Trick or Treat!

I had another fun Halloween night at my brother's house. He and his family live in an area that draws huge trick or treater crowds. It wasn't as busy as last year but we were doing pretty brisk "business" nonetheless.

My bother was, sadly, out of town on business so his wife needed a hand passing out candy while she took the kids trick or treating. I sat on the front porch with a giant bowl of candy and braced myself.

I can't help it, Halloween brings out the Emily Post in me. I'm typically on etiquette patrol and last night was no different. Kids started arriving and I must say the majority were extremely polite. I received many a "thank you" and dispensed countless "Happy Halloween!" wishes. Occasionally, a slack-jawed kid would approach me with an entirely clueless technique. Many don't seem to understand the tradition of shouting out "Trick or Treat" in exchange for candy. When a kid just walked towards me with an open bag and nothing to say I would whisper "What do you say?". It usually freaked them out and, in a panic, more than one replied "Thank you?". I'd correct them with "NO! Trick or Treat." They would say it then greedily look into their bag to see what I'd dropped in there.

One poor teen made the unfortunate decision to open his phone in front of me while holding his bag open. As you can imagine, that didn't go over well. I said "Hey! There are no phone calls during a mid-trick-or-treat! No candy until you turn that thing off." He whined "But someone is texting me-eeee." I stared him down as his friends snickered at him then said "I'm here with candy, what are they doing for you?". He closed the phone, said trick or treat, I handed over some candy and even got a "Thank you". Amazing!

In a genius maneuver, my sister-in-law picked up some one ounce Play-Doh tubs to hand out with the candy. They were a big hit from the little kids on up to the teens. I highly recommend passing out small, retro toys along with candy. It might smell a little funny, but who cares?

P.S. As usual, while searching for an image to upload I found a super-cool site. How fun is this? They have a section titled "Things That Shoot". Need I say more? Except maybe "Umm, that's funny." So is that.

Back to school

Today I went to work in my new office, err, cubicle. It's actually pretty nice but it's still a cube. I now sit in a space made mostly of a shower door type of glass. The work space is designed to take full advantage of natural light. We are therefore being asked to resist the incredible urge to hang black out curtains to cover the shower door glass. We can, however, hang sheets of decorative transparent paper to help prevent the fishbowl feeling. My cube has a "closet" but really it's a locker. I've decided to put up a mirror and a Tiger Beat centerfold of Shaun Cassidy to complete the effect.

My friends and I ate lunch in the new commissary. Why do I just know we will end up commandeering the same table day after day? It felt just like junior high. We're talking lunch trays and everything. Unbelievable, I turn 40 and it's back to this. Where did I go wrong?

P.S. Don't get me wrong. I'm totally getting a piece of this (and this) action.

Dear Selfish Witch

To the selfish whore who buys up See's Candy Chocolate chips by the case, I hate you. Yeah you!

I dropped by my local See's Candy store to pick up my all-time-favorite chocolate chips and was informed you had bought two case of chips a couple of days ago. That spells "Out of stock" for me. Well, I hope you're happy. You completely took the wind out of my sails. I was going to make chocolate chips cookies for tonight's event but nooooooo. You selfishly bought up every last chip. What kind of maniac buys cases of chocolate chips without special ordering them? What are the rest of us supposed to do? You and I both know the big chips are the best. Those wimpy mini chips you left behind are for sissies. The sales staff claims more chips are on the way and, believe me, I'll be there first. Game on, sister!

Why I'll burn in hell

Due to a ridiculous work schedule, the powers brought lunch in for us. While scanning the options, the following conversation took place:

Temp: They just passed gay marriage in New Jersey!
Lucy: Oh, that's great! Sorry about the New Jersey part though.
Temp: It's so exciting!
All: ...
Lucy: More importantly, is that chicken salad or tuna salad?
Other co-worker: Did you really just say that?
Lucy: Sorry... priorities!!

(Let's be clear, one of my best friends happens to be gay and even he would understand the urgency of selecting the correct free lunch and the need to stay focused.
I do realize I'll burn though.)

Awww!

Today I heard one of the sweetest stories I've ever heard:

My nephew's friend sent him a note of condolence about losing his grandfather. (I should mention that they are both seven years old.) While I'm sure this friend's mom had something to do with it, it was adorable. He wrote something like "I'm very sorry to hear about your grandpa. He is a fun grandpa and I know you're a good grandson and you must be very sad. I'm so sorry." Here's the kicker: he folded a five dollar bill and a baseball card in the note.

Ok seriously, how cute is that?! I've always really liked him, but I swear that kid has earned a permanent soft spot in my heart for being so thoughtful and trying so hard to cheer up my nephew. I just love him for the gesture.

I'm 40 and I like to KICK!

So, after yesterday's sad loss of life today is all about celebrating my own old-assed life. Today is my 40th birthday. All day long I've been imitating that Molly Shannon character, Sally O'Malley, who runs around saying "I'm 50 and I like to KICK!" Not everyone understands it but it makes me laugh.

A friend made 4 dozen cupcakes for my afternoon birthday party at work. She decided it would be really funny to light up 40 candles. I blew them out but, honest to God, the resulting smoke almost set off the alarm. How great would that have been?! It no doubt would have brought me my 15 minutes of fame.

Tonight I'm off to have dinner with some great friends from high school. They've already celebrated their 40th birthdays. We've decided to throw ourselves a wrap party for our 30's. Not sure when that will be but I'll be sure to blog about it.

So many tears

Tonight I sat across the room and watched my sister-in-law tell her kids that their grandfather had died. It was the toughest sight I've ever seen. She was magnificent and I am in awe of her gifts as a mother.

Farewell Paul. You know I loved you. I hope I'm worthy of seeing you on the other side.

What?!

I was thinking about getting ahead of my Christmas shopping this year. In particular, I was thinking of an aunt who is a devout Catholic. I was looking for a rosary, greeting cards or candles. You know, something respectful that she would appreciate.

I found this site and, as usual, was drawn immediately to the bizarre. Can somebody please explain this to me? It seems so weird. I've never imagined Jesus playing sports. Now the images are burned in my brain. I can't shake them!

Thanks a lot Catholicshopper.com!

At least they didn't put a helmut on Jesus. I'm thinking Jesus wouldn't need a helmut, so at least they got that part right. But wait, is that kid trying to tackle Jesus?! That can't be a good idea!

*sigh*

Don't mess with me

So, remember that annoying client that keeps calling me on my cell? Well, she called again and left another message. Here is the email I sent her as a reply:

I do not manage your contract. PLEASE stop calling my cell phone number. I have a family member literally dying in the hospital and every time you make my phone ring it makes my heart stop.

I know your Account Manager and tech support are aware of your problems. Please forward your questions to them.

Thank you.

I know it was really mean to send that email but the weirdo just wouldn't step off. I would just die if I ever received anything like that but I don't stalk people who have nothing to do with my business. Needless to say, I haven't heard from her since.

Sad

I haven't been blogging much lately because my sister-in-law's dad is very sick. I'm just feeling blue and helpless about the situation. To put a very long and sad story short, I may have been the last person to talk with him. That breaks my heart. I never intended to be that person. I feel unworthy. It should have been his wife or kids not his son in law's sarcastic sister.

Sorry to be a Debbie-downer but that's what's been going on with my family.

To make matters worse, some jerk gave my cell number to an idiotic client. We're working on budgets right now and she's having technical difficulties. My cell phone is used, lmost exclusively, for personal use. Every time it rings my heart stops. This financial freak-show called me at 9:02 this morning wanting to know when her problem would be fixed. I thought about telling her I was going through a family crisis and to LOSE my number but I thought she might have a heart attack. Instead, I told her that I don't handle her account (did I mention that she is in no way my problem?!) and that her account manager was working on it (you freakin' stalker!). Now, I'm just not answering calls from her area code. I know... very mature, huh?

