booths and one lone Democrat booth in the corner. I LOVE sweeping by all of those GOP booths to vote in my little booth with my head held high. It's the reason I've never voted absentee. I love going to the booth that I suspect only about a dozen of us use. I like thinking about some disgruntled Republican having to set it up for me, then waiting all day to watch how many of us show up. It's a little mean spirited, I admit, but it gives me a little thrill.

My hope is that by blogging about this I'll get home tonight and my ballot will be waiting for me. I'll keep you posted.

The Cane Mutiny

SO, today my Mom jetted off to her big high school reunion.

Something to note about my mom is the fact that she's had one knee replaced. The other probably needs to be replaced but she's not too excited about the lengthy recovery so she's been avoiding it. In the mean time, she's been using a cane when she's unsure of the distance she'll need to cover. Because she had a lay-over today, she took the cane.

I called her today when I knew she had reached her final destination. Here is a sampling of the conversation:

Me: How was your flight?
Mom: It was great! I walked up to check in and a lady saw my cane and checked me in without making me stand in line! She gave me a better seat, closer to the front of the plane, so I wouldn't have to walk as far. THEN, when I landed for the lay over, they had a cart waiting for me!
Me: Tell me, you didn't get on one of those carts with the spinning lights on top.
Mom: I sure did. That man picked me up at the gate are tore off like a bat outta hell. I had to hang on for dear life. He was driving so fast my hair was flying all over the place.
Me: Oh jeez...
Mom: The best was when he'd pull up behind people talking on their cell phones. He'd beep his horn and yell "Excuse Me! Out of the way!!" They were diving out of our way. I asked if he'd ever hit anyone and he said "Yup." (Laughs.) My hair was a mess!!
Me: I always wondered who the fools on those things were.
Mom: Well, they're old handicapped people like your mother!! I'm carrying this cane from now on!

You know you're in Texas when...

I got back from an overnight trip to Texas this afternoon. I would have done a "Greetings From" blog but I forgot my work laptop and don't like to travel with my personal laptop.

A friend moved to Texas a couple of weeks ago so we met for dinner. She is reeling from the following "You-know-you're-in-Texas-when" moments:

• You have to bite your tongue when you introduce yourself to your neighbor and learn his name is Forrest.
• Several people remark "You're not from here are you?"
• You stop by Lowes and discover the spray paint cans are on open shelves, not locked in cages.
  
• You're constantly startled to find people actually say "y'all".
• You realize you've accidentally purchased a house in a "dry" county. Bummer!
• You hear a radio commercial claiming Babe's makes "a pee-can pie so good you'll wanna slap your mama!"

On our way to get some delicious Texas BBQ, a car pulled up beside ours blaring music. I commented "You know you're in Texas when you hear that." Instead of the typical loud hip-hop or rap the kids tend to blast in California, the Texan youngster blasted country music. My friend's husband shouted from the back seat "No way! Roll down the window, are you sure?!" I was right, that kid was blasting some contmeporary country ballad-y sounding thing. Now that's weird! I had to resist the urge to roll down the window, lean out and say "Aww! You're so cute!" I resisted because I happen to know it's legal to pack heat in Texas. I can, however, tell you I much prefer the country intrusion to the rap.

Something else I noticed, while flying out of Dallas/Fort Worth, was the number of uniformed soldiers on board the flights. I finally asked a colleague about it. He explained that DFW is a hub for many soldiers coming from and going on to active duty. I must admit it made me feel somewhat safer with a half dozen soldiers on board. They were a bit loud, and that normally would have annoyed me but I figured they had earned the right to be a little chatty.

When we landed in LA I waited for my colleague at the gate and noticed a young mother, with two small children along with an older man wielding a video camera, clearly waiting for someone to disembark. I didn't think much of it until a soldier step off and was jumped by what must have been his daughter. The scene really broke my heart. On one hand it was heart warming to see a young family obviously back together again after a long separation. On the other hand, I almost broke down thinking about how little time they would have together. Was he off on leave? Where had he been? What had he seen? Would he be going back? Would he be ok? Off to the side stood another young soldier. The reunited soldier quietly asked his family if they had room for the other soldier. They said "yes" and off they went. I couldn't help but think "Sheesh, you'd think the least we could do would be to get a soldier all the way home or to a hotel until family could get to them." It's all so sad. No matter what you think of the war, seeing such young soldiers in desert fatigues really gets to you.

I hope that second soldier has made his home by now.