Generation whuuuhhhhhht?

One of our Assistants has decided it's entirely appropriate to work with her iPod on at all times. When did this become acceptable? She happens to do a LOT of copying for us, so I understand standing at a copier for an hour a day might be a situation improved upon by enjoying an iPod. I do not understand why it needs to be attached to her skull the remaining hours of her work day.

First, it was people talking on cell phones during movies, now this? What's going on? Oh, and yesterday while in a Mac Store two kids on skateboards came zooming in and were speaking SO LOUDLY I eventually said "Why are we yelling?!" They were too self involved to hear me. The friend who happened to be with me deadpanned "Invest in hearing aids. That generation is screwed."

Sunday: Goofing around online

Most people who know me, know me as proud a wing-nut liberal. God knows these past 6 years have been rough on those like me. Today, I rediscovered a site that, on one hand, angered me but also helped me laugh at some of what's been going on. Laughing has become quite an effective defense mechanism since Dubya and team took office. Here are a few moments I told people about but some of you may have missed:

Mr. Cheney
(I saw this live and wish I could thank this guy personally. Wherever you are Mr. Man, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying what I had been shouting at the television during those terrible days.)
Why can't journalists behave like this more often?


And here is one I heard of, but never saw until today:
Take that! So great..


And, of course, here are a few of the recent moments that have made us all so damn proud:
Dipshit
Frat Boy

Here are some of the remarkable videos being uploaded from soldiers. They include touching tributes to friends lost as well as some pieces that offer a soldiers POV. I can't help but think what past wars would look like now had those soldiers had digital video cameras.

And on a lighter note:

Take a look at this one-take wonder from an Iraqi war zone. I guess this could be considered evidence of what they say about war; that it's 95% wait-and-see-time and 5% crap-your-pants time. I can't even begin to imagine the planning and rehearsing that went into this. But hey, if it makes you happy and helps pass the time, more power to ya boys!!! Unfortunately, I fear this is the only "war" footage our buddies in the White House have shown Dubya...which, of course, might explain his optimism about how things are going in Iraq. (This is what it is, apparently, goofing on.)

God bless America and the internet.

*stepping off soap box now.*

Gangsta Granny?

It's official, I'm not yet a granny! I didn't get sleepy 'til around 10:30 pm, and that was with cocktails in me. Drinking usually makes me sleepy so I did quite well. Actually, I did better than well, I won the whole pot at Girl's Poker Night! Woo hoo!!!

Our cocktail was The Penny. It's named after a friend of the hostess and I believe it should be sweeping the nation. The Penny is Bacardi Limon, cranberry juice and a splash of 7-up. It's delightful!

When we first arrived, our hostess whipped out a crazy looking aluminum case (shown above). I took one look and, in horror, said "Oh no, you're not gonna play jazz flute are you?!" Thank God it was only a poker chip case. Hey, it was my first poker night. Leamee alone!!

There was much drinking and trash talk for a bunch of rookie players. Our hostess was extraordinarily patient with us but I'd be surprised if she could take another evening like that. More than once she had to shout "Ladies! It's just a game!!"

Lessons learned from our first Girl's Poker Night:

• You can talk drunk people into playing ridiculous hands.
• The Penny rocks!
• Luck is fun!
• Lauren Hill sounds good after so many years.
• Red Vines make fun straws for champagne
  

And my favorite line of the night: "Ok ladies, I'm taking Betty Ford home now."

Get down, Granny!

My race to granny-dom continues but the transition is not complete. Today, after lunch with my gay husband (my good friend who is not my husband but happens to be gay), I was handed a long awaited mix CD. I asked him to make a mix for me to work out to. People, I'm here to tell you that if you need an energetic mix, go to your gay husband. Those boys can really throw it down! I listened to the CD on the way home and had a blast. Here's the granny part, on the way home I stopped at both a cross stitch and a quilting store. I tore into the quilting store parking lot with Madonna's "Sorry" blasting. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person to ever "tear" into that parking lot playing anything much less a Madonna remix. I don't care who you are or what music you like, you simply must shake your hips and bob your head when that song is playing. If you happened to be on any So Cal freeway today and saw a woman shaking, bobbing and waving her hands around shouting "WOOOOOOOO!", that was me.

It's a bipolar experience to go from expecting leather clad male dancers and a descending disco ball to magically appear in your car to the silence of a granny meeting place like a quilting store. They are possibly the kindest shop keepers on earth but remixes are not known in them thar parts. They will soon though, I suspect they all have gay husbands but just don't know it yet. In fact, there is one male sales clerk in that store who makes my gaydar fly off the chart whenever I see him. I mean come on, it's a quilting shop for God's sake.

Tonight I'm going to Girl's Poker Night. We'll know how deep I've sunk into the Granny pool soon. If I'm too tired to continure after 9:00 pm, I'll know the damage has been done and if I need this yet.

Chatty Cathy hits 100

According to blogger.com, this is my 100th post. Wow, that was fast. Somebody tell me to shut up already! I won't, but you can always ask.

I'd like to dedicate #100 to my still-fun high school classmates I had dinner with last night. It's amazing that so much time can pass but the good ones stay the same in all the right ways. Together we are married, single, conservative, liberal, educated, funny, well traveled, out-of-staters and we still manage to have a blast together. I chalk it up to knowing what everyone at the table looked like in braces, feathered hair and terrible fashion. How embarrassing!

Most of us went our separate ways after high school and lost track of each other. We re-connected for our last reunion and have stayed in touch ever since. We all agree that our small get togethers are MUCH more fun than the official reunions. It looks like we'll be getting together once a year now. Yea!! About 6 of the local girls get together for dinner once a month. It's another grand tradition that I highly recommend.

And speaking of old friends, today is Katherine Hepburn day on TCM. You still have a chance to watch/Tivo Long Day's Journey Into Night if you hurry.

Lighten up, Francis

I work with a Project Manager who tends to get a little "sweaty" about everything she works on. In fact, she's pretty damn rude at every opportunity. Well, she is currently working on a big meeting that is apparently over booked. A recent email exchange went something like this:

Colleague: I need one more spot for the client.
Sweaty: Why do they need an additional spot? We're over booked as it is.
C: It's for an interpreter.
S: Why do they need an interpreter? They should have thought of this when they RSVP'd. They didn't need an interpreter last year.
C: It's for their deaf intern.
S: ...
C: ...
S: Ok, I'll make room.

I love it!!! This is a person who assumes every person who calls/approaches her is going to be a pain in the ass. Last week, I gave some samples to her entire group as a thank you. Everyone was very appreciative. When I got to her door I could see she was on the phone. She looked at me and said "What?!" I held up the gift and said "I just wanted to thank you for all of your hard work." HA! Take that crabby pants!!!

And speaking of crabby, here's my new favorite crabby site.

Lawd have mercy!

So, I've noticed Little Miss is channeling Hattie McDaniel. Well, really a combination of Hattie McDaniel and Sally O'Malley (Molly Shannon's SNL character who claims "I like to kick...and I'm 50!") Lately she's been answering questions in a sort of low gruff tone with a southern twang. It's bizarre.

While cleaning up before departing yesterday I heard my sis-in-law say "Where's Fight Puppy"? Fight Puppy?! What the hell is "Fight Puppy"? "Does she have some sort of plush fight club going on in her pink palace of a bedroom?" I asked. She just shrugged and said "I don't know, that's just what she calls him". I later asked Little Miss why she called her adorable stuffed dog "Fight Puppy" and with that Hattie/Sally accent she replied "'Cause he's my pup!" I really wish I could provide a recording here because it's not to be believed. The kid is four years old. I asked her brother who she was imitating. He too, just shrugged and said "That's just her. She's weird." Well said little man, well said.

Ommmmm

Maybe I'm not becoming a shut-in granny. Maybe I'm just becoming more zen. "Shut in" is funnier but "zen" sounds mature in all the right ways. Yeah, I think Ill go with "zen".

Best kick off to a weekend ever

I've had an incredibly hectic week. I worked hard and all, but sheesh was this an annoying week. I was supposed to go to an after work party but I was just too beat. I decided to get a jump on traffic and just head on home.