The one bit of good news I can share is that I finally received my absentee ballot. Thank God! I can stop harping on that subject now.

White man tryin' to keep the brown girl down

Today, I acted like the old lady I'm becoming and actually called the LA County Registrar Recorder and asked where the hell my sample and absentee ballots were. The clerk confirmed that they had been sent a few days ago and may in fact even be waiting at home for me.

I asked him why my Republican mother gets her voting info about 2 weeks before my Dad and I, both Democrats, get ours. He said the info is sent at the same time. I commented that it must be the Postal Service. He sort of shrugged then asked what party my mom was. When I said "Republican" he said "Figures." He then said he was a Democrat as well. I wished him luck getting his ballot.

A friend, who also lives in my incredibly red town, said the same thing happens in her household. What's going on? I'm going to start keeping track of this stuff, like the old lady I am, and go to the Post Office with it in a couple of years. This could shape up to be my all time favorite letter writing campaign!

Have I mentioned that Im' a big letter writer? When things annoy me, I'm more than willing to write or email the culprit. I highly reccommend the practice. It's very satisfying and often results in free stuff. Give it a try some time. You'll like it.

In the mean time, remember to fight the power!

Oops

Last night I stopped my my pharmacy to pick up my pills. (Yes, those pills.) Well, I got to my pharmacy too late... they were closed. Bummer. The rest of the store was open so I did what any resourceful woman would do, I shopped for makeup. I selected a God awful shade of liquid makeup because I heard "older" women should avoid powder foundation like the plague. It can actually make me look older *gasp*! I'm here to tell ya selecting the wrong shade does you no favors either.

Anyway, after wandering up and down the aisles for a while, the clouds parted and I found these. I am officially in heaven. Who says "size doesn't matter"? When it comes to our old friend Bonnie Bell, size matters A LOT. (Remember that big brown bottle of Ten - 0 Six astringent? What did the name mean?) I remember Lip Smackers from my childhood and I'm thrilled they have decided to bring the girth-y ones back. I know it's difficult to see, but these are the big, fat Lip Smackers of old. They are not quite as fat as I recall but it could be because my head was smaller back then. No matter, they're still super cool and make me very happy. I chose the Watermelon/Cherry flavor. I passed it around at lunch today so everyone could get a good sniff. We all agreed that it smells like junior high. They didn't have Kool Aid flavors back then but it tastes like the cherry flavored Smacker I remember. If you're a purist, you may be happier with the traditional soda flavors. I used to have Dr. Pepper and Orange Crush. I think I need to get these next. Why did it take so long for me to rediscover Lip Smackers? I think it goes back to the size. We've missed those fat Smackers because they're the best!

So, next time you miss picking up your slutty pills, be sure to pick up a taste of your childhood instead. (What?!) One whiff of your favorite flavor and you'll forget all about your demanding uterus. I plan to have a "Biggy" in my purse from here on out. Long live Lip Smackers!!!!!!!

P.S. If you have no idea what I'm talking about here then you are are too young to be reading this. Shoo! On the other hand, if you do know what I'm talking about, but Lip Smackers just weren't your thing, then look here. You must have a soft spot for some of those. Love's Baby Soft? QT? Come on! I, for one, still know exactly what Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific smelled like and I miss it! I know my hair smelled terrific during the late 70's and, if you're any friend of mine, yours did too.

Food for thought

Anyone who drops by this blog, or knows me personally, knows that voting is a pretty big deal to me. I think of the suffragettes every time I stand at a polling booth and send out a little thank you to them.

Before each election I try to do a little homework while completely ignoring all television commercials. It can be tricky but I think it's important.

My big beef lately is that I think it shouldn't be difficult to figure out who is supporting candidates and propositions. I don't believe big business should be allowed to hide behind bogus names to hide their identity. If a company is supporting something or someone, I think voters should know it and that information should be mandatory on all proposition/candidate advertisements and web sites.

While searching for who supports who in the upcoming election, I found the following rather intriguing sites. I'm incredibly suspicious of most everything having to do with politics but these seem like pretty good bets:

This one is fascinating! I love being able to see where Chevron is sending checks.
Check out who's spending what and where?
I've just discovered Vote Circle and so far I like it.
Of course, there is the old reliable League of Women Voters if you're looking for an impartial set of facts. (Here is the site for the LWV for California. )
If you aren't registered to vote, for the love of God, do so here or here or here or many other sites.
Oh, and do read your voter guide.

And for the record, I think most people in this country share the same "values" and that we basically want the same things. I blame politicians, and their campaigns, for polarizing our country and distracting us with emotional issues. Issues that, frankly, will never really effect those so upset by them. Please try not to get caught up in these tactics. Keep your facts straight and don't side blindly with anyone. Whatever you do, stay well informed and vote accordingly.

Happy decision making!


Disclaimer: My intention is not to be preachy. I just like the idea of folks being as informed as possible when voting. Above all, I like to share helpful sites as I find them. I hope you find something of interest here.

Bossy Boots strikes again

Today I toured the new building we're moving to in a few weeks. It's mostly cubicle space and many are still being assembled. It was very loud not only from men hammering away at cubicles but also from a dozen of us walking around pointing and asking many questions. At one point some guy from the crew shouted (with his back to us) "Fucking Bitch!". He had just rounded a corner down the hall and I have no idea who he was speaking to. I also have no idea what came over me when I shouted "HEY!". As if to say "Excuse me jerko, there are ladies present. Please refrain from exhibiting your potty mouth." He was startled and said "Sorry" before shuffling off.

My friends all laughed at me. I said "I know! As I were a lady or something. Who do I think I am?!" I think I'm just always set to "bossy" these days. On the bright side, I may have gotten a co-worker the big cubicle by being bossy so maybe it's not all bad. We'll see.

P.S. I still don't have my ballot. The conspiracy theory gets stronger every day.

So blue...

Because I'll be driving the plains of South Dakota on election day, I'm getting a little sweaty about where my damn sample ballot is. I need to request an absentee ballot and it hasn't arrived yet.

Yesterday, I found out my mother, The Republican, has not only received her sample ballot but also her absentee ballot. Meanwhile, my dad and I, Democrats, have received nothing. Dad claims Mom ALWAYS gets her ballots before he does. We live in a blue state but a very red city. Dad and I have decided it's a conspiracy to keep the blue voters down. On the other hand, the one benefit of being blue in a red city comes when I go to vote in primaries. There is a depressing sea of Republican booths and one lone Democrat booth in the corner. I LOVE sweeping by all of those GOP booths to vote in my little booth with my head held high. It's the reason I've never voted absentee. I love going to the booth that I suspect only about a dozen of us use. I like thinking about some disgruntled Republican having to set it up for me, then waiting all day to watch how many of us show up. It's a little mean spirited, I admit, but it gives me a little thrill.

My hope is that by blogging about this I'll get home tonight and my ballot will be waiting for me. I'll keep you posted.

The Cane Mutiny

SO, today my Mom jetted off to her big high school reunion.

Something to note about my mom is the fact that she's had one knee replaced. The other probably needs to be replaced but she's not too excited about the lengthy recovery so she's been avoiding it. In the mean time, she's been using a cane when she's unsure of the distance she'll need to cover. Because she had a lay-over today, she took the cane.

I called her today when I knew she had reached her final destination. Here is a sampling of the conversation:

Me: How was your flight?
Mom: It was great! I walked up to check in and a lady saw my cane and checked me in without making me stand in line! She gave me a better seat, closer to the front of the plane, so I wouldn't have to walk as far. THEN, when I landed for the lay over, they had a cart waiting for me!
Me: Tell me, you didn't get on one of those carts with the spinning lights on top.
Mom: I sure did. That man picked me up at the gate are tore off like a bat outta hell. I had to hang on for dear life. He was driving so fast my hair was flying all over the place.
Me: Oh jeez...
Mom: The best was when he'd pull up behind people talking on their cell phones. He'd beep his horn and yell "Excuse Me! Out of the way!!" They were diving out of our way. I asked if he'd ever hit anyone and he said "Yup." (Laughs.) My hair was a mess!!
Me: I always wondered who the fools on those things were.
Mom: Well, they're old handicapped people like your mother!! I'm carrying this cane from now on!

