Lesson #2

Continued education from TCM:

How to drive a woman crazy and how to recognize her when she gets there.

- If you wear red lipstick you must be nuts and you will pay for it by flying of Himalayan cliff. And when I say cliff I mean "watch out for that CLIFF!" (Black Narcissus)

- If a woman gets mixed up with the wrong kind of man, she'll want to marry him, but can't have him, so she'll go bonkers. (The Best Of Everything) Oh, and if you don't get married by your mid-twenties you'll end up a bitter old bitty married to your job just like Joan Crawford.

- If you make a woman choose between love and love of her work she will go bonkers and twirl off a overlook onto train tracks (The Red Shoes) I hate when that happens!

- If Burt Lancaster is in town you'll forget all about your crazy-ass marriage and learn all about lust. (From Here to Eternity) Which brings me to an interesting sidebar: Did you know that Burt was widely acknowleged as the best kisser in Hollywood? Well there ya go. Give that some thought next time you're watch ol' Burt go.

- Bad news: If you have an overbearing mother you can count on a nervous breakdown. Good news: You might be a babe under those God-awful eye brows. (Now Voyager)

Best quote from these films: "Don't let's ask for the moon, we have the stars." Now Voyager

Best quote from a documentary: "When I first met Bette Davis I had an erection for three days." (Stardust: The Bette Davis Story)

And speaking of Bette Davis, did you know she was a big slut? I mean a world class tramp. She could teach seminars on how to piss off entire states of women. She slept with EVERYONE'S boyfriend and/or husband. Who knew?! Did I mention I enjoy this about her?

I'm looking forward to another long weekend, people. Who knows what lessons are in my future!