When I eventually got home, I had a little dinner and sat down to watch (well, really listen) to some tv and work on my latest cross stitch project. I know, I know..."what up granny"? Hey, I am what I am.

I flipped through the shows/movies my Tivo had recorded and settled on To Kill a Mockingbird. I love this movie. It's one of those that I'll pretty much watch whenever it's on. I love it's gently profound story and pace. It always leaves me wanting to be a better person and, of course, hoping to settle down with Atticus Finch. It also has an incredibly calming effect on me. More specifically, I think Gregory Peck has a calming effect on me.

Next, I flipped to Bill Moyers on Faith and Reason. Have you seen it? It's a wonderfully thought provoking set of interviews. Tonight Mr. Moyers spoke with Pema Chodron. Wow! Now that's one cool buddhist nun. If you have a chance to catch this chat you really should. ( I also loved the talk with Margaret Atwood.) Again, I was left wanting to be a better person and maybe even a bit more patient and *gasp* even less annoyed all of the time. Granted, I'm a long way off but it's a nice thought.

Now I'm listening to Lyle Lovett on Austin City Limits and life is good.

I'm looking forward to a great weekend. Hope you have one too!

Your father's a Communist

With all the Fidel Castro news these days it's reminding me of my dad's trip to Cuba. Yes, he went to Cuba and yes it was legal. Americans are allowed to visit Cuba under one of two purposes: for humanitarian or sceinentific reasons. My dad went for sceinentific reasons. The US let him go if he returned with what I called "the boondoggle book report". He genuinely did research but his dream trip was "all expenses paid" because he led the trip of other researchers/scientists (thus the "Boondoggle" title). I never read his report but I suppose I should some day. Anyway, Dad got to see the Bay of Pigs and the cave that Che Guevara hunkered down in. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me. Unfortunately, daddio isn't big on touristy pictures. He came back with mostly wildlife pix with very few sites or people in them...BOR-ING! He did come back with one picture I LOVE. It's my dad with his arm around and ancient, woman cigar maker. They are each smoking freshly rolled cigars with expressions of bliss on their faces.

He loved Cuba and swears the place will be party central once embargos are dropped. He fell in love with the people and says the architecture is stunning. His exact words were "Someone just needs to dock a tanker of paint and resurface everything and it's good as new!" He also mentioned what everyone else speaks of; the absolute feeling of time having stopped there in the 60's and what a bizarre feeling that is. He said Cuban music fills the air and you just sit back, smoke a cigar and enjoy the incredible people.

I, being a selfish wench, REALLY wanted souvenirs. Dad pointed out that they don't have much there and nothing is wasted so there's not much in the way of Cuban chochtkies. Dammit! He did mention a flea market with some "cool stuff" but, alas, he brought none of it home for yours truly. Curses!!! I'm doing my best to train him to "think of me" when he's in these exotic locales. So far I've had little luck.

When Dad got back from his trip, I called to make sure he had made it home safely. My Mom answered the phone with "WELL, your father's a Communist!". I could hear dad in the background yelling "I AM NOT!". I asked what happened and mom said "I don't know but suddenly your dad likes the idea." Dad wrestled the phone from my giggling mother and said "Look, all I said was that Communism works in a new country for about the first three months. It helps get things organized. Then human nature and takes over and Capitalism takes the lead." He was also impressed with the Cuban literacy rate. It was apparently very low when Castro took over, and is now about 99%. I see his point. My only problem now is that every time I see or hear of Fidel I think "WELL, your father's a Communist!"

My favorite euphemism, in regards to Castro, is the US governments stance of waiting for the "biological solution" to Castro. In other words "We'll just wait for the old guy to die." How's that for throwing in the towel?

Can't stop laughing

The Players:
My Mom (aka "Grandma" to the kids)
Little Miss (My niece)

Just overheard:
MM: Look, the new American Girl catalog came.

They slowly start going through the catalog picking out items for Little Miss' doll.

LM: I want that one. (Pointing to the page) What's her name?
MM: She doesn't have a name.
LM: (Pointing to the text) What does it say?
MM: Dark skin, black textured hair, light brown eyes.
LM: What do they call her?
MM: They call her...Mr. Tibbs.

That woman kills me.

Don't know much about history

I watched The Civil War this weekend. I wasn't planning on it, but it was on and I hadn't seen it in a few years. I watch it every few years but often forget how good it is.

Frankly, I hated history in school. I now know I hated the way it was taught, not history itself. I swear I never would have made it to a degree without Schoolhouse Rock to guide my way. I continue to fall miserably short on what I should know about world events, but I do my best to continue my education on my own by traveling, reading and obsessing over PBS shows whenever possible. Even with all that, I'm still no expert on war. I don't know battles, routes or maneuvers but even I know, when I hear "Shiloh", to think "Uh, oh".

I'm a big documentary fan and The Civil War has got to be at the top of my list of favorite documentaries. It had more of an impact on me than I realized. Earlier this year, while in a small pub in Dublin's Temple Bar, a friend and I were eating and chatting up the Irish fiddle and guitar players in the corner. They would play some then chat then play some more then chat. After about an hour they started playing a tune that immediately brought tears to my eyes. I, frankly, was surprised by my reaction and didn't understand for a moment or so. I then recognized the tune as being Ashokan Farewell from The Civil War. It's bad enough to unexpectedly hear that song but to hear it away from home is an especially sad thing. I even wrote Florentine Films a letter telling them of my surprising experience and they wrote a nice letter of thanks back. (Yes, I'm a documentary film maker groupie.)

Here is a list of things that have helped cultivate my love of history:

Favorite childhood historic book:
The Little House Series- Probably the most influential on this list. My dad read the entire series to me when I was a kid. To this day, whenever I fly out of LA, I look down and think "Damn, people must have really wanted to be here." I then think "Damn, I would have been a terrible pioneer; a great suffragette, but a lame pioneer."

Favorite book I was forced to read in college and have loved ever more:
All the President's Men - This is the book that confirmed I liked history. Who could make this stuff up? Also, one of my favorite movies.

Favorite post-college history book:
Washington Goes to War by David Brinkley. This is a goody, folks. Give it a try.

Favorite museum:
The Churchill Museum/The Cabinet War Rooms. This was the by far the biggest surprise from my trip earlier this year. I'd heard the Cabinet War Rooms had been recently refurbished and opened to the public (woo hoo!) and had to go. This one is a pain in the butt to find. When we finally stumbled through the doors, after a lengthy search for the place, I commented to the security guard "Sheesh, this place it hard to find...but I guess that was the point, huh?" (Stupid American strikes again.) This place is incredible.

Favorite television series based on an American war:
M*A*S*H

Favorite made-for-television film on war:
Band of Brothers. I was ready to join the USO after this one.

All-time-favorite exhibit:
Abraham Lincoln exhibit at The Huntington Library. Its been years since I saw this exhibit but I've never forgotten it. It featured many of Lincoln's personal items, such as the gloves he wore the night he was killed. It had letters, speeches, flags and tons of photos. It featured a wall of portraits of Lincoln taken each year of his presidency. If you want to see how much a man can age in four years just take a look at Lincoln's portraits.

Favorite book of historic fiction:
The Other Boleyn Girl - I loved this one so much that I went all the way to England just to see The Tower of London . I'd been there when I was right out of college but had no historic frame of reference to work from. It was so much better the second time around. Henry VIII is another obsession of mine.

"Favorite" American disaster:
The Donner Party. I don't remember the first time I heard about this but I've been fascinated ever since. I read The Donner Party Chronicles earlier in the year and recommend it. I know the Titanic diaster is a popular choice but, dammit, those folks have got nothing on these sad saps.

Favorite up-and-coming historic talking head:
Sarah Vowell. Step aside Doris Kearns Goodwin, I love your stuff but this lady can research AND make us laugh! I read Assassination Vacation and loved it. Anyone who can dream up the nick name "Jinxy McDeath" is a friend of mine. You'll have to read it to find out who she's referring to.