You know you're in Texas when...

I got back from an overnight trip to Texas this afternoon. I would have done a "Greetings From" blog but I forgot my work laptop and don't like to travel with my personal laptop.

A friend moved to Texas a couple of weeks ago so we met for dinner. She is reeling from the following "You-know-you're-in-Texas-when" moments:

• You have to bite your tongue when you introduce yourself to your neighbor and learn his name is Forrest.
• Several people remark "You're not from here are you?"
• You stop by Lowes and discover the spray paint cans are on open shelves, not locked in cages.
  
• You're constantly startled to find people actually say "y'all".
• You realize you've accidentally purchased a house in a "dry" county. Bummer!
• You hear a radio commercial claiming Babe's makes "a pee-can pie so good you'll wanna slap your mama!"

On our way to get some delicious Texas BBQ, a car pulled up beside ours blaring music. I commented "You know you're in Texas when you hear that." Instead of the typical loud hip-hop or rap the kids tend to blast in California, the Texan youngster blasted country music. My friend's husband shouted from the back seat "No way! Roll down the window, are you sure?!" I was right, that kid was blasting some contmeporary country ballad-y sounding thing. Now that's weird! I had to resist the urge to roll down the window, lean out and say "Aww! You're so cute!" I resisted because I happen to know it's legal to pack heat in Texas. I can, however, tell you I much prefer the country intrusion to the rap.

Something else I noticed, while flying out of Dallas/Fort Worth, was the number of uniformed soldiers on board the flights. I finally asked a colleague about it. He explained that DFW is a hub for many soldiers coming from and going on to active duty. I must admit it made me feel somewhat safer with a half dozen soldiers on board. They were a bit loud, and that normally would have annoyed me but I figured they had earned the right to be a little chatty.

When we landed in LA I waited for my colleague at the gate and noticed a young mother, with two small children along with an older man wielding a video camera, clearly waiting for someone to disembark. I didn't think much of it until a soldier step off and was jumped by what must have been his daughter. The scene really broke my heart. On one hand it was heart warming to see a young family obviously back together again after a long separation. On the other hand, I almost broke down thinking about how little time they would have together. Was he off on leave? Where had he been? What had he seen? Would he be going back? Would he be ok? Off to the side stood another young soldier. The reunited soldier quietly asked his family if they had room for the other soldier. They said "yes" and off they went. I couldn't help but think "Sheesh, you'd think the least we could do would be to get a soldier all the way home or to a hotel until family could get to them." It's all so sad. No matter what you think of the war, seeing such young soldiers in desert fatigues really gets to you.

I hope that second soldier has made his home by now.

The makings of a weekend (or "The Link Happy Blogger!")

I took a couple of days off to go to Disneyland and The Getty. I had a great time doing both but I wish someone had told me that this is break time for year round schools. Bum-mer!

At one point HVK and I became remarkably thirsty at Disneyland so we got a couple of frozen lemonades at a cart. We sat down in the shade to enjoy them and here is what happened:

HVK: Grasping throat, "Oh my God! Do you ever get that painful frozen throat thing?"
Lucy: "Umm, no?"
HVK: Immediately slapping her forehead, while still clasping her throat, "Ooooowwwww! Brain freeze!!!"
Lucy: After taking my first sip, grabbing jaw: "Lightning! Lightning! Oh, my teeth!!!"

What a sight we must have been. I told HVK it must have looked like we had been fighting an had just finished punching each other. Well, then the scary, wheezing, laughing began followed by the howling. I would like to formally apologize to any kids we may have frightened.

Here is how I will be recovering and spending the remainder of my long weekend (I promise I'll try not to scare any more children. Unless, of course, they are related to me.):

Trader Joe's - I won $25 "Shopping Spree" and it's time to spend it.
The Dodgers are still hangin' on and I plan to cheer them on as long as I can.
The Melting Pot - Yum!
My niece and nephew are coming over for a sleep over. I'll be hearing a lot of this and this.
Simply Sleep - To help recover from the sleep over.

My Tivo will be working extra hard this weekend and into next week recording the following from TCM:
Imitation of Life - Is this the one where the down and out housewife takes her maid's family pancake recipe and makes a mint selling them in her chain of restaurants while the maid remains her maid. I have to Tivo it to see for myself.
Humoresque - Joan Crawford as a "wealthy neurotic"? Sign me up!
The Women - One of my all time favorites. Not exactly a feminist rebel yell of a film but it's damn funny and it features Rosalind Russell at her best.
Double Indemnity - I've already seen this a few times this year but I'll be watching again.
The Day the Earth Stood Still - I've never seen this but I've been meaning to. Here is my big chance.
A Conversation with Gregory Peck - *sigh* So dreamy...
Complicated Women - Sounds cool!
Hush ... Hush, Sweet Charlotte - I love it when Bette plays LOCO!
Gaslight - For those who know me: If you haven't already seen this, please do so now so you'll understand my frequent references to it.
The Clock - Awww!

The evening of October 13th looks like a good time!

Guilty! From a guy who knows.

Normally, I'd be LOVING this whole Foley scandal but because the man is a child predator it just takes all the fun out of it. I guess I prefer my political scandals between grown ups.

The one bright moment to come from this whole scandal came from a surprising source yesterday.

I've recently discovered Keith Olbermann's Countdown. I was watching Keith go when I heard the following show, Scarborough Country, would feature a chat with Pat Buchanan. Yes, that Pat Buchanan. The Pat Buchanan who drove me from the Republican Party back in the 80's. (I know, I know! I was young and foolish and the GOP got me to register to vote first. I saw Pat Buchanan speak at a subsequent Republican Convention and promptlyswitched parties.) Well, come on, the guy is nothing if not great for making a scene. I'm here to tell you, Pat's is starting to look a little long in the tooth and that too takes the wind out of my sails. No matter, I eagerly anticipated Pat's response to this whole scandal and old man Buchanan delivered. Here is the exchange:

BUCHANAN: ...The Republican House doesn‘t know how to fight as a unit. They‘re all turning on each other. The damn—the press is all over their case. They‘re running and hiding and saying, He did it, and I didn‘t know about Foley, and it‘s just a ridiculous—and there's no reason to reelect a House that behaves like this!

SCARBOROUGH: Pat, you know what it makes me long for? The days of Ehrlichmann and Haldeman. Now those guys knew how to circle the wagons, baby!

(LAUGHTER)

BUCHANAN: Well, you know, we survived for 18 months and... we were guilty*!

(LAUGHTER)

SCARBOROUGH: You sure as hell did! You sure as hell did. And if that helps you sleep better tonight, Pat Buchanan, then God bless you!


Now that's funny.

* It should be noted that I got this exchange from MSNBC's online transcripts but the punch line was mysteriously missing. I had to add it in red. Not sure why they would scrub Pat Buchanan's admission of guilt but I guess that's just how today's "journalism" works.

South Dakota Lies

I've booked my flight to Minneapolis. I'm all set for the road trip to Mt. Rushmore. My traveling companion, Ethel, has asked some locals about our thoughts on going around South Dakota. They all say "Just drive straight through... trust me." This time of year it's apparently 8 hours of dead corn fields. Bet you can't wait to see those pix. Because we are both California natives we're used to driving through long stretches of desert. We're told it's similar driving.

Well, Ethel and I decided a must-see is the Laura Ingalls Wilder Historic Highway. According to this site we can pay our respects and visit Laura's grave... I'M SO THERE!!! Shandon, I promise to give your regards.


While doing some research Ethel found that South Dakota takes a lot of credit for being the home state of dear old Laura even though the famed Maple Grove and the Little House in the Woods are both, in fact, in Minnesota. We think South Dakota is being awfully greedy about taking credit here. Ultimately, Ethel emailed me regarding her concerns and stated "South Dakota Lies!". I liked the sound of it so I've decided that's should be the theme of this trip: "South Dakota Lies!" (including exclamation point) and we're in search of the truth. I plan to collect photographic evidence of the lies and report back on my fair blog.

Speaking of (a different variety of) fair, is it unfair to judge a state by it's AAA Tour Book? I ask because the great state of California requires TWO books to cover all of the exciting places to visit. On the other hand North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa and Nebraska all share ONE book. It's sort of sad don't you think? I'd hate for my my state to have to share with others. My mom says I'm a snob and that out Tour Book is bigger only because we have more cities. I argue that we have more cities because there are more cool places to live.

All dressed up and too sick to go

Lately I've suffered from some annoying stomach flu symptoms. Today was especially bad, throughout the day I took Pepto Bismal, Tylenol and Immodium AD.
Unfortunately, none of it helped enough to get me out the door this evening to help celebrate Norman's birthday.

Sorry Norman! As mentioned, we'll do something next weekend. (Unless, of course, I've got that E coli thing that's been going around.)

Reading between the lines

Because I've been annoyed with most politicians lately, I was really not in the mood to be insulted by the President... again.

I wrote him an email that basically asked him to stop insulting the majority of the country. I went on to say something like: Most citizens disagree with your actions and policies and you continue to call us naive, freedom-hating, terrorist-loving morons and we're getting sick of it. Knock it off.

I got the following as a reply (Needless to say, the comments in red are mine.):

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence (you whiny pain in the ass). We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions (we won't listen, but thanks for trying). The President is committed to continuing our economic progress (ha), defending our freedom (ha ha), and upholding our Nation's deepest values (Yeah, we know. Even we have to laugh at this point. But seriously, he's trying... except the part about swearing to uphold and protect the Constitution, he's not really into that part). Due to the large volume of e-mail received (i.e. complaints, letters of disappointment and general hate mail), the White House cannot respond to every message (only the ones we like). Please visit the White House website for the most up-to-date information (propaganda) on Presidential initiatives, current events, and topics of interest to you (aka the tiny bits of good news we're still able to spin). In order to better receive (i.e. avoid) comments from the public, a new system has been implemented. In the future please send your comments to comments@whitehouse.gov. Thank you again for taking the time to write (Now, piss off).

Whether you agree with me or not, I encourage you to write to the generic "comments" link above as often as possible.

Happy Friday!!!

Blind leading the blind

So, a friend of mine moved to Minneapolis last year. I've been meaning to visit her ever since, it just hasn't happened. Well, I'm finally taking a week off to see the fair city of Minneapolis and take another road trip from there. We're going to drive from Minneapolis to Mt. Rushmore and back. Like the famed Diners & Disasters trip, we've already established the "no chain restaurants" rule. Some rules are golden.

My friend and I had a ridiculous phone conversation, last night, highlighting our ignorance of US geography. For instance, did you know that Deadwood is in South Dakota? Well I didn't. I thought it was in the corner of Wyoming. I was close, but close won't win in "Jeopardy!".

Here's a sampling of the conversation:

Friend: We can drive to Mt Rushmore in one day right?
Me: Um, it's sort of a long way. I think we could get there in two days. There's some pretty big city on the way. We could stop around there and stay the night.
Friend: Hold on, let me get a map.
Friend: ...
Friend: Lucy! Mt. Rushmore is all the way across South Dakota!!!
Me: I know! (... but only because I received a killer US map with my last issue of National Geographic. A publication I should, apparently, be paying more attention to.)
Friend: Sioux Falls is on the way. Is that where you want to stop? Really? Sioux Falls?!
Me: I don't know, I just know some place I've heard of is on the way.
Friend: You know South Dakota is a crazy red state right? We have to spend as little money as possible there. We can't support them.
Me: Bummer! What's North Dakota?
friend: I think they might be blue. (We later learned they are red.)
Me: We could drive around South Dakota and check out North Dakota on our way.
Friend: Yeah, we could go to Fargo!!
Me: ...
Friend: ...
Me: What's in Fargo?
Friend: ...
Friend: That Paul Bunyun statue!! Don't you want a picture with him?!
Me: YEAH!!!!!

It should be an interesting trip.

P.S. While searching for a Paul Bunyan statue photo to include in this blog, I tripped on a whole new goal in life: to see the county by visiting Paul Bunyan statues. Just look at how many there are!!

It's Official

As past posts indicate, I've long considered myself a proud "Wing-nut Liberal".

Today a friend sent me this link to get an actual ranking of just how liberal I am. Here are the results:

On Non-Fiscal Issues, you rank as a Strong Liberal (15)

On Fiscal Issues, you rank as a Strong Liberal (19)

My score is on a scale of 0 to 100, with 0 being fully liberal and 100 being fully conservative.

I know others consider "Liberal" a dirty word/label but it's one I'm proud to wear. To me, it just says I'm open-minded and willing to at least consider all sides to an issue. The thing that really offends me is the way the GOP pimps Christ to further their agenda. It makes no sense to me! Christ was one of the all time greatest liberals. How'd we let them get Him anyway? Who do they think they're kidding. Oh yeah, the entire GOP!

Good grief!

So, today the President called the majority of this country naive for no longer buying his analysis of the war an Iraq and it's repercussions.

Just this weekend I began writing a letter to the President pointing out the fact that he (and his war) has become "the greatest recruiting TOOL the terrorists could have dreamed of". I was still tweaking the letter when the NY Times broke a story Sunday morning that backed my sentiment. The White House immediately started a whining campaign claiming the story had been illegally leaked to the Times by the Dems and that the timing was politically motivated. (Never mind that gas prices just happen to drop right before November elections. The claim is that "Threats to supplies have not materialized". Hmm, that realization couldn't be politically motivated/timed could it? Also curious is that those pesky leaks don't seem to bother Bush when they come directly from the White House.... but, once again, I digress.) Under pressure, Bush declassified parts of the NIE report. If you haven't read the report, you should. It's nothing you haven't already figured out, but still...

Just for fun, here are a couple of quotes for you to ponder:

"I think that it's time, in this country, to quit making national heroes out of those who steal secrets and publish them in the newspapers."

President Bush you may think? Well yes, he has said things like that, but no, actually it's a quote from President Nixon when the Watergate story was breaking. We all know why he had his panties in a twist over those national heroes.

And here's another one for you:

"I think it violates the President's powers under the Constitution. It is ineffective and immoral, and yet the President stubbornly pursues it... ignoring the will of the American people as measured by every public opinion sampling."

That quote is from Hubert Humphrey speaking of Nixon's continued bombing of Cambodia but it sounds awfully familiar these days.

P.S. I know there are folks out there who still defend Bush, some of them are even friends, but come on guys, you can't possibly still be buying his crap. Are you seriously happy with the job he's doing? Just curious.

*Stepping off soap box*

Corporate misunderstandings

Sometimes I love Corporate America, here's why:

We are participating in a "Team Building" afternoon of bowling. Teams have been predetermined with the BIG boss bowling with the interns. (That alone is hilarious, but I digress.)

I'm bowling with a fairly influential HR executive with a wicked sense of humor. Said HR executive has decided we need to send intimidating notes to other teams as part of his pre-game, trash-talk strategy. He found a ransom font and left notes with "Bowl like your job depends on it!" on the desks of the BIG boss and his team of interns. Problem is, the interns think the threatening note is from the BIG Boss. I'm still laughing. I can't believe an HR person has gotten the BIG Boss in trouble and the BIG Boss doesn't even know it yet. Can you imagine how scared those poor interns must be?! Needless to say, everything about the situation cracks me up.