Most anticipated documentaries:
The War and National Parks

Favorite Presidential quote:
Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it." - Abraham Lincoln
Someone might want to mention this quote to our current Republican President. (Oops! That's called editorializing and it's frowned upon. Just ask Fox "News"... oops! There I go again!)

Future Plans:
I'd like to visit Washington D.C. next. I absoultely must go to The Smithsonian and all of the monuments. I've never been and it's a damn shame.

Oh, and don't even get me started on The Salem Witch trials.

I'm currently reading The Fall of Baghdad. It's shaping up to be a favorite as well.

As you have probably gathered, I have the attention span of a gnat, which is why this list is a bit scattered.

Now, lets hear some of your faves.

Backyard dogfight

So, here are a few shots of the crazy-ass hummingbirds that LOVE our feeders. I hope you can see them.

I know hummingbirds are small but they are remarkably aggressive. It's like a WWII dogfight out there most of the day.

We currently have about 7 feeders and have to fill them at least twice a day to keep the birds happy. They are really my dad's buddies, but when he's traveling, and I'm late filing them up, they hover next to the chair I'm sitting in and give me very dirty looks. They literally hover at eye level and throw me stink eyes. It's a lot of pressure! They urinate a lot and make a lot of noise but somehow they're pretty cool to have around. Oh, and check out the clouds. Finally! It's after 11:00 am and no need for air conditioning yet. Yea!!!

Covet thy what?

So, my brother and sis-in-law are building a new garage and office behind their home. From the beginning they decided they would do it all by the book to avoid headaches. Well, two days before the foundation was to be laid, the neighbor decides he wants my bro to move the structure 6 inches away from his property to give him the 3' clearance required on each side of his house. Problem is, the neighbor is basing his measurements on an illegal structure. What a dork! My bro called the city and asked about the structure and they had no record of it. Oops!!!The city told my bro to lay the foundation and that they would "handle" the neighbor. Did I mention that said neighbor is an abusive alcoholic with a suicidal wife and two autistic children? (I'm speaking literally here.) Why would somebody living with that set of circumstances pick a fight with a good neighbor who has never been anything but kind? I feel bad for the wife and kids but as far as that man is concerned... well, let's just say I love it when this karma thing works!

In case you're wondering

Thought I'd give Annie's questionnaire a try. Here goes:

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? The blue cheese dressing at the Northwoods Inn. There's definitely crack mixed in there.
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Carl's Jr. for burgers and McDonald's for fries. Oh come on! It's clearly another crack item...like you aren't addicted too?!
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Lately, I've been into PF Chang's.
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15-20%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Yellow cake with chocolate frosting.
Name three foods you detest above all others. Beans of any kind, brussel sprouts & cooked spinach ( I like it raw).
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Chow Mein
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni, sausage, green peppers and onions.
What do you like to put on your toast? Boysenberry jam
What is your favorite type of gum? Orbitz (But I can't chew gun anymore 'cause I'm ancient and I have TMJ and it hurts my jaw)

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone? A few dozen maybe?
Number of contacts in your email address book? Maybe 50 or so
What is your wallpaper on your computer? At work it's a Fantasia Mickey with a big evil fire breathing monster towering over him because that's how I feel sometimes at work. At home it's a lighthouse pic that I got off NationalGeographic.com
What is your screensaver on your computer? Some work thing I have no choice over. At home, well I just don't remember.
How many televisions are in your house? Three
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Orange juicer
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? NPR
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? None

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Eyes, skin (so I guess the answer is "my head")
Are you right handed or left handed? Right
Do you like your smile? Sure
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth and some spot on my shoulder the dermatologist didn't like. Oh, and I had a dreadful "female procedure" I won't describe here but I can tell you it involved the scariest piece of medical equipment I've even seen.
Would you like to? I have a friend who claims if she had three wishes she'd want world peace, $100 million and all unwanted hair to disappear from her body forever. I kinda like that idea as well.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Not normally
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? I have a pretty good ear but being raised in a loud home I sometimes don't hear people because I'm concentrating.
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? My niece
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Oh yeah! I slipped on a bag in my childhood bedroom and woke up with Dad freaking out shouting "Breathe, breathe!!!". I had a spectacular bike accident with my brothers best friend's older brother. Two bikes colliding, it was ugly. I remember waking up and asking why there was horses mane on the street. Turns out it was my hair. Musta got caught in the someone's spokes...I don't know. I also fell off a rope swing into a ditch and was dumped in the back yard by my "friends". Wow! The summer of '75 was rough!

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Uh, NO!
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I don't thing I would. It's not that I love my name so much. I just think my friends would get tired of me never responding to my new name.
How do you express your artistic side? lately, cross stitching and baking
What color do you think you look best in? unfortunately, pink
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? About 15 minutes
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yes. In fact, last night while making my "light" chocolate shake I thought I saw a runaway mini chocolate chip. I was about to throw it down the hatch when I realized it had wings. It was a fly! Ewww. Can you imagine? Expecting chocolatey goodness and... blechhhh!!! If I'd eaten it I swear I would have barfed for a week straight.
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? No! Ewwww again!
How often do you go to church? When some ceremony demands it. Enough with the weddings and baptisms people!!! Sheesh!
Have you ever saved someoneÂ’s life? Every day on the cursed freeway of fools!
Has someone ever saved yours? Yes

DARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Nope
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Maybe
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? No
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? No
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Hell yeah!
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? No, and you should thank me for it.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Maybe
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? No
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? I might shave my head but forget about the waxing.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Yes

Work work, work...

I've been workin' my butt off around here and it's actually been great. As mentioned before, I work so much better under pressure. I tend to get more organized and focused. I'm just no good left to my own devises with few deadlines. I get bored and it's just not good.

I had three trips planned in the next three weeks but two got cancelled. Yea! Now I'm just going to New York in August. I don't really like going anywhere in August (my least favorite month...no holidays...boo!!!) but, if I must, it's always good to visit New York. I even booked my first power breakfast. I always see a bizarre mix of "celebrities" in my hotel so it's fun to eat in the restaurant. It's just plain funny to be enjoying your eggs and realize Al Sharpton, some media mogul and Kathie Lee Gifford are sitting next to you. Also, I figured, why bust my ass to get across town when I can sleep in and have one of my favorite clients come to me. How exciting!!! Why didn't I think of this before?

Thank God for small favors

I got home today from running errands and noticed the house was warmer than it should have been. I'd left the thermostat at 78 degrees but it was 82 degrees...weird. I checked and the air was on so I got a sinking feeling that it wasn't working. I then noticed the cable was out and the clocks were all blinking. We had apparently had a power outage. All I could think was "Thank God I wasn't here!" I literally would have had a stroke.

I'm pretty much constantly thinking of our troops and ordinary Iraqi citizens and everyone in war torn areas of the Middle East and how they have to live in 120 degree heat (or worse) with NO POWER. Oh, and the no power thing is the least of their worries. What a nightmare!!!

So, in appreciation of having power, here are a few ways I'll be passing the time INDOORS with the air CRANKED UP:

This American Life archived episodes. This is such a great radio show. Anything you pick will be a good listen while surfing online.

iTunes. Hopefully you already have this on your computer. If not, download it here and lose hours listening to music you've always meant to check out. Be sure to check out some podcasts while you're at it.

Poke around Amazon and decide what looks good, but do me a favor and buy your books at your favorite independant bookstore.

The Onion

Slate

NPR

Check out BBC radio for a fresh perspective or BBC News.

Go to National Geographic and pick out some wallpaper for your desktop and enjoy that amazing photography.

You Tube

Ebaums World

And considering how terrible things are around the world these days, check out Charity Navigator and decide who you can donate some funds to.

Oh, and this is what I like to sip in this sort of heat:
Toss a few frozen strawberries in a tall glass of Fresca and blend with a stick blender. It's low cal, quite refreshing and oh so yummy. Give it a try sometime. If you're feeling especially festive throw some rum or vodka in there too!

Better days

I had a blazingly good day yesterday. I've known for some time that I work best under pressure but yesterday was confirmation of this theory.