I sent the following email to the HR Executive, he's freaking out:

The interns think your ransom note is from BIG Boss. It says something like "Bowl like your job depends on it", right?
I can't stop laughing. Way to go spaz!!

Ah, Corporate America I love you so.

On blast

On blast: to yell at someone or put them in their place

Recently a much younger colleague was describing an altercation she just survived. She claimed that the offending party "Totally put me on blast!". Another, age appropriate, friend and I loved the term so much that we've used it ever since. Whenever I'm annoyed or even mildly angry I'll warn "I'm about to put her on blast!" I love it!

Well, this morning I felt the need to put someone on blast (it really worked by the way). I mentioned it to the much younger colleague and she laughed at me! She thought it was hilarious that I was using the phrase. I feel so old and there's no one to put on blast.

*shuffling away*

Mammogram-o-rama

Today I went in for my first mammogram. Ladies, I'm here to tell you it's really no big deal (assuming you are not retaining water!).

The first thing the lab technician said was "I know you've heard all about this. It's much better than you've heard. She was SO right. There are four "shots" taken. Together, they take about 3 minutes to complete. After the technician finished, I told her "I've felt more pain getting my blood pressure taken!" She agreed.

I'm glad it's over but I will never again dread the mammogram. I've decided it's the easiest procedure I've ever had. It's that easy.

I spoke with my brother while I was driving to my appointment. I mentioned where I was going but we mostly talked about that great Dodgers win the other night, the cute movie he sent of the kids, the latest CD he insists I buy and so on. Right before we hung up, he said "Hey, good luck with that boob thing." Thanks bro!

Kicking butt and taking names!

Had a great meeting today. Frankly, I kicked ass.

I've never been a fan of public speaking but now, somehow, I've found myself in the bizarre position of making presentations in large conference rooms to strangers. Something I've pretty much spent my life avoiding. I still hate the idea but I'm less nervous each time. I guess it's all about practice. That and a comment from a former boss who advised me to remember "They're just people." It's so absurdly simple but remembering that helps each time I walk into a room to do my thing. They're just people, no better, no worse than me.

This is how I felt after the meeting:

Woo woo!

Greetings from San Francisco!

I park in one of those off site airport parking facilities. While getting settled on the shuttle, to go to the airport, the following was exchanged:

Shuttle driver: What terminal?
Me: United
Passenger #2: United
Passenger #3: Air France
Me: Well, woo woo!
All: ...
Me: ... Just kidding!

Sheesh! no one has a sense of humor when it comes to the airport anymore!

Tomorrow I'm off to kick ass at a meeting. Woo woo for me!!

Lately

As mentioned, it's been a bit hectic for me lately but, overall things are good.

The latest:

I'm officially on the Nip/Tuck (turn down your volume if you're clicking here) bandwagon. A friend loaned me her Season One set and I was up 'til 1:30 am Thursday night watching the first 6 episodes. I love it! I've got a lot of episodes to catch up on. Let's see if I actually do it.

Watched a really good documentary Shandon recommended called Titanic - The Complete Story. Check it out if you can.

Watched The Miracle Worker on TCM for the first time. They were right, those are some pretty impressive performances.

Went to my nephew's baseball game. It freaks me out the way kids take on the mannerisms of adults. It made me a little sad to see the little man so grown up. He plays really well but insists on sliding at every opportunity. Even if someone is being walked, he must slide to the next base. It's pretty funny. In the mean time, my niece was asking for gum. I didn't have any so instead asked if she wanted a Life Savers. She had no idea what I was talking about. (Can you imagine?!) I gave Little Miss her first cherry Life Savers. I tend to take a lot of her firsts for granted but she was so enthusiastic abut the Life Savers that even I took notice. Do they still make those holiday Life Savers "books"? If I can find one I'll be getting one for her for Christmas.

Oh! And I watched a good A&E show titled The Black Death this morning. I knew some of how it was spread and all but learned today that it hit Europe when enemy ships started catapulting plague riddled corpses onto the shores of Genoa. Now that's some nasty war tactics. (I tried to look up some symptoms for you to bo on the look out for but instead found some really yucky pix of plagued out hands and feet. Eww!! I'm not incliding any links here 'cause they're just too gross.)

On a lighter note, I caught the first episode of Three's Company. I loved the show in the 70's but haven't really watched it since. I was getting ready to meet a friend for brunch and realized it was on. I've always wondered how exactly they first revealed with the "Jack's gay" storyline that latest for too many seasons. Well now I know. For those wondering, Joyce DeWitt tells Mr. Roper Jack is gay OFF CAMERA. It's completely lame. Shoulda known.

Grown up

So, it's official, I got the promotion. I sort of feel like a grown up. When I thanked the big boss personally she asked if I was "ok" with my raise. I mean really, how many people get THAT opportunity? I'd have been an idiot to say "Oh yeah, I'm fine". I told her the truth, that it was a little lower than I'd expected but that a bonus might be nice. I know, I know, at first I felt a little guilty for asking for more. Percentage wise they've been very generous BUT I really want to buy a condo this year so every little bit helps. Besides, I'm expected to be an even bigger bossy boots now so I figured I'd start on my own best interest. We'll see what happens.

On another front, a former boss lost her dad to a long series of illnesses. His funeral was this morning. A friend mentioned it to me yesterday and, through a miscommunication, she thought I'd declined to go. Well, today when I called to see when we'd leave for the service she said "I thought you couldn't go!" I said "Listen Missy, I wore my Spanx today and I don't wear Spanx for just anyone. Let's go!" "But I'm not appropriately attired!" she cried. "From the waist up I'm great but otherwise I'm a mess!" She was wearing flip flops. I told her I doubted our friend would care about her footwear today. She agreed to go but I had promise to cover her at all times. There were some pretty major big-wigs there and she "would just die" if any of them saw her feet. I did my duty and covered her. In the end she was glad we had gone. I don't even know if my former boss knew we were there but I was glad we took the time.

The only awkward moment came as we pulled up to the cemetery curb. We looked up and saw a rather casually dressed young man get out of the car in front of us. As we stepped out to the lawn, I nodded in his direction and whispered "See, you're fine. Look at him." My friend replied "Great, I'll just go sit with Ludacris. See ya later." I literally laughed out loud. Very loud in fact. Now THAT was inappropriate. Oops!

Open blog to the President

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

How you managed to fuck up a one sentence oath is beyond me. I know there are a lot of words here but, considering your job, you might want to take a glance. Let us know if you have any questions. Here's a picture to help jog your memory:

(Crack) Baby on Board

A friend at work is having trouble with her new intern. He doesn't seem to understand that he has committed to work 8 hours a day. My friend gave him a choice of hours. He chose to work from 8:00 - 5:00. Problem is, he doesn't show up until 10:30 some days but always leaves at 5:00. She has had several conversations with him about this. They are currently deciding if this internship is the "right fit" for him. He's beginning to think not. Does he think he'll find a job somewhere else where they won't care when he shows up? Unbelievable. Oh, and by the way, this is not terribly uncommon. Lots of kids out of school don't show any sign of a work ethic... I've experienced it first hand. I read somewhere that the generation coming out of college is the most coddled, spoiled generation to hit the work force ever. I think they may be right.

Ultimately this was the exchange between my friend and I on the issue:

Me: It's like you've adopted a crack baby.
Friend: I know!!
Me: You sort of want to give it back because you didn't know what you were getting into but you can't because you feel so sorry for it.
Friend: How will it survive on it's own?
Friend: ...I'm so screwed.

Diners & Disasters

We returned from our road trip last night. Man, was that a good time.

Several months ago, Shandon and I were discussing our long time obsession with The Donner Party. We decided then to drive up to Donner Lake, some time, to check it out for ourselves. In California, the Donner Party saga is one we're taught in the fourth grade as part of our state's history. I've been fascinated with the story ever since I first heard of it as a kid. If you aren't familiar with this story, or don't know the details, you should really check out The Donner Party or look them up on the many web sites out there. This is also an excellent read if you're so inclined. (Ignore that first review. That wannabe has never read the book.)

Shandon, Norman and I met at 8:30 am Saturday morning and began our journey. We had been tossing around different route options but ultimately decided to take the scenic route of the 395 up and the anti-scenic (but "quick") route 99 back home. It's the journey not the destination, right? We were going up in one day and driving home the next. The trip was going to be a quickie but a goodie.

We set out with the intention of sticking to diners and independent restaurants for the trip. No chain restaurants allowed!

Norman was our navigator and DJ, Shandon read historic and fun facts from our guide books while I drove. By the way, I highly recommend The Lonely Planet California edition. They do a great job of listing good places to see and where to eat.

The 395 is truly beautiful. We knew it would take about an hour and a half longer than the 5 or the 99 but we learned it's worth it. I'd never been to Lake Tahoe and was terribly impressed. I had no idea how big and beautiful that lake is. I knew it would be gorgeous but...wow! I plan to go back.

We made it to Truckee around 7:30 pm. It, too, was beautiful. We had dinner in downtown Truckee then went back to the hotel for a good sleep.

We woke up the next morning and had another good meal at the Truckee Diner. We then headed for Donner State Park and The Emigrant Trail Museum. I kept thinking, and saying, "it looks so harmless." It's all so beautiful up there. We took a tour of the area, saw the monument and the site of the infamous Murphy cabin. We then made our way to Donner Lake. This may have been my favorite spot.

I don't think I had an appreciation for how impossible that pass must have been to get over until I saw it. It's not so much that it's the highest peak, it's that it's made of granite boulders. Boulders that aren't' terribly stable, I imagine. Drop 5 feet of snow on them overnight , ask undernourished, exhausted pioneers to cross them and you have The Donner Party.

It's no wonder California has a reputation of being made up of crazies. You had to be a little nuts to make the journey out. In the beginning, folks came west to outrun disease and unsteady futures. A couple of years later, after the Donner Party ordeal was made famous, miners struck gold and the rest was history.

I've always been a little defensive about California's history. The East Coasters have lots of buildings and monuments to brag about. True, they kicked off this country but the really cool ones made the unbelievably daring decision to head west. The thing to keep in mind is that California is separated from the rest of the US by the Sierras. They were, and remain, a bitch to cross over. (I'm a fan of any highway that has "Runaway Truck" ramps.) Those who managed to do so, long before the highway system made it reasonable, were remarkable. As for old buildings, well, everything the native Americans/Mexicans and emigrants built has had a tough time surviving the earthquakes and sun. (Take that, you snooty East Coasters! We take our severe weather with a healthy does of frequent earthquakes. Not so tough now, are you?)

People have been in, what we now call, California, a heck of a long time. Because so many of those people weren't white, history books tend to pretend they never existed. None the less, I'm fascinated by our country's "history" and California's in particular. I picked up a book of historic sites and plan to look them up every time I'm wandering around the state.

If you haven't been on a road trip in a while, I highly recommend you do so... immediately. Forget Vegas and those roads most traveled. Look up a cool bit of your state's history and go check it out.

Lessons learned:

- Fast food chains have the best bathrooms on the road
- Until they clean that toilet bowl, avoid Gus' bathroom on the 395
- Sweet meat is gross, no matter how nice it sounds
- Laughing so hard that you cry is super fun, unless you can't see through the tears and you happen to be driving.
- Despite his unfortunate name, Eric Schat's Bakery, also on the 395, makes amazing cookies
- Lake Tahoe deserves a nice long stay
- Ironically, Donner Lake is now a great place to vacation
- If the 99 isn't the ass-crack of America, it's certainly the ass-crack of the state
- That being said, the US highway system is amazing. How they got one up and down the Sierras is beyond me
- Small diners and family-run restaurants are closed on Sundays (Foiled again!)
- Although I haven't listened to it in a while, really good country music makes for the best road music. Wanda Jackson and Kasey Chambers are good to start with, Waylon Jennings will see you past the State Pen on the 99 and Alison Krauss and Union Station are great when night falls and you're approaching the Grapevine. (Even if you think you "don't like country" you're going to have to give it a try some time. That Waylon really kicks ass on the road. Trust me.)

After I dropped off my fellow road trippers, Ella Fitzgerald sang me all the way home. I had no idea 88.1 did a Singers segment 'til midnight on Sunday nights. Lucky me! (For more reasons than I can count.)

Is it just me?

Did you see those Hummer commercials where the young man/woman are somehow bullied and they react by racing out to buy a Hummer? I had a nice time laughing at those commercials because I thought they reinforced what I already knew about Hummer drivers, that they are immature, insecure, whiny, wanna-be's unable to take a stand on anything worthwhile. Well, I thank Hummer for characterizing their consumers so perfectly. Sadly, these commercials seem to have disappeared (hmm, I wonder what on earth could have happened?) and have been replaced with shiny new commercials built upon a theme of escape. Once again showcasing Hummer drivers desperate to escape their loser lives.

Why am I picking on Hummer drivers today. Because one of those wankers cut me off this morning. There's nothing like watching a Hummer driver dart through traffic like they're in a sports car. Make up your mind you sad sack! Either get the sports car or get the Hummer. Either way, you're still stuck in your lame life with that tiny penis. Nothing you buy will ever help. Too bad, so sad.

California here I come!

Due to a highly anticipated road trip, I've been perusing books and sites featuring California history. Here are a few fun sites I've come across:

Women of the Gold Rush
Ghost Towns
Haunted California

And places I still need to visit:
Winchester Mystery House
I mean, come on! I gotta get a picture here, right?
Roadside attractions, oh my!
More road trips. Yea!

So cool yet completely unnerving

Type in your address here and check out the value of your home. (Note: values are about a year or so out of date but still fun to check out). Click "see home details" for a satellite bird's eye view of your home and neighborhood.

Click here for a look at "famous homes".

It's super-cool, but I can't help but think this might come in handy for "the bad guys" as W would say. Sorta creepy huh?

What sign are you?

This is, by far, my favorite horoscope.

Thank God I'm not a Gemini.

Enjoy!

Best print ad EVER!

After my last post, I intended to write something upbeat and light to counter that yucky picture. The LA Times has foiled my plan. I don't want this to become a dark blog but, dammit, I could resist mentioning the following:


If you've grown up in So Cal, then odds are, you've heard of the Black Dahlia. If you haven't, I can tell you it's one of the most notorious and ghoulish unsolved murders in LA history. I won't go into the details but, if you're interested, there's plenty of 'em out there online.

This morning, I opened the LA Times to find the all time best print ad ever. The LA Times dipped into their archives and reprinted some of their stories about the case to promote the upcoming Brian DePalma film. You can bet I'll be reading every line. I know Betty was no saint but... poor Betty.

More nature than I can stomach

-20 minutes ago-

Mom (from the kitchen): God dammit!
Me (to Dad): Ooh! You're in trou-ble!
Dad: What?!
Mom: What is this in the freezer?!
Dad: It's a sandpiper.
Me: (Whispering) You can count on a "God Dammit!" when you leave dead birds in the freezer.
Dad: *sigh*

Maybe I should explain. My Dad is a birder, that's an extreme bird watcher to you and me. He has been into bird watching for about 45 years. Dad has many friends in scientific fields including a friend at the Museum of Natural science. When he finds a good specimen (aka: a dead bird in good shape that has, apparently, died of natural causes) he freezes it and gives it to his friend for study. This same friend used to be a Professor at my college. I think the biggest fight I ever got into with my Dad was when he wanted me to carry a frozen Cooper's hawk, in my back pack, to school, to give to his friend. I refused. He couldn't understand what my problem was. Needless to say, it was just too gross.