I have several meetings/trips coming up in the next 6 weeks. Let's just say there is a lot to get done. I generally like travel, in that it gets me out of my routine. I also like that every penny spent is charged back to the company. I get to eat well and socialize on the road and that's good too. On the other hand it's a tremendous hassle. Because I have so many out of office meetings coming up, and the fact that I'm off tomorrow, and my boss is off next week, I need to get lots of stuff done by end of day today. As a result, I got tons of stuff done yesterday and sorta looked like I knew what I'm doing. Mostly, I want to assure the boss that things will be rolling along while she's out next week.

As for today, everyone just marched off to a 10:00 offsite meeting that I didn't need to attend (for a change of pace). I'm pretty much here alone and it's great! And even better is that I booked a 2:30 doctor appointment this afternoon so it helps extend my long weekend even more. Have I mentioned my love of my dermatologist? He reminds me of Piglet and I quite enjoy that about him. I'm serious! He's small and speaks very quietly and always says "Sooooo, how's your skin?" He kills me with his sweetness. I don't have any major skin issues, just a touch of rosacea and dry skin so I like to see him from time to time. I recommend everyone find a nice dermatologist and visit him/her a couple of times a year. No matter who you are, you can benefit from a good dermatologist. Best of all, they seem to be free wheelin' with the samples and who doesn't like free samples?

Oh, and I also love the nice people at our home alarm company. I accidentally tripped the alarm last night while checking to see if a door was locked. It was. Who knew those sensors were so sensitive? Well, the alarm scared the bejesus outta me. I rushed to the phone to call off the cops and the alarm people were so calm and kind. I guess I don't talk to them very often. I was genuinely touched at their concern. We don't normally trip our alarm so we must fall into their "hey these guys really might have a problem" category. They asked who the hell I was and why I was in my parents house. I guess I'm on a "she's cool" list somewhere (thank God!) then they said "...but you're ok, right?" I said yes but sheesh that alarm is loud!! I'm here to tell you that even if you trip the alarm yourself it still scares the hell outta you. This is especially so when you're home alone in a house made mostly of glass that overlooks a canyon filled with God knows what kind of beasts and demons. I'm almost 40 years old and I still need a babysitter. What a spaz.

So, today's blog is dedicated to all the nice people hired to look out after my lame ass. Thanks!!!

Superbitch strikes again

Was this wrong?

Associate: "I'm about to hack up a lung. I'm thinking of leaving early. Is that ok?"
Lucy: "Then I don't want you around. Beat it."

She laughed, but moments later I thought "Wow, that really wasn't very nice". Where was the "I hope you feel better." or "Go home and take care"? Guess it's just not in me today.

To be honest, I think she's faking it but she's worked so hard all day to cough when she walks by. I figure she's earned an early day just for the effort.

Hoorah!!!

I asked for Friday off and got it!!! I feel so much better.

Superbitch

I like my job but I'm really not in the mood today. I find that when I drift of to sleep fantasizing about winning the lottery every night that it's time for a break. I have vacation days coming to me but no opportunity to take them. Who books these meetings anyway? Such a drag!

Of course, it could just be PMS. Here's a little tip for the boys in terms of PMS: We know we're being bitchy, the difference with PMS is that we just don't care. I know my experience is that PMS can be sort of like a superpower. I'm much more able to be firm and no nonsense when I'm so easily annoyed. Just this morning I pushed back a deadline on a Project Manager known for her DMV-like personality. She fought and whined but ultimately couldn't argue when I coldly said "We're asking for one more day. One day." Earlier, a client was requesting more unnecessary materials for work when they already have more than a person could use in a lifetime. I asked what she has done the the lat enormous (and costly) mound of materials we gave them. I haven't heard back.

Um yeahhhh, I think it's officially PMS.

I'll try to use the power for good and not evil.

(Apologies to Norman. I know this sort of subject matter is disturbing to you but sometimes a girl just has to share.)

One more to hate

11) The lady in the check out line at Trader Joe's this morning.

I walked up to a check out line and watched the woman in front of me run outside to grab one more plant. She already had a couple so I'm not sure why she suddenly needed another. I thought "oh well, I don't mind someone running back for one more item". But then she ran back and grabbed another....and another! Ok...whatever. But then she ran outside AGAIN and all the way out to her car to apparently retrieve her wallet. ASSHOLE! She came running in saying "excuse me". Excuse what, your fool mind? She then swiped her card and it wouldn't go through. Eventually it did but for God's sake woman GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!! I hope you spend your afterlife in a line behind jackasses like you!

Now, you may wonder why I stayed behind her. Well, part of me was too stunned to move but mostly I kept thinking "Surely, she won't delay this again. She can't possibly run away again." I was wrong.

Ugh! Thanks, I feel better now.

10 things I hate, huh?

Shandon tagged me for this one, so here goes:


10) Narrow mindedness. Do some reading, see a bit of the world, and try to look a situation from as many sides as possible before forming an opinion.

9) Hummers. People, really, in case you haven't noticed we're in a bit of an oil crisis and you're not helping. You're half the reason I'm terrified of getting that tiny European car I should be driving by now. Oh, and how does it feel to be the auto & oil industry's bitch?

8) Beans of any kind. I know they're full of protein, and they're oh so good for me and blah, blah, blah but they just plain stink and make me sick.

7) George Bush. I've given this one a lot of thought and it's official, I hate this twit. Hey Georgie, thanks for bending over for all of your buddies and being the best recruiting TOOL the terrorists could have ever dreamed up. God only knows how long it will take to clean up your mess. (Frankly, Georgie has earned a higher ranking on this list but I thought of him so soon that...well, he gets to sit here and think about what he's done.)

6) Idiots who insist on playing their car radio so loud. Is that some sort of modern day mating call? Are we supposed to be impressed with your bad taste in music?

5) Mean people, or should I say insecure people? I can't stand folks who take pleasure in humiliating others because they have an opportunity.

4) Blackberries. The digital kind not the fruit. It's probably only a matter of time before I'm handed one of my own for work but I promise I will never click away on it during movies or my nephew's baseball games or while at dinner with friends.

3) Cancer. Nuff said.

2) WalMart. I've been boycotting the place for over 10 years now. I can't stand the way they target main street USA and destroy them one by one. I hate the way they won't let millions of employees form a union (Chicken shits. I'm speaking of the Wal Mart executives not those poor employees) or the way they can bankrupt a small company with a single cancelled order without batting an eye.

1) Violence. Get some help.

Wow! You were right Shandon. That's not too hard once you get going. I actually have a few more, but I'll control myself.

Don't forget your rosary.

So, tonight I had a client dinner. My new boss (the one from Germany) hasn't purchased a second car, and his wife had the SUV, so he didn't have one handy. I offered to drive him to the dinner and drop him off afterward. He had been asking about things to do in So Cal. Here is an excerpt of the drive home conversation.

Lucy: So, you know you have to go to the Hollywood Bowl, right? It would be a nice date night with your wife.
Herr Boss: Yes, I'm going in September. Will it be nice then?
Lucy: Oh yeah, it's still toasty in September so it will be really nice. What are you seeing?
Herr Boss: Carmina Burana*.
Lucy: Holy crap! You know that stuff scares the hell out of us Americans right?
Herr Boss: (laugh...thank God!) Yeah, not very romantic either, huh?
Lucy: Um...yeah...good luck with that.


* You know it. Yes you do! You know, it's Damien's theme song...makes you want to rock in a corner and suck your thumb. Not ringing any bells? Well, put it this way, if my brother wasn't married, and I EVER had the opportunity, it's the music I would set his alarm clock to as a joke. (God, it's amazing how much that thought makes me laugh!)

Don't fear the reaper

So, today I received a threatening email chain letter. This one was particularly aggressive. It gave several example of poor souls who had ignored the "forward this or die" demand and , of course, perished within 48 hours. As always, I ignored the threats and the email. A few hours later I received the cursed email AGAIN from another "friend". Here is how I replied:

Lucy: I already got this and I ignored it. If I get run over by a truck tomorrow morning, TWICE, it's all your fault!

"Friend": Just know that you are my friend and that I will care if you get hit by a truck so suck it up and forward to 10 people you slacker!!

I then sent it back to her 10 times. HA!