Once, when my parents were first married, my mom was looking through the fridge for a sweet treat and found a promising looking packet of something in foil. She carefully opened it, hoping to find some chocolate cake, and instead found a dead bird staring back at her. She, naturally, screamed and dropped the bird in horror thinking she'd married a maniac. The verdict is still out on that count. She calls it her "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" moment. We've, sadly, become accustomed to finding frozen birds next to our Lean Cuisine meals. The upside is that it's a great appetite suppressant.

Where the Wild Things Are

Last night I was at a friends house when I got a call from mom. She was calling to say, as if the bear incident last weekend wasn't enough, my dad had noticed movement out on the back patio. The same patio I had been standing grilling chicken on 45 minutes earlier. Dad went out to investigate what was making the plants move and discovered a 4 foot long rattle snake. Being the nature lover that he is, dad chose to not harm the snake and just move him. He did so by taking the hose and washing him into the lower yard.

About 30 minutes later mom and dad were still talking about the snake when a fox casually trotted by to take a sip of water we have out for the birds.

What is going on?! I've seen all of these critters in and around the yard before. I've seen rabid coyotes, dying buck, deer dining on our acorns as well as extremely healthy mountain lions, raccoons, opossum and skunks. I've seen 'em all, but never so much action in one week.

As promised, here are pix of the bear prints left on our wall. If I have a chance, I'll take a picture of the dinosaur that is bound to show up this afternoon.

My genius mom

So, we've seen:
Frontier House
1900 House
Manor House
and Texas Ranch House

Well, dear ol' mom has a great concept for a new reality show:

Donner Party House (or Donner House Party!)

Now that's must see tv!

Is it over yet?

Fall happens to be my favorite season and it can never get here fast enough. Late August is typically when I really start to jones for autumn. Here are a few ways I'm preparing to ring in the new season (and maybe even imagine it's already here):

• Started having hot tea and one of these every morning, in lieu of my yogurt & berries
• Searching for new soup recipes. My favorite is butternut squash!
• Looking for new crafty ways to spend those (hopefully) rainy afternoons. (I just might do this one...don't make me!)
• Compiling a reading list (one that I will never complete but, because I enjoy the list-making process so much, it really doesn't matter).
• Looking for new cool weather clothes/shoes
• Checking out ideas for an evening class. I almost miss the back-to-school action.
• Deciding which movies are my Must Sees
• Checking in here every so often to see if it will ever rain again in my neighborhood.
• I'm not necessarily a big football fan, but I do like to hear these guys doing their thing, in the background, as I do much of the above.
• And, of course, there are some MAJOR decisions to be made.

What are you doing to get ready for Fall?

Grease is the word!

I had a great weekend. I got to catch up on my sleep and that always makes me happy. Best of all, I went to a Grease Sing-a-long with a fun group who were actually willing to sing. I also discovered my gay husband knows every "Rama-lama-ding-dong" in "We go Together"! I mean really, who knows that for God's sake?! Even with the words spelled out on screen I can't sing it all. Needless to say, I was terribly impressed. Equally impressive was Shandon's niece quoting Seinfeld ("But I don't want to be a pirate!") for our pre-show entertainment.

The time really flew by. I highly recommend getting friends together for a sing-a-long as often as you can stand. Shandon suggested Saturday Night Fever as a potential sing-a-long. While not technically a musical, we all know those songs so I like the idea. Sing-a-long organizers, take note!

Because the event was at The Egyptian, on Hollywood Blvd., we couldn't resist a stop at a famous souvenir shop. How depressing it turned out to be! I did, however, enjoy the fake ID card I found for Vito Corleone. It listed his stats as follows: "Height: Short, Weight: Stalky, Eyes: Cold". I should have bought it just to put up here. Oh well.

Whenever I go to Hollywood I end up feeling so bad for the tourists there. I hate that they go home thinking they've seen California after an afternoon looking down at the "Walk of Fame" and fitting their hands into the prints in front of the Chinese theater. (Not to be a germphobe but can you imagine the yuck on those handprints?! It's an alarming thought.) Contrary to the disturbing news that Erik Estrada is slated to receive a star on the walk of fame, Hollywood, and So Cal in general, actually have many cultural and historic sites to visit. Hollywood, in particular, has a fascinating history but, like so many other famous destinations, the history is lost in the hub bub. *sigh* I can't help but look at the out-of-towners and think "Oh dear, you had some money to spend on a nice trip and you came here?" Of course, the area is getting a decent makeover. It will inevitably end up being a generic Times Square sort of re-do, but a clean up is definitely in order.

Another thought: I wonder how many tourists the Scientologists nab by having such primo real estate in two locations on Hollywood Blvd.? Do you think they landed there looking for runaways or something? Maybe they figured it was sin central down there and they could help? Hmmm, I wonder how/when they got that land and why? Does anyone out there know the fun facts here? (By the way, if my blog suddenly disappears or is overloaded...you know who to blame!)

In the interest of fair and balanced blogging, I give you the anti-Sceintology site.

Oh oh!! Speaking of "religion", have I ever mentioned this fun site? It takes about 15 mintes to take the quiz. You will probably not be terribly surprised by the results, but it's a good time anyway. Enjoy!

Holy shit!

The police department just called and said "We're calling to let you know there is a bear in your front yard. Thank you for staying indoors."

A minute later Dad then yelled "Holly shit he's in the pool!" He was apparently relaxing on the steps of the pool with his arms up on the pavement just leaning back. He might as well have a beer in his paw! He heard the yelling and ran...

He is RIGHT NOW on the side of the yard and I can now hear him rattling the gate.

*minutes later*

The cops have told us the bear's cub is up in our oak tree. He is most likely a she. I assume she will be hanging around as long as the cub sticks around.

We had a similar situation a couple of years ago. The neighbor ran over and said "There's a bear in your back yard!" My mother promptly ran out back.

I'm sad to report my dad had the same reaction. I had to yell at him to stay indoors.

How did I come from two obvious maniacs?!

*minutes later*

I just saw her. HOLY SHIT is right. She's HUGE!

I hear a fire engine. Why would they be sending fire engines with alarms?

Gotta run... Will update later. I can still hear her pacing around trying to figure out how to get back to her cub. God, it's just like Grizzly Man...


*update*

The cops pulled away from our house and appeared to be waiting for mama bear to reappear for her cub. There was then some commotion and we heard the cops call out "Is she still in the pool?" We invited them in the house and told them that she seemed to be out back trying to get back to the cub. Dad then suggested they just leave the bears alone. They're up here all the time and leave as soon as people show up. Dad was right. Then the cops went out back, Dad turned the lights on for them. They took one look at the yard and commented "Hey, I think I've been here before looking for bears." Hmm, that's comforting, especially since nobody has ever mentioned this to us. Whatever. They told us they had watched the bear hop our neighbor's gate then jump into our back yard. Guess, she decided to take a quick dip before going back for her cub. They apparently leave cubs up trees to protect them. Still, not much of a mom if you ask me. They then told us they saw one run away. They weren't sure if it was the cub or mama bear. Either way, I hope the late night walkers are ok out there.

The cops left with their tranq guns and I don't hear the bear anymore. Never did see the fire engines so I'm not sure what that was all about.

Lessons learned:

• Having a bear look right at you through plate glass is unnerving.
• Hearing a bear outside your window while you're blogging is just as bad.
• Bears are beautiful but BIG and not an animal I care to get to know much better.

I won't be playing these tonight but perhaps you'd like to take a listen.