The Family Spaz

I come from a long line of real spastics but, luckily, we're able to laugh at ourselves. My brother has always been able to make me laugh. I mean he can make me laugh really hard, so hard that I have to scratch the phone so he knows I'm still there because I'm unable to make any other audible sound kind of laugh.

Sometimes he doesn't even have to be around to make me laugh. In fact, it happened again today: My computer was demanding that I set a new password. Whenever I have to do this I think of my spaz brother. He told me that in the movie The Cable Guy, Jim Carrey at one point whispers in a slight lisp "The password is "Nipple". My genius brother decided that was one password he'd never forget so he started using it. Unfortunately, soon after implementing his flawless password plan his computer went on the fritz. He works out of his home so his IT department has to troubleshoot remotely and, of course, he was asked "What's your password?". He was mortified but couldn't resist the urge to imitate Jim Carrey and so replied, in whispered tone "The password is "Nipple". There was apparently an embarrassing pause from the IT guy so my brother felt compelled to explain. He failed miserably and from then on the IT guy thought he was a psycho.

And there you have a quick snapshot of my spaz brother and why he makes me laugh without even trying. Oh, in case you're wondering, that password has long since been retired but feel free to try it if you must.

Descent into Grannyville

So my downward spiral into Grannyville continues. I am now not only cross stitching for hours on end but I've turned off the tv and am now stitching while listening to the radio. Now that's grannyish!! Ok, so technically I'm listening to a bunch of podcasts and shows I've downloaded, which is pretty advanced for the average granny, but still.

I primarily listened to This American Life (the greatest show on radio) over the weekend. I've been listening to TAL for years now but I started a subscription a couple of years ago because I like to burn them to disc for the car. Of course, this habit started before I had an iPod so I don't burn too much anymore. I had fallen way behind in my TAL listening and got to catch up a bit. It's the most relaxed I've been in ages.

I also listened to NPR's book show. I'm sorry but listening the Beverly Cleary talk about Ramona is heaven. I know she's 90 years old but dammit she still rocks. Is that like spending time with a 90-year-old friend? I'm pretty sure it is. Oh no.

I'm trying to embrace the granny within but I'm also in denial about the granny-like behavior. I tell myself "Well, at least I'm an NPR listening , yogurt eating, Trader Joe's shoppin' granny-in- training. I'd hate to be a Fox News believing, Rush Limbaugh lovin' , head in the sand granny. That would suck."

Then again, I did pick up a Dean Martin Essentials CD at Target yesterday. Shit! What does it all mean?!

At least I don't have a rocking chair but that's probably not far off in my future. Now if I only had my own porch to go with it...

Another from the wannabe critic

Tonight I FINALLY saw a show I've been singing along to for the past a couple of years. It's called The Last Five Years and is written by Jason Robert Brown. It's currently playing at The Pasadena Playhouse and I recommend it. If you can't see it on stage then give the cast recording a listen.

Let's see if I can explain this (if not then click here): It's a semi-autobiographical musical featuring two players, Jamie and Kathy, that tells the story of their doomed relationship. The show opens with Kathy lamenting the end of the relationship and moves backwards to the beginning of the story. Meanwhile, Jamie sings from the beginning of the relationship and proceeds chronologically to the end. The storylines intersect once in the middle of the show and end with Kathy singing excitedly about the beginning of her new love while Jamie is closing the door on their love story. It's very well written and one of the most brutally honest shows I've seen. In fact, I believe most adults will recognize at least some aspect of their love life in these songs. It's not all doom and gloom though, "The Last Five Years" also happens to showcase some very clever and funny tunes.

It's not terribly well known on the West Coast but definitely it's worth a listen if you happen to like musical theater.

Give 'em enough rope...

So, we've FINALLY wrapped up our annual budget process. We had our marathon meeting yesterday and I couldn't be happier that its over.

It was four hours of going over 2006 and 2007 business. Ugh! I amused myself by passing notes and watching the dynamics in the room (some things never change). One boss, in particular, likes to take credit for all happenings in her business even though she has two great Managers that do the bulk of the work.

Our head of Finance asked the diva some very pointed questions. She fumbled around but clearly had no intention of letting her Managers chime in... very uncool. I watched the Managers just lean back and watch her squirm each time she couldn't clearly answer a question. It was great! I love that kind of drama!!

In entertainment news: I'm now obsessed with Rescue Me. A friend at work strongly recommended it. I finished watching season one last night. It's very good and I highly recommend it. Not much like it on television. It was yet another show I had initially dismissed because it looked like a "boy show". You would think I'd have learned my lesson after falling in love with Deadwood. Well, I love this show. Check it out some time.

Quote of the day:

I was wasting too much time on iTunes (again) when I came across this incredibly well put quote:

"Dylan wrote lyrics you could trust your trip with." - JB from Widespread Panic

I'm no druggy, and trippin' was never my thing, but if that isn't the best thing ever said about Bob Dylan then I just don't know what is.

You've entered the Twilight Zone

We went to my brother's house this morning. He lives in a small town that might as well be Mayberry. They live a block from the big Fourth of July Parade route so they host a big annual open house breakfast for the big event. It gets bigger each year but I think that's mostly from all the new kids that are born every year. I've lost track of all of their names. Now I just know the ones that came first. Any kid under the age of four is just "buddy" or "sweetie" to me now. Unless of course they're brats, then I call them "sunshine" because I believe kids should be subjected to sarcasm early in life.

The Parade is hilarious because it's mostly the retirement community in shuttles driving by and people pushing their small business and church Vacation Bible Camps. After several "floats" had come by tossing candy to the kids I had a big laugh when the Presbyterian church drove by tossing what appeared to be candy to the crowds. What made it funny was that it took the kids abut 2 seconds to realize they weren't scrambling for candy but in fact little scrolls of Vacation Bible Camp brochures. Boy did that piss them off! I think a heathen may have been born after that dirty trick. The same pushers were dressed in robes and trotting behind the arc of the covenant (who knew it was in So Cal?!) resting atop their "float". I especially loved the dry ice effect because it looked like the arc was gonna blow. It got even better when my Mom leaned over and inquired "The arc is one thing but why is the Presbyterian Church blasting Hava Nagila?". She went on to comment that this years parade was "longer than Jerusalem!" (Did I mention that My mom has a Texas accent? I'm here to tall ya that everything is funnier with a Texas accent.)

It's been a good weekend even if it was broken up by a brief stint at work. I spent about 3 hours yesterday making the cutest damn cupcake you've ever seen but forgot to take a picture to post. I told my sis-in-law that I'd bring cupcakes. She asked if I wouldn't mind making some that she had seen in a magazine. I said "No problem" and felt that way until about 2 hours into the project. They were your basic white in white cupcakes with sprinkles on the edges. On top sat a mini cupcake, edged with different sprinkles and with a "burst" of mini red licorice sprouting from the center. They were spectacular. Unfortunately, kids would be eating them so I couldn't stick a toothpick in the center to hold the things together. I learned the hard way that stacked cupcakes, no matter how adorable, do not travel well. The damn things slid all over each other the whole way to the house and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. I think I arrived sort of annoyed and I'm pretty sure eyes were rolled in my direction but... Whatever.

I'm now sitting in my favorite chair doing my civic duty...I'm enjoying the Twilight Zone marathon. It's cool and quiet and as God, I'm sure, intended. I know the founding father's couldn't foresee The Twilight Zone but I'm pretty sure they would approve of the tradition of sitting on ones ass watching this marathon for hours on end. God bless America!

More From Little Miss

So I was "watching" my niece and nephew swim a while ago. I was surprised as anyone when I heard my self say "No running around the pool! You could trip, fall, hit your head and it would be lights out. NO RUNNING!" After several break out running sprees my niece finally stopped, turned to me and the following exchange was shared:

Little Miss: Let's play a game.
Lucy: Hmm? What game? (Mindlessly flipping though a magazine)
LM: Let's pretend you can't talk. (Said with a stunning smile.)
Lucy: Nice try sister. I can talk and I still say NO RUNNING!

Damn good thing she's cute.

Lesson #2

Continued education from TCM:

How to drive a woman crazy and how to recognize her when she gets there.