Crafty Inspiration

Before the Great Bear Incident of Summer '06, I was happily working on this blog. Now that the bear has had her picnic and left, here is the finished blog:

As mentioned, I've been snooping around online looking for inspiration and future project ideas. So far, I've decided I'd like to give the following a try:

• Crewel
• Embroidery
• More cross stitch
• Crazy quilting
• Redwork
• Knitting (although experience tells me I suck at it, I should try it again.)
• Creative journaling
  

Folks are making cool stuff out there!! The blogs on blogger.com alone are very inspiring. The only problem is that there seem to be so many crafts and so little time.

Here are some other fun sites I found:

• Retro embroidery patterns
  
• Amazing doll houses
• Plain Mable
• For charity
  

Laying Low

I spent the day "puttering around the house" as mom would say. I got up early and did lots of laundry, tossed a bunch of magazines, cruised around online for more craft inspiration and discovered a new favorite show: Feasting on Asphalt.

I've always dreamed of driving cross country but have, so far, lacked the time and money. I will do it before I die though. This show does it just right, with four rules:

• There will be no travel on major interstates
• There will be no eating at major chain restaurants
• If they can’t locate food or lodging, they will fend for themselves via camping, and most importantly
• There will be no whining

Alton Brown, and friends, spend a month riding cross country interviewing locals and sampling "road side" favorites. As is his style, Alton does lots of research and explains myths, traditions and how this stuff came into being. I like cooking shows as well as travel shows so this is a fun way enjoy both. Check it out.

Eww, eww, ewwwwwwww!

Well I'm awake now! I've been happily poking around online for crafty inspiration and stumbled upon someone who is making felt from her cat's hair. EWWWWWW!!! I think I'm scarred for life.

Have I mentioned my profound dislike of cats? I'm allergic to them and my last boyfriend had FOUR cats when we met. Ultimately it a was a deal breaker. Let's just say I wasn't impressed.

Pardon me now while I go get sick...

Good to be home

I forgot my camera but I did take a couple of shots with my phone. One is flying out of New York and the other is from my seat at lunch yesterday. We went to a place called BLT that I plan to visit again. The silhouettes belong to my co-workers. That "wall" behind them was open to the street. Because we had such beautiful weather (mid 80's, no humidity) I loved the open air table we were seated at. I mostly like this shot because it shows the perpetual scaffolding that is everywhere in NYC.

Today's flight was MUCH better than my last. I requested a seat in the back. I know, shocking right? I'm not sure if there is some unfortunate Rosa Parks association but, for some reason, the seats in the back of the plane are the last to fill up. I don't happen to mind the back of the plane. My attitude was rewarded with an empty row of seats all to myself. Yea! The only hiccup came as we were landing. I looked out the window and noticed about a dozen fire engine's with red lights flashing lined up on the tarmac. I don't think I've ever had that kind of welcome before and frankly it alarmed me. I later found out some nitwits had smuggled beverages on an outgoing flight. Said nitwits were apparently discovered on the runway and the plane was promptly turned around for inspection. How mad would you be if your flight was delayed two hours because of some idiots caffeine addiction?!

So, now I'm home and completely exhausted. I'm trying to stay up until at least 9:30. Its gonna be tough!

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam Spaaaaaaaam!

I just saw Spamalot and holy crap is that one funny show! Trooper and Shandon, you MUST see it when it flies into town. It is, naturally, completely absurd and silly so you can't help but laugh your butt off. It's pretty much everyone's favorite scenes and songs from Monty Python's The Holy Grail and Life of Brian all strung together. It's sort of like a musical "Monty Python's Greatest Hits" with lots of fun new songs. I loved it!

Had a great day otherwise as well. Had a fun breakfast (egg white/vegetable frittata...amazing) with a client then got back to my room long enough to check emails and get a call from a co-worker telling me to meet everyone down the street for lunch. Ok! No problem here! I then had a fantastic lunch (Lobster salad). (What is it with these New Yorkers? They really know how to eat. I've yet to taste one bad bite here. Amazing!) We then rushed over a few blocks to set up for a big fat meeting that has plagued us for the past two weeks. It went very well and seems to have been worth the effort. We packed up all of our stuff and slapped Fed Ex slips on everything with 10 minutes to spare to change clothes and brush teeth for dinner and the show. Phew! It's been a busy day but one I'd relive any time. Great time.

I still love NY but it's time to come home. Wish me luck at the airport security lines!

A New York Minute

Today I stepped into the cleanest cab in NYC with perhaps that best looking cabbie ever. What the hell?! I'm always so fascinated with these guys because they are inevitably immigrants and I figure they must have a great story to tell. I always ask lots of questions. Today's hottie was from Egypt and he was beautiful. (Trust me when I tell you this is highly unusual. The hottie aspect, not necessarily the Egyptian part.) I asked why he came to the US. He said "For a better life". He explained that he has been here for eight years but that he goes back to Egypt every three months. He says he's been able to make enough money to buy a new car and a new house in Cairo. He had recently married but said his wife didn't want to move here. She is convinced that life would be difficult in the US if/when another "bad thing" happens here. I told him I was sorry she felt that way but that I understood. We talked about current events and how upsetting it all is. Let's just say he was not impressed with Bush. He did, however, say he always goes back and tells everyone that Americans aren't what they think. I thanked him for sticking up for us.

Yesterday, I hopped in a cab with a nice man from Africa. I noticed he had a pair of well worn baby sneakers hanging from his rear view mirror. I'm in the habit of making up stories about strangers. I'd made up several about the shoes when I finally couldn't take it anymore. As I was stepping out of the cab I asked "Who's shoes are those?" The cabbie beamed and said "My little boy's." He went on to say "He's going to be six years old this weekend. He wants to go to Chuckie Cheese." I gave him and extra big tip and told him to have fun with his birthday boy. I don't know when I last saw a man light up like that when he spoke of his child. It was so sweet.

These are my favorite moments in New York. I don't know of anywhere else in the US where it seems every country on earth is represented. Due to the age of the place, I also find myself wondering about the man who built the fabulous stone wall I pass in Central Park or the craftsman who worked on that amazing awning or brownstone. I love it. Now I just need to take the time to write down some of the stories I make up. This place is a writer's paradise. No wonder so many flock here.

Why, oh why, oh Wyatt?

I've met the devil and his name is Wyatt. He is two years old and he sat behind me from LA to New York.

I had high hopes of this elusive sleep thing, I hear can happen on planes, but Wyatt had other plans. He kicked my seat the entire flight except the 1 hour he slept. He was also fond of screaming and crying as though he were being stabbed. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect two-year-olds to be still and quiet for 5 hours, but when, after 45 minutes of the kicking, I turned to his parents and said "He's kicking my chair", I was surprised by their reaction. I hated to state the obvious but they seemed truly oblivious to their up and coming little kick boxer. I should also note that I said it as sympathetically as humanly possible. Dad responded with "There's nothing I can do." Mom nodded in agreement. I was stunned. I will never understand parents who don't even consider correcting their children. Actually, I don't blame Wyatt, how is he supposed to know kicking chairs for hours on end is annoying? His parents never corrected him, never uttered a "Shh" a "stop kicing" or a even a "quiet please"...nothing. It was unbelievable! All I ask parents is to at least try to explain how to be considerate when the frequent opportunites arise. I wish I could time travel/fast forward and watch them struggle with 17 year old, punk ass Wyatt. I'd like to take this time to thank those idiots for putting yet another inconsiderate human being into our world.

The good news is that I'm now in my hotel room and feeling much better. I didn't sleep much last night because I put off the packing process to make time to put fun new stuff on my iPod. I paid the price today. I am SO tired. I'm now waiting for room service (Turkey Burger... yum!). I then plan to take a hot shower (this room is freezing) and sleep the sleep of angels.

Greetings from New York!