- If you wear red lipstick you must be nuts and you will pay for it by flying of Himalayan cliff. And when I say cliff I mean "watch out for that CLIFF!" (Black Narcissus)

- If a woman gets mixed up with the wrong kind of man, she'll want to marry him, but can't have him, so she'll go bonkers. (The Best Of Everything) Oh, and if you don't get married by your mid-twenties you'll end up a bitter old bitty married to your job just like Joan Crawford.

- If you make a woman choose between love and love of her work she will go bonkers and twirl off a overlook onto train tracks (The Red Shoes) I hate when that happens!

- If Burt Lancaster is in town you'll forget all about your crazy-ass marriage and learn all about lust. (From Here to Eternity) Which brings me to an interesting sidebar: Did you know that Burt was widely acknowleged as the best kisser in Hollywood? Well there ya go. Give that some thought next time you're watch ol' Burt go.

- Bad news: If you have an overbearing mother you can count on a nervous breakdown. Good news: You might be a babe under those God-awful eye brows. (Now Voyager)

Best quote from these films: "Don't let's ask for the moon, we have the stars." Now Voyager

Best quote from a documentary: "When I first met Bette Davis I had an erection for three days." (Stardust: The Bette Davis Story)

And speaking of Bette Davis, did you know she was a big slut? I mean a world class tramp. She could teach seminars on how to piss off entire states of women. She slept with EVERYONE'S boyfriend and/or husband. Who knew?! Did I mention I enjoy this about her?

I'm looking forward to another long weekend, people. Who knows what lessons are in my future!

Harrumph!!

Is it just me or are you sometimes startled to hear grown up words fly outta your mouth?

Somewhere along the line I grew up and with that came grown up conversations and even (*shudder*) grown up business conversations. Problem is, I'm a long-time-hard-core-sarcastic-goof- ball so it really throws people off when I sound like scary grown up lady.

Example, today I was annoyed with a vendor and actually said things like "...Because it's best for my business!", "I can't go to finance and tell them we're getting rid of the other guys because you don't like competition.", "I don't want to hear it!" and so on. Sheesh! Who is that freak?!
To make matters worse I actually get worked up over this dumb stuff. I did, however, have to smile when my boss, our Coordinator and a friend all walked by my office door, as I was pretending to be mean old grown up lady, and each of them covered their mouths, pointed and laughed at me. It's very challenging to have to keep up an angry conference call tirade when friends are laughing at you. Harrumph!

In other meetings, I knew I was getting out of hand when above mentioned Coordinator fell under the table laughing because of my Tourette's-like questioning. At one point I apparently said "So does this mean (fill in retailer name here) is dead to you or what?!" Where does this crap come from? I do recall stunned silence from the other end of the call. I got a lot of that today.

I often think about how hard my family and friends would laugh if they could see me at work. Then again, I'd probably laugh at them too.

Strange Days

It's overcast, muggy and oh so hot today. Strange day. One might call this "earthquake weather" but I don't happen to believe in that. Late last night while surfing around online and watching The Quiet Man (which I love but wish I had watched before my trip to Ireland) a bizarre wind storm blew through. I thought it was raining but it was just leaves swirling. I went to the back door to stick my head out to see/feel what was going on in the dark and almost lost my grip on the door because the wind was so strong. It was coincidentally just like that famous scene in The Quiet Man except I was standing in my pjs sans a strapping John Wayne type. *sigh*

Funny how the weather can flavor your day. Got in today and bizarro world continued. Several co-workers were out of town together last week on a business trip and drank too much together. Now that's not so strange but it's not ever a good idea. I've learned to cut out early on work related festivities. I get drunk on one cocktail these days so I have to be very careful. I guess I just never cease to be amazed at what happens between folks on biz trips.

In other news, I recently learned the quiet Assistant on our floor moonlights as a dominatrix. She has house boys who do her cooking and cleaning. Trust me when I say this is literally the last person on earth you would pick as the black latex type, but there she is up on MySpace, proud as can be wearing the God damnedest heels you've ever seen. (I'd include the link here but that's just mean.) And by the way this whole house boy thing sounds sort of appealing but would I have to knock them around? Not thrilled with that idea but I like the cooking and cleaning concept.

So there you have it. People are never who you think they are, we're overdue for an earthquake and John Wayne is still dead. How's your day going?

Pop

So, here's the deal: I love my new laptop but because it's a Mac I can't format the way I can from my PC at work. I really shouldn't be blogging from work but that computer gets the fun options...what a bummer.

For instance, I'd like to tell you about my favorite new present for men. I'd like to do a cute link here but the option isn't available on my cute new Mac. Drats! Instead, you'll have to cut and paste to see for yourself:

http://www.rei.com/online/store/ProductDisplay?productId=47997996&storeId=8000&catalogId=40000008000&langId=-1&color=BLACK&img=/media/651373.jpg&view=large

My brother got a pair for Father's Day and they really crack me up. Unfortunately it's one of those "Damn! Why didn't I think of that?" products. I hate when that happens.

Just thought I'd share. They're bound to be all over the place next summer but for the moment my bro is the hippest Dad on the block.

Sorry for the cutting and pasting but until I can figure out how to quick link you'll have to do a little extra work. Sorry!

Lessons

Before I go on I'd like to point out that I did in fact get "out and about" over my long weekend: I had a great time with a friend on Saturday. Had a wonderful Father's Day BBQ with family that included kicking my nephew's ass in Monopoly. (Is it inappropriate to shout "Take that!" to a seven year old? Despite the humiliating defeat, I'm told I'm still the best aunt in the world even though I'm certainly teaching him to be a terrible winner.) I had a nice lunch with Mom, SIL and niece and even did some shopping. I got some sunglasses for Little Miss because I always laugh when I see small children wearing them. I got little ambitious and wandered into the kitchen to try a couple of new recipes that turned out very well. Yum & yea me!

All in all it was a very nice weekend. That being said, (in other words, "I'm not REALLY a shut in) here are some lessons learned over my long weekend with TCM:

- Paul Newman in CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF was the all time hottest man...ever! And don't even get me started on 'ol blue eyes in THE LONG HOT SUMMER ...rrrrrowww.

- It sucked to be Clara Bow.

- THE THIN MAN rocks my world. (Why didn't I know about this earlier?!)

- Marlene Dietrich was a true patriot to this country and we could really use a broad like her today.

- MRS. MINIVER makes me cry.

- Louise Brooks was a little loco but I enjoy that about her.

- THE 5,000 FINGERS OF DR. T is also loco and I did not enjoy it so much.

- I was right, Damien from THE OMEN has got nothing on Veda from MILDRED PIERCE.


It's back to work tomorrow (bummer) but the time off was nice while it lasted.

The City Mouse

So, I was doing laundry out in the garage yesterday and saw what I thought was a leaf. Upon closer inspection I discovered it was in fact a thoroughly squashed mouse. Gross!!! Dad must have mowed it over while backing in or out of the garage. The poor little guy was flattened just like I used to see in cartoons.

Later, I looked out over the pool and saw the remains of some sort of snail genocide. There were shells laying about and the remains of... well, I just don't know what. I asked Dad if he'd put poison out or something and he said "Nah, an opossum got hold of them last night".

This morning I woke up and noticed some tiny black balls laying under the roses I cut from the garden. They were hard to miss againt the white tile in the bathroom. Again, I asked Dad about them. I thought they might be insect eggs or something. Dad took one look and said "Nah, that's worm shit". Great. "There's something in there. I don't see it but it's there". (...Gross!)

It's nice to have someone to refer to when you just don't know what's going on in the natural world but sometimes I'm so grossed out by the explanation.

The yard smells nice from the flowers but God knows what else is lurking out there. I've had about enough of nature for one weekend.

What??

I just watched KISS ME DEADLY and all I have to say is... "What the hell?". Granted, I wasn't paying close attention but still... Ummm... Maybe the moral of the story is if we don't stop this silly arms race we're all screwed? Good thing that's not a problem anymo... oooooohhhh...yeah. Well, umm, anyway, it was an intriguing film that I'll have to watch again some time.

Oh yeah, and Cloris Leachman looked nothing like herself but I'm happy to report I'd know that voice anywhere ("Oh, Rhoda!"). That's pretty much where the fun ended for me.

I'm now in serious need of some show tunes, STAT! Thank God (and Tivo) I recorded KISMET. I just love that strapping Robert Keel. He's just the ticket to help me forget all about the end of the days.

Mortified

Went to King King to see Mortified last night. I loved it! Marcia, reading from the journal she wrote as a 14-year-old at sleep way camp, was our favorite. If you have a chance to see this some time you really should make the effort. It's very funny stuff.

The creator of Found Magazine was there reading some of his finds before the show. His segment was good as well. Check out the site and beware...It's addictive.

She's got Peter Lorre Eyes

So I watched The Maltese Falcon last night and really liked it. Shandon was right, it's very funny.

Unfortunately, I was distracted because I happen to know a little family anecdote: When I was born the first thing my Mom said was my name then, when the magic of the moment had faded, she commented that I looked an awful lot like Peter Lorre. The nurses didn't find it funny and threatened to take me away. Mom stopped commenting on it but never stopped giggling and thinking it. I never saw the resemblance until last night. I told Mom that she might have been right. She said "I know! It was all that black hair you had. You looked exactly like him." Well, I don't know if "exactly" is accurate but there are similarities. I like to think I at least looked like a young Peter Lorre not the older man. I also like to think I've outgrown this unfortunate phase.

In defense of Pops

I asked Dad about his environmentally framed way of life and why he still chooses to drive an SUV (the fatal flaw as it's now known).

So here's the deal: He has a unique mix of professional experience and has enjoyed a great post-rat-race career as a consultant. He goes to all sorts of places the average person just drives right by. He is hired to make sure land that it being developed doesn't have any endangered animal or plant habitat that could suffer from said development. He either informs developers how to move forward without damaging the site or tells them they can't move forward according the state laws and codes. Needless to say this can really piss folks off but laws are laws and he's just there to assess the situation. People have actually tried to buy him off but he won't budge.

He's actually quite the environmental hero except for that damned SUV. So why does he drive it? Well, turns out the places he has to survey are well beyond the beaten path and require a high clearance vehicle (or maybe a horse and those are hard to maneuver on side streets and freeways). He drives deep into the sites then hikes much of the way (who knew?!). Apparently one road he has to drive has an abandoned Jeep laying in his path. He'd love a Prius, or even better an all electric car, but they are incapable of taking him where he needs to go.

So there you have it, the irony of being an environmentalist (or Naturalist as Dad prefers), you need transportation up to a point to get near the really sensitive locales. What's a guy to do? I think in the long run Daddio is doing much more than the rest of us to improve things. I mean honestly, how many people do you know who spend their days hiking around California reporting on and protecting her habitats? Probably not many. I happen to know a few 'cause they're in Dad's circle of friends. They tend to be very nice people who, I'm happy to report, car pool whenever possible. Yea Dad!

My new boyfriend TCM

Tivo and TCM, a perfect match! I was out and about much of Saturday and even took the niece and nephew to see Cars (they gave it a thumbs up by the way). Over the weekend I watched a bunch of recorded movies and even caught the Mexico vs. Iran World Cup game. It's sorta fun when it's such a big deal. Well, err, not such a big deal around here but it's the biggest deal everywhere else.

Anyway, I watched Sunset Boulevard, Meet Me In St. Louis, Railroaded!, Random Harvest and Tension throughout the weekend. It was great! How did I fit so many movies in? Well, I didn't sleep much. Tivo and my cute new laptop are taking up a lot of my sleep time. It's been a problem ever since Mermorial Day weekend. I've been up 'til about 1:00 on week nights and 3:00 over the weekend. What's wrong with me?! It's not like I'm sleeping in much either. I'm still getting up around 7:00. Who do I think I am? Do you think this is a result of being almost 40? A younger friend of mine was teasing me and said "Old people don't sleep as much. My Mom is always up!" What a punk!

Between the cross stitch obsession and all the classic film viewing I'm turning into a real spinster. But get this, I'm a spinster with blood pressure of 110/70. Take that!! (I just learned this this morning.) Oh dear, that may have made it worse. Don't most old folks spend time talking about their health? Ok, I'll stop now.

Next up on the viewing schedule: The Maltese Falcon and The Night of the Iguana. I'll let you know how it goes.

Beware the stink eye

I'm a letter-writer. That is, when I have a grievance I can compose a complaint letter/email in about 10 seconds flat. It's been a mostly profitable habit. I typically don't ask for anything but I get coupons and samples none the less. My crowning achievement was getting a $700 check from Honda when I wrote them about a well documented, persistent problem.

Today's recipient of my written wrath is the Democratic Party. Now, I am a pretty hard core liberal so why would I be picking on them you may ask? Well, they're officially stalking me. I hear from them daily by phone, mail and email. When I tried to unsubscribe from their annoying and frequent missives they wanted to know WHY I wanted to ditch them. I was then informed I'd need a soon-to-be-emailed code to unsubscribe. A CODE?! Are they kidding?! I've had an easier time of breaking up with boyfriends! Naturally, I wrote an email outlining my aggravation. I also told them they wouldn't get a hint of a contribution until they dropped me from all of their contact lists. "Believe it or not I've heard of you. I know who you are. I know how to reach you. I'll give a contribution when I'm good ready, until then back off!" I may have referred to the unsubscribe code as "your BULLSHIT code" but I'm not sure. I also told them if they were "this aggressive in getting folks into office we'd be much better off. Instead, you apparently choose to spend all of your time stalking me!"

Brace yourself for the scream heard 'round the world when I get my next email.

Sheesh!

Oh, oh, oh!!!

Now that I'm thinking fo Karma I thought I'd share this fun tool. It takes about 10 minutes to complete. Be honest and enjoy the results.

We had a blast with this about a year ago here at work.

Let me know what you turn out to be. You may be surprised.

If you don't find what you're looking for, always remember, there's something out there for everyone!

What to do?

I went to the gas station after work. There was a ridiculous line but I waited behind a car and got to the pump in about 5 minutes. I saw a lady in a minivan drove around and appeared to be heading for the driveway to exit. Just then a motorcycle pulled into the one empty pump. Apparently, minivan lady wasn't exiting, she was actually backing up to the free pump. She said something about it to motorcycle guy and he completely flipped out! He started shouting "How was I supposed to know BITCH! I thought you were leaving BITCH! Stupid BITCH!! Like you've never taken someone else's spot before you stupid BITCH!!!" I just shook my head and noticed most others at the station doing the same thing.

I normally would have said something but the guy clearly had anger management issues and appeared to be unstable. He was short and thin and wearing a helmet and a leather biking ensemble. I guess it's easy to be a weasely tough guy when nobody can identify you. What an asshole. I hated that I didn't say anything but mostly I wished all of us shaking our heads had surrounded and intimidated him a bit. I believe in karma so I know he won't just get away with being an asshole forever but it would have been nice if we had taken the upper hand and scared the hell out of the guy.

This is also when I realize what jerks Southern Californians can be. This stuff just doesn't happen in other parts of the country. In fact, I normally avoid all human contact while near work or "over the hill". Even a 20 minute drive away from work, people become more civil. I'm not saying this wouldn't happen in my neighborhood but it's far less likely. Los Angeles and all of it's show off-y suburbs breed assholes. It's really a shame but there you have it.

It's the little things

Our new VP has arrived from the German office. He's a very nice man but we've all had trouble reading him. I've finally decided he's breath of fresh air around here. He is impervious to all office drama and politics and is only interested in what's best for the business. Now, this may sound obvious but you'd be amazed at how often the drama clouds judgment around here. I really don't think I've worked with anyone quiet like him. I'm certain he thinks we're all crazy. I tend to agree.

Because of his impervious nature I've been trying to "crack" him for three weeks now. I finally succeeded today in a staff meeting. New VP asked nervous Director a question and nervous Director started rummaging through papers in search of the answer. Finally I said "Oh for God's sake just make something up." New VP took a sip of soda as I said this then promptly blew Diet Coke out of his nose.

I've never been more proud.

The trouble with Noir

I rarely just plop down and give a film my undivided attention unless I'm in a theater. I tend to flip through magazines, (now) cross stitch, pay bills and so on while "watching" a movie at home. The problem with Noir is that it must be truly watched to be properly enjoyed. Upon Norman's recommendation I watched T-Men. I was doing a combination of the above mentioned activities throughout and I missed some great stuff. I caught a great death-by-sauna scene and some cool camera angles but I missed more than I should have. I've decided Noir films should be viewed three times to be appreciated: once as you would normally watch it, once with just the video and once with just the audio. The scripts are deliciously over the top and visually, well there's nothing like them, the three viewing method seems the best way to really get it. The problem is who's got that kind of time? I guess, as always, there are just too many films and too little time.

Here is my favorite line from T-Men:

"Have you ever spent ten nights in a turkish bath waiting for a man?"

The slut of all time

I watched Butterfield 8 last night. I hadn't seen it before but knew Elizabeth Taylor won an Oscar for the performance. Before the film, Robert Osgoode mentioned that Ms. Taylor hated the script but did it to wrap up her contract with MGM so she could go make Cleopatra. When she first screened B8 she is said to have thrown a drink at the screen in disgust (God, just once I'd like to dramatically throw a drink against the wall...) Ms. Taylor thought B8 was "trampy" and cheap ... that may be but it's great stuff!! Her then current husband, Eddie Fisher, is in B8 but we all know what happened to Eddie after Liz met Richard Burton on the set of Cleo.

Here are my favorite lines from Butterfield 8:

A not so considerate husband says to his wife: "On the surface she was all sex and devil may care." (Umm, buddy, you better shut up now.)

...and then possibly the best line of all:
"I'm going out looking for my pride alone, when I find it, if you're still here, I'll come back and we'll see if it still has any value for either of us." SO GREAT!

IMBD calls out another classic: "Mama, face it: I was the slut of all time!" I tried saying this to Mom this morning and she pretended to slap me just like in the film. Once again...ya gotta love Mom.

If you haven't seen B8, check it out. It's not my favorite but Liz looks great and the era IS one of my faves.

Some other great recommendations are on Abnorman's blog.

Enjoy!

A pretty good Sunday

Here is a pic of my second cross stitching project. I thought I started it 10 years ago but I've now figured that it's actually been closer to 15 years. I have no idea why I stopped. It's not such a bad effort, but the floor seems a bit crooked. I blame all that snow. Some jackass must have tracked snow in and warped the floors or something.

I finished it while the watching the kids swim all day. Err, well, I didn't exactly watch them, it's more like I listened to them splash around and shriek. At one point I was trying to get them to pipe down. They hate bugs and were freaking out over a dead bee in the pool. I told them bugs (especially bees) were attracted to loud noises. (Oh come on, you'd have done the same thing if you'd thought of it.) That kept them quiet for a few minutes. Then my niece suggested we play a game where I pretend I've lost my voice. Nice try kid.

This weekend, I've been reading "The Cross Stitcher's Bible" and discovered I've been doing everything wrong. Who knew there was so much technique involved? Ultimately, I decided the book should be titled "The Anal Retentive Cross Stitcher's Bible". I'll try to put some of their advice into practice but sheesh, I can't get too uptight right?

I enjoy it, that's supposed to be all that matters.

Here is a copy of what I'd like to do next. My sister-in-law really likes it so I'll be giving it to her. I think it will look good with an antique red thread on tea stained linen. (God, do I sound like a granny or what?)

I'd like a side of crack with that

I've apparently chosen to take up the most un-hip craft out there. Yes, crafts can be ranked by cool factor. I can confidently report that knitting is currently king. Scrapbooking, beading, quilting and sewing are acceptable crafts but cross stitch is beyond lame if today is any indication.

I decided to fit in a couple of needle work shops between errands today. I walked into the first shop and immediately got a great feeling. About 20 women were sitting at two large tables knitting and doing needle point while loudly jabbering away. At first glance the shop was cute and had lots of great things so I was encouraged. After looking around for a while I couldn't find any cross stitch patterns or supplies. When I asked a clerk for the cross stitching section she disdainfully replied "OH... we don't carry any cross stitch." I am not exaggerating when I tell you she couldn't have looked more disgusted if I'd asked for a penis pattern or heroin. Talk about a buzz kill.

The next stop was a nightmare because I chose the one weekend in the year that main street shuts down for an annoying arts and crafts fair. Oh, and did I mention it was about 95 degrees outside? Well, I parked several blocks away but only had enough change for 35 minutes on the meter. I knew I needed more time but figured I'd stop in for a few minutes and come back some other time. This store had a good amount of cross stitching supplies but when I asked a few questions I was told the owner only had a few "hard core stitchers" and that she stopped stocking lots of items because "it's just not that popular". Oy! I thought I'd left the days of feeling like a dorky loser behind in early childhood. These craft divas are brutal!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not letting the snooty girls get me down. I now plan to scour the web and swap meets for as much cross stitch info as possible. If you see anything out there please let me know. Oh, and whatever you do, don't mention cross stitch in a crafts store.

Touche!

I saw AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH last night and really liked it. After the screening I commented that it made me appreciate my dad more. He's been planting native trees, recycling, miserly with air conditioning and heating, car pooling and so on for as long as I can remember.

Following, is the conversation I repeated to my mom (who is still laughing) after the screening:

Lucy: My dad has been banging that (environmental) drum since I was a kid.
Shandon: What does he drive?
Lucy: Uhh, an SUV.
Norman: ...bang the drum softly.

Touche!

Mama said, Mama said...

When I think of my mom, I usually think of us laughing 'til we cry. My mom is a Special Ed teacher and has spent most of her life being patient, caring and a favorite teacher. When she comes home in the evening she and I often unwind by making incredibly inappropriate and sarcastic remarks at whomever has the misfortune of being on tv.

I realize these are usually you-had-to-be-there moments but here are a few zingers we let fly last night during the Scripps Spelling Bee (most are directed at the poor, little, over-stressed participants):

• "Not so cocky now are you smarty-pants?!"
• "...and representing Future Shut-ins of America..."
• "SURE, home schooled kids aren't' weird!"
• "I'll give the judge $1000 if he can spell that kids name."
• "Media whore!"
• "Oh good, Mr. Personality is back."
• "Somebody shut that kid up!" (Said about the baby that shrieked throughout the competition.)
• "Wow. German words are a bitch."

At one point the television suddenly shut off. We still have no idea what happened and it immediately turned back on but first the tv made a rather loud pop and just went black. My mom is easily startled so this put her over the edge. (We've agreed that she'd be a terrible pioneer and even worse in a fox hole.) The moment it happened, she gasped, "clutched the pearls" (as my dad has dubbed her favorite motion) and slumped back in her chair. She wasn't kidding. It really scared the hell outta her and this is how a drama queen behaves. A drama queens daughter reacts by yelling "Mom's been hit!" , "Grandma down!" and "Don't go into the light!" My poor dad happened to be walking by for this scene. He's used to this and was not alarmed. He's stopped asking what we're doing a long time ago because we're usually laughing too hard to speak.

So there you have a little slice of Life with Mama. I'd love to write more about dear old Mom but she'd kill me if I took her comments completely out of context and reprinted them here. I'll have to control myself. Or maybe I'll just start taking credit for them.

Anyway, have a great weekend everyone!

Where was the OED when I needed it?

If you've never watched the Scripps National Spelling Bee you're really missing some oddly compelling television. It's not something I see coming each year, but once I've found it on ESPN (which I always seem to do) I'm hooked. I know the Spelling Bee has become more popular in recent years with movies, books and musicals popping up all around it but it's well deserved attention. Now, finally, it's made primetime, major network status! Tune in tonight and marvel at these kids in action.

Please be warned: you may end up feeling like an ignoramus, an acknowledgement I try hard to avoid. I comfort myself in knowing I could take on any of these runts in a bar fight. Yea me!

The following might have improved my status as a fool:

• Help
• Mack Daddy of all books (Wait! It's only $248? I'm gettin' it!!